FemDom, Tantric Ritual and Kali

[unpredictablebijou]

I have been kicking around some thoughts on this for a bit now, but haven't had the time to get the phrasing I want.

There is a divide between caprice and whim as device, and instability and lack of constancy as personality flaw. If I choose to be capricious because I want my property to be off-balance, that presents an entirely different result in the overall mood and tone than if I am simply battered by the winds of whim at every turn, and incapable of consistency when it is needed.

At its' core, one person uses chaos as a tool. The other is used by their own chaos. The former is in control. The latter is not.

I've really been struggling to find a way to express that same idea, and you've done it really, really well here.

I want to add this: there are things that I am absolutely consistent about, even within a larger realm in which I allow myself to follow my instincts. Within a particular setting or moment, I might be, or seem, rather spontaneous. There may even be something "unbalanced" there; as SlaveNano's example of 'one might be forgiven for something major but catch hell for something that seems really unimportant.'

But without a bottom line that is very consistent there would be no foundation for anyone to trust that behavior. What is NOT unstable or inconstant in me is that set of ideas. For me, that includes my absolute dedication to your well-being, my deep love and affection, and so on. Within that very strong framework I think we have a great deal of space in which to move around and be random, so long as the basic brickwork of love and dedication is in place.

*off to get the caffeine IV.*

 

[SlaveNano]

There is a divide between caprice and whim as device, and instability and lack of constancy as personality flaw. If I choose to be capricious because I want my property to be off-balance, that presents an entirely different result in the overall mood and tone than if I am simply battered by the winds of whim at every turn, and incapable of consistency when it is needed.

At its' core, one person uses chaos as a tool. The other is used by their own chaos. The former is in control. The latter is not.

I've really been struggling to find a way to express that same idea, and you've done it really, really well here.

But without a bottom line that is very consistent there would be no foundation for anyone to trust that behavior. What is NOT unstable or inconstant in me is that set of ideas. For me, that includes my absolute dedication to your well-being, my deep love and affection, and so on. Within that very strong framework I think we have a great deal of space in which to move around and be random, so long as the basic brickwork of love and dedication is in place.

Ha! I've got the hang of this multiple quoting.

These are both expressed so well. Pure randomness and chaos would be very hard to deal with. Unpredictability is probably the wrong word to use. As you have both rightly pointed out what you really have is caprice as a device underpinned by a consistency that allows trust to build up. Another tool in Goddess's armoury to exercise control and command devotion.

 

[Arkhilokhus]

I have been kicking around some thoughts on this for a bit now, but haven't had the time to get the phrasing I want.

There is a divide between caprice and whim as device, and instability and lack of constancy as personality flaw. If I choose to be capricious because I want my property to be off-balance, that presents an entirely different result in the overall mood and tone than if I am simply battered by the winds of whim at every turn, and incapable of consistency when it is needed.

At its' core, one person uses chaos as a tool. The other is used by their own chaos. The former is in control. The latter is not.

Thanks for this. In particular, the bolded part anticipates another point I was going to make, the oft-mentioned idea that if you can't control yourself, how could you possibly control me? At least in any meaningful sense. That idea of being able to rely on you (you referring to any dominant I may be in relationship with) when it's necessary - even if I don't get to decide when it's necessary - is the key, I think. At least for me.

 

[Homburg]

Thanks for this. In particular, the bolded part anticipates another point I was going to make, the oft-mentioned idea that if you can't control yourself, how could you possibly control me? At least in any meaningful sense. That idea of being able to rely on you (you referring to any dominant I may be in relationship with) when it's necessary - even if I don't get to decide when it's necessary - is the key, I think. At least for me.

Absolutely. This is the core of the issue for me as well. If I cannot control myself, I cannot control anyone else in a meaningful way.

--

"hello Mistress,"

"what the FUCK do you want now?"

sooo... i don't do that anymore.

Fuck, your psyche is harsh.

Stag, take this how it is written, please.

You seem like a good guy, but you beat yourself up more than you appear to deserve. You don't have to be the villain in your own story, brother.

 

[Mistress_Belladonna]

This is a fascinating article - thanks for posting it. I must say there is a lot here that I relate to. I am intrigued by the concept of Goddess worship and many of the ideas expressed here are reflected in the kind of play that I engage in, which is in turn reflected in the stories I write for this site.

