Heteros submitting to bisexual encounters

[cymbidia]

And cym? i think i come about as close to worshipping you as a deity as i have ever come to worshipping. You always say things so "exact." i can always count on your experience and abiltiy to communicate to help me understand. Thanks

I'm truly glad, beyond my ability to express it here, to be of help in this kinda stuff with anyone i can help. I get a lot from being able to help - and i owe it, too. I've gotten great help from other people along the way and need to return it to those coming along after me. That's the way this game has always been played.

However, about that "diety" gig? What kinda side benefits come with that job, anyway? Can i get, like, weekly scenes out it or a day named for me in next year's calendar? I'd could get off on having a new star named for me, for example, or my own line of floggers, or a free corset each month for a year...you know...diety sort of stuff.

 

[James Blandings]

Re: My answers

Monster wrote:

* Is this common in a D/s environment/scenario?

I do not know if it is common, but I use checklists and I have found that most of my subs do not mind forced Bisexual encounters.

* Has anyone (male or female) been involved in such a senario - a D/s thing with a straight sub engaging another of the same sex?

I have not, but mainly because I do not usually play with one sub at a time, and if I play with a sub in public it is not sexual play.

* Who craves this, who would submit and why?
I have a slave now, and I assure you, if I want him to suck a cock he will. I also have a sub who would do it also. They both do not consider themselves bisexual, but they do consider themselves obedient (submissive) to My will. In other words they do it to prove their devotion to Me.

* Is this an example of unreasonable pushing of limits?

How can it be unreasonable if it is not a hard limit?

My slave has no hard limits because we are life partners. And he has implicit trust in Me.

Ebony <Mistress to slave tavish>

OK, I've got a prejudice in this regard, I admit, being bisexual, but I have to say, if someone pledges themselves to obey a dominant, sucking a dick doesn't seem like all that much to accede to. It's not like being asked to take pain that goes past ones threshold or trying to perform a task beyond your physical abilities. Any objection to it is all in a persons head, and if one is truly committed to pleasing their dominanat, then that ought to take precedent.
But like I said, Im prejudiced.

 

[Richard49]

However, about that "diety" gig? What kinda side benefits come with that job, anyway? Can i get, like, weekly scenes out it or a day named for me in next year's calendar? I'd could get off on having a new star named for me, for example, or my own line of floggers, or a free corset each month for a year...you know...diety sort of stuff.

gggeeeeeeeee

My calendar says Cym right after Sunday

 

[jewel_GR]

deleted

 

[Glaive37]

Just Amazed

I am just absolutely astounded at the insight and understanding that you peoples put into your posts. Now to the subject at hand.

I am a hetero male of that there is no doubt. I have yet to turn my head and follow a man with my eyes as he walks through the mall. But I think I have serious neck problems when it comes to following women, (especially brunettes ... mmmmmmmm) with my eyes. 'Doctor, should my head turn three hundred and sixty degrees?'

That being said, in short, I would do what my Domme required of me. Of course, I would have a very difficult time with this, As it is not on my kink list. Submission for me involves so much more than just the scene, it involves all those wonderful psychological aspects that I would have to be true to. All of this bisexual activity would be a 'soft limit' that could be pushed, prodded and coaxed out of me.

If I found that I could not do it, for what ever reason. Be it that I just have that moral code that I act on and live with or I was just uncomfortable with it, I would be sure to talk to my Domme about it. I would tell her that I was uncomfortable with it and would not care to do it again. But I am a jealous sub, call it AlphaSub if you will. I only want one Domme, and I hope to find one that wants only one totally devoted partner/sub.

Hugs to all,
Glaive37

 

[Richard49]

Re: Just Amazed

That being said, in short, I would do what my Domme required of me. Of course, I would have a very difficult time with this, As it is not on my kink list. Submission for me involves so much more than just the scene, it involves all those wonderful psychological aspects that I would have to be true to. All of this bisexual activity would be a 'soft limit' that could be pushed, prodded and coaxed out of me.

If I found that I could not do it, for what ever reason. Be it that I just have that moral code that I act on and live with or I was just uncomfortable with it, I would be sure to talk to my Domme about it. I would tell her that I was uncomfortable with it and would not care to do it again. But I am a jealous sub, call it AlphaSub if you will. I only want one Domme, and I hope to find one that wants only one totally devoted partner/sub.

Hugs to all,
Glaive37

As a Dom if I ask/command/demand a sub to do something that is not on there hard limits list I expect them to do it.

