Guidance (closed for ericrodman101) [M/M]

[ericrodman101]

Gerry felt Toby peaking. The kid's thrusting crescendoed, his grip bit into the older man's soft flanks. The rhythm of Gerry's breathing began to fall behind his need for air. 'Fuck oh God fuck' spooled in his head. He was beyond words. Beyond coherent thought. Except that it was good. He was sore, full, stretched, at his limits. It was good. Fucking marvellous.

And then the hip jerk. Gerry wasn't going to orgasm, but he didn't care. Better not to be distracted so he could appreciate Toby's climax, even as he struggled to focus on anything but the pain in his ass.

The hip jerk, the pause, the jerk again, as Toby's body took over his mind, and the kid pulsed instinctively into Gerry. Inside him. The older man imagined the shaft, hard and red, the neat cock head, the cum coursing down the channel to the slit, opening like an eye, spraying into the darkness.

How many pulses? Gerry forgot to count. Toby was coming down much more quickly than he rose. Coming down emotionally, not physically. Even as he sensed the teen relax, Gerry felt no lessening in the power, the intrusion of Toby's cock. It impaled him, fixed him against the hood of the car.

And then the scream, the groan, and Toby collapsing across Gerry's back, sobbing, patting his shoulders, crying like a baby.

"Sorry....sorry...."

Sorry for what? For nothing, Toby, for nothing. Gerry lay still, safe somehow. Sore but safe. It seemed an age, just the two of them, lying there, the boy on top sobbing, Gerry underneath wondering what now? And hoping time would stand still.

 

[tamgreen]

Toby stayed there a while, shivering now and then as his emotions gradually calmed. He had no idea what had just happened or what it meant. It seemed like something that was supposed to happen, and yet, he worried he'd done something unforgivable.

Anything could happen now. They might be together forever, or this might be how they'd say goodbye, with Toby leaving the old man with a pain in his ass to remember him by. He didn't know how he would handle either, so he just remained in place as long as he could, his body connected to the counsellor's.

When he softened and gradually slipped free, Toby reached a hand down, placing his fingers next to the well used opening, where some of his cum was dribbling free. He wasn't thinking - just acting. He reached up with his cum-coated fingers and pressed them to Gerry's lips.

 

[ericrodman101]

Gerry became aware that even as Toby sobbed and came down from his orgasm, the boy's cock stayed hard and rigid inside him. It was so unlike the experience of his own 53 year old cock which more than once had demonstrated a mind of its own. Toby was blessed, it seemed, with just what Gerry imagined, indeed remembered, of a sturdy teen cock. He'd often joked with colleagues how it explained how brainless were the jocks who found their way to his office. 'No blood supply to the brain. It's all feeding the cock.'

He assumed Toby was enjoying the feeling of closeness, and without the thrusting and emotion, Gerry was enjoying what Toby had to offer. The edge of the hood was a little intrusive. He resolved that next time they fucked, next time Toby fucked him in particular, it would be somewhere softer.

Next time. Hmmm. There would be a next time. Please fucking God, let there be a next time. Next time...

Even as his mind wandered to a thousand scenarios where boy fucks man, he felt Toby's cock slacken and soften, and then disengage, almost sheepishly as if the teen was retreating from the scene of battle. But there still a surprise. He felt a hand slide down his back and into his ass cleft, then gently run round his ass hole. Then a pause, the two men making minor adjustments to their stance, Gerry to stave off cramp. As he was feeling marginally more comfortable, the older man felt Toby's fingers at his mouth, the telltale scent of male discharge in his nostrils, the greasy goo brushing his lips.

"Oh Toby," he moaned softly. Gerry opened his mouth and admitted the slick fingers, relishing the taste of himself on his tongue. "Oh Toby..."

 

[tamgreen]

Sighing, shuddering, Toby pushed his fingers into Gerry's mouth. The man sighed his name as if something beautiful and loving had happened between them, instead of an obscene hatefuck over the hood of a car in a scrubby wasteland on the fringes of town. Everything was okay now.

"Yes, daddy," he whispered. "That's for you. Now you have me in both ends."

He dropped a few kisses down Gerry's back before finally straightening with a soft moan. He reached for Gerry's arm to help the man up, finally sensing the struggle he was going through to maintain this position.

