Forced Orgasms?

[Netzach]

As with everything mileage will vary.

In early days someone was playing with this with me on the bottom. I remember her using the phrase "you're holding out on me, come on..."

I never bottomed to her again. That blew it completely.

It really offended me at my core and was about as anti-motivation as you could invent. She had me in that place where she could have gotten me on board with almost anything and it really was a faceful of cold water. I don't need to have my princessy ass kissed, but you do not take me stretching myself to you for the max and tell me I'm holding out.

I think about a lot of the stuff people would do with me because it worked with their last 15 subs and no wonder I didn't want to go there.

 

[Netzach]

Yes, I understand that some Doms may be into that kind of control. Our relationship is more sex centered in some ways than D/s centered. He would much rather enjoy my multiple orgasms as he is having his then to exert his control in that way. Thankfully

I'm also with someone who pretty much is in favor of orgasms. I think that's the extent of his stance.

 

[Homburg]

I think many are hung up on the idea that pleasing a guy means to sexual serve him in such a way to make him cum. I want more than that. A lot more.
~RJ

This is something that irritates me too. I frequently do not come when I have sex. It doesn't bother me. I get off emotionally on the control and power dynamic, and on seeing my partner enjoy me fully, laying spent and exhausted at the end. If I orgasm, great, if I don't, no big deal. so long as she is completely satisfied physically, and I have enoyed the scenario, I don't need to come.

--

Hehe. I've never had a guy go beyond the extreme endurance test that it is to make me cum once. It would be interesting, though, to see which of us considered it greater torture to keep going: super-sensitive me, or exhausted guy.

I've done it with "w", and she is super-sensitive after an orgasm. It was basically torture, in a bad way, so I had to stop. one time we kept going after she came, with me using small movements and slowly building up. It took a while, but she eventually had alittle orgasm. It was still torture for her, and, again, not in a good sense.

 

[Netzach]

This is something that irritates me too. I frequently do not come when I have sex. It doesn't bother me. I get off emotionally on the control and power dynamic, and on seeing my partner enjoy me fully, laying spent and exhausted at the end. If I orgasm, great, if I don't, no big deal. so long as she is completely satisfied physically, and I have enoyed the scenario, I don't need to come.

--

Here's an honest question - what do you guys do when you're with a submissive who pretty much feels the same way - not about the control obviously but about her orgasms - they're not the be all and end all, they're nice, but she really is in it for your pleasure. What if she totally embraces and gets that your pleasure doesn't necessarily equate orgasm, but isn't really that *into* her own?

So forcing her would have sadistic appeal, sure. But the usefulness of this kind of sadism is going to be elastic within relationships and vary from person to person a lot.

I'm pretty much like this when it comes to being the D, my husband is pretty much take it or leave it about his own orgasms, and so it's a kind of sexual impasse at times, I think. Forcing multiples is a more esoteric and less interesting option with a male than a female, so it's far less of an issue or a solution, but it begs the question.

 

[Homburg]

Here's an honest question - what do you guys do when you're with a submissive who pretty much feels the same way - not about the control obviously but about her orgasms - they're not the be all and end all, they're nice, but she really is in it for your pleasure. What if she totally embraces and gets that your pleasure doesn't necessarily equate orgasm, but isn't really that *into* her own?

Your term sexual impasse comes to mind. Both "v" and "w" have specifically told me at various times that they want to just "be used". Wow, that's completely alien to me.

I see the act of sex as something akin to playing a concerto on a beautiful instrument, a piano if you will. To me, I play my fingers up and down the ivories of her body and make it respond, sing, make music at my touch. That is elegant love-making to me. Even when we fuck like beasts, I am playing those keys, just with a rougher hand.

I have had to come to terms with it. With "w", I roleplayed scenes where she would get used. She had a liking for occassional rape fantasy, and forced sexual encounters, so I put in some of those into our play. They didn't really ring my bell, but she liked them. "w" and I got to play a bit too infrequently for me to be casual about our scenes though, so I never got to that point where I just wanted to casually fuck her and didn't care about the outcome.

With "v", it's different. She's my wife, so we're around each other constantly. As a result, eeeevery once in a great while, I get that magical combination of randy and emotionally selfish. During those times she ends up on all fours, with a belt around her waist for me to hold onto, and then she gets told "come or not, I don't fucking care" as she gets fucked wildly. I don't even go through the pretense of tying her up, getting her ready, or whatever. My totally careless attitude is enough to get her juices flowing.