So much of the language here I relate to. The Goddess as destroyer/creator, the idea of taking amusement and pleasure inthe exercise fo power and dealing out punishment and reward. The recognition of Goddess as a manifestation of pwer and being atuned to her own inspiration. A tool of liberation, enlightenment and creativity, which is something I have first hand experience of.

I can also relate to the male figure of sacrifice. The dedication, sincerity and commitment that is needed for complete surrender. I like the expression used here "this is submissiion to the Mistress (Goddess), the complete abandonement to directing and guidance, challenge and reward..." is a very accurate description of how I approach the kind of BDSM play that I enjoy. The idea of being a plaything or entertainment for the delight of Goddess.

I've only read it very quickly and, as you say it is quite dense and complex, but for me personally there were such a lot of resonances with what I believe and my own feelings of submission.

As you rightly say, a fascinating article.

I've been reading up on the various posts before commenting on such a complex and esoteric subject, especially with so many educated posters who know far more about the the religious iconography and intricacies, but I find your take on this very similar to mine, only as a Domme.

The deeper vagaries of the practice are something I'll only get after time and rereading it for it's involved concepts, but on a personal level, the poetry and imagery that it invokes after a surface reading are profound and intriguing.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I've chosen to quote SlaveNano's whole post again, just so it's on this page too, for reference.

But I thought maybe we could take it piece by piece; it seems to me that in each case, each stage you're describing here, there are "mundane" parallels to these activities in just about every BDSM interaction.

While I busy myself writing my imaginary liturgy for my imaginary Leather Church, it might be really meaningful to consider these parallels. BDSM relationships, when they form, can be incredibly intense, and can move very quickly. It strikes me that part of the reason for this is that each of us to some degree craves ritual, craves a sense of order and meaning within our interactions. We like to have opportunities to define ourselves, name and describe ourselves, and we like to have guidelines set out so that we know how to be "successful" in various situations.

I know for me that in my experiences as a submissive, this was a very valuable aspect: I knew that I didn't have to guess, anticipate, be my normal hypervigilant self. If I simply relaxed, listened and did what was expected, I would by definition be successful. Someone else created the guidelines and I was free to simply fit into them. For me, this was being "off duty" in the sense that I did not have to take a leadership role or create a context or structure for the interaction.

So. Two questions. How "ritualized" are your more "mundane" interactions within BDSM relationships, and do you think that creates a comfort and intensity that may not be in the more vanilla relationship structures?

I've been out for a bit. Some Things happened. I'm slowly coming back. And I really really love SlaveNano's structure here. There's immense value in this outline, and I intend to study it quite thoroughly.

As promised in an earlier post - here are some thoughts on this. This is my guide to different stages of ritual in BDSM!

INITIATION

Presentation – in which Shiva offers himself to Kali. This might take some form of greeting with a recognised form of words. A tribute might be offered. A gift might be presented to Kali. The gift could be an object, but it might also take the form of something that’s not material.

Supplication – Shiva starts the initial form of surrendering mind and body to Kali. This could take the form of taking a supplication position – kneeling, lying on his front, head being bowed, adopting a position that’s never higher than Kali would all be appropriate forms in a BDSM context. Boot worship is another activity that sits here quite well.

Collaring – a ritual acceptance of servitude. Shiva wears or receives a token of servitude from Kali. This might mean the fitting of a collar, but could equally be some other symbol representing ownership. Collaring could also fit in very well as the climax of ritual in which the final act is acceptance of a physical symbol of servitude.

Cleansing – rituals around purifying body and mind before other activities take place. This might involve ensuring that Shiva has not lustful thoughts for Kali. Water rituals can form part of the purifying process – enforced bathing or washing as part of a preparation. Fire rituals could also be used – hot waxs treatment or any other use of candles or fire in a ritual.

TRIAL

This could take the form of either a punishment or test of dedication/fortitude. Many different activities can form part of the trial and it is here where the Kali Goddess figure exercises the full range of her skill and creativity.

Punishment – This can be at different levels from a relatively mild chastisement to retribution where Kali displays the full force of her anger towards her slave. Kali exercises her full range of powers and ingenuity. Here she will use the full range of her skills combined with the equipment and implements at her disposal to ensure that Shiva is punished appropriately. In a BDSM context this would be any form of physical chastisement, corporal punishment, cock and ball torture, nipple torture.