"Come on, daddy. Are you okay?"

 

[ericrodman101]

"Now you have me in both ends."

Gerry shuddered. He couldn't imagine anything more desirable, or a way of saying it more lurid, plain
and simple. Me. On both ends. He had been worried given Toby's animalistic rutting that what had happened had been nothing more than unabridged, naked rage. But Toby was saying the right things, cooing in his ear, feeding him the cummy fingers tentatively, but thoughtfully. Even kissing his back. Did the kid find Gerry's white hairy back attractive? Andrea had long since stopped touching Gerry's back. Or pretty much any part of him for that matter.

He struggled to stand. From exhaustion and surprise and having been bent over the hood. He was uncomfortable and cramped, his ass was burning, so he struggled. Toby took his arm and helped him up. Empathetically. Gerry had this flash in his brain of Toby as his helper in old age when he could no longer stand. The cute, strong young man with the wave of dark hair flopping over one eye, looking after the older one, knowing glances passing between them about what they'd done to each other. He knew it was completely over the top, but he felt heartened. Surely the fuck meant something for Toby the way it did for him.

And the kid called him daddy. "Daddy. Are you OK?" Empathetic yes, but 'daddy' was beautiful to his ear. Gerry knew he'd encouraged it. Daddy. Uncle Gerry. It was all part of the act. Small talk. Flirty. Building rapport. Role playing the older man and his twink. His twink? Gerry was doing it again. Leaping great chasms of logic and respectability and personal negotiation. Toby was his twink. Really?

"I'm OK. Thanks Toby."

With his naked ass against the car, Gerry reached out and pulled Toby close, cuddling the boy against his hairy chest.

"It's all OK. It's great," he said whispering into Toby's hair. "Are you OK?"

Your chance now, Toby. Your chance to tell me this all means something and is not just some sordid exchange between two sad, mismatched people with nowhere to go but down into the pit. Together.

 

[tamgreen]

Toby snuggled into him gratefully, stroking the soft fur on his chest. His face was still wet as he pressed it into the older man's protective warmth, but Gerry didn't seem to mind. The time for him to feel in control had passed, and now he needed Gerry's soothing arms around him.

"I don't know if I'm okay," he murmured, "but I feel better knowing you are. I don't know what came over me. I was so mean to you. I don't want to be mean to you, Gerry. I guess that's just... what I've always had to be, so I wouldn't have to be sad or scared. I don't want to be any of those things."

He lifted his head to find Gerry's eyes, blinking several times to clear his vision. He raised a hand to touch the older man's stubbled cheek.

"I just want to be happy. With you. I want to be with you, and be happy. Is that too much to ask? You and me, together, and everything being fine?"

 

[ericrodman101]

The more Toby melted into him, the more Gerry felt back in control. He wondered if he'd ever not been in control. Had he relinquished it to the teen when Gerry had asked to be fucked? Yes. No. Don't know. Did it matter? Well...yes, it did. It had been great, for starters. Somehow, asking Toby to fuck him after their arguing and Toby's running away, and then all the crazy anger once they'd stopped by the canal, had resulted in Gerry getting what he wanted. His ass fucked. And Toby snuggling into him. The cost of his sore and sorry ass seemed a fair price to pay, especially when for a while there he'd expected Toby to abscond, to simply run who knew where telling his story to anyone.

Relinquishing control had given Gerry what he wanted, a fuck and a subdued Toby. If that was how this relationship was going to work, then so be it. He was the senior partner by years at least, but Toby was the streetwise one. Gerry might think of himself as dominant, but bent over the hood, naked with a cock pounding his ass, being on the receiving end felt good too.

And even as he went through what had happened logically, he knew he was overthinking it. For all he knew, in five minutes they might be arguing again and Toby threatening to call the cops. So, lean back, relax and enjoy it while it lasted. Whatever 'it' was.

And lean back was about all Gerry could manage. Toby was saying all the right things, 'I feel better for knowing you, I want to be happy with you, everything will be fine', and Gerry wanted to focus on Toby's feelings and reinforce how the kid felt. But every time he made the slightest move, the tiniest adjustment to his stance, even leaning into the kid a little as Toby brushed his stubbled cheek, the pain in Gerry's raw ass shot through him, drowning out the words and even the sounds of the city which were way too close.