The big secret? Deep down inside, while I tell myself that I'm doing it solely for my selfish pleasure, I know that the reason I am presenting it the way I am is because she gets off on it. I could just as easily hold back my own desires and take a few minutes to set a scene, get her really wound up, etc. but I sometimes get the feeling that I won't need that today, and that is when she gets "used". Still, it's another scene for me, another role. It's just a thin one.

"w" pointedly told me before we had sex the first time that she very rarely comes during sex, usually only to masturbation, and that I would "have a hard time" getting her there. As a result, she said that she wasn't worried about orgasm, just about enjoying the act and pleasing her partner. In other words, my own words largely. In that case, to be frank, I got selfish in the opposite. I'm the Dom, dammit, and I get to decide who gets off and how. So I made damned sure that she came every time we got together. It very quickly got to the point where instead of thinking that I would "have a hard time" she was having to control herself to keep from having an orgasm after five minutes of intercourse. She went from explaining that she couldn't usually come to worrying about the fact that she was coming too quickly.

In short, I practised forced orgasms with her every time. I was not pleased until she came, and came hard.

It was a topic of consternation with her, but repeated application of orgasm via vaginal stimulation, and application of tongue, convinced her otherwise. She got to the point where she was no longer "not into" her own pleasure, and indeed craved it deeply. It's something else I worry about now that we are no longer together. I fear that she will want that release and have no way to get it. She has major hang-ups over cunnilingus, and it took a lot of emotional work for me to get those thighs apart. Now she is addicted to it, and frequently told me that she had dreams about my tongue. Great for the ego, bad for anxieties now.

Then again, the longing for one's former Dom seems a consistent thread in stories of abandonment, and subs talking about the end of a relationship in general. I would guess that the stimulation received is so intense that it can be all that much more difficult to leave behind.

Mostly though, to boil down my answer, your question is very central to the D/s conundrum for me. I am other-focused as a Dom, and my subs are innately other-focused as submissives. So you have both parties trying to concern themselves with the other's pleasure. Ot becomes a struggle, a challenge. One the few times with "w" when I came, I uttered something like "You win" breathlessly. She asked if it was a contest to me, and I told her "No, it's like you climbed a mountain. Good on ya." Hell, I'd just come, I wasn't exactly capable of deep thought and poetry. But, yeah, to a point, it was like a competition. It was just a competition between my need to please her, and her need to please me, not between she and I specifically. She'd managed to please me physically and emotionally to the point where I could no longer control my need to orgasm. In that sense, it was like a forced orgasm for me. Very weird, and not usually something that I am comfortable thinking about, but it centers around my deep-seated self-control issues, so I guess it makes sense that I am not comfortable with it.

In short, I am rigid about self-control. I won't do drugs or alcohol because I don't like feeling out of control of myself. The only time I get out of control is, well, when I fall in love. Even during sex, I am the picture of iron self-control. It sucks too, as I get less physical pleasure from sex most times than during the few times that I've just been able to let go and not worry about anything. Still, I'm more wired for emotional pleasure than physical, so the way I normally make love is a better fit for me.

 

[Homburg]

One thing that was brought up that I'm intrigued by is orgasm on command. I understand that it's a training process, etc, but physically, how does it work? I mean, doesn't there have to be build-up of some kind and touch in order for an orgasm to happen? Don't get me wrong....I LOVE the idea of orgasm on command, but I just don't understand how it works or even how someone is trained to do it.!

I haven't tried it with "w", as she is a one-orgasm kind of gal generally, but v" is very multi-orgasmic, so I do it with her.

It's a matter of conditioning. The first step is orgasm control in that the sub is not allowed to come unless she has obtained permission first. Many doms and subs practice this normally. Once solid control is established, orgasm denial can be used in session to really heighten control. Eventually, you get to the point where the denial and release cycle become second nature for the submissive. She is so close to the edge of orgasm from the denial and release cycle that she can be set off by virtually anything. In many cases, this is permission. She asks "Master, may I come please" and I hiss "Yess" or say "Come" or whatever.

