Gentlemen: Can you explain the appeal of cuckolding?

[policywank]

what I have found... in years of being a third/bull for couples that play all over the hotwife/cuckold spectrum... is that it's the loss of SOME control. Hotwifing, regardless of whether you play as a hotwife/husband or hotwife/cuckold (or in between) is about the empowerment of the wife to fulfill her desires as she wants/needs, with the full support and encouragement of her partner.

The allure of playing to the cuckold spectrum then goes beyond just seeing your partner, separated from the bounds of your relationship being a sexual person. It goes into having the male willingly give up or "lose" some of his leadership and to be more led, according to his wife's needs and wants.

So the loss of "standing", as well as seeing their wife pleasured (and, depending on his interest, some form of degrading verbal/physical play to drive home his inadequacy) by others... AND knowing that she will return to her loving relationship after she's been pleased. So there's a lot going on... and a lot that can go on. Every cuckold couple is different in what drives the dynamic of their relationship. Fundamentally, though, I believe it's that angst/joy over letting go a little... seeing her spread her wings... and the knowledge that she will return that drives men to do this.

Again, though, with the caveat that everyone is different... *lol*

I think there is some truth to this. But I think the porn view tends to always centre around a male centric view - if the cuckold is losing some control he must be losing it to another man. In reality it makes more sense that his wife is spreading her wings of her own accord.

 

[littlecordelera]

So you have changed your mind then? It is not necessary that the other man be a superior lover. Or did you just intentionally lift that excerpt out of context?

Hello policy. I don't want you to think I am ignoring you, but I don't want to partake in this debate any longer. I think those who say this debate has nothing to do with the appeal of cuckolding are correct.

 

[SlutAddicted]

The appeal of cuckolding to me has always been about appreciation of the open and unvarnished sexuality of the cuckoldress. Obviously it isn't necessary that a woman be cuckolding her husband to possess and make evident such characteristics. It's just that there is so much pressure and judgment associated with the sexual activities of the cuckoldress that her actions have always seemed to be the ultimate example of not being constrained by others.

The notion of a woman reclaiming her sexual power and prerogative is very exciting. All the rules and expectations we impose onto women discourage them from being sexually free and open and exciting. Once I learned to let go of those things I saw the women prepared to overcome and dismiss the expectations of others as being the epitome of female sexuality.

 

[eroticspank]

The appeal of cuckolding to me has always been about appreciation of the open and unvarnished sexuality of the cuckoldress. Obviously it isn't necessary that a woman be cuckolding her husband to possess and make evident such characteristics. It's just that there is so much pressure and judgment associated with the sexual activities of the cuckoldress that her actions have always seemed to be the ultimate example of not being constrained by others.

The notion of a woman reclaiming her sexual power and prerogative is very exciting. All the rules and expectations we impose onto women discourage them from being sexually free and open and exciting. Once I learned to let go of those things I saw the women prepared to overcome and dismiss the expectations of others as being the epitome of female sexuality.

That is a very good point.

ES

 

[scott6251]

The appeal of cuckolding to me has always been about appreciation of the open and unvarnished sexuality of the cuckoldress. Obviously it isn't necessary that a woman be cuckolding her husband to possess and make evident such characteristics. It's just that there is so much pressure and judgment associated with the sexual activities of the cuckoldress that her actions have always seemed to be the ultimate example of not being constrained by others.

The notion of a woman reclaiming her sexual power and prerogative is very exciting. All the rules and expectations we impose onto women discourage them from being sexually free and open and exciting. Once I learned to let go of those things I saw the women prepared to overcome and dismiss the expectations of others as being the epitome of female sexuality.

makes a lot of sense

 

[Bicurjobud]

Because some of us girls are wondering.

Thank you!

Tell me please, just what is 'cuckoldimg'?

 

[jimmyturtleman]

Tell me please, just what is 'cuckoldimg'?

I would suggest that you consult a dictionary, but there are those who think dictionaries are outdated and give false information. Perhaps you should read the previous hundred posts where everyone has a different theory of what a 'cuckold' really is, and then make up your own mind.