As soon as possible Gerry needed to gather up his clothes, get dressed and drive Toby out of there. But the thought of bending and dressing, and sitting in the car filled him with dread. Was he bleeding? He was certainly leaking even if Toby had gathered up so much cum with his fingers and fed it into Gerry's mouth. Leaking Toby's cum down his legs. He could feel the dampness each time he changed stance.

"You and me, Toby. Just you and me, and the world can get fucked. Yeah?"

He cradled the boy's head against his bare chest. Toby looked up and blinked in the sunlight. Gerry was overcome with affection and sadness and desire all at once. He leaned his head down, trying hard not to move his ass, and kissed Toby full on the mouth. He'd licked up most of Toby's cum and swallowed, but managed to collect some of the musky lubricant on his tongue.

The world can get fucked....

 

[tamgreen]

Toby opened his mouth to the older man, welcoming the tongue that pushed inside and shared their mingled flavours with him. As long as Gerry was kissing him, feasting on him, Toby felt he could endure just about anything.

"Get fucked," Toby mumbled against his lips. "Fucked. The world can get fucked, Gerry. I'll be your boycunt forever, just like you said before. Forever."

He sucked at the older man's mouth a while longer, wondering how this brutal, impulsive fuck had ended up being what they both needed. They knew what they wanted now - how to get there was a question that could wait at least a few minutes longer. Here and now, no one was watching them, no one was yelling at them, no one was judging them, and more important questions were rising to the surface.

"Do you need to cum, Daddy? Do you need me to suck you?"

 

[ericrodman101]

Gerry ruminated on the words 'the world can get fucked' as he enjoyed the taste of Toby on his lips. The world can get fucked...get fucked...get...

If they could just stay like this forever. The sun on his head, Toby in his arms, their mouths together, their tongues exploring, everyone else who ever existed just a gentle hum in the far, far distance...except for his sore ass, everything was right again.

And when it seemed they'd reached perfection..."Do you need me to suck you?"

Jesus! Not 'can I suck you?' or 'do you want me to suck you?' No, Toby said 'need'...as if sucking Gerry might be therapeutic to the older man. Or even an entitlement.

Fuck!

All Gerry really needed was a painkiller and a lie down, and maybe some soothing cream applied to his asshole. But not anymore.

"Yes Toby, I need you to suck me," he said, placing a hand on the teen's head.

 

[tamgreen]

Toby sighed, closing his eyes for a few moments to savour the gentle, yet authoritative touch. The boy was shockingly calm considering the intensity that had been raging out of him earlier. He'd had his moment of feeling in charge, and now he was appeased, content to know that he was giving Gerry what he needed.

"Mm... I'll take good care of you," he whispered.

Heedless of the gravelly ground beneath them, Toby sank down onto his knees, drawing his fingertips down Gerry's naked body all the way, staying connected to him. The older man wasn't exactly hard, and that was understandable - Toby had been very rough with him. He started by tenderly kissing him, bathing the other man's cock and balls with sweet affection. His hands stayed busy all the while, stroking Gerry's thighs and flanks.

The boy derived great pleasure from bringing his lover to hardness with his mouth and hands. He looked up to find Gerry's eyes as he finally opened his mouth wide and welcomed the older man's hardness, forming a seal with his lips and swirling his tongue around. He tried to remember everything he'd seen in the porn they'd watched, but he was also going partly on natural instinct.

 

[ericrodman101]

As Toby knelt before him, running his fingertips down the older man's body to his cock in one smooth motion, Gerry worried that he might not get hard. Multiple orgasms were a distant youthful memory until the few happy and unexpected times when Toby had manage to coax them from him. He hoped against fucking hope today would be one of those days.

Toby kissed his cock and balls, massaging Gerry's thighs, taking the limp cock in his mouth and drawing his tongue to and fro across the head. For all his concerns, Gerry felt his organ rising to the occasion. He was fully hard even before he realised it was going to happen. It almost seemed a shame not to take longer, not to edge closer to the goal. But he knew he was being ridiculous. Go with it, Gerry. This is bliss. No over thinking today. No analysis. Go with it. Let the boy do whatever he wants to you and enjoy it like the godsend this is.

