Just curious about how many married women turned sub during or after affair?

[beckiefalwell]

We don’t know but I would like to learn more

It happens. I can't speak for everyone. I'm probably just very good.

 

[saintcero]

It happens. I can't speak for everyone. I'm probably just very good.

Based on your profile, you can remove “probably” from that last sentence.

 

[beckiefalwell]

Based on your profile, you can remove “probably” from that last sentence.

I guess I was being a bit snarky. I definitely know I'm good. And being a good listener is part of it.

 

[saintcero]

I guess I was being a bit snarky. I definitely know I'm good. And being a good listener is part of it.

Is it fun to let your sub talk his/her self into a corner just to find you waiting there for them?

 

[beckiefalwell]

Is it fun to let your sub talk his/her self into a corner just to find you waiting there for them?

I enjoy having imaginative sex with women.

 

[smallcock982]

That's very insightful and helpful. 'felt that I was doing my duty' resonates. I totally relate with you about husband being gentle. I have tried hinted first subtle, then being bit more direct too. He even tried, but when he tried he became laughable. It's like comedy actor trying on serious role. Maybe I have stereotyped by husband. I mean when he tried even abusing me with words, I laughed and then he laughed and then we both decided let's not try this again. He had instantly lost his hardness after I laughing, maybe he felt humiliated? Maybe he joined by laughed as defense mechanism?

Thanks for sharing. That was really useful.

A dominant man does not live from a place of fear. To bring out the dominance in your husband, you need to submit to him first, praise him, agree with him, and show him his own dominant side. It's not about words or acts. It's about self realization. You need to make the environment conducive to that growth.

 

[Yarglenurp]

A dominant man does not live from a place of fear. To bring out the dominance in your husband, you need to submit to him first, praise him, agree with him, and show him his own dominant side. It's not about words or acts. It's about self realization. You need to make the environment conducive to that growth.

You raise a valid point, but I think part of it is that OP’s affair partner is a dominant man who isn’t going to fear long term consequences. She’s not looking for growth in her partners, husband or affair, just people to play their roles. Based on some of her other posts in this thread, it sounds like OP kind of wants someone to treat her like a piece of shit for a little while, but she doesn’t want this in her daily life. Instead, she wants her husband to idealize her in a semi-platonic fashion. Not to put words in her mouth of course… maybe I’m wrong about my interpretation? As it stands, I’m not even sure she likes her affair partner outside of his role as a dominant master in the bedroom.

The dichotomy is fascinating for sure. The Madonna-whore complex is a literary trope, but in OP’s case (and by extension some other people’s case), it seems quite real. The saint for her husband, the whore for her affair partner. I personally don’t think I could accept this degree of compartmentalization between two halves of my domestic life, but obviously that’s just me.

 

[Ashesh9]

I would like to comment here that the Indian Culture/ Hinduism does Not promote Submissiveness in Ladies exclusively.....having studied Indian/ Hindu iconography extensively it is my considered Conclusion that every Soul is an Erotic Switch or Sadism/ Masochism or Dominance/Submission are Upanishadic Twins and coexist in every Soul or Atman.
There is No Shame in Submission, Spanking, Sodomy Fantasies as the Creatrix/ Goddess KALI ️ Who created Humankind made everybody a Closet Switch!!!
SHE Herself submits Her Magnificent Glutes for a Stern Loving Spanking to Her Fave Slave Shiva!!!!
I am sharing a write up and some images of the multiple option Gender Equations that exist in Hindu/ Indian Pantheon of God's and Goddesses or Divine Masters/ Mistresses/ slaveboys/slavegalz....
Hindu iconography mirrors a variety of Gender Relations between Goddesses and Gods in the legendary Hindu Pantheon.....Devi Kali stands atop Lord of Destruction Shiva Her hapless puny hubby in what eminent Psychologist Dr. von KrafftEbbing would undoubtedly call Woman on Top/ Trampling Fetish!!?
Ardha Narishwara denoted Absolute Equality of Sexes with a Unique Divine Entity : half Female , half Male!!!
Girlish Milkmaid/ Gopika Queen/Rani Radha gazes adoringly up at Divine BF Krishna in Vrindavan.......M-f TradRomance undoubtedly!!!
Floating on the Ocean of Milk or KshirSagar atop Divine Serpent Shesha Devi Laxmi tenderly massages Hubby- Lord- Master Narayan's aching calves.....Traditional demure , coy, submissive wife deferring to the Male.....
Devi Durga totally subjugated the Buffalo Daemon Mahishasura after he kicked all the Male Gods' A-Team Asses convincingly and wiped the Heavenly floor of Swarga with them all due to an ill conceded Boon from a Male God Brahma the Creator!!!? A real Kick Ass FemiNazi Dominatrix!!!
Enjoy a lazy, wet Sunday afternoon viewing these Millenia old Images of the Fascinating Sanatan Dharma which are more Radical and Revolutionary than Western Male Dominant civilization can ever Fantasize in their wildest Dreams or Nightmares!!!!

