Freakin' good titles!

[karmadog]

Definitely not.

I'm a dog, not a shark.

 

[karmadog]

Now that my singing career is over, I think I will try a poetry reading. That might be even more frightening than singing. No backup music, no hiding behind the words of another.

Of course, I don't have anything worth reading in front of a crowd, so I'll have to crib one from smithpeter or Angeline. So much for not hiding behind the words of another.

Seriously, I was thinking I might punch up 'Hallmark Quickie' and give a comic reading. I'll just have to find a coffee shop that only allows patrons over eighteen or I might get busted for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Fuck existence by B-Lush84

I would, but a friend of mine who is a physicist suggested that splitting and smashing atoms could cause dire consequences. Plus, my instrument is to large to fit between the electrons. Just realized: if it could be done, they would then be called electorns.

Move On To Spanking by Drumaha

A cop said this to me once. I was in Cheeksqueeze, Alabama, and it seems I was unwelcome, so the cop suggested I cross the stateline into Spanking, Georgia. I was tempted to defy him and move deeper into Alabama towards Billyclub and after that Jailterm. But any further down that road and I would have ended up in Stretchedrectum.

Lush Life by Angeline

Ah yes, the life of the lush! I remember when I was a lush. It was last weekend. Free drink coupons, whisky, and me.

sledding flat, or 88's by 03sp

I always preferred sledding steep. You just can't get going that fast in the flats. That second part could either be about a piano, or an artillery gun. I'm guessing it's the piano.

I wonder how fast I could ride a piano down a snowy hill? I wonder what sound it would make when I crashed? I would sound like this: Ouch.

If you read this thread very often, you've probably noticed that the same names keep popping up. Well, there's no nepotism or favortism or any other damnism at work here. I don't look at who wrote the title, just the title. I think the same names keep coming up because they are good poets, good titlers (Is that even a word? It is now.).

I should also mention that there are almost always other good titles, but I pick a) the absolute cream of the crop, and 2) titles that I can think up something funny to say about (I guess that's debatable, but it's funny to me).

Still, there are always more bad titles than good ones. That's not to say that the poem will be bad, just that the title didn't grab this reader's eye. On a site like this, with so many poems on it, it pays to have a catchy title assuming you want people to read your stuff.

That's not to say that every poem should be titled something like "Asian Eighteen-year old Catholic Schoolgirls with Strapons in Their Butts" but if someone wrote that poem, I would probably read it.

 

[karmadog]

I'm not convinced that these titles are new. At the top of the new poems page I was invited to spice up my St. Patrick's day by visiting the literotica toy store.

Firstly, it would have taken only three grains of salt to have spiced up my St Paddy's. Secondly, while I have nothing against masturbating, I don't understand what the hell I need toys for when I have two working hands and some lotion.

Maybe when the arthritis in my hands gets worse, but not now.

Democracy decieved by Blue Dolphin

This could have been titled 'Campaign Promises' and everyone would have known what it meant.

brained left by 03sp

Yeah, that happened to me at a big outdoor party. I would have been brained right, too, but I fell down. So I got booted ass, and maced eyes. Then I got dragged by feet, cuffed, mugshotted, and Dan-O booked.

Alcohol Burns by piercedcollegecouple

Yes. Yes, it does. The scar is gone now, though. But let me say that it is never a good idea to pour alcohol on yourself and light it in order to light your cig. I recommend a Zippo or a Bic, man.

Heartache's Carcinoma by Blue Dolphin

Now that would be a bad diagnosis! You know, I've never heard of cardiac cancer. Not that I'm upset about that.

demented roses by snows6dwarfs

I was attacked by demented roses once. Yeah, it was a drive-by thorning. Ba dum bum. They got caught though. The cops just put some aphids on the trail and they followed the attar. They were arrested without incident. It seems they were in their beds.

teach me to fish, please by 03sp

What did Rybka do? Ah well, I have it on good authority that if you set a lava lamp on the shore, he will beach himself trying to get to it to spawn. Just catch and release, dude.

Dead Poet In Drag by WickedEve

If you dress in drag don't you show it
clap your hands
If you tuck your penis in a g-string
you'll crack your balls
If your heels are bent and stretched
If your girdle's mighty stressed
Then you're sure to be the belle
of the ball

Whispered Footsteps by Blue Dolphin

I don't recommend this as you put yourself at risk for athlete's tongue.