Test – Kali sets Shiva a task on which he will be judged. This task could be anything – something that is done out of Kali’s presence and brought with him or the imposition of rules whilst in Her presence. Shiva may pass the test and be rewarded or fail and be punished, or there may even be some partial completion so that Kali can reserve further punishment for a later date in retribution for an unfinished task.

Entrapment – Kali sets a test for Shiva that he is bound to fail, something that cannot be achieved to Her satisfaction. Kali might pose a question in a form that, whatever Shiva answers, it will invite reproach. A variation of this would be trial by fate. Kali allows chance to decide Her slave’s fate – use of playing cards or other symbols or random selection of tasks could be used here.

Domestic servitude – Kali uses Shiva to perform whatever domestic duties She requires. Cleaning around the dungeon, polishing Her shoes or any other kind of menial duty.

Restraint - Shiva give up control of his body to Kali. This is, of course, closely allied to giving up control of his mind as well. Activities such as any kind of bondage, wrist and ankle straps, encaging, cling film would fit here.

Offering – Kali gives Shiva up to others. This could mean being given up for use by another Goddess or to other slaves. In a BDSM this could be any form of activity where others are present at a party or at the invitation of Kali. Forced-bi is an activity that fits into this.

Climax – this is where Shiva reaches a point of crisis. It can be brought about by extreme physical pain through punishment and torture, but it can also be brought about by mental anguish through Kali’s manipulation and control of Shiva.

Surrender – this is the point where Shiva completely gives up control to Kali, both physically and mentally. This could take place at any stage of an extended ritual.

RECONCILIATION

Redemption – the point where Kali has punished Shiva and his suffering can mean that he can be absolved of faults. In this mode Kali demonstrates her forgiving and caring side.

Bestowing of gifts – Kali presents Shiva with a token of her satisfaction that he has served well. These need not be something physical, eg it could be the bestowing of a new identity. Rituals such as baptism ceremonies, re-naming ceremonies, granting of new identities would fit here well.

Transformation – a very intense experience, which is likely to be the culmination of several of the different stages in the ritual. A point where Kali brings Shiva to a new realisation of his place through the physical and spiritual experience she has offered him.

Release – Kali and Shiva wind down and Shiva is released from Her presence and the realm of the Goddess back into the other world.

CONCLUSION

Although presented here in a linear way, this should be seen as a menu from which Kali can select. Each individual stage of the ritual can form a complete ‘session’ or period in Kali’s presence. Any one stage or activity could form the basis of a session. For example, I have done sessions that have not gone beyond the ‘presentation’ stage – by reading a story and presenting a gift – and then jumped to reconciliation. The whole cycle presented here might actually be a process that takes place over a long period of time, even years.

I’d add that these stages are probably as relevant to a Mf relationship as a Fm one as I think many female submissives would recognise most of these stages as part of their experience.

The list is not exhaustive – do add your own ideas.

 

[SlaveNano]

I've chosen to quote SlaveNano's whole post again, just so it's on this page too, for reference.

Hi. This is just to let you know that I have re-drafted and developed this description and have submitted it in the reviews and essays thread. It is awaiting approval now. I will let everybody here know when it is up.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Hi. This is just to let you know that I have re-drafted and developed this description and have submitted it in the reviews and essays thread. It is awaiting approval now. I will let everybody here know when it is up.

Congratulations! I think you've done an incredible job laying it out like that. I can't wait to see the final draft.

 

[SlaveNano]

I've chosen to quote SlaveNano's whole post again, just so it's on this page too, for reference.

But I thought maybe we could take it piece by piece; it seems to me that in each case, each stage you're describing here, there are "mundane" parallels to these activities in just about every BDSM interaction.

ISo. Two questions. How "ritualized" are your more "mundane" interactions within BDSM relationships, and do you think that creates a comfort and intensity that may not be in the more vanilla relationship structures?

I am quite interested by this. My perspective is not from a 24/7 BDSM relationship but I know that many people who do post in the BDSM thread are in such a relationship. I attend Goddess for set times or 'encounters' that are typically very intense with some social contact at the beginning and a bit of wind down time at the end. Most of what I describe in this rite of passage are very intense activities. I find it hard to see how you could possibly retain that level of intensity over a 24/7 relationship. So, I can't really offer any insight into the rituals for "mundane" parallels. It does interest me to know how that works out in a 24/7 relationship and whether you can, or how often you can, maintain that kind of intensity. Or is a 24/7 BDSM relationship basically the same as any other, with the boundaries drawn in a different place, but basically requiring the same levels of understanding and cooperation that any relationship needs to work. Would be interested to hear what people think about this. I do know that the kind of things I do with Goddess either of us would have the emotional or physical stamina to keep up 24/7, which means in such a relationship you must have to draw the boundaries differently. I would be interested to hear from anybody how that works out.