The older man leaned back against the hood now, his eyes dropping down to Toby's head bobbing below, then up to the blue sky. Standing with his back to the car gave him a true picture of just how exposed and vulnerable they were. The thought that he'd just been fucked over the hood, naked and open to anyone who might walk along the canal path and into this clearing, drawn by the parked car, or because they knew the place, or maybe heard the sounds of two people and wondered what was going on, thrilled him. He felt the renewed rush of blood to his cock, excited by the thought of being discovered, observed fucking and being fucked by a teenage boy, being the object of some stranger's disgust or shock or envy. Gerry wanted to call out. Look you sad fuckers! Look what I've got! A teenage mouth round my cock! A hard teenage cock up my fat old ass! You want some of this? Then go out there like clever old Gerry and get your own twink!

But he didn't call out. Gerry just reveled in the moment, feeling the warm, moist insides of Toby's mouth as the boy worked him towards orgasm.

 

[tamgreen]

Toby's eyelids lowered. He wasn't thinking anything about the possibility of someone walking by and seeing them, or what sort of reaction they might have. In his mind, nothing and no one existed right now but the two of them - the man and the teen, the young mouth wrapped around the older cock.

As he bobbed up and down on the shaft, paying close attention to the older man's reactions to make sure he was doing it the right way, his hands roamed and one eventually found Gerry's hand, instinctively pulling it toward his head, encouraging Gerry to cup the back of his head and pull him closer. Toby wanted to be used, wanted the man to take him and make him his toy.

With his mouth being somewhat forcibly fucked, Toby pushed past his gag reflex and let it happen, wanting to be everything Gerry desired. Before long, he was treated to a small but no less satisfying mouthful of the older man's cum, which he kept on his tongue long enough to open wide and show his 'daddy' once the cock had slipped free of his mouth.

 

[ericrodman101]

Toby was doing everything right. For an eighteen year old, the kid amazed Gerry with just how good a blow job he gave. Not that Gerry was all that experienced. Andrea had long ago stopped touching his cock or anything else for that matter. And his experiences of other people were few and distant.

He felt Toby take his hand, pulling it towards his head. The kid wants it harder, Gerry thought. The sign was unmistakable. Not just a blow job with Uncle Gerry being all passive. No, the little boy slut wants a face fuck.

Gerry placed his hand behind Toby's head and pulled the teen onto him. He felt his cock slide back into Toby's mouth until he could feel the top of the boy's throat. The older man released a little, feeling the kid's teeth under his shaft, then slid back in again, a little harder, a little more determined, a little more forceful. And his cock hardened deliciously.

Gerry expected Toby to gag, but like he thought, the kid was doing everything right. Gerry was engaging with the top of Toby's throat now, slipping neatly into the narrower, tighter, downward passage. Toby continued to suck and blow as if being choked on a penis was no big deal. Something practiced and commonplace. Something desired.

Gerry desired it too. Beyond words. He moaned and thrust, gripping Toby's head, ramming him on now, forgetting who and where he was, forgetting that Toby was a person and not just a fabulous place to shove his cock. Forgetting....

Gerry came too soon, an explosion of lust and regret. He felt his cock spasm inside the top of Toby's throat, locking the kid onto him for a few moments as the discharge sprayed into the boy's guts. And when he was done and it was time to free Toby from his cock, Gerry withdrew as slowly as he could, longing for the sensation to last even as he knew he was done. And when his cock head finally emerged red and slick from Toby's mouth, the boy stuck out his tongue, revealing a great glob of Gerry's semen, sticky and runny, coating the pink flesh and pooling at the tip. The older man swooned with lust and evil desire. It was all too quick and he'd have given anything to last longer or do it all again, to cum twice or even more, to use Toby the way the boy was signaling he wanted, to respect him as the fucktoy he was apparently happy to be.

Respect? Did that even make sense? Sure, Gerry thought. It was like the young men he watched doing porn, little guys like Toby who suffered any violation, submitted to any degradation, imparted whatever pleasure the older men who fucked them wanted to enjoy. It seemed disrespectful not to watch and enjoy such art and dedication on film. And it seemed the same standing here naked in the wood by the canal, with eighteen year old Toby, his gut full of Gerry's cum, his mouth raw from the face fuck, his knees perched on the gravel.