The Legend of Big Ass Cass by Anachronism

... and the Dread Sandwich of Death.

Tympanic Membranes by RazzRajen

I once had sex on the tymapni. About every eight strokes, the drum beating beneath us each time, I found myself humming 'Thus Spake Zarathustra'. Daaaa daaaa daaaaa da dummmmmm. Eight pumps. Daaaa daaaa daaaaaaa da dummmmmm.

We would have gotten away with it too, but we left a perfect imprint of her ass in the drumskin. The punishment wasn't too bad, though. I think the music teacher enjoyed the lineup.


I may have mentioned somewhere else on these boards that I like to have the television on when I write? Anyhow, I looked up at the screen just now and saw Vicki Lewis as that old lady she used to play on 'Carol Burnett' doing something to the ass of a giant. It's unclear to me just what she was doing, but he was screaming.

And people say television is boring.

 

[Blue Dolphin]

Democracy decieved by Blue Dolphin

This could have been titled 'Campaign Promises' and everyone would have known what it meant.




Heartache's Carcinoma by Blue Dolphin

Now that would be a bad diagnosis! You know, I've never heard of cardiac cancer. Not that I'm upset about that.





Whispered Footsteps by Blue Dolphin

I don't recommend this as you put yourself at risk for athlete's tongue.

If nothing else my friend
you made me smile
Thank you for the mention(s)

 

[WickedEve]

Dead Poet In Drag by WickedEve

If you dress in drag don't you show it
clap your hands
If you tuck your penis in a g-string
you'll crack your balls
If your heels are bent and stretched
If your girdle's mighty stressed
Then you're sure to be the belle
of the ball

Well, I'm just horrified at the thought that someone may think that's my poem above. I would never say crack your balls. I'm blushing and offended by that phrase. True, I would say crack your ass but not balls, kd!

 

[Angeline]

Crack

True, I would say crack your ass but not balls, kd!

There's a line from Shakespeare's King Lear:

"Blow winds and crack your cheeks"

that always seemed highly suspect to me.

 

[karmadog]

My life gets more and more boring as time goes on. Nothing much has happened to me in the last few weeks. My biggest thrill so far this month is a new All-In-One printer, but even that excitement was dampened when I discovered that my ass is too big to fit on the scanner bed. Dammit.

Drunk On Leather by neonurotic

You can often recognize the true alcoholic by the scent of cheap cologne on his or her breath. English Leather would not be my first choice, though. I believe I'd favor Old Spice.

Penis For Rent by NeoQuaid

I suppose I could use it do drive nails or, if it's big enough, as a drain snake. If it's really fat I could use it as a post hole digger, but I already have a fence. Naw, the penis really only has two uses and mine already works pretty good for those, but if I were advertising a penis for rent, I'd try this slogan: The Penis--the tool that's fun to use!

poetry motions by silken_dreammaid

Hmm, parliamentary procedure at the poet meeting? It's not the size of the stanza, but the motion in the poem?

The Potter's Wheel by slowhand60

I didn't read this one. I was afraid that it had something to do with the movie 'Ghost'. Go Into The Light, Patrick! For God's SAKE, Go Into The Light!!!! I suppose that the potting scene could be seen as a metaphor for Demi's plastic surgery. I remember when she was just a starlet with mosquito bites.


Well, that's it for today. I'm off to try to figure out how to sit on my scanner without breaking it or my neck. I figure I can scan it in sections, then combine it into one great big picture. I may have to draw a grid on my ass to make sure I get the whole thing covered. Such a thrilling challenge.

Hey, that light coming out of the scanner doesn't cause cancer does it? I'd hate to get butt cancer.

 

[Guest]

Re: Titles Matter

We're a sound bite culture. Readers don't give unknowns much time to make an impression and your intro is your title. Make it a good one.

I believe thats called being close minded.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: Re: Titles Matter

I believe thats called being close minded.

No, I believe that's being realistic. There are gazillions of poems and books and movies and images and thoughts being thrown at you everyday, now. The only reasons that could make anyone choose to read something over something else (and that's the reality, you simply cannot read everything) are recommendations, name recognition, and grabbing one's attention quickly. Otherwise, no matter how good you think you are, no one will realize you're even there.