 

[Homburg]

It is far, far easier to engineer intensity into part-time relationships. It's practically built-in what with the mechanics of denial. Intentional or not, if you spend two days a months with someone, you are denied their presence the rest of the month. So you spend twenty-eight days wanting them. Thus, when you get to them, you are extremely ready. That in itself produces intensity.

The fact that you know you will be with that person for a limited time induces it as well, as you don't have to pace yourself. When I visit MIS for a weekend, we fuck like bunnies on viagra. Why? Because we can. Neither of us needs to do anything else for those couple of days, and have cleared out calenders. Thus it is non-stop sex and play. No need to pace when you know you'll have weeks before you see that person again.

And intensity is likewise assisted by the compartmentalisation in your case. You are, as you've said, entering another world in your sessions. You do not have to worry about outside concerns, simply serving your Goddess. That allows for focus that is impractical for people that live together.

So the individual intensity is markedly less in a full-time relationship. *shurg* Doesn't hurt my feelings. I could not keep up the pace I set on our dirty weekends. My balls would fall off. Thus, when she visits for longer times, we definitely do less. The benefits outweigh the lessening of intensity though, at least for me.

 

[SlaveNano]

Hi. This is just to let you know that I have re-drafted and developed this description and have submitted it in the reviews and essays thread. It is awaiting approval now. I will let everybody here know when it is up.

Hi this essay has just been posted, the link is:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=416762

 

[unpredictablebijou]

bump,

and not just for nostalgia's sake, though this is a bit of a Valentine thread for me now. The Pet and I met here, after all. *goes all smooshy, recovers dignity, moves on*

I find myself in the position of designing an actual BDSM ritual, and I'm interested in hearing some folks weigh in on that idea. This would be performed for a group, and ideally with the energetic participation of the group. SlaveNano's outlines are being very helpful to me, (thank you again, darling) but I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this as well.

I guess the first thing I'm wondering is if anyone around here is interested in the study of sex magick and its application within BDSM activities. I see what I'm designing as a form of 'scapegoating' ritual, in that the participants would have the opportunity to offer some piece of negativity that would be carried and cleansed by a submissive/scapegoat.

But there's a more general question too, and I suspect it's a bit of an inflammatory one: how much do you feel like you use your BDSM proclivities and relationships to address weirdness and damage within your personal makeup? I'm not asserting that everyone who does this is doing so out of damage; please don't hear me saying that. But do you think there is potential within scenes and power exchange relationships to heal our injuries, to make us more functional or move us toward enlightenment?

Let's start there. What's your take on the history that led you here and how you shift over the long term because of the ways you choose to play?

.

 

[SlaveNano]

bump,

and not just for nostalgia's sake, though this is a bit of a Valentine thread for me now. The Pet and I met here, after all. *goes all smooshy, recovers dignity, moves on*

I find myself in the position of designing an actual BDSM ritual, and I'm interested in hearing some folks weigh in on that idea. This would be performed for a group, and ideally with the energetic participation of the group. SlaveNano's outlines are being very helpful to me, (thank you again, darling) but I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this as well.

I guess the first thing I'm wondering is if anyone around here is interested in the study of sex magick and its application within BDSM activities. I see what I'm designing as a form of 'scapegoating' ritual, in that the participants would have the opportunity to offer some piece of negativity that would be carried and cleansed by a submissive/scapegoat.

But there's a more general question too, and I suspect it's a bit of an inflammatory one: how much do you feel like you use your BDSM proclivities and relationships to address weirdness and damage within your personal makeup? I'm not asserting that everyone who does this is doing so out of damage; please don't hear me saying that. But do you think there is potential within scenes and power exchange relationships to heal our injuries, to make us more functional or move us toward enlightenment?

Let's start there. What's your take on the history that led you here and how you shift over the long term because of the ways you choose to play?

.

Nice to see this fascinating thread being resurrected.