 

[KimGordon67]

I would suggest that you consult a dictionary, but there are those who think dictionaries are outdated and give false information. Perhaps you should read the previous hundred posts where everyone has a different theory of what a 'cuckold' really is, and then make up your own mind.

... or we could just have the whole debate all over again?

 

[jimmyturtleman]

... or we could just have the whole debate all over again?

This thread has been hijacked for too long already by those trying to impose their personal interpretation.

 

[policywank]

So why not just be in an open relationship? And if he chooses not to have other lovers it would be what you currently have.

That is the way it started out. We had an open relationship.

He found that his reality was that chasing other women was a real effort and most didn't want a casual relationship with a married man. The few who did wanted more or simply weren't as sexually exciting as me.

But he felt a certain compulsion to compete. When he decided to stop seeking other women I did not want to stop seeing other men. But rather than position it as a sort of win/lose we made a deal. He would be monogamous in exchange for certain extra indulgences and attentions from me. That slowly morphed into a more fetish approach. At this point he is obliged to be exclusive because that is part of our framework - if he really wanted to seek other women we would revisit it.

 

[scott6251]

Tell me please, just what is 'cuckoldimg'?

To me, it means my wife being with another man for sex with my approval. Why would a man approve that? Well in our case, I cannot stay as hard for as long as I used to, and fucking isn't as satisfying as it used to be for her.

Also, we had split up a few years ago and she had a bf during that time. He was well hung, and sge enjoyed fucking him. I think she misses that.

I want her to be sexually satisfied is all. Plus, it's a turn on for me hearing about it later. She has talked a bit about her relationship with the bf, and it's hot to me.

 

[zukethecuke]

Because some of us girls are wondering.

Thank you!

Honey,

This whole thread has gotten pulled in so many directions I'm surprised it hasn't unraveled entirely! Nevertheless, I'll add my take.

The original use of the term 'cuckold' was simply a man whose wife was unfaithful; he may or may not know about it, and his reaction if he learned was presumed to be shame.

The word now has acquired a wider range of meanings, and the way you phrase the question ("appeal of cuckolding") clearly implies you're using it to mean a man who consents to, or acquiesces to, or encourages his wife having sex with other men.

I speak on the basis of observation, not my own experience, and I readily acknowledge that my observations may be incomplete or biased or faulty. That said, I think there are four kinds of appeal for men:

1) Some men feel inadequate or otherwise believe they deserve the humiliation. I include in this male subs to female Doms.

2) Some men are proud of their wives and how attractive they are, and take delight in seeing other men validate the wife's attractiveness by having sex with her. The husband knows that however many men she sucks and fucks in the course of the evening, she's going home with him, so he wins.

3) Some men are into swinging or swapping, and letting their wives in on the action is only fair (or maybe the price they pay).

4) Some men are Doms who prove their dominance by ordering their sub wives to service all comers, or perhaps only those who the Dom husband singles out as worthy of the favor, giving him a double dose of superiority.

People being the complex creatures they are, two or more of these motives may be blended in any given man's mind, along with the usual dose of voyeurism.

(If you want to know more about the nature of my observations, pm me.)

 

[SlutAddicted]

Honey,

This whole thread has gotten pulled in so many directions I'm surprised it hasn't unraveled entirely! Nevertheless, I'll add my take.

The original use of the term 'cuckold' was simply a man whose wife was unfaithful; he may or may not know about it, and his reaction if he learned was presumed to be shame.

The word now has acquired a wider range of meanings, and the way you phrase the question ("appeal of cuckolding") clearly implies you're using it to mean a man who consents to, or acquiesces to, or encourages his wife having sex with other men.

I speak on the basis of observation, not my own experience, and I readily acknowledge that my observations may be incomplete or biased or faulty. That said, I think there are four kinds of appeal for men:

1) Some men feel inadequate or otherwise believe they deserve the humiliation. I include in this male subs to female Doms.