Years ago, when we first did it, I would use a particular word as the command to allow her to orgasm during sex. This was the next step. If some word is used that does not come up in normal conversation (we used the 18th century name of a particular province in Siberia, simply because I liked the sound of the word), and it is used consistently, that word because mentally, emotionally, and physically tied to orgasm in the mind of the submissive. By simple preparation, you make her aware that you are possibly going to use the word, get her thinking about sex and orgasm, then give the command. If done right, and with patience and consistence, you will be rewarded with orgasm on command.

These days I do it differently. For a little while there I would massge her on the back of the neck, in a particular spot, and press it hard when I told her to come. Did that consistently for a week or two, and then reached up one day in the kitchen and rubbed the sot for a few seconds. She gasped, and I knew that she was responding, and knew what was coming, so I pressed. She orgasmed very hard, standing in the kitchen, clothed and without me saying a word or touching anything but the back of her neck. The only preparation was the few seconds of rubbing.

My favourite, however, is the countdown. I started using it on a whim. She'd begged for permission to come while I was teasing her, and I got a wicked gleam in my eye and said "10" in a low and meaningful voice. She looked confused until I said "9" and continued. But she caught on, and started whining and begging, as I was counting slow. When I hit "1" and told her to come, she took off like a rocket. Nowadays she knows that "1" is the signal to come, and a countdown is all that it takes to get her to orgasm. I've done it over the phone, and even by text message. The countdown itself is all the preparation she needs, and she is inevitably whining and begging when I am down to the last few numbers.

I got some truly interesting texts the last time I did it. I was way out in the boonies and had crap connection, and thus the countdown reeeally stretched out. Wow, she was cussing me as she begged =)

So, basically, it takes persistence, consistence, and patience, just like training someone to do anything else.

 

[FurryFury]

Since a person can come without even being touched, I believe anyone willing to do the hard work of training/being trained can make this happen.

I'd love to do that someday with someone. I'm not sure why. Maybe I just like the idea of being given the command at odd times with NO sex, even in my sleep? Hmm, I wonder if it would work then? That'd be too cool. It sure would have made my no sex trip to Chi town more fun!

It could also push some serious boundaries of mine at times but I won't go into that.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I haven't tried it with "w", as she is a one-orgasm kind of gal generally, but v" is very multi-orgasmic, so I do it with her.

It's a matter of conditioning. The first step is orgasm control in that the sub is not allowed to come unless she has obtained permission first. Many doms and subs practice this normally. Once solid control is established, orgasm denial can be used in session to really heighten control. Eventually, you get to the point where the denial and release cycle become second nature for the submissive. She is so close to the edge of orgasm from the denial and release cycle that she can be set off by virtually anything. In many cases, this is permission. She asks "Master, may I come please" and I hiss "Yess" or say "Come" or whatever.

Years ago, when we first did it, I would use a particular word as the command to allow her to orgasm during sex. This was the next step. If some word is used that does not come up in normal conversation (we used the 18th century name of a particular province in Siberia, simply because I liked the sound of the word), and it is used consistently, that word because mentally, emotionally, and physically tied to orgasm in the mind of the submissive. By simple preparation, you make her aware that you are possibly going to use the word, get her thinking about sex and orgasm, then give the command. If done right, and with patience and consistence, you will be rewarded with orgasm on command.

These days I do it differently. For a little while there I would massge her on the back of the neck, in a particular spot, and press it hard when I told her to come. Did that consistently for a week or two, and then reached up one day in the kitchen and rubbed the sot for a few seconds. She gasped, and I knew that she was responding, and knew what was coming, so I pressed. She orgasmed very hard, standing in the kitchen, clothed and without me saying a word or touching anything but the back of her neck. The only preparation was the few seconds of rubbing.

My favourite, however, is the countdown. I started using it on a whim. She'd begged for permission to come while I was teasing her, and I got a wicked gleam in my eye and said "10" in a low and meaningful voice. She looked confused until I said "9" and continued. But she caught on, and started whining and begging, as I was counting slow. When I hit "1" and told her to come, she took off like a rocket. Nowadays she knows that "1" is the signal to come, and a countdown is all that it takes to get her to orgasm. I've done it over the phone, and even by text message. The countdown itself is all the preparation she needs, and she is inevitably whining and begging when I am down to the last few numbers.

I got some truly interesting texts the last time I did it. I was way out in the boonies and had crap connection, and thus the countdown reeeally stretched out. Wow, she was cussing me as she begged =)

So, basically, it takes persistence, consistence, and patience, just like training someone to do anything else.