Your question about whether BDSM is used to address weirdness and damage in personal makeup is a hard one to answer. I find it easier to describe what I do or what I get from it than to explain why I'm wired the way I am. I've often thought about the 'why' question but never come up with a definitive answer.

I think there is a bit of the nature/nurture argument in there somewhere - am I drawn to this ritualised form of BDSM because it's my make-up or is it because, having been introduced to it by my mistress, that I have learnt it? I expect it's a bit of both really. I must have had some natural tendencies towards submission that make it part of my nature but in the hands of the right person they've been channelled a certain way that I have responded to.

I'm not sure if that constitutes damage, though personally I don't think it does, as I've never felt myself to be and I don't feel that I am outside of my dungeon persona either. Weirdness maybe, but not damage! Perversely, I have often felt it is a reaction against being too normal! It's almost because much of my other life is safe and normal that I actually crave something that is edgy, unconventional and dangerous.

I certainly do believe that the scenes and the power exchange in them have the ability to move you towards a form of enlightenment, as you would already have picked up from my earlier posts and my essay. I have never done meditation so I'm not able to make a direct comparison but I do think that the powerful mix of physical and mental challenge involved in BDSM can lead to a heightened state and can help bring about an understanding of yourself and your own feelings. I can only say that's my experience anyhow.

On your more specific question about rituals I guess I have some interest in sex magick as you've expressed it though I am not totally clear on what you mean by a 'scapegoating' ritual. I have been in sessions where pagan rites and ceremonies have been invoked. The thing with this is that you don't have to commit to a belief or faith to apply them - you just have to let yourself enter into the spirit of the ritual. You are simply using markers in the natural world to trigger a certain kind of ritual. All those pagan dates and fire ceremonies - Samhain, Beltane, Imbolc are only marking periods of transition so it is quite natural to align them with the periods of transition that a slave can be made to go through. They can then provide the symbolism for the ritual.

For example, two of the most recent sessions I have had with Goddess were a two-part ritual. One, held on 21st Dec for winter solstice around the peak of a period of darkness and, amongst other activities involved being mummified in cling film and hot wax torture, the second on 2nd Feb for Imolc (also the feast day of the Irish/Celtic Goddess Bridget or Catholic St Bridget) which is a turning point for the end of winter and the return of light. The symbolism here is very powerful and can easily be applied to BDSM rituals.

The 2nd ceremony for Imbolc was very interesting in that Goddess invited me to assist her in a ritual where another slave in her dungeon was the sacrifice. The slave was tied with rope bondage onto the base of her isolation box, which was surrounded by candles, the whole dungeon being candle lit. Various forms of torture were carried out on him climaxing in hot wax torture all of his body and then with Goddess and I sprinkling her golden wine over him in a form of anointing. The lid was put on the isolation box and he was left in that state whilst Goddess and I retired to another room for a special Imbolc feast I had prepared for her using appropriate foods - yoghurt, honey, irish soda bread, dried fruit and nuts, irish cream liquors as a special treat - also fresh chillies.

The chillies idea I introduced because in doing my research I found that Maman Brigette (a Haitian figure descended from the Irish Goddess Bridget) used chiilies applied to genitals to test whether people were truly possessed. Just as an interesting diversion here (it's amazing what you pick up) but it is a little spoken fact that in the 17th century there were more Irish slaves transported to the Americas and the Caribbean than black African slaves. Much of this was a direct result of Cromwell's displacement of the native Irish population by Protestant settlers in the 1650s. Also, Irish slaves were often worse treated than black African slaves bcause they had no financial value! A story that the English government has kept well hidden over the centuries. So, the mix of Pagan/Celtic/Catholic traditions in the Goddess/St Bridget figure were transferred over to Hispaniola and became combined with native traditions to create the figure of Maman Brigette. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, needless to say the chillies were applied to some sensitive parts of my body as food play that formed part of the ritual.

I don't know if that provides you with any ideas for your 'scapegoating' ritual. I think most of the activities above could be applied to any form of cleansing ritual for a slave.

Oh my, sorry, I seemed to have gone on a bit!

Incidentally, the story that Goddess asked me to write about Maman Brigette is attached here http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=464214

 

[SlaveNano]

There is an interesting thread 'Religious, Sex Fetish' in the BDSM cafe that contributors here might enjoy. It contains images of religious/fetish nature and is like a visual contribution to some of the ideas discussed here. The link is:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=689905

 

[unpredictablebijou]

As always, SlaveNano, you offer so much to think about. It's so good to see you in here!