2) Some men are proud of their wives and how attractive they are, and take delight in seeing other men validate the wife's attractiveness by having sex with her. The husband knows that however many men she sucks and fucks in the course of the evening, she's going home with him, so he wins.

3) Some men are into swinging or swapping, and letting their wives in on the action is only fair (or maybe the price they pay).

4) Some men are Doms who prove their dominance by ordering their sub wives to service all comers, or perhaps only those who the Dom husband singles out as worthy of the favor, giving him a double dose of superiority.

People being the complex creatures they are, two or more of these motives may be blended in any given man's mind, along with the usual dose of voyeurism.

(If you want to know more about the nature of my observations, pm me.)

I have also heard some claim it is an indicator of a latent homosexuality or bisexuality on the part of the cuckold who gets to indulge vicariously or even directly on the orders of his wife or bull.

Some men (like me) revel in her sexuality. I am not seeking validation or letting her in on the action. It's more like watching somebody who is great at what they do..

Some men truly see it as taking pleasure is seeing her pleasured. Not so different from taking pleasure in seeing the happiness your wife experiences with platonic friends or relatives or playing a game she loves.

I think to some degree in order to understand the question of "why?" it helps to contemplate "why not?". The premise that any given behaviour is deviant or wrong is often what induces us to think there must be some unique reason. It was not so long ago that we felt the same about homosexuality. There had to be a reason why a man would be attracted to another man even though we accepted that a man being attracted to a woman was just the natural state and required no reason.

 

[zukethecuke]

I have also heard some claim it is an indicator of a latent homosexuality or bisexuality on the part of the cuckold who gets to indulge vicariously or even directly on the orders of his wife or bull.

Some men (like me) revel in her sexuality. I am not seeking validation or letting her in on the action. It's more like watching somebody who is great at what they do..

Some men truly see it as taking pleasure is seeing her pleasured. Not so different from taking pleasure in seeing the happiness your wife experiences with platonic friends or relatives or playing a game she loves.

I think to some degree in order to understand the question of "why?" it helps to contemplate "why not?". The premise that any given behaviour is deviant or wrong is often what induces us to think there must be some unique reason. It was not so long ago that we felt the same about homosexuality. There had to be a reason why a man would be attracted to another man even though we accepted that a man being attracted to a woman was just the natural state and required no reason.

You make a couple good points. I guess I was thinking of the "I want to see her be happy" as something of a given in my reasons 2) and 3), but I should have spelled it out. And the man being bisexual (latent or not) could be true in any of the scenarios, adding complexity of motive.

 

[SlutAddicted]

You make a couple good points. I guess I was thinking of the "I want to see her be happy" as something of a given in my reasons 2) and 3), but I should have spelled it out. And the man being bisexual (latent or not) could be true in any of the scenarios, adding complexity of motive.

Seeing her happy was indeed implicitly given in your 2) and 3). However, I think it is often the case that men see even that from our own perspective rather than truly for her own pleasure without any reflection on us or relationship to our actions.

I don't mean to nit pick your words but to the extent that her being with another man is a source of pride or validation for the husband or an equalizer because he has been with other women those motivations are not truly about her and her alone. They are about how her pleasure benefits him or is justified by his actions. Ideally true appreciation of another's pleasure does not require ourselves as a reference point or participant in any way. That is something that I think most people find very challenging in a sexual context.

 

[Justfantasies]

Most of my relationships since I was quite young have had a hot wife/poly aspect to them and this has occurred primarily because my partner needed more than I (or possibly) any guy could give in terms of fulfilling her desires. Perhaps not all women are like that, but a lot are. Obviously, that is something that is hard to acknowledge in polite society.

My first reaction to a "cheating wife" was anger and panic, which doesn't help. My second was trying to keep up in terms of numbers of partners, but no guy can really keep up with a woman. So eventually I accepted things the way they were and really got to enjoy it. Slut wives come highly recommended.

 

[GhostWriter32]

Because some of us girls are wondering.

Thank you!