I have been taught to come on command but I have never ever been denied orgasm or have I ever had to ask permission. I am allowed to come whenever my mind and body reach that point.

Luvkitty33l -- I was amazed when I actuallly was able to orgasm on command. Looking back I think he started training me without me realizing that is what he was doing. He started by recognizing my body language right before I would orgasm and then order me to come. Since I was about there anyway I come on command. As our relationship deepened and my dedication and intense desire to please and obey him intensified I became so inturned to his voice, his command voice. I also became my familiar with my own body and what mindset I needed to be in to orgasm. He doesn't out of the clear blue say "Come, now" He will build me up, at least a little bit, and if he expects me to come quickly he will let me know. Then I work on getting my mind where it needs to be. I do need clitoral, anal or vaginal stimulation still in order to orgasm--it has to be more than just voice, could be my own hands though. When he says "Now", I usually orgasm within a minute or so.

 

[Netzach]

I have been taught to come on command but I have never ever been denied orgasm or have I ever had to ask permission. I am allowed to come whenever my mind and body reach that point.

Luvkitty33l -- I was amazed when I actuallly was able to orgasm on command. Looking back I think he started training me without me realizing that is what he was doing. He started by recognizing my body language right before I would orgasm and then order me to come. Since I was about there anyway I come on command. As our relationship deepened and my dedication and intense desire to please and obey him intensified I became so inturned to his voice, his command voice. I also became my familiar with my own body and what mindset I needed to be in to orgasm. He doesn't out of the clear blue say "Come, now" He will build me up, at least a little bit, and if he expects me to come quickly he will let me know. Then I work on getting my mind where it needs to be. I do need clitoral, anal or vaginal stimulation still in order to orgasm--it has to be more than just voice, could be my own hands though. When he says "Now", I usually orgasm within a minute or so.

I don't think of it so much as command, but I definitely get there when he's rooting for me. Like, pronto.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I don't think of it so much as command, but I definitely get there when he's rooting for me. Like, pronto.

"rooting for me" -- I like that. SOmetimes that is what it seems to be.

 

[RJMasters]

Here's an honest question - what do you guys do when you're with a submissive who pretty much feels the same way - not about the control obviously but about her orgasms - they're not the be all and end all, they're nice, but she really is in it for your pleasure. What if she totally embraces and gets that your pleasure doesn't necessarily equate orgasm, but isn't really that *into* her own?

So forcing her would have sadistic appeal, sure. But the usefulness of this kind of sadism is going to be elastic within relationships and vary from person to person a lot.

I'm pretty much like this when it comes to being the D, my husband is pretty much take it or leave it about his own orgasms, and so it's a kind of sexual impasse at times, I think. Forcing multiples is a more esoteric and less interesting option with a male than a female, so it's far less of an issue or a solution, but it begs the question.

One of the greatest questions ever asked....

I have to focus on some work for now, but will be back to answer this from my own pov.

 

[Homburg]

I have been taught to come on command but I have never ever been denied orgasm or have I ever had to ask permission. I am allowed to come whenever my mind and body reach that point.

"v" positively loves orgasm control and denial. I kid you not. she actively begs to be teased mercilessly At times. once I kept her on the brink for literally an hour, and she still talks about that to this day as one of the best experiences she's had. As far as I'm concerned, it's necessary. She comes so frequently on her own that it can be bloody distracting. Yeah, I know, selfish of me to say that. I gotta be selfish on occassion.

She really does like it controlled though. Her orgasms go from little happy orgasms to giant monster orgasms when I keep her teetering on the brink for a while. She damned near killed me with her thrashing about after keeping her on the edge for an hour

 

[guitar_player38]

wow bump

wow bump I am wanting to try this with the wife hope I can get good at it for her....

 

[Netzach]

RJ - leaving me hangin' here man. It's like orgasm denial, or a sneeze unsneezed.

 

[RJMasters]

RJ - leaving me hangin' here man. It's like orgasm denial, or a sneeze unsneezed.

Hangin...as in suspension?

It will make the morning edition, working on it now.