It was respect Gerry felt as he leaned down to kiss Toby, to kiss that sweet mouth which moments ago had stretched around his fifty three year old cock, and might still contain Gerry's semen.

 

[tamgreen]

Toby's lips and throat were sore in the wake of it, and even his scalp ached from the aggressive manhandling. He wasn't mad at it, though. Pain and abuse had always been the backdrop of his life - he could handle pain. And when Gerry used him, it didn't feel abusive - it felt like a joy and a privilege. He was the older man's fuck thing, and that was what he wanted to be. For a little while, Gerry had been his, and he knew he'd hurt the man, but he also knew that Gerry had gotten a lot of satisfaction out of it. It was a lot of paradox he couldn't begin to understand, but Toby at least understood that they were both getting what they wanted. What they needed.

He rose up to meet Gerry's kiss, sloppily slathering the other man's tongue with his own cum. They pressed their tongues back and forth, sliding and wrestling and building a messier and messier shared mouthful of mingled semen and saliva. It dripped down their chins, and Toby moved his mouth down to slurp it up, lewdly licking Gerry's face.

"Did I make you happy?" he breathed between licks and kisses. "Did you get what you needed? Will you let me keep making you happy?"

 

[ericrodman101]

"Did I make you happy?"

Gerry listened to Toby as they swapped the contents of their mouths. The taste and feel of his own semen and their mixed saliva was delicious beyond description. Gerry had watched so many pretty young men on film receiving cum into their mouths, tasting, licking and swallowing it, spitting it out or letting it dribble. Watching cumplay always aroused him and today, participating was doubly pleasing. His spent cock desperately squirmed and struggled as his brain said 'this is fucking hot'. At the back of his mind he made a mental note to investigate Viagra or whatever medication he could use to sustain his erections in order to better enjoy Toby's virility.

"Did you get what you needed?"

From you Toby, everything. And more.

"Will you let me keep making you happy?"

The cum and saliva gushed down Gerry's chin as Toby licked his face.

"Every day, Toby. Every fucking day. Make me happy."

 

[tamgreen]

"I will," Toby promised. "I will."

He petted Gerry's chest hair and nuzzled his warm neck, drawing out this warm post-orgasmic glow as long as possible, but inevitably reality crept back. It hung over them, insisting on being dealt with. Yes, they had established what they both wanted and needed, but how to get over the significant obstacles in their way?

"What now?" he whispered, gazing earnestly up at Gerry with slight concern. "Should we... go back? I'm sorry for running off. I'll do whatever you ask me to, Gerry. Whatever will... make things easier. If you want me to stay, even with... her... being pissed at me... or... or if you want me to find some other place to stay...."

 

[ericrodman101]

"I will," Toby said, nuzzling Gerry like a kitten. "I will." It sounded like a marriage vow. I will make you happy. I will let you fuck me. I will fuck you. Uncle Gerry. Old man. Gerry swirled the remains of the cum and saliva round his mouth contemplating what had just happened, in the last ten minutes, today, since Toby had first crossed his path. I will.....

Gerry was concentrating so hard on trying to remember it all he almost missed Toby's change of tone. Go back? Her? Find some other place...?

"No, no, Toby, no....stay with me. Andrea? Well...."

Well what, he thought. So she thinks Toby is some stray kid washed up on generous Gerry's doorstep looking for a place to stay. How long will that subterfuge last? It's not like I can't keep it under wraps, but Toby? Shit! The kid's moods turn on a dime. The next time Andrea gets up his nose he's likely to do something rash just to rile her, just to stake his claim. Me or her, Gerry? Choose, Gerry. Me or her?

The older man felt the breeze cool. He was still naked, with a teenage boy in his arms, his own cum dripping down his chest. The city noises hummed through the trees. It was getting late. Anyone could walk down the path.

"No Toby. I'll deal with Andrea. Let's get going..."

With an arm still round Toby he bent to pick up his shirt. His raw ass stung and he yelped.