If after they have done it and they want to add it to there hard limits list or talk about it fine. Though it may mean reneg the D/s relationship we have.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Just Amazed

If I found that I could not do it, for what ever reason. Be it that I just have that moral code that I act on and live with or I was just uncomfortable with it, I would be sure to talk to my Domme about it. I would tell her that I was uncomfortable with it and would not care to do it again. But I am a jealous sub, call it AlphaSub if you will. I only want one Domme, and I hope to find one that wants only one totally devoted partner/sub.

oooppppps
meet to respond to this paragraph also

If this is truly were your head is at
prehaps U should put it on U hard or soft limits list
and ONLY give yourself to a Domme that will honor it

For me I am poly
Have been forever
and have been unhappy when I have tried not to be
so any sub coming to my door needs to know that and be ready for it and accepting of it

 

[sexy-girl]

of course i dont understand everything of a D/s relationship being that i am not in one and never have and never will be but i do have an interest in them and possibly exploring elements of them with my partner (that was a disclaimer for any stupid comments i make )


but i would of assumed that sexuality would be a natural "hard limit" ... i know this whole thread has been of hetro's submitting to bisexual encounters but i dont see much difference between that and lesbians/gays submitting to bi encounters ... my sexuality is lesbian so i would assume my partner would understand that regardless of me saying it was a limit or not by my partner knowing my sexuality and the limits my sexuality imposes


wouldn't it be better to accept your submissive's sexuality and then asking them if they would be willing to expand on that under any circumstances or not if that was indeed what you wanted


i guess i just think messing with someone's sexuality is dangerous


(i dont fully understand everything about limits and how much is discussed)

 

[cymbidia]

(that was a disclaimer for any stupid comments i make )

sg, truly, the only really stupid comment/question is the one you don't make or ask. Well, aside from intentionally being an ass, of course, but you wouldn't do that.

but i would of assumed that sexuality would be a natural "hard limit" ... i know this whole thread has been of hetro's submitting to bisexual encounters but i dont see much difference between that and lesbians/gays submitting to bi encounters ... my sexuality is lesbian so i would assume my partner would understand that regardless of me saying it was a limit or not by my partner knowing my sexuality and the limits my sexuality imposes

Ah! Assumptions!

What you've got to do here, sg, is to begin to think outside the lines of conventional modes of couples communication. Regardless of whether you're het, bi, lesbian, or gay, if you're involved in a tradtional love relationship, then it is, by definition, not BDSM in flavor.

BDSM relationships, all of them sg, involve one partner relinquishing part of thier control (sometimes a HUGE part) over the details of thier relationship. Most commonly, this shows itself inside the sexual part of thier relationship but it's very commonly found outside the confines of the bedroom as well, inside the structure of their everyday lives together.

Totally consensually, then, one partner assumes more control for what they do together - what they experience, how they grow,the direction their sexuality takes them. The other partner offers this control. It's a dance of intricate steps, sg, requiring progressively deeper levels of trust, one for the other.

Within this scenario, then, there might come a time when the dominant partner would decide to include a third in thier play - or would decide the submissive partner needs, for some reason, to be sexual with a third. Maybe that person will be of the opposite gender and maybe not; that is for the dominant to choose. In virtually all cases, it would have been discussed ahead of time and the dominant partner (the dom [male] or domme[female]) would have a good idea of how the submissive partner felt about such play.

However, even if the submissive partner isn't really keen on the idea of engaging in same-sex play (or opposite gender play for gays/lesbians) the dom/me still has the right to bring it to the sub if the dom/me wants to unless it's an acknowledged hard limit, that is, one discussed and agreed-to ahead of time.

Most dom/mes would not knowingly violate a sub's hard limits. Most subs would be sure the dom/me knew thier hard limits ahead of time. We do a LOT of talking to our partners about this stuff, sg, because we play very close to the edges of those limits a lot and in a lot of ways.

wouldn't it be better to accept your submissive's sexuality and then asking them if they would be willing to expand on that under any circumstances or not if that was indeed what you wanted

I'm quite certain very few hetmsubs (heterosexual male submissives) suddenly and out of the blue find themselves bound down and facing an erect cock with exhortations to "SUCK IT!" from thier domme ringing in their ears.

This is the kind of thing that is talked over ahead of time, sg, It jhust is. however, we have power-exchange relationships. In all cases, the dominant partner has the right (and the obligation) to push the submissive partner along the road they're taking together. If the dominant partner decides that it's time to suck cock or eat pussy or whatever, then it's time.

There are really only three ways out of such a situation:
1. Safeword out. Use the safeword (almost) every submissive has to call an end to the play right then and there if it's sprung on the sub in the middle of play.
2. Do what is required and then end the relationship because you don't feel safe anymore.
3. Do what is required and then negotiate it out of play for the future if it turns out to be something you don't want to repeat.

The dominant partner walks a fine line, sg. If they hurt us, the sub, then we cannot trust them. Without trust, we have nothing of value. The submissive partner walks a fine line, too. If we balk and refuse to grow with our dom/me, then we disappoint them. If we disappoint them too often, it means we're not well-matched and it's time, perhaps, for the dom/me to release the sub so both can find the kind of pleasure they most need with someone else.

i guess i just think messing with someone's sexuality is dangerous

Not messing with sexuality is boring. In other words, everything can be seen as sexual between people who are involved in a power exhange relationship. The dom/me pushes the sub so that both can grow. The trick is to push, and be pushed, in the direction one most wishes to travel. Sometimes that direction is a little uncomfortable. Sometimes we take a few steps in one direction and decide it's too uncomfortable - but most of us can't really know until we try it.

