Freakin' good titles!

[karmadog]

happy, wet, and sore titles for Eve

The evil Skeeter has returned. I thought he might be in prison, but I had no such luck. How do I know he wasn't incarcerated? Good question. He looked like shit. Immediately after he gets out of jail (twice that I know of) he looks reasonably healthy. I guess he can't afford jailhouse drugs and alcohol. As it stands, he looks like one of those dried apple heads. With mold on it.

If I'm lucky he'll get caught in the rain and either reconstitute or completely fall into tiny pieces and be devoured by birds and squirrels.

Besides all the foafs (which sounds like it might be a Nerf couch) there were some very good titles in the past couple of days.

Backseat Nights by WickedEve

The last two times I was getting busy in the backseat, I got busted. Freakin' cops. I think I need one of those bumperstickers:

If the station wagon's rockin'
Don't come a knockin'.

Although I don't know if cops are bound by bumpersticker rules.

Citrus Lake by Xtaabay

I went skinny dipping there once with a really gorgeous woman. Man, was she tight.

consensual forced feeding by 03sp

This is either about the modern wedding cake ritual, or a vigorous sixty-nine. Or a veal calf feeding a pate duck.

My Relative Duress by JUDO

Dang. I had a funny thing or two to say about my family, but JUDO one-upped me. I guess that's only fair, it is her title.

Tales of Saudi Bluegrass by 03sp

I bet that Turkish belly dancer could really move to that.


So at karaoke the other night, this guy said that if he could buy a copy of me doing 'Fly Me to the Moon', he would. He went on to say that I was better than Sinatra.

For some reason, the bartender cut him off. Hmmm.

 

[karmadog]

1000th post titles!

Yep. You've all had to put up with, counting this one, a thousand spoutings of crap from me. Appropriately, I've been up all night, and I've had more than a few drinks. Any poets whose titles didn't get mentioned can take solace in that. Not that anyone's heart gets broken by not being mentioned here.

Crap. The garbage truck just went by. Guess who forgot to take out the trash?

The Devil's Favorite Sin by likmypretykity

Envy. Beelzebub envies me. I'll tell ya why. Women only slap me when I ask. Truly, that's remarkable. The last time I was spontaneously slapped was when I said something lustful to a girl, and she squeezed my face and said, "I could just crush your skull when you say things like that."

Well, that wasn't enough for me, so I said, "It would work better if you used your thighs." That's when she slapped me. Looking back on it, it wasn't really warranted. Well, maybe. I can't remember what I said that made her want to crush my skull.

plastic forked by 03sp

Vinyl gives more.

forced prestidigtation by pwcca

I believe this is a novel way to describe a brutal goosing.

she has Betty Davis eyes by Senna Jawa

Somebody sang this song at karaoke last night. Sucked. Remember the Dire Straits song that went: I don't know how you came to get the Bette Davis knees

but most of all, young man, you've got industrial disease?

There was something about brewer's droop, and two men sayin' they're Jesus and one of 'em must be wrong.

MMMmm, Dire Straits.

Gaggle of Geese by Chicklet

When I was a boy in Mi, I was attacked by a Canada goose. It might have been my fault, but who knew you could actually goose a goose. Forced prestidigitation, I guess.

Buttered Blues by Angeline

I like my blues with black-eyed peas, but to each there own. Collard greens are alright, but they better be boiled with a pig's foot. Still, that kinda hurts.

RE: Matthew by PoliteSuccubus

OK, I have to admit that I picked this because I saw my friend Matthew last night. If this was about the same guy, it would mention the way he did 'Beat It' one night on top of a kidney shaped table. He danced like MJ on that table and smacked his own ass. He grabbed his groin with thumb and forefinger, and I never laughed so hard in my life.

Well, I suspect this is my worst title posting ever, but the pressure... the pressure. It's like having you thumb in a vice. Well, actually it's like having my thumb in a vice. It doesn't bother me so much when it's your thumb.

I am...

karma's bitch

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: 1000th post titles!

Yep. You've all had to put up with, counting this one, a thousand spoutings of crap from me. Appropriately, I've been up all night, and I've had more than a few drinks. Any poets whose titles didn't get mentioned can take solace in that. Not that anyone's heart gets broken by not being mentioned here.

I am...

karma's bitch

I'll take some comfort in knowing that detail, while I crawl brokenhearted into my weeping corner...

 

[JUDO]

Re: happy, wet, and sore titles for Eve

My Relative Duress by JUDO

Dang. I had a funny thing or two to say about my family, but JUDO one-upped me. I guess that's only fair, it is her title.

My title???

 

[Angeline]

Karma's bitch, congrats on your 1000th post

Well, I suspect this is my worst title posting ever, but the pressure... the pressure. It's like having you thumb in a vice. Well, actually it's like having my thumb in a vice. It doesn't bother me so much when it's your thumb.



C'mere methuselah--you need a thousand spanks. Whaddaya say girls? Eve? JUDO? Lauren? Xtaabay? Cordie? I think he more than earned them.


Ok baby, you better get some rest. We'll spank ya later (flexing fingers).

P.S. Keep yapping. You're delightful.

 

[OT]

Poem from a page-O-poem Titles

Dreamgirl
What should i do?
To sleep with you...

Will I?
Dreamtime
Wet Dreams
Close Your Eyes
before, after, during
Desperatly
make it real
If I could...
I Was Fantasy

midnight
Domination
One sided conversation
Shadow Dancing

Paradise Found
gender entry
Hot Pants
please stand by

September
Still I Recall...
First Day of Spring
possibility

Come with me...
Quiet Bird
Through The Years Lover
Satisfying Her Own Needs
Afternoon To Rendevous

The Goal
The Other Side
Choice
Journey of the Mind
and life goes on....

 

[Angeline]

OT you funny guy!

I am really laughing here. . .

Dreamgirl
What should i do?
To sleep with you...


and


Paradise Found
gender entry
Hot Pants
please stand by


You are too much! Great job--you should post this one on the humorous erotic poem thread!

 

[OT]

Re: OT you funny guy!

I am really laughing here. . .

Dreamgirl
What should i do?
To sleep with you...

and

Paradise Found
gender entry
Hot Pants
please stand by


You are too much! Great job--you should post this one on the humorous erotic poem thread!

Thanks. but others did most of the work -- I merely arranged and pasted. And I'll let the folks in the other thread drag their butts over here

(actually, I'm worried that the poetry police are going to haul my butt away for plagiarizing.
What's the sentence for stealing titles?)

 

[Angeline]

OT said:

What's the sentence for stealing titles?


You have to memorize The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

 

[OT]

OT said:

What's the sentence for stealing titles?


You have to memorize The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

here's the link:
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

(i've started )

 

[Angeline]

here's the link:
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

(i've started )

Is that an albatross hanging around your neck or are you just glad to see me?

 

[karmadog]

Well, this thread will definitely pass 10,000 views today. I can't believe how long I've been doing this thread. I'm not sure that it's done any good, but at least it's only done minimal harm. At least, I don't think I've driven anyone to drink and, if I did, why didn't they call me? I might have even bought a round.

Indigo Day-Glo Dago by Rybka

Say that three times fast. Aside to the fishy: is the Italian part from Volare (the song, I mean, not the crappy car)?

Bruises And Other Memorablilia by Kaotiks

Sounds like me after, well, pretty much anything I do. I guess I'm kinda clumsy.

Befriending the Monkey by DreamCatcherPoet

Hopefully, there will be no throwing of feces. By the by, tabloid journalism (and the General Board, and the United Nations)is proof of how closely related we are to monkeys.

Iambic Dishabille by Angeline

I'm not sure if it's more disconcerting to imagine something five footed naked or wearing clothes.

Death by Poetry by 9yards

Do they inject you with it? Or hang you with it?

AAAaaaaargggghhhh!!! No, God, no. Anything but that! The death of a thousand cuts! Anything! Just stop reading me Sylvia Plath! Getting weaker, make it quick. Finish me off with one of karmadog's.

God, what crime would merit such a punishment.

Sighcotic by Angeline

As Dave Barry would say, This would be a good name for a rock band.

When Geeks Send Mash Notes by KillerMuffin

Restraining orders get filed. Not that I know from personal experience. Really.

Grunion by Rybka

I remember the first time I heard this word. I didn't know that it was a fish, but the sound of the word made me think that it was a combination of grunt (a common word for 'turd' in my household as, apparently, constipation runs--so to speak--in my family. Thank God I'm adopted) and onion. Imagine it. A very smelly, multilayered something or other.

In my mind, it was a terrible thing when the grunions were running.

Picking Men Apart by honeysucklerose

Which is why I always check under a woman's nails before I let them get too close.

train the waggle by 03sp

It wouldn't be the title thread if I didn't have one from sp, now would it? You know, I really think I'm developing dyslexia. I read this as waggle, the train. That would have to be about the little engine that constantly derailed. It would be like a children's horror book.
Actually, it would scare me too, as I live next to railroad tracks.

But as it stands, this poem gives excellent advice for the cunnilinguist in training. I wonder if Mackie Shilstone knows about this.

 

[Mythos50]

Well, this thread will definitely pass 10,000 views today. I can't believe how long I've been doing this thread. I'm not sure that it's done any good, but at least it's only done minimal harm. At least, I don't think I've driven anyone to drink and, if I did, why didn't they call me? I might have even bought a round.

Congrats on this thread! I have enjoyed my visits here. Keep it going!

By the way, I do believe it is your turn to buy - I'll take a Bailey's on the rocks, thanks.

 

[E-Nymph]

congratulations K-dog for keeping us entertained.
naughty or nice- your opinnions and reflections are always enjoyable.

make mine a melon sour and i'll adore you.
at least for a little while.

~E-nymph

 

[Rybka]

Well, this thread will definitely pass 10,000 views today. I can't believe how long I've been doing this thread. I'm not sure that it's done any good, but at least it's only done minimal harm. At least, I don't think I've driven anyone to drink and, if I did, why didn't they call me? I might have even bought a round.

Indigo Day-Glo Dago by Rybka

Say that three times fast. Aside to the fishy: is the Italian part from Volare (the song, I mean, not the crappy car)?

Yes it is. Translate it as "Blue, painted in blue".

...
Grunion by Rybka
I remember the first time I heard this word. I didn't know that it was a fish, but the sound of the word made me think that it was a combination of grunt (a common word for 'turd' in my household as, apparently, constipation runs--so to speak--in my family. Thank God I'm adopted) and onion. Imagine it. A very smelly, multilayered something or other.
In my mind, it was a terrible thing when the grunions were running.

Are you by any chance related to Xtaabay or darkmaas?

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Thank you k-dear

Iambic Dishabille by Angeline

I'm not sure if it's more disconcerting to imagine something five footed naked or wearing clothes.


Sighcotic by Angeline

As Dave Barry would say, This would be a good name for a rock band.

I'm think of starting a band called Sighchotic fronted by a naked five-footed Yeti.

I'll be the uh hmmmm the um go-go girl.

(actually, Yeti are all naked,aren't they?)

 

[karmadog]

Naked Yeti? I'm not sure. If I were to kill one, skin it, and where its fur, I would be wearing a yeti coat, so why should he, wearing the same thing in a more natural way, be considered naked?

Thanks to Mythos and e-nymph, but I don't know how long I'll keep it going. This thread oulived it's usefulness (what little there ever was) a long, long time ago.

But still...

Browning and me by silken_dreammaid

Sounds like Julia Childs' memoir. Mine would be called 'How I invented cajun blackening before the cajuns did.'

Bless Me'shell Ndgeocello by 03sp

It definitely sounds like someone sneezed. But seriously, folks, she is a gifted musician.

Smoke Mirror Whiskey by some idiot

This extremely long, rambling poem seems to be about random sex, cigarettes, rambling on interminably, and drinking. Sounds like just another night on the town for karmadog. Seriously, give it a read and a vote if you have time. (note: not really a poem)

Morgana Kissed her King, and... by gower

I remember her! The kissing bandit! She used to run out onto various sporting fields and pack a wet kiss on the athlete of her choice. God, she had huge breasts. Once, she tried to do it at a hockey game and she slipped and fell on her back. She was like a turtle out there.

Woman with Blue Balls by Svenskaflicka

When I used to play pool a lot, we used to say, 'I got two-ball balls.' 'Cuz the two ball is blue... Ba da bing.

 

[Guest]

thank you dog,
she is not too well known and that means all the more for you and me.
I am stingy with those I adore.
She is one.

 

[OT]

Arranged Poetry

Some titles from this week ...

----------------------------------------
***
*** untitled titles #1 ***
***

Lost
Seeking Sex Scandals in Suburbia

Pure Passion
wicked week
Married Man
I Found You

Trust
A Point Of View
Nothing Changes
Mistakes and Errors
Awkward Good-bye

Screwed
Once again

----------------------------------------
***
*** untitled titles #2
***

My Body
Swallowing You Whole
big man
growing smaller

sip
Ignorance
Taste and Shame
Mushroom Soup
a person
intellectual intercourse
the intimate product

----------------------------------------
***
*** untitled titles #3
***

the serenade
my slut wife
Being A Woman
she loves dead flowers

Finger Fuck
Outside My Window
To Start The Day

Reason Left Town today

----------------------------------------

 

[karmadog]

I'm typing now, but a second ago, I was watching my dog dream. Do you ever do that? Anyhow, first her feet twitched as though she was running, then she let out little growling sounds that were really cute, but she probably meant them to be fierce and terrifying. In her dream, they probably were. Then her jaws started to work vigorously.

She's so domesticated and cute (see AV), but in her dream she is probably running down a deer and ripping its entrails out. It's good to have a reminder that I've brought another carnivore into my house. I guess that makes me kinda brave, huh?

Actually, I'm going to enter a big, casino-sponsored karaoke contest this weekend. Now that's brave.

Karaoke is a bizarre hobby, I think, but it's a good way to face my fear of public speaking. This contest will be in front of 200 or so (almost all strangers), so it should either be a great triumph over phobia or an unmitigated disaster should I freeze.

For the record, I haven't got a chance to win. Or place, or show. That's not false modesty. One of the best singers I ever heard--not just karaoke, but in any venue--came in second last time. I believe that if she weighed a hundred pounds less, or was even remotely attractive, you would know her name.

But, please, wish me luck anyhow. I don't want to embarass myself.

On to the titles:

we are syrup in dreamland by 03sp

Not me, I'm lubricant in Toyland.

White Wine by OT

Why can't I dance? How come my butt isn't like a bubble?

Erotic Evolution by Drenchxoxo

I don't think I've evolved erotically. I still like to drag my knuckles.

Across various body parts.

Chicks in a Car by WickedEve

I love chicks in cars! I got whistled at by one the other day. Well, she was actually in a pick-up, which is a little sexier. I think it had less to do with me than it did with spring fever. It was 78 degrees and sunny. Yea! for the South.

nervous people make me normal by fleetaft

That's funny. What I want to know is why should I flee Taft? Isn't he long dead? He was too fat to catch me anyhow.

morsel me, constrict by 03sp

What the rat says to the boa? What I said to the phlebotomist as she fed me a bon bon, the cutie?

Spiders Of The Bouffant by WickedEve

Oh man, I thought that was an urban legend! You know, the spider eggs hatching in a beehive hairdo on a warm spring day?

silver queen by evlavatar

I think I know that guy. He's disgusting. He once told me he wanted to be my bicycle seat. I should have kicked his ass. I mean, what would have happened to me if I said that to a lesbian? I'll tell ya. I would have been beaten in the alley behind the bar with pool cues and beer bottles. Maybe a chain or two, also.

 

[WickedEve]

Spiders Of The Bouffant by WickedEve

Oh man, I thought that was an urban legend! You know, the spider eggs hatching in a beehive hairdo on a warm spring day?

No, not an urban legend, my little k9 friend. It happened to my dear Aunt Hildie -- the one we called web head. She was married to Larry with the webbed toes, so they kind of matched up in a weird sort of way.

 

[Mythos50]

Kdog wrote: "But, please, wish me luck anyhow. I don't want to embarass myself."


Good Luck, Kdog! Hoot'n and Root'n for ya!

What song(s) you singing?




(Do you say 'break a leg' to karaoke singers? If so, consider it said. If not, forget I said it)

 

[karmadog]

Thanks for the well wishes, Mythos.

I'm doing Mack the Knife. I don't know if you say break a leg or not, but if I break my leg, there'll be a cement bag with your name on it (kidding, of course).

 

[karmadog]

I didn't break a leg.

But dammit, I did it. The fear hit me pretty hard a few minutes before I went on--dry mouth, shaky hands, trembling knees--but then I was alright. I hit the stage and I was fine until almost at the end of the song. I have about an eight note range, and there's a high note at the end. Thinking about that brought the fear back pretty hard, but I went ahead and sang through it.

I figure I was somewhere in the middle of the pack, but two out of the three winners were, quite frankly, a mystery. Out of the five I thought were the best, only one made the top three.

I apppreciate immensely any well wishes that came my way. It was truly terrifying, but it was such a rush when it was over.

Plus, a friend of mine gave me a bunch of free drink coupons, so I was able to get myself and a friend buzzed, while tipping the hell out of my waitress. That's a pretty good night any way you look at it.

Perhaps the violence of the lyrics in 'Mack The Knife' were the problem.

 

[Angeline]

You did it!

Congratulations Mackie! But erm no scarlet billows, please.