 

[RJMasters]

Here's an honest question - what do you guys do when you're with a submissive who pretty much feels the same way - not about the control obviously but about her orgasms - they're not the be all and end all, they're nice, but she really is in it for your pleasure. What if she totally embraces and gets that your pleasure doesn't necessarily equate orgasm, but isn't really that *into* her own?

So forcing her would have sadistic appeal, sure. But the usefulness of this kind of sadism is going to be elastic within relationships and vary from person to person a lot.

I'm pretty much like this when it comes to being the D, my husband is pretty much take it or leave it about his own orgasms, and so it's a kind of sexual impasse at times, I think. Forcing multiples is a more esoteric and less interesting option with a male than a female, so it's far less of an issue or a solution, but it begs the question.

It is assumed that the focus of the Domme/Dom in this situation is upon their submissive's orgasms. What is important I think, is to understand why it is so important to the Domme/Dom, because it can vary a lot from person to person as to what is motivating this focus. If the Domme/Dom doesn't understand why they like it, then it will be impossible to ever address this issue. All of the motives are valid wheather it is because it arouses your own passions to the point of fuck lust, or because you get a smug ego boost, or wheather it makes you feel powerful, or it makes you feel in control, or a combination. Notice where I placed the emphasis. Its about you and what you want.

It is my pov that one of the most important things to a submissive is not what they want and getting their needs met, but about giving Domme/Dom what they want and meeting their needs. In this sense, it is no longer about them as much as it is about doing what you want to, satisfy you.

If it is precieved that you are doing it to please them, though they may go along with it, it will ultimately miss the mark of satisfying that inner submissive itch. What often happens at this point can be what I call a cycle of Destruction (COD). Domme/Dom will work harder rather than smarter, and the harder they work at it to make it happen, it only seems to make the situation worse and worse.

One has to ask the question, why doesn't the submissive just give the Domme/Dom what they want? In many cases they are trying and working just as hard to make things work, they see the Domme/Dom is not satisfied, so the natural thing for them to do is to redouble their efforts. The problem is, it doesn't occur to them that the Domme/Dom doesn't want them to redouble their efforts in what they are doing, they want something else. If the submissive redoubles thier effort in what they are already doing, they only succeed in making the Domme/Dom redouble their effort to compensate(it esculates and the burden just gets heavier and heavier). The question is why...

Just like there are many reasons behind the motivation of why a Domme/Dom would focus upon their submissive's orgasms or pleasure, there are many reasons for submissive too in focusing upon the pleasure of their Domme/Dom. It almost seems stupid to make such an obvious statement but its important because ulitmately this issue has to be addressed, and unless the motivation can be understood from both sides of the equation, it is unlikely anything can be done.

---------I didn't know where in the order this paragraph should go so I inserted it here------
It possible that two people just are not interested in their own orgasms but they do have a interest in their partner's. In such situations, some have accepted the impass scenero and there are other things more powerful that can keep the relationship functioning. Others might look outside the relationship to fill specific needs and in this way they keep their relationship strong by allowing this type of freedom. its important to note that impass to me, means that one is actively seeking to find a way, around, over, under, or through but is not having success. This is different than when a point of acceptance has been reached, because neather are trying to get pass the impass any longer. For some there is a realization that compatability is just not there and the relationship ends, for those who have other things which keep the relationship going, it becomes an accepted state of being. Noting wrong with that either as not all relationships need orgasm focus to be a part of the relationship to be successful.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

In dealing with this situation, the question of who has the right of way is an important one. The Domme/Dom has the right of way. In my way of thinking the only impass that exists, exists because the Domme/Dom allows it to exist. Don't misunderstand me here in thinking I am suggesting the forced approach (see working harder and not smarter above). What I am saying is that if you understand your own motivation and you have a good understanding of what makes your submissive tick, it is within your power to communicate, train, take, or accept.

Communicate - The first thing is to deal with any misconceived or unsubstantiated thoughts that your submissive might be holding on to. This step is the most important because what we believe to be true, will effect what think and feel about things, and what we think and feel about things will ultimately dertermine our actions and behavior. There are two questions that need to be put on the table here and some serious reflection needs to be given to them on behalf of the submissive.

- Is your submission based upon wanting to please the Domme/Dom or yourself?
- Who gets to determine what is pleasing? You or the Domme/Dom?

The answer to the above two questions are obvious, and when presented such, it then allows for opening up of the mind as to what constitutes submission.