BDSM'ers are big on experimentation - and that includes, i think, far more gender experimentation than is usual among non-BDSM folks.

We have lesbian BDSM'ers here. I'd like to hear from them on this. HotXBunz? KestralWolf? Who else? There's a gay sub in my munch group but he hasn't come here and, as far as i know, we have no gay people here at all. Am i wrong? Speak up.

(i dont fully understand everything about limits and how much is discussed)

Did this move toward answering your questions on this topic? You're welcome to begin a thread on this, sg. There are a bunch of people who are just beginning thier walk down this road and perhaps your questions would clarify things for them a bit, too.

We all learn when questions are asked.




edited to correct glaring spelling and gramma mistakes.

 

[sexy-girl]

wow cym thanks


yes perhaps i do have some assumptions a little (sorry ) but im trying to read up and learn quickly without making an ass of myself


i can understand about pushing boundaries ... although im not part of a D/s relationship we (lisa and i) still push sometimes and we dont always exactly ask permission beforehand ... our relationship is still pretty new and we still have things to try and to experience and to grow together ... i dont think that's exclusive to D/s relationships ... but perhaps in a D/s relationship its more to do with feeling around that boundary and playing with the control levels of that boundary ... something again that lisa and i have done but we do it in a more mutual way ... rather then a controlling or dictating way that's more natural in a D/s relationship (i guess that's where the submitting dominating thing comes in )

i would find it interesting to hear from some of the gay submissive on here ... to find out how they deal with their sexuality in a D/s relationship ... perhaps its harder for a gay person to swing back to being bi then a hetro person to swing that way ... a gay person often has had to make a big life decision to find out they are gay for me its very personal and i wouldn't want to put that in the hands of anyone (it would be a hard limit for me )

i forgot about the safe word and although i know it wouldn't be nice to use it i can understand that but it seems to me its pretty vital

thanks again cymbidia i do enjoy the sexuality of people and im enjoying finding out more about the BDSM lifestyle

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: My answers

OK, I've got a prejudice in this regard, I admit, being bisexual, but I have to say, if someone pledges themselves to obey a dominant, sucking a dick doesn't seem like all that much to accede to. It's not like being asked to take pain that goes past ones threshold or trying to perform a task beyond your physical abilities. Any objection to it is all in a persons head, and if one is truly committed to pleasing their dominanat, then that ought to take precedent.
But like I said, Im prejudiced.

Well I just used the context that pops up in the thread. I have said loud and long that sex is not the focus of my D/s relationships. I like my sub (and now my slave) to do lots of stuff that has nothing to do with pain or cock sucking.

I am prejudiced too. I am not bisexual , and I am not a sadist.
To tell you the truth, I personally would rather have a slave who can clean my house to my specifications rather than suck a cock. I can get plenty of people to suck a cock for me. But a good house boy is much harder to find.

Ebony

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: My answers

I personally would rather have a slave who can clean my house to my specifications rather than suck a cock. I can get plenty of people to suck a cock for me. But a good house boy is much harder to find.

Ebony

AMEN !!!!!

Mine needs cleaning

 

[lilfrk]

Re: Re: Re: My answers

To tell you the truth, I personally would rather have a slave who can clean my house to my specifications rather than suck a cock. I can get plenty of people to suck a cock for me. But a good house boy is much harder to find.

Ebony

You mean for me to be a good little sub/slave I have to be able to clean a house? OMG I'm truly fucked then because I don't clean. And if my Dom/me demanded it of me., it still wouldn't get done. It's a hard limit of mine. No house cleaning.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

You mean for me to be a good little sub/slave I have to be able to clean a house? OMG I'm truly fucked then because I don't clean. And if my Dom/me demanded it of me., it still wouldn't get done. It's a hard limit of mine. No house cleaning.

I believe I was talking about MY likes and dislikes. For one thing, a hard limit would not be an issue, cause it is a requirement for any sub I have. I interview my subs very carefully before I collar them. They are required to meet my requirements, If they don't, I pass on them.

So I am at a loss about what you mean.

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

Communication is the key

of course i dont understand everything of a D/s relationship being that i am not in one and never have and never will be but i do have an interest in them and possibly exploring elements of them with my partner (that was a disclaimer for any stupid comments i make )


but i would of assumed that sexuality would be a natural "hard limit" ... i know this whole thread has been of hetro's submitting to bisexual encounters but i dont see much difference between that and lesbians/gays submitting to bi encounters ... my sexuality is lesbian so i would assume my partner would understand that regardless of me saying it was a limit or not by my partner knowing my sexuality and the limits my sexuality imposes


wouldn't it be better to accