Frequently Asked Questions

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Do certain type of personalities make better PYL/pyl?

I would think that a 'better' dominant or 'better' submissive would be one who wants to be in that roll, is happy in that roll and is well matched with a partner who is compatible and happy in their roll.

I believe you mean "role", not roll. I'll have a roll filled with salami, cheese, pickle...

I think I said it's a subjective thing -- and it is, as to what makes a "better" dom or sub. But the essence of what you said, "[someone who] is well matched with a partner" is also my own belief.

 

[slut_4daddy]

Re: Re: Re: Do certain type of personalities make better PYL/pyl?

see the 5th posting in this thread

Thanks.

And I read that too.

I just didn't 'get' it.

Thanks ever so much for your kindness and patience. I feel silly having missed that.

 

[slut_4daddy]

Re: Re: Re: Do certain type of personalities make better PYL/pyl?

I believe you mean "role", not roll. I'll have a roll filled with salami, cheese, pickle...

I think I said it's a subjective thing -- and it is, as to what makes a "better" dom or sub. But the essence of what you said, "[someone who] is well matched with a partner" is also my own belief.

I could think of some fun things to do with salami and pickles Cheese too, if you buy it in the right shape and keep it wrapped.

 

[FungiUg]

I am a PYL and I am meeting a potential pyl, what questions should I ask?

The inverse of the question also:

I am a pyl and I am meeting a potential PYL, what questions should I ask?

Questions submitted by Miss Diva

I've thought and thought and thought about the answer for this one. I'm afraid I don't have a very good answer. It's a very personal thing.

There are some references in the library to check lists and limits that can at least give you some ideas.

You can see by the wealth of material that the BDSM librarians have pulled together that it's very much a topic of importance, and that there is no agreed on approach to this.

Checklists

Contracts

Limits

Philosophy

Relationships

One thing I can do is tell you how I approach initial meetings.

I prefer to have a "safe" meeting, where we don't play, and we can just concentrate on talking. A semi-public place is best -- somewhere with some privacy, but somewhere that doesn't feel threatening. (I like corner tables in cafes.)

Sometimes I can do a lot of the initial talking online, and the first in-person meeting IS a play session. This is particularly true where distance is involved. That's rather a compromise for me.

I like to find out what motivates a submissive, what her fantasies are, what expectations she has around a partner. I also talk about limits, what she has tried that hasn't worked, what she has tried that has.

I also like to get an idea of how reliable the person is. If she says she will do something, is that just being optimistic on her part, or will she really do it? (I can set an initial task for our first meeting like wearing a skirt with no panties, and have her demonstrate that she has followed instructions.) How trust worthy and discreet is she? Are there any obvious personality issues I will need to deal with (such as jealousy)?

Availabililty is another issue. I am in a full-time relationship already, and if possible I prefer to include my partner. But that means I have three schedules to juggle. Hopefully other people have an easier time of this!

Remember that for me it's very sexual and I'm not looking for someone who will be a "girlfriend" as well as a submissive. If you ARE looking for more of a relationship outside of D/s play, then you should also include that in what you talk about.

Finally, I am looking for attraction. A spark. Some zest to the interaction. A level of flirting. A willingness to be objectified as a sexual play-toy. Some intensity. Those are judgement calls, and are very hard to do remotely. So a certain amount of general conversation and chit-chat is the best idea for that.

 

[blue kat]

The search engine hates this thread! I finally got it by putting in Fungi. I got 7 and a half pages of Fungi-ness. Someone has got to do something with the search function here. But I digress..


No question right now, just a bump for a novice..

 

[FungiUg]

I think you can get anti-biotics for that now. So not to worry.

 

[blue kat]

Smart ass..

 

[FungiUg]

Are Dominants Superior To Submissives?

Hmmm... Dominant Superior sounds kinda kinky...

No. Nada. Nyet.

Dominants, submissives, switches, tops, bottoms, whatever BDSM label you identify with, you are fundamentally a person. And the general agreement is that every person is equal. Check out the constitution of the United States (er, that's some little backward country in the Americas, from memory) if you're still not sure.

BDSM doesn't change that equality. It might change who is in control from moment to moment, but that doesn't make one person superior to another.

Historically, the meaning of "superior" is basically the same as "higher". So if your partner is taller than you, you could argue with some validity that they are superior. Or you could argue that they have a superior or inferior IQ or foot size. So there are frames of reference in which you can judge people. But a BDSM label is not one of them.