~A sample conversation might go someting like this.....~

If I tell you, or you know that, standing on one foot makes me horny as hell, Makes me feel in control, makes me feel powerful...would you stand on one foot? If kneeling....dancing....serving....fill in the blank...makes me horny as hell, Makes me feel in control, makes me feel powerful, wouldn't you do your best at those things or give your best effort towards those things? Would you not make these things of interest to you because you know they are important to me? Then how are your orgasms different? When I say your orgasms make me horny as hell, Make me feel in control, make me feel powerful, why do you immediately retreat back into thinking its about your pleasure? Let's talk about what it means to surrendure your will to mine in this matter. I realise this may be outside your experience and it might be hard for you to submit to because of some preconcieved ideas you might have, but just because this is outside the comfort zone doesn't mean you get a pass on it. I want this part of you and I want you to learn how to surrendure this part of you to me. It may not be easy, but I am going to help you and work with you. I don't have unrealistic expectations, I am not expecting you to some how become magiacally multi-orgasmic, my expectations are more about your atitude and motivation of wanting to do this and to try because its important to me and you want to submit to me in this matter as you do with other things.

Train - We all learn by association. Perhaps the best type of training in this regards is to allow them to see your reaction to their orgasms. When they orgasm, tell them, show them! In time it clicks and the light comes on. If they want you to orgasm, they learn that the best way to do that is let you have your way with them first. They learn surrendure leads to their goal also. This aligns both people's goals together so that you are both pushing in the same direction rather than in opposite directions. One example of this....and I am not sure how this translate Domme/male-sub...I will spend a lot of time with foreplay building up the lust and desire to the point where you know she is on the edge and she begins to beg I need you in me now...please come inside me...and I would say no, give me what I want first....this is followed by I can't, I need you...please...(start rooting) Come on baby you can do it I know you can. Give me what I want....and I time it just right that as she comes I slide into her. This usually will push that orgasm way over the top! But after doing that again and again, over time she learned two things, 1. I noticed that she reached orgasm much quicker. 2. She orgasms almost immediately whenever I enter her(an unexpected but pleasureful side effect). Also reving, which is basically a form of fixating in order to build want, lust and need. Perhaps joint masturbation....where he is encouraged to cum on your belly then using it with finger tips to finish masturbating and push you over the top (again having his orgasm be the catlyst to your pleasure).


Take - Remember the right of way is yours. I don't give orgasms as rewards, because that sends mixed messages. I am clear that her orgasms are for me, and are an expression of her submission and devotion to me. Yes she still struggles with orgasming without me inside her, but she tries until she hits that point of surrendure and then lets go. I just need to be patient and let her build to that point or build her to that point. I then take what I want from her.

Accept - My orgasm however is often given out as a reward. I have no problem double dipping here and fully enjoying the pleasure and make no bones about expressing how much I enjoy it. Its not that I need her orgasms as a catylists for my own orgasms, it is my choice. I have the right of way. One thing I have learned is that there are many motives as to why someone serves and submits. It has a lot to do with fulfillment on a deeper level within them. Some times the best thing one can do is just allow them to express their submission rather than try to dictate it. I held a discussion once about the differnece between a service oriented submissive and an obediant oreinted submissive which I thought was very good in regards to understanding some of the sublties involved. My point is, that submission is not just a one trick pony. There is room for the Domme/Dom to grow here. Even though your own orgasms may not be of primary importance, it doesn't mean they aren't important. And when the submissive sees that this is more a two way street sort of thing, it makes it easier to believe that this really is all about serving and submitting to the Domme/Dom.

I think the secret here is that the focus for the submissive needs to shift off of orgasms and onto being open to submit to what the Domme/Dom says is pleasing to them. By doing that they are focused not on the orgasm itself as much as they are doing their best to surrendure to what the Domme/Dom wants.

As for Dommes/Doms, I think the secret lies in getting off on knowing that when they orgasm, it has such a powerful impact on thier submissive. Using that to accept different aspects of their submission is a great way to shift the focus from it "just" being about an orgasm, to something much more. When they are able to see your pleasure, they feel successful, attractive, useful, needed, loved, wanted, joy, and when you see the impact it has on them, you end up learning a few new associations yourself.


as a last thought especially with males...there is a negative stigma attached to men who often orgasm quickly during sex leaving thier partners unfulfilled & unsatisfied. This behavior is associated with selfishness in that men just want to get their rocks off and go to sleep or whatever. I think this can weigh heavily on the mind of a guy who is focused on wanting to serve and please a woman sexually. I would especialy think this is true of male submissives. Men have funny ways in which they supress their own trigger controls and its a good bet that repressing the signifigance of one's own orgasm so as to be unselfish is definately a possibility.