 

[Dad4u1970]

You raise some good questions and I am not sure of the answers. It took me a long time and some luck to settle into a comfortable sexual role.

Yes to become comfortable comes with age and maturity. Bottom line discretion is a must and one must remember it’s only good sex.
https://i.ibb.co/8PxvZjb/IMG-3328.gif

 

[Dad4u1970]

I think that a lot of women/wives/moms end up managing everything at home. Not just doing most of the labor involved in running the household, but being the default project manager for every fucking thing. Parenting kids, parenting a manbaby husband, keeping track of everyone and everything for everyone. Add in a demanding job, and you end up never ever getting to turn off and just…. Be.

So an affair partner who makes decisions, takes charge, and lets you just exist and feel safe and cared for is pretty intoxicating. Being able to turn my brain off and just obey allowed me to let go enough for some rocking orgasms.


**Disclaimer**

I’m good. Don’t creep into my inbox offering to ‘dominate’ me. I don’t submit to random dumbasses.

Your 100% normal woman.

 

[Islander55]

Yes to become comfortable comes with age and maturity. Bottom line discretion is a must and one must remember it’s only good sex.
https://i.ibb.co/8PxvZjb/IMG-3328.gif

Oh my. That is a hot pic.

 

[tallman60a]

... Also you can not exactly tell your husband what exactly you want him to do. Rather spontaneity is big aspect of this.

Why not? With my primary partner, she does exactly that and it makes for a very pleasurable experience. It helps me be very attuned to her and eventually learn her wishes without her saying anything. But still, it so helpful when to know exactly how slowly or quickly to touch, etc.

 

[Ashesh9]

If the pendulum swings to mild Dominance in a wife led vanilla couple it will swing to mild submission when Wifey will meet her extra marital SO/ partner/ BF.
If she is extremely Domme- inant in real life with manchild/ manbabe hubby , she will turn extremely Sub-Maso in her extramarital encounters.....this is science : every action has an equal and opposite reaction!!!

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

I wonder how many men didn’t realize they were a Dom before finding a sub that brought that out.

I know of at least two. You don't just suddenly become something. Sub, gay, bi, lesbian, dom... they're not spontanous events. We have the capacity to have some or all of these things in us. Sometimes you just need a partner that gives you permission to explore.

 

[doctorukwife]

You raise a valid point, but I think part of it is that OP’s affair partner is a dominant man who isn’t going to fear long term consequences. She’s not looking for growth in her partners, husband or affair, just people to play their roles. Based on some of her other posts in this thread, it sounds like OP kind of wants someone to treat her like a piece of shit for a little while, but she doesn’t want this in her daily life. Instead, she wants her husband to idealize her in a semi-platonic fashion. Not to put words in her mouth of course… maybe I’m wrong about my interpretation? As it stands, I’m not even sure she likes her affair partner outside of his role as a dominant master in the bedroom.

The dichotomy is fascinating for sure. The Madonna-whore complex is a literary trope, but in OP’s case (and by extension some other people’s case), it seems quite real. The saint for her husband, the whore for her affair partner. I personally don’t think I could accept this degree of compartmentalization between two halves of my domestic life, but obviously that’s just me.