I dealt with a lot of abuse and people treating me like I was worthless. Add that to a lot of depression and anxiety and I can't feel much besides extreme stuff and I can't feel like a sexual being myself. So cuckold just kind of pulls me in. I wish it wasn't this way but I don't know who could help.

 

[dannyboy1958]

Cuckholding

With so many different opinions mine is a little different. I love my wife dearly but shes been ill or along while and the drugs kill her labido and the odd time we make love i cum very quickly.
in our younger times we made love more often and it lasted longer, she would make more demands and i satisfied her with long love making sessions. Because i cum so quickly now i feel that she deserves to be pleasured as she used to and i believe that shes faking about being satisfied by me. so i have fanatasies about watching her being pleasured for a long time as though it were me doing it. I guess im just an old pervert, but ive kind of convinced myself its for her not me! Am i right,wrong or just an old pervert? PM me if you want to tell me im right or wrong or just chat about it.

 

[dannyboy1958]

Most of my relationships since I was quite young have had a hot wife/poly aspect to them and this has occurred primarily because my partner needed more than I (or possibly) any guy could give in terms of fulfilling her desires. Perhaps not all women are like that, but a lot are. Obviously, that is something that is hard to acknowledge in polite society.

My first reaction to a "cheating wife" was anger and panic, which doesn't help. My second was trying to keep up in terms of numbers of partners, but no guy can really keep up with a woman. So eventually I accepted things the way they were and really got to enjoy it. Slut wives come highly recommended.

Interesting take, not too dissamilar to mine.

 

[dannyboy1958]

To me, it means my wife being with another man for sex with my approval. Why would a man approve that? Well in our case, I cannot stay as hard for as long as I used to, and fucking isn't as satisfying as it used to be for her.

Also, we had split up a few years ago and she had a bf during that time. He was well hung, and sge enjoyed fucking him. I think she misses that.

I want her to be sexually satisfied is all. Plus, it's a turn on for me hearing about it later. She has talked a bit about her relationship with the bf, and it's hot to me.

I feel relived in a way that my feelings arent unique. thanks

 

[suckonsimon]

Perhaps I'm unusual in this, but my deep desire to pleasure a married woman with her husband's knowledge and willingness is about honouring the generosity of a man who acknowledges that his woman has need for more than one man can give her. That's alongside the extreme appeal to me, as a man who knows a shedload about loving sex, of sex-appeal sex - the sheer beauty of the foreplay and the fuck and the afterglow stuff without any relationship element: just lust and sexellence and the massive prowess from giving it good to a woman who already gets it good with her man. Kind of a respectful bull thing.

 

[bigmane]

It's like, to me, a worship of women.

Everyone wants sex, don't they.

Guys can be oh so stupid.

It's like nature worship, I've done it many times
to other couples, I've never upset anyone. I think I know
the point at which to stop.

 

[bigmane]

It's a dangerous thing, you see.

Look at the web, a lot of couples have split after doing this.

I try to be responsible, I don't stay in touch after the event.

 

[littlecordelera]

With so many different opinions mine is a little different. I love my wife dearly but shes been ill or along while and the drugs kill her labido and the odd time we make love i cum very quickly.
in our younger times we made love more often and it lasted longer, she would make more demands and i satisfied her with long love making sessions. Because i cum so quickly now i feel that she deserves to be pleasured as she used to and i believe that shes faking about being satisfied by me. so i have fanatasies about watching her being pleasured for a long time as though it were me doing it. I guess im just an old pervert, but ive kind of convinced myself its for her not me! Am i right,wrong or just an old pervert? PM me if you want to tell me im right or wrong or just chat about it.

This is far more common than you think.

When I was running my cuckold blog, I don't think a day went by that some reader didn't send me a message explaining how he had, unwittingly, eroticized his sexual deficiency(s), whether it be a small cock, premature ejaculation, impotence, or whatever. I don't know how a guy comes to do that, but then I really don't care. I just enjoy taking advantage of the benefits it provides me.

In addition, and invariably, all these guys absolutely worshiped women. How can I not love that?

 

[scott6251]

I feel relived in a way that my feelings arent unique. thanks

glad this thread is still alive