 

[tamgreen]

Toby gasped when he heard that noise of pain. He winced, knowing he'd been the one who caused it, and also knowing exactly how that felt. He'd never been taught empathy, never had use for it - suffering over another person could only be a weakness in his experience. He was learning it now, through fucking and being fucked. But maybe it had already been there - a dormant seed buried deep inside him, that had first begun to sprout to life when he'd seen Gerry in his office looking so broken. The moment that sparked all of this.

Was this what love was? Did he love Gerry?

"Oh god, please - let me help!" he urged. "It hurts, I know. Just let me help, okay?"

He picked up Gerry's shirt to hand it to him, and as Gerry did up his buttons, Toby picked up the discarded underwear and pants. As gentle as an orderly in a nursing home, he knelt to help the older man ever so carefully back into his clothes.

 

[ericrodman101]

Gerry let Toby help him dress. It seemed the most natural thing in the world. The older man loved to see the kid's caring side. He saw it too little. Not that he was surprised. With Toby's sad background, it was lucky he was alive. Consistent empathy was a bridge too far.

"Thank you Toby," he said, almost sheepishly, feeling in the boy's debt somehow. And why not? Toby had given him pleasure he'd only dreamed of. Released him from his stitched up middle class professional prison of rules and etiquette. He wanted to tear his clothes off, the teen's too, so they could fuck all over again.

Except that his ass hurt. And for the fear that with every passing second some nosey stranger would walk into the clearing.

"Home?" Gerry said. Just the one word. It seemed sufficient.

 

[tamgreen]

"Home," Toby echoed.

A simple word, a single syllable, and one that had meant very little to him until now. Home had always been the apartment where his mom lived, the only place he had to crash, the place that was nearly as much of a burden to him as school. It was the place he had to occasionally fight for, to preserve the one tiny hovel that he might claim as his own. It was a place that could be every bit as dangerous as the mean streets, depending on the day.

Going home with Gerry brought meaning to the word that it hadn't had before, at least not since a time that was almost further back than he could remember, a time when his mother might have carried him around and tucked him in. Gerry's home was a place where someone gave a fuck about him. It was a place where there were clean sheets and towels, a place where there was probably always food in the fridge, and where he could sleep through the night. If he had to endure Andrea, it would still be worthwhile. Fighting for his territory was nothing new for him, and if Gerry was true to his word, maybe he wouldn't even have to.

He settled into the passenger seat after helping Gerry sit, and watched Gerry's profile as he drove them home. Their home, the home they would share. Gerry would make everything okay. And at every opportunity, they would fuck.

"We'll make it work," he said aloud, as if they'd been having this conversation the whole time. "And if she ever catches us... it doesn't have to be the worst thing. I'd kind of like to see her face when she sees how much you like fucking me instead of her."

He grinned at the exciting thought of rubbing their perverted fornication in the face of this man's wife.

"I'll be careful though. I promise."

 

[ericrodman101]

Gerry drove the car out of the woods and turned left for home. His ass still burned, but the pain was tempered by what he'd experienced this morning, and Toby's new found softness. How long would it last, he thought.

The older man could feel Toby's eyes on him, but resisted the temptation to return the gaze. He was afraid of something he couldn't name. Showing a weakness maybe, or giving away how far he'd fallen for this cute brat? Showing the fear that what they had together was so crazy, so dangerous that he knew it couldn't last?

"We'll make it work," Toby said.

Could it work? And what was it? Love? Lust? Co-dependency? The counsellor voice in Gerry's head started spooling through all the text book examples of inappropriate relationships. And the sanctions which applied to them.

"...and if she catches us...."

Gerry was only half listening. Andrea. Fuck! At home, expecting him to return alone. Well, that wasn't going to happen. Toby had nowhere to go and Gerry had no intention of taking him anywhere. No intention. Only an overwhelming urge to turn his head, look at the boy and say....what?

A cold wave of nerves shook him. Say what?

"I'll be careful..."

Sure, little Toby. Careful like pissing all over Andrea's bathroom and fucking your teacher over the hood in public.

"Good," Gerry murmured. "Careful is good."

As he turned the car into his home street, Gerry hoped he didn't sound as dumb and ill-prepared to Toby as he did to himself.