I guess I used to think 'Madonna-whore complex' from perspective of a man, but thanks for mentioning this. Somewhere Freud would be very happy

...
I’m not even sure she likes her affair partner outside of his role as a dominant master in the bedroom....

This is spot on.
I agree with you, I think I have compartmentalized this too much.
You have raised valid points dear.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

I’m not even sure she likes her affair partner outside of his role as a dominant master in the bedroom....

That's not uncommon.

 

[Yarglenurp]

That's not uncommon.

Really? How common do you think it is? If a woman meets a guy and decides she doesn’t like him, how does it lead to sex? I always thought that was a cheating erotica trope that didn’t exist IRL, like other porn tropes which are just fantasies useful for plot convenience.

 

[dkak001]

Really? How common do you think it is? If a woman meets a guy and decides she doesn’t like him, how does it lead to sex? I always thought that was a cheating erotica trope that didn’t exist IRL, like other porn tropes which are just fantasies useful for plot convenience

I just happened to be reading about the fact that a lot of women can have 'reactive' sexual response. That is, they may not be turned on often by their own thoughts. But they are very receptive/reactive to advances by partners/others. This concept is still percolating in my brain. I've experienced this in women, and am surprised I've not noticed it enough to pay attention to it, or to pick it out 'in the wild'.

It's got me wondering how often the scenerio of the 'good girl' who gets seduced, has something to do with this. ('Good girl' being the concept of a woman who is not particularly sexually active, so is not considered a 'slut', etc.)

 

[Takki]

I am enjoying this feed. Raises many questions.

Can a dom/sub relationship survive the detritus and complications of life/marriage? I tried hard but failed to do this.

Can a partnership survive one of the participants being far kinkier than the other or what happens when kink, that can feel so powerful, evolve/dies in one but not both?

Is honesty really kind and does it limit the one life we lead?

Does the wicked web that dishonesty weaves always fuck us up?

Did humans just evolve to fuck lots of people and if so why is jealousy so powerful?

 

[doctorukwife]

I am enjoying this feed. Raises many questions.

Can a dom/sub relationship survive the detritus and complications of life/marriage? I tried hard but failed to do this.

Can a partnership survive one of the participants being far kinkier than the other or what happens when kink, that can feel so powerful, evolve/dies in one but not both?

Is honesty really kind and does it limit the one life we lead?

Does the wicked web that dishonesty weaves always fuck us up?

Did humans just evolve to fuck lots of people and if so why is jealousy so powerful?

Very insightful questions. Let's take them one by one, shall we?

1. Can a dom/sub relationship survive the detritus and complications of life/marriage?
   I genuinely believe that if I had married a dominant partner, I might have made it work. However, I am unsure how much of my current thrill comes from cheating and how much comes from being submissive. Perhaps women who have cheated without being submissive, and women who are married and submissive, can provide better insights on this.
2. Can a partnership survive when one of the participants is far kinkier than the other? What happens when kink, which can feel so powerful, evolves/dies in one but not both?
   I didn’t realize I had such a strong submissive side until recently, so I guess it was dormant. I agree with your hypothesis that kink can evolve or die out in one partner while remaining strong in the other.
3. Is honesty really kind, and does it limit the one life we lead?
   I don’t believe 'honesty' is always a virtue. It often feels like you're offloading your mistakes onto your loved ones and feeling better for being truthful. I read somewhere that if you truly love someone, you bear the guilt of not telling them the whole truth to protect their innocence. It's similar to not telling children that Santa isn't real.
4. Does the wicked web that dishonesty weaves always mess us up?
   In my case, time will tell. If I stop posting for a long time, you'll know something has gone wrong.
5. Did humans evolve to sleep with lots of people, and if so, why is jealousy so powerful?
   This is a very good question. I believe that because jealousy is so powerful, it supports the tendency to cheat rather than being open about extramarital affairs. Evolutionarily, it makes sense. Imagine living in a hunter-gatherer community; if you are a woman carrying someone else's child, you would want protection from the strongest man. This might mean leaving a weaker man to save him from being killed. I think being a cuckold in some men might also be evolutionary, willingly offering your partner to avoid confrontation.
   Jealousy must exist for this dynamic to work. Younger men might see a dominant man with many women, get jealous, and want to depose him to have what he has. In that era, being dominant might have been short-lived until being killed or beaten. As society progressed, dominants gained more power, becoming kings and leaders. This could be an interesting topic for a semi-historical, partly fictional novel from the perspective of submissive women. Anyone interested in writing it together? Preferably those with writing experience.

 

[Takki]

Its a dangerous truth that affairs are so much fucking fun! As to the sub side of you, well, you seem like a bit of an adrenalin seeker and BDSM can really make that flow! Did you find a bit of pain a turn on too?

I can't get my mind around honesty. To be truly insightful with another person can be awesome and is something I strive for but... then it can get as boring as fuck. You don't really want to share you life with someone you need to protect though.

Some research suggests that hunter gatherer peoples often have polyamorous lives so that any kid born can have a number of protective Dads. Its been speculated that the whole marriage thing only happened when we became farmers and land became precious and man wanted to ensure he left that land to his offspring.

I would love to write with you! I used to write a lot of very tedious marketing copy and enjoy the process.

Since I sold my company as few years back I have done a few stories on literotica and wrote my first novel 2 years ago. It was pretty rubbish and went unpublished. The one I am working on now is (in my own modest opinion) far better.

I can honestly say I don't get jealous ... I am blessed/cursed with being vaguely handsome (even now when I am over 50!) and ridiculously over confident.

The combination has led to some fantastic lovers and I love to see a woman I admire/ want / love be so turned on that she hoars herself to another. That is as hot as fuck.... obviously its even better with my permission and her mouth round my cock!

 

[Yarglenurp]

I think there’s an obvious evolutionary factor to dominance. Certainly, you see it in multiple mammalian species. I am 100% confident it predates human sapience. I read somewhere that with the Brazilian tribes that still are actual tribes, they found that guys who went to war and killed at least two other guys would have a much higher chance of breeding.

My guess is that monogamy as an evolutionary habit probably came about as it became harder and harder to raise kids. Even back then, depending on culture, it took about 11-14 years to raise a fully independent kid. There is no other animal with even close to that level of resource commitment. With those numbers, a that time, it wouldn’t matter how often you bred, abandoning your child might very well be a death sentence for anyone you impregnated.

Personally, I think a different kind of evolution, the evolution of warfare, is why monogamy, punishment of infidelity, and “beta male”-ness became so overwhelmingly favored. You can’t build a war-ready society if all your men are going around murdering each other just to get some pussy. In a very real sense, the same aggressive independence that makes an individual dominant man strong is poison to a powerful society as a whole. Take a group of strong warriors who have serious problems trusting and working each other, and then pit them against a group of average dudes who are conditioned to follow orders and act in coordination… the coordinated dudes will totally butcher the strong warriors. And the remaining dominant men in society will at least be submissive enough to learn that following orders is necessary to avoid execution.

 

[doctorukwife]

I think there’s an obvious evolutionary factor to dominance. Certainly, you see it in multiple mammalian species. I am 100% confident it predates human sapience. I read somewhere that with the Brazilian tribes that still are actual tribes, they found that guys who went to war and killed at least two other guys would have a much higher chance of breeding.

My guess is that monogamy as an evolutionary habit probably came about as it became harder and harder to raise kids. Even back then, depending on culture, it took about 11-14 years to raise a fully independent kid. There is no other animal with even close to that level of resource commitment. With those numbers, a that time, it wouldn’t matter how often you bred, abandoning your child might very well be a death sentence for anyone you impregnated.

