Female led marriage

[oneguy4fun]

Sounds like you've put a lot of thought in this. Have you shared your feelings with your wife or have you eluded to them?

I'd suggest a heart-to-heart talk with her. Put yourself in her shoes. It's probably a hard and even embarassing topic for her to discuss. Ask her questions to draw out her feelings and thoughts. Probe into her thoughts so that she can get comfortable discussing it.

It's also not easy for most people to all of a sudden flip a switch and change their lifestle. She may not know what to do. To jumpstart things ask her to role play it with you for a week. Give her specific direction on how she should act and what things she can order you to do. If she likes it you're on your way.

Things you can do to try in keep it going:.
Ask her if she'd be willing to commit 1 week a month to being the one in control. You will probably find that some things will continue beyond the week; Ask her to set rules or routines and enforce them; Set regular time aside dedicated to you serving her.

Finally, keep in mind that her making all the decisions is probably not realistic. I'm sure she did not marry you to be a blubbering idiot. You have responsibility in the relationship. In a female led relationship you can make decisions, she just has the final say and she has the right to discipline or punish you for bad decisions. Part of your responsbility it to make decisions or help make decisions that will meet the needs of your wife.

 

[Cardinal]

No she does not take the lead in the bedroom and although I would like for her to sometimes I understand who she is. She is not someone that takes the lead in bed very often and that's fine. Part of my submissiveness is giving her what she wants and she doesn't want to be dominant in bed so I am being submissive by taking the lead.
I would also point out that the only place that I would like to be submissive is in my relationship with my wife. I can't do it at the office unless I get another job. This is just a personal choice, servicing her, not a social statement because no one outside of our marriage would ever know. there is no way for them to know unless one of us told others.

Do you also want your wife to take the lead in the bedroom? Does she do this already, maybe on occasion? I agree with others that your approach to this should be open and honest but not pressured and needy.

Some people can see wanting to be submissive as an abdication of responsibility as well as control. You may need be very clear about the fact that prefering your wife to make the decisions and lead the marriage does not mean that you're planning to become a passenger - cleaning and rubbing her feet in blissful abandon while she worries about the all important stuff. It will be important to demonstrate that you will still be a team and that she will always have your support.

Also you might want to consider how far you want to take this dynamic in the home as your children will inevitably pick up on it. Many couples with kids successfully practice D/s in their relationships but also provide strong role models for their children. Making changes to the roles you and your wife have in your marriage may leave kids a little unsettled, especially as they won't know what's really going on so if you do go ahead with this make sure you monitor their reactions and reassure them when necessary.

Good luck with your journey

 

[Cardinal]

Sounds like you've put a lot of thought in this. Have you shared your feelings with your wife or have you eluded to them?

I'd suggest a heart-to-heart talk with her. Put yourself in her shoes. It's probably a hard and even embarassing topic for her to discuss. Ask her questions to draw out her feelings and thoughts. Probe into her thoughts so that she can get comfortable discussing it.

It's also not easy for most people to all of a sudden flip a switch and change their lifestle. She may not know what to do. To jumpstart things ask her to role play it with you for a week. Give her specific direction on how she should act and what things she can order you to do. If she likes it you're on your way.

Things you can do to try in keep it going:.
Ask her if she'd be willing to commit 1 week a month to being the one in control. You will probably find that some things will continue beyond the week; Ask her to set rules or routines and enforce them; Set regular time aside dedicated to you serving her.

Finally, keep in mind that her making all the decisions is probably not realistic. I'm sure she did not marry you to be a blubbering idiot. You have responsibility in the relationship. In a female led relationship you can make decisions, she just has the final say and she has the right to discipline or punish you for bad decisions. Part of your responsbility it to make decisions or help make decisions that will meet the needs of your wife.

Thank you, this is the best advice I have received.

 

[omniavincet]

I will second oneguy's advice and much of the advice to date. Having started down this road with my wife (though with a somewhat different end point in mind) I think communication is the first key and taking it slowly is the second. It's hard to realize sometimes how long it can take to get your mind around what all of this means - it's easy to push because it seems so obvious to you. But it really isn't. The advice to experiment is a very good one. And if you can at least build spaces in your life for what you're looking for, you're better off than today even if you don't go the whole 9 yards.

 

[omniavincet]

I love that the minute a guy thinks to do these things it's suddenly a really marked relationship model and shift. Whereas if I do them, it's just vanilla. The fact that my husband does over 50 percent of the things to be done around the house labels us weird, deeply weird.

This is so true where we live. I can get huge kudos from the neighborhood wives just for showing up once to a kid's field trip whereas my wife gets sniffed at because she isn't at every PTA meeting.

But it is funny how the issue plays - on one hand we've had people at our house actually get in fights because I do so much more housework (cooking, especially) than other guys. But on the other hand, it's also true that most of the women who bitch about their partner's macho approach to relationships wouldn't find me very appealing - if they had wanted a guy to keep house why didn't they make it a priority??

 

[Netzach]

If they had wanted a guy to keep house why didn't they make it a priority??

Got me, dude. I have few of the tradtional complaints, just a few non traditional ones.

 

[Cardinal]

I guess it always amazes me how some people like to read into a topic.
My question was pretty general but some love to play psycologist. All I wanted is some advice on a female led relationship from those who have experienced it - not a bunch of deep thought about my psycological well being.

 

[Netzach]

Uh, yeah. I'm in a female-led relationship and frankly if my husband decided of his own motivation on his own and in his own little mind what I wanted done for me rather than me telling him what was to be done, I would not call that me leading and I would not be happy in the situation. Because me leading is natural to me and what I wanted in the first place.

I hate to be the wet blanket bitch from hell, but if she was that into it, you'd probably know it by now.