(holy crap what a book. Sorry)

 

[Luvkitty33]

Ecstaticsub and Netzach

I don't think of it so much as command, but I definitely get there when he's rooting for me. Like, pronto.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
I have been taught to come on command but I have never ever been denied orgasm or have I ever had to ask permission. I am allowed to come whenever my mind and body reach that point.

Luvkitty33l -- I was amazed when I actuallly was able to orgasm on command. Looking back I think he started training me without me realizing that is what he was doing. He started by recognizing my body language right before I would orgasm and then order me to come. Since I was about there anyway I come on command. As our relationship deepened and my dedication and intense desire to please and obey him intensified I became so inturned to his voice, his command voice. I also became my familiar with my own body and what mindset I needed to be in to orgasm. He doesn't out of the clear blue say "Come, now" He will build me up, at least a little bit, and if he expects me to come quickly he will let me know. Then I work on getting my mind where it needs to be. I do need clitoral, anal or vaginal stimulation still in order to orgasm--it has to be more than just voice, could be my own hands though. When he says "Now", I usually orgasm within a minute or so.

I just wanted to thank you for your comments. They definitely give me hope that this will be a possibility for me someday. No matter what kind of relationship I end up in, this is still something that love the idea of......the connection part of it. Anyway, thanks!

 

[ecstaticsub]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ecstaticsub
I have been taught to come on command but I have never ever been denied orgasm or have I ever had to ask permission. I am allowed to come whenever my mind and body reach that point.

Luvkitty33l -- I was amazed when I actuallly was able to orgasm on command. Looking back I think he started training me without me realizing that is what he was doing. He started by recognizing my body language right before I would orgasm and then order me to come. Since I was about there anyway I come on command. As our relationship deepened and my dedication and intense desire to please and obey him intensified I became so inturned to his voice, his command voice. I also became my familiar with my own body and what mindset I needed to be in to orgasm. He doesn't out of the clear blue say "Come, now" He will build me up, at least a little bit, and if he expects me to come quickly he will let me know. Then I work on getting my mind where it needs to be. I do need clitoral, anal or vaginal stimulation still in order to orgasm--it has to be more than just voice, could be my own hands though. When he says "Now", I usually orgasm within a minute or so.

I just wanted to thank you for your comments. They definitely give me hope that this will be a possibility for me someday. No matter what kind of relationship I end up in, this is still something that love the idea of......the connection part of it. Anyway, thanks!

You're welcome

 

[Marysa]

Orgasm Control - gateway to my submission

I first realized I was submissive when a guy I was dating was into making me wait to cum. He would work me up till I was quivering and shaking so bad ( good ) then keep me there dying... and then use my orgasm as a reward for allowing him to do something out of the ordinary, like anal sex, or stretch my pussy really wide with a few fingers.

It was all innocent fun at the time, we were young ( in college ). Don't know whatever happened to him, but I was hooked for life. Still to this day, many, many years later, get me really worked up and frustrated, and I'll let you do just about anything with me.

 

[twysted73]

Absolutely....

....delightful AND inspiring.

 

[alexanna]

Take - Remember the right of way is yours. I don't give orgasms as rewards, because that sends mixed messages. I am clear that her orgasms are for me, and are an expression of her submission and devotion to me. Yes she still struggles with orgasming without me inside her, but she tries until she hits that point of surrendure and then lets go. I just need to be patient and let her build to that point or build her to that point. I then take what I want from her.

(holy crap what a book. Sorry)

Personally I think you should write a book. I know I'd buy it. Thank you for taking the time to put this down. I always appreciate your posts.

Orgasms are hard for me to give, this one really hit home.

 

[RJMasters]

Personally I think you should write a book. I know I'd buy it. Thank you for taking the time to put this down. I always appreciate your posts.

Orgasms are hard for me to give, this one really hit home.

Ty. I tend to be more embarassed by my lack of being more concise by saying more with less words. Writing a book sounds like a grand invitation to the gluttoness windbag that I am.