Personally, I think a different kind of evolution, the evolution of warfare, is why monogamy, punishment of infidelity, and “beta male”-ness became so overwhelmingly favored. You can’t build a war-ready society if all your men are going around murdering each other just to get some pussy. In a very real sense, the same aggressive independence that makes an individual dominant man strong is poison to a powerful society as a whole. Take a group of strong warriors who have serious problems trusting and working each other, and then pit them against a group of average dudes who are conditioned to follow orders and act in coordination… the coordinated dudes will totally butcher the strong warriors. And the remaining dominant men in society will at least be submissive enough to learn that following orders is necessary to avoid execution.

we can totally start a phd course on this. So nicely put. Thanks

 

[hrdmngd2find]

based on my completely unsubstantiated belief that most women are submissive, I think men find out if they’re dom pretty early. Classic masculine behavior also implicitly encourages dominance, just without the ropes and whips.

I tend to agree with your "unsubstantiated belief." There are exceptions, but a survey of my partners in the last 20 years would line up with your belief.

I would also say that there is counter-dominance conditioning in various ways that can make it harder for men to realize their natural masculine energy - at least for a while. For me, the counter-dominance conditioning was a combination of the culture of the 70s when I was an adolescent plus a lot of religious influence to be a "nice little Christian boy." My semi-subconscious hunger to undo this led me to Infantry, airborne, Ranger school, to succeed as a young NCO, then to become an officer, and the dom inside me still didn't fully emerge until I started dating again after my divorce.

That divorce sort of released me to just be a wolf, albeit a somewhat artful, self-mastered wolf, and I found that it didn't matter what a woman's politics were or her vocation. In fact, the women who were the most powerful and successful were often the most likely to be inclined toward submissiveness in private. I still didn't realize it as a D/s kink thing right away, I just found myself, over some years, in successive sexual romantic relationships, just naturally pushing the envelope in that D/s direction, not even aware of it for some time. I remember several times early on, as I let that wolf out, being a little startled that women who were tough and brassy and accomplished just transformed in front of me after I completely ravished them. It was totally fucking cool, but a little startling at first. In time, I put 2 and 2 together and started being more deliberate.

I say this will all respect: I love all kinds of women. To me, with those who are submissive, their submissiveness is no cause for any change in my regard for them as a beautiful whole person. My respect for any person is based on things like their integrity and honesty, not whether they or dominant or submissive.

 

[Yarglenurp]

I tend to agree with your "unsubstantiated belief." There are exceptions, but a survey of my partners in the last 20 years would line up with your belief.

I would also say that there is counter-dominance conditioning in various ways that can make it harder for men to realize their natural masculine energy - at least for a while. For me, the counter-dominance conditioning was a combination of the culture of the 70s when I was an adolescent plus a lot of religious influence to be a "nice little Christian boy." My semi-subconscious hunger to undo this led me to Infantry, airborne, Ranger school, to succeed as a young NCO, then to become an officer, and the dom inside me still didn't fully emerge until I started dating again after my divorce.

That divorce sort of released me to just be a wolf, albeit a somewhat artful, self-mastered wolf, and I found that it didn't matter what a woman's politics were or her vocation. In fact, the women who were the most powerful and successful were often the most likely to be inclined toward submissiveness in private. I still didn't realize it as a D/s kink thing right away, I just found myself, over some years, in successive sexual romantic relationships, just naturally pushing the envelope in that D/s direction, not even aware of it for some time. I remember several times early on, as I let that wolf out, being a little startled that women who were tough and brassy and accomplished just transformed in front of me after I completely ravished them. It was totally fucking cool, but a little startling at first. In time, I put 2 and 2 together and started being more deliberate.

I say this will all respect: I love all kinds of women. To me, with those who are submissive, their submissiveness is no cause for any change in my regard for them as a beautiful whole person. My respect for any person is based on things like their integrity and honesty, not whether they or dominant or submissive.

One of the things I used to not like, but now appreciate, is the refined categorization of sexual tastes. In a sense, it doesn’t feel good to have your fetishes be “boxed” into a particular checkbox. However, a side-effect of this is that I can suddenly appreciate that a person’s kinks really aren’t a part of them any more than a love of barbecue, a desire to flip the toilet paper roll outwards instead of inwards, or burning a log bark side up instead of bark side down. Being a dom or a sub used to feel like a definitive thing about some deep part of your soul… now, it feels about as soul-defining as preferring burnt ends over fatty brisket.

I’ve been watching a lot of barbecue shows.