 

[tamgreen]

Toby's anxiety level rose slightly as the house came in sight. The fence, the tidy lawn, the whole nine yards. Suburbia - something he'd only ever seen on TV. Now it would be his, for as long as Gerry could keep up a manufactured excuse for having a disadvantaged student staying in his home. It symbolized everything he could have, were life a little kinder to him, but it also symbolized the barriers that stood in his way. Namely, Andrea. It was just as much her house as Gerry's.

Maybe he didn't have to worry about her as much as he had. He'd seen her instantly as the destroyer of everything, but he might have been giving her too much credit. Maybe even looking for a reason for everything to fall apart. Because what good things did he ever get to hang onto in his pathetic life?

No. He wouldn't sabotage himself this time. He wouldn't ruin it. He would cherish it and hold onto it for as long as it would allow him to.

He reached across the seats and touched Gerry's thigh, comforted by his presence.

"Will we need to have a story? Should we make sure we're on the same page about everything, before we go in?"

 

[ericrodman101]

"Will we need to have a story?" Toby asked as Gerry pulled into the driveway. The older man looked down at the kid's hand on his thigh. A story? Jesus! Will we need a story?

"Ummm," Gerry began, immediately regretting sounding uncertain. He was the man here. The mature adult. The mature adult who fucked teen runaways like some sort of....Jesus! That wasn't the story he was looking for.

"Yeah, no, a story. Just keep quiet. You ran away, I caught up with you and here we are. It's what any responsible adult, any professional school counsellor would do. I couldn't let you wander off."

He looked across at Toby's tentative eyes. Was he helping? Healing anything? Or just making it worse. And if this was bad, what would Andrea say when he led Toby back inside?

 

[tamgreen]

Toby nodded slowly, trying to act more soothed than he was. He was definitely getting the feeling that Gerry had no idea what the fuck he was doing or whether any of it would pan out. Oddly, he found that it didn't bother him that much. Very unintentionally, he was learning a lot from his relationship with the older man. It had started with empathy, and now he was finding bravery. The idea that he could be strong while someone else was uncertain of themselves was a sort of revelation.

His uncertain expression brightened into a smile as he squeezed Gerry's leg.

"Of course. And it'll work, because it's the absolute truth. You saw what I was dealing with. You saw why I had to leave my mom's apartment. And here, I just... got scared. Because it's all so new and different, and I didn't know how to handle it. Tell her all of it if she needs to know. Just... leave out the fucking bits."

He chuckled and then withdrew his hand, making his expression more serious, just in case the bitch might be watching out a window or something.

"You might wanna just... fix your hair real quick. You look just a little bit like someone who might have just been fucked over the hood of his car."

 

[ericrodman101]

The absolute truth. If only, Gerry thought. If only. Truth. The word made Gerry's heart sing even as he plummeted into a deep despair. Yet Toby's hand on his leg gave him a little security, somehow. How could the hand of an 18 year old runaway, his ticket to oblivion, make him feel secure? His head spun.

"...leave out the fucking bits."

The fucking bits. Gerry knew what he was doing as they sat in the driveway, just Toby's quiet voice and the engine ticking. The fucking bits were the best bits. Leaving them out was like cutting off his hand. But Gerry knew he was just making it worse. The next few minutes were all about re-introducing Toby into the house, not resolving what his life was about. In a short while he'd be sitting in a comfy chair with his feet up, or waiting for the police. How the fuck he'd ever counselled a student successfully he didn't know. 'Failure at work, failure at life, Gerry. That's what you are, you sad fuck.'

And then Toby told him to fix his hair. So I look like someone who's been fucked over a car? Gerry glanced at the mirror in a panic. He was too close to get a good look. What about his trousers? Flies open? Cum stains everywhere? His face? His teeth? His chin? Caked in slime, he imagined, like some hastily frosted donut.

Gerry tried to sit still, compose himself. But he shook with fear. How could Toby be so calm? How could he chuckle? This is the walk of shame coming up, Gerry.

"Well," the older man said, hoping his voice wouldn't break and betray him. "We gotta do this, buddy."

He opened the car door and stepped outside. The voice in his head said 'flee'. An overwhelming desire to take Toby's hand overtook him. If only it was dark....