I don't have a good library reference for this question -- if someone knows one, feel free to post it.

 

[Guest]

Re: What is the true progression of BDSMers? Is 24/7 the ultimate form?

BDSM, a catch all acronym itself encompasses too many things to count. I won't get into the relative value of them, but there is no overarching super-sekrit list only the initiated may peruse which ranks different aspects on a scale of relative merit.

Now I suppose your going to tell me that my secret Dom decoder ring isn't any good too...

Well Faq it.......

 

[LunarKitten]

Re: Re: What is the true progression of BDSMers? Is 24/7 the ultimate form?

Now I suppose your going to tell me that my secret Dom decoder ring isn't any good too...

Well Faq it.......

Does that mean the Dom Handbook is no good, too?

 

[FungiUg]

What is Sub-Space? (What is Dom-Space?)

By royal command...

Sub-space is the endorphin high, intensely focussed world that a submissive can be pushed to. If you imagine your whole world suddenly becomes just one thing, and that one thing is pure sensation, and all you can think about it is the need for more sensation, and you are floating there unable to do anything other than follow your next command... well, I'm sure you get the idea.

I've always thought of it as something akin to a hypnotic state. It's not something that I have experienced, but it is something I have witnessed.

There is a less-talked about comparable experience called Dom-Space. This has the same focussed awareness, but a Dom will become hyper aware of what he or she is doing. Imagine your Dom has turned into a walking to-do list combined with a sergeant major... or something like that. It's an amazing feeling, but it's rather exhausting.

Library Reference to Sub-Space

Alternatively, if you read much SF, then sub-space is a term I first read in a book by E.E. "Doc" Smith, proposed as an alternative to Hyperspace. I'm not sure how that works in with BDSM, but give me a while and I'm sure I'll think of something!

 

[Aeroil]

Lol, FungiUg, I really don't think that's what he meant by subspace......

 

[FungiUg]

What is Sub-Drop? (What is Dom-Drop?)

When you overload the body with one hormone, it triggers a response in the body to produce a counter-acting hormone. The classic is blood sugar and insulin -- after you eat something high in sugar, the blood sugar goes up, and then the body kicks in with insulin production and the blood sugar drops dramatically. You end up tired, with no energy. From eating sugar. (Which is why if you are tired, you shouldn't eat chocolate.)

Well, endorphins are the same. When you overload the system with endorphins (happy hormones), then the body will react with producing serotonin (anyone familiar with depression will know how THAT feels.)

BDSM is a classic for producing extended periods of endorphin high. So it's not surprising that it's common for people to feel like absolute crap the next day or two after an amazing play session. This experience is called Sub- (or Dom- if you are that way inclined) Drop.

Interestingly, I do experience this. It doesn't have to be BDSM related though. If I go ride on a rollercoaster for a couple of hours, or do something that involves lots of endorphins and adrenaline, then I will end up the next day withdrawn, sullen, and with the shakes.

It's natural, and most people experience it to one degree or another. If you are a Dominant, and you are pushing the limits of a submissive, you need to plan for this. Introduce an element of what is known as "after care" to cope with the needs of a suddenly depressed submissive.

Library Reference to Sub-Drop

 

[cellis]

By royal command...

Sub-space is the endorphin high, intensely focussed world that a submissive can be pushed too. If you imagine your whole world suddenly becomes just one thing, and that one thing is pure sensation, and all you can think about it is the need for more sensation, and you are floating there unable to do anything other than follow your next command... well, I'm sure you get the idea.

I've always thought of it as something similar to a hypnotic state. It's not something that I have experienced, but it is something I have witnessed.

There is a less-talked about comparible experience called Dom-Space. This has the same focussed awareness, but a Dom will become hyper aware of what he or she is doing. Imagine your Dom has turned into a walking to-do list combined with a sargeant major... or something like that. It's an amazing feeling, but it's rather exhausting.

Library Reference to Sub-Space

Alternatively, if you read much SF, then sub-space is a term I first read in a book by E.E. "Doc" Smith, proposed as an alternative to Hyperspace. I'm not sure how that works in with BDSM, but give me a while and I'm sure I'll think of something!

Oh my I have missed you....

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Master's Thesis Grades ...

Grade of A minus on the first explanation for the farked-up grammatical use of too.

Standard A in the next explanation for the well written comparison using blood sugar and insulin. You would have had an A plus, but farked it up by misspelling serotonin.

Oh my I have missed you....

Yeah, i've missed the big galoot too. Thanks FU for the informative piece.