Times have changed. Being unable to grasp that concept, that's being close-minded.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Titles Matter

No, I believe that's being realistic. There are gazillions of poems and books and movies and images and thoughts being thrown at you everyday, now. The only reasons that could make anyone choose to read something over something else (and that's the reality, you simply cannot read everything) are recommendations, name recognition, and grabbing one's attention quickly. Otherwise, no matter how good you think you are, no one will realize you're even there.

Times have changed. Being unable to grasp that concept, that's being close-minded.

so your logic is, if its an unknown author and they dont use big words, they must not have much to offer. Ok, got it.

 

[WickedEve]

"so your logic is, if its an unknown author and they dont use big words, they must not have much to offer. Ok, got it."

How do you get that from Lauren's post? Of course, we know unknown authors can have much to offer. On some cozy sites you can pop in and submit a poem called Love and the denizens may happily read it. But at Lit and many other places you really need a little more to attract attention. Why submit a poem if you don't want others to read it? So you have to "sell" your poem. Give it good title to make the reader want to click on the link and check out what you have to say.

Here's an example: I have a poem called Exquisite Possum and another one with the title A Love Poem. Common, aren't you more curious about the possum?

 

[Guest]

anyway, I find that most people are afraid to read my material because the titles have a dark feel to them and most want to read shit about rainbows and flowers.
I am proud to not write about generic shit and if my critics cant handle it, they should realize I only write for myself, no one else.

 

[WickedEve]

If you only write for yourself then why do you put your poetry out there for everyone to read? Don't you want to communicate your ideas through your poetry?
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with a dark title. If it reflects the poem then that's good. You want to attract readers that are open to your dark poetry and not the rainbow crowd.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Titles Matter

so your logic is, if its an unknown author and they dont use big words, they must not have much to offer. Ok, got it.

If that's the logic assumption you make from what I said, this is futile, but I'll give it another try, just because I'm feeling happy.

No matter how good you think you are, no one will realize you're even there.

When I go to a bookshop and am looking to buy something to read, I have several dozen section choose. If I'm looking for poetry, I have at least four bookshelf units with six shelves each. I'm guessing there are about 50 books per shelf. Unless I live there, there's no way I'm gonna go through 1200 books. I let my eyes roam through the spine of the books until something grabs my attention. That would be either the name of an author or an interesting title. Of course I know I'm probably missing on some good poems, but is it my fault or the author's? Get real.

What is your technique?

 

[Lauren Hynde]

And I did say 'something that grabs my attention', not 'happy-happy-joy-joy titles'.

No offense, but the only reason I would even open dark (I think the word you were looking for was obscure) titles like Dream #2, Dream #9 and XIII was if I had nothing else to do and in a what-the-fuck-is-this-all-about mood. Nowadays, your chances of finding me or most of the rest of the world with nothing else to do are slim.

 

[Guest]

If you only write for yourself then why do you put your poetry out there for everyone to read? Don't you want to communicate your ideas through your poetry?
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with a dark title. If it reflects the poem then that's good. You want to attract readers that are open to your dark poetry and not the rainbow crowd.

well, people ask to read my stuff. I communicate my ideas well in poems its just that some may miss the message or misinterpret it.

Lauren, I meant dark, not obscure. As for "not having time to read everything", I can understand that.
I try to seek out all kinds of lit. Theres a world out there that is worthy of discovery. I know talent when I see it.

 

[Guest]

huh?

What does dog say?

hey gang, let's all sing and hold hands...

open the sky,
spill down the warm wind
let if be mellow
let it be morphine

tell people the warm fluid
is really V8, slightly over salted
that was a nice rainbow,
thanks to these fireworks
and this mornings breath

 

[Lauren Hynde]

The question is how do you discover it, buried under thousands of poems, books, whatever, when the only glimpse you have is an obscure (not dark) title?

 

[Angeline]

(Sing to We are the World refrain--over and over and over and...)

we are the world
i don't like rainbows
ok i do, but usually not in poembos
and flowers are cool
they were good enough for shakespeare
a rose is a rose
and i know talent

like i read yeats and neruda and brodsky
and so does lauren
and i read her tooooo

now i gotta go
and buy a battery
which the guy at Radio Shack
said is $100


so now be nice
and drink V8


(oh one last point--as I say to my son when he says "well *I* intended it to mean *this.* *You* can intend something to mean whatever you want, but if no one understands you--what's the point?)