You asked about the concept of scapegoating; it's a very large topic and covers a lot of cultural ground, but the way I see it there are a couple of interesting rites that I've come to understand within a ritual and magickal context.

There are cultures that have had various forms of "sin-eater" or literal 'scapegoat', so let me start with those ideas and see where it takes us. The term scapegoat comes from a literal goat that was used in purification rites, in which a goat was given the 'sins' of the village and then driven out of the village so that the group would be 'free from sin.' I have seen discussions of the role of Christ and his crucifixion as a way of re-interpreting that more ancient ritual.

The 'sin-eater' was an odd role; I can't remember offhand which culture I heard of doing this but I'm thinking this figured in some isolated areas of medieval Europe, and was mostly based on the Catholic belief that dying without making a final confession would condemn someone to Hell or at least Purgatory.

The basic rite was accomplished with a person in the village whose perpetual task it was to take on the sins of someone who had died. They would be called to the home of the recently deceased, and a meal would be prepared. The food and drink would be passed across the body of the dead person, and was considered to 'absorb' the sins of that person, and then the 'sin-eater' would eat the food, thus taking on the unforgiven sins and saving the person from having to go through Purgatory.

From what I understand, a village sin-eater was sort of a perpetual job, generally performed by someone who was an outcast in the village. Obviously there are origin points within everything from the roles of Shaman and 'village witch' to Greek ideas about contamination and 'miasma' from crimes or religious offenses.

I've always been fascinated by these sorts of roles within cultures and the beliefs that create the need for this sort of persona and ritual. What I'm trying to design is something that would function in a similar way for a modern community, within some of the paradigms described in the original Kali-worship article that started this thread, and stealing gleefully from your ritual outlines as well. I believe that everyone has guilt, shame and other negative emotions that can potentially be addressed through rituals, and so I'm trying to synthesize all these things into a ritual that would relieve its participants of some of their negativity through witness of or participation in a BDSM-oriented 'scene.'

This is all mighty chewy, but this thread has a track record of chewiness, so I'm hoping it might catch that again for a bit.

Your description of the Sabbat rituals is fascinating and gives me some really interesting ideas to play with. I continue to be truly impressed with your Goddess and the way she designs experiences and rites. It sounds just amazing to have someone perform that sort of transformative role in one's life, and certainly gives me some things to think about in terms of my own role in the lives of those around me.

 

[SlaveNano]

That's fascinating. I understand what you are trying to achieve now. I think the skill is not so much in devising the activities that could contribute to such a ritual but in getting the participants to all understand what the 'scapegoating' ritual is about so they can get engaged in it. You would need a group of particpants who were ready to run with the idea, one of whom was prepared to take on the role of the sacrifice, the others to transfer the sin/guilt onto him through a series of punishments or trials. Good luck with it - sounds a fascinating concept, hope you can pull it off. The history and background to it is fascinating as well, thanks for sharing that.

And yes, I do consider myself very luck and priveleged to serve who I do. It is a very intense and creative relationship whenever we meet up.

 

[Homburg]

Can't really speak to scapegoating. It's a topic that runs contrary to my make-up, largely because many of the faiths that practiced it, or at least the individual sects that did so, are pretty alien to me.

As to damage, I dunno. I think the word itself is inflammatory, as it implies something wrong with the individual. I don't think that it is inaccurate, as most people are damaged, but I think the word may well get some knickers in a wad.

Personally, BDSM soothes my Beast quite a bit. Many of my friends have commented how much more calm, pleasant, and forgiving I am these days. My take on it is that I don't have all that Damned Mean bottled up inside me growling and prowling, looking for an outlet. In the old days, I would just be fuck-all mean verbally. I've reduced many an aggravant to tears/rage. These days, not so much. I have a positive, consensual outlet for it, and no longer find myself saddled with so much pent-up meanness.

It's actively difficult sometimes. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I run role-playing games. I'm not as devious and evil a plotter as I used to be. It's annoying. I'm not putting the screws to my players like I used to because I've mellowed.