Often, I have found in my life there are things that I strive for or work harder and harder at, and it seems that the more I work at them, they always are just out of reach. Its like the harder I work at it, the more I just get in my own way. I think giving orgasms can be like that sometimes for people. The trick may not be to work harder at it, but rather a letting go. Tensing up will often make sex not that enjoyable...where as relaxing tends to make it more enjoyable. I think there is a lesson over-all there in that part of the secret to giving orgasms, is about relaxing and letting go.

Some expressions or form of expresion of submission is about actively working to "do" something for someone else, there are also other forms or expression of submission in which you let things be done "to" you. That may seem simplistic, but it certainly can be a huge point of compatibility between differing types of submissives and Dominants.

Letting go comes naturally to some more than others, but it is something that can be learned. Once learned it can be an awesome expression of submission and great source of pleasure to the dominant who desire this.

Good luck to you.

 

[rida]

just wanted to say thanks ...

I am a sub to my Hubby... but we are just at the beginning on this path...

I wanted to thank you RJMaster for having inspired an incredible forced orgasm session

and I wanted to thank you Homburg for your post on orgasm on comand ... will get Hubby to read it and start the training!

Also, thank you again to RJMaster for your general thoughts on the D/s relationship and the place/value of orgasms...
Please do not worry about not being concise ... every word you wrote was worth reading...and provided a lot of food for thought.
Your sub is a very lucky sub ...

Thank you again ...

 

[RJMasters]

I am a sub to my Hubby... but we are just at the beginning on this path...

Good luck to both of you. Its great to have a site where you can learn stuff and get ideas. Just remember that both of your happiness is the ultimate measure of success, nothing else.

I wanted to thank you RJMaster for having inspired an incredible forced orgasm session

This brought a smile to my face. Of all the purposes of being here on a forum board and contributing my thoughts on subjects and such, I can't think of a better reason that is more satisfying than to hear that what I had to say inspired or helped two people to enjoy one another in the manner you described. May I wish many many more sessions for the both of you.

Also, thank you again to RJMaster for your general thoughts on the D/s relationship and the place/value of orgasms...
Please do not worry about not being concise ... every word you wrote was worth reading...and provided a lot of food for thought.
Your sub is a very lucky sub ...

Thank you again ...

My wife submits to me in many ways, but she is not my submissive, at least not in the way it is typically understood in a D/s BDSM community. I think the biggest mistake I made in the 21 years we have been married was trying to impose or make our relationship fit into a D/s BDSM mold. There are many aspects of our lives 24/7 which have strong currents of D/s running through it both in and out of the bedroom. I am sure that my expereinces are not the same as many full realized D/s BDSM couples here in this community, but the good news is, that's ok they don't need to be.

My view of D/s has always been relationship based. Simply meaning that many of the things which are shared and expressed within a D/s type relationship can only be done so when there is a strong relationship in place. This is a bit different from being able to Top and Bottom while particpating in BDSM activities. For some being able to participate in BDSM activites doesn't require a core relationship to exist. Going to a club or a play party might be examples of this. For me, BDSM activities find expression within the D/s relationship. Again different from many of people expereinces, but again the good news is thats ok.

I was introduced or first learned about D/s and BDSM from online many years ago. I have spent a lot of time unlearning many of the things I believed D/s and BDSM was suppose to be. I had so many errant expectations because I bought into the romantsized fairy tale that is often pupetuated online about D/s and BDSM.

It is really good to hear or see that you and your husband have a relationship where you are both sharing and expereincing each other. Remain true to that and over time you will see that what you have, is much more precious and wonderful than anything. May you both enjoy the journey together and may it be a long one.

 

[Homburg]

and I wanted to thank you Homburg for your post on orgasm on comand ... will get Hubby to read it and start the training!

Thank you for your kind words, but there are better sources around for techniques on that topic than my quick notes, as well as different styles and methods of reaching that point. Still, my notes may be enough for him to start. If so, well, I'm happy to have been of help!


--

For me, BDSM activities find expression within the D/s relationship. Again different from many of people expereinces, but again the good news is thats ok.

I'm the same way generally. I really need some sort of relationship with a person before I even want to go into the idea of playing with them, either in a D/s setting or vanilla sex. Without connection, there is no significance to the act for me and I will not particularly enjoy it.