 

[Guest]

The question is how do you discover it, buried under thousands of poems, books, whatever, when the only glimpse you have is an obscure (not dark) title?

well some people only look at the title and dont bother to read the message. Not my loss thats for sure.
*btw, whats with the obscure labeling?
oh, and sarcasm works only if you know how to use it. Ang, I give you a C for trying.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Now, I know you can do it. Read my post and think. What is your behaviour as a reader? It's not a matter of how much time you have, it's about the offer. Any unknown author simply drowns, unless he/she comes highly recommendated or pushes the envelope from the start.

Dream #2, Dream #9, XIII and Manic are not dark titles. They're non-specific tags that have little or no relation with the message of the poems. In my opinion, titles should be as much a part of the poem as any other verse. More, even, because it's the line that will get more reads. It will determine if the rest of the poem will have any.

If you have problems deciphering labels, I could recommend a number of dictionaries (I have one since I was 8):

ob·scure
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French obscur, from Latin obscurus
Date: 15th century
1 a : DARK, DIM b : shrouded in or hidden by darkness c : not clearly seen or easily distinguished : FAINT
2 : not readily understood or clearly expressed; also : MYSTERIOUS
3 : relatively unknown: as a : REMOTE, SECLUDED b : not prominent or famous <an obscure poet>
4 : constituting the unstressed vowel \&\ or having unstressed \&\ as its value
- ob·scure·ly adverb
- ob·scure·ness noun
synonyms OBSCURE, DARK, VAGUE, ENIGMATIC, CRYPTIC, AMBIGUOUS, EQUIVOCAL mean not clearly understandable. OBSCURE implies a hiding or veiling of meaning through some inadequacy of expression or withholding of full knowledge <obscure poems>. DARK implies an imperfect or clouded revelation often with ominous or sinister suggestion <muttered dark hints of revenge>. VAGUE implies a lack of clear formulation due to inadequate conception or consideration <a vague sense of obligation>. ENIGMATIC stresses a puzzling, mystifying quality <enigmatic occult writings>. CRYPTIC implies a purposely concealed meaning <cryptic hints of hidden treasure>. AMBIGUOUS applies to language capable of more than one interpretation <an ambiguous directive>. EQUIVOCAL applies to language left open to differing interpretations with the intention of deceiving or evading <moral precepts with equivocal phrasing>.

 

[Angeline]

Lauren?

Come away now sweetie and put the Glock down. He doesn't understand, you're wasting your keys, and he's goin away. Come on; we'll be bitter together.

 

[Guest]

Re: Lauren?

Come away now sweetie and put the Glock down. He doesn't understand, you're wasting your keys, and he's goin away. Come on; we'll be bitter together.

very mature.

Lauren, you obviously dont realize that the titles relate to the message in my poems. Read them again.

 

[darkmaas]

Sadie dearest

Dear kdog

Please let me apologize for aiding and abetting this hijacking of such a venerable thread but M. de Sade est simplement trop delicieux. Lurking hasn’t been such fun since the fine fellow with the stradivarius and the bottle of brandy wandered through.

Dearest de Sade

Welcome to the poets corner. Let me say it’s a pleasure. I knew the original de Sade you know. He and I would troll the left bank in a green haze for ... well that’s a story for another day. Anyway I called him Sadie. Mind if I call you Sadie? De Sade is so formal. We like to think we’re all one happy family.

Well Sadie my man, you are amazing. On a day when Angeline is whining about the cost of batteries for Rowdy Ted, she’s giving you several hundred dollars worth of editorial advice for free. How did you pull that off?

As one who prides himself in enjoying a darker shade of poetry, I would like to say you are right regarding the poor acceptance of poems with a “dark feel”. Sadly that would be untrue.

(Note to Lauren: beware of poets offering a “dark feel”. No good will come of it.)

Stick around my friend. Recently a Crow from Texas flew through. Within days her stuff went from Hallmark to poetry.

Back to you kdog,

 

[Guest]

Re: Sadie dearest

As one who prides himself in enjoying a darker shade of poetry, I would like to say you are right regarding the poor acceptance of poems with a “dark feel”. Sadly that would be untrue.

(Note to Lauren: beware of poets offering a “dark feel”. No good will come of it.)

if you say so oh grim Lit poster. I know for a fact the majority of people can not handle dark poetry (unless you are a dead male ie. Poe) Thanks for the welcome but I may not post in this forum much longer.