And, in my case, I don't think it is damage. I had a good childhood, and my parents raised me right. I honestly think it is just inherited. Probably weird to say that, and maybe it could be seen a sme not owning my own flaws, but my paternal grandfather was a vicious, sadistic brute. I've watched my own kids inexplicably show traits from their grandparents. Youngest daughter, for example, is the most out-going cheerful little social butterfly you would ever want to see, and she has no role-model for this in the house. Yet my mother-in-law was the same way when she was younger, and is still very, very social to this day.

Youngest daughter is expressing traits that she has never witnessed, and doing so in manners that are very much like her maternal grandma. I have never witnessed my grandfather doing anything mean per se, but he was verbally brutal at times. So I can't call my sexual sadism a learned behaviour. But, hey, I am expressing that same sort of bone-deep mean that he had, so I could imagine that I inherited some of the old bastard's traits.

And I don't personally see that as pushing blame off on him, or giving it up to genetics. It's my burden to bear, and I have bourne it well at some times, and poorly at others. At the end of the day, I don't beat and abuse my kids, so I consider myself the better man.

BDSM though? Yeah, it mellows me out considerably.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

That's fascinating. I understand what you are trying to achieve now. I think the skill is not so much in devising the activities that could contribute to such a ritual but in getting the participants to all understand what the 'scapegoating' ritual is about so they can get engaged in it. You would need a group of particpants who were ready to run with the idea, one of whom was prepared to take on the role of the sacrifice, the others to transfer the sin/guilt onto him through a series of punishments or trials. Good luck with it - sounds a fascinating concept, hope you can pull it off. The history and background to it is fascinating as well, thanks for sharing that.

And yes, I do consider myself very luck and priveleged to serve who I do. It is a very intense and creative relationship whenever we meet up.

The group of participants is already set up, pretty much, and I have a great deal of control over what I design. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in the initial scapegoat role, just because I've done similar things, and I know how intense it is. I can't in good conscience ask anyone else to go through that.

I'm in the process of creating and detailing the ritual this week; I'm doing a conference in April for which this will be a part. If you want to know the details of it I'm happy to send it to you via PM or whatever.

As to damage, I dunno. I think the word itself is inflammatory, as it implies something wrong with the individual. I don't think that it is inaccurate, as most people are damaged, but I think the word may well get some knickers in a wad.

Well, that's partly why I'm addressing it that way; I want to bash around in that idea a bit before I try to talk to a conference about it.

I myself am, to a certain extent, involved in this because of 'damage.' That is to say, while I was always involved in 'alternative sexuality' within polyamory and Tantra, I had not had much interest in BDSM or radical sexual play, until some things happened to me that drove me to seek out an understanding of some pretty hefty concepts, like pain, power, dominance and submission. I can say that playing in this realm has, in fact, given me the tools I needed to understand those issues within myself and to heal myself of the wounds I held.

I certainly don't expect that everyone has this profile, and in fact I think a lot about folks who describe themselves as having always had a particular 'nature' that informs their explorations within BDSM. I'd put you in that category, to some extent.

But what I'm trying to write about and address for this event has to do with the power of the BDSM 'scene' to transform the personality, to heal issues, to create personal evolution. The dicey bit came when I started to think these things through and realize that it was coming across as a discussion of 'damage'.

So how can I talk about these scenes and their transformative potential without implying that people are doing this because they are damaged? Everyone is imperfect, certainly, and everyone can benefit from events and developments that create the potential for change and growth. But it's not just a message of damage that I want to create here, but a message about personal evolution.

So here's an example, and a rather meaty one that I can't answer since I am not at all in this head. It seems to me that humiliation is an important facet for a lot of people in this area, and that it serves a powerful function within a scene. How much does a need for humiliation, or a desire to indulge someone who desires to be humiliated, relate to one's deepest personal makeup and one's history, whether or not you want to call the source of it 'damage'?

 

[SlaveNano]

I'm in the process of creating and detailing the ritual this week; I'm doing a conference in April for which this will be a part. If you want to know the details of it I'm happy to send it to you via PM or whatever.

Thanks, I'd be interested in the details of the ritual you are creating, you can PM if you like.

There are conferences on this kind of stuff?! Really, I'm intrigued - you are conducting this ritual as part of a conference session, that sounds bizarre.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

SlaveNano, darling, you might want to turn on your PM capabilities...

 

[SlaveNano]

SlaveNano, darling, you might want to turn on your PM capabilities...

Thanks. I've just activiated it. I've never used Private messaging before, I thought it was the same as receiving e-mails from contact in profile, but think I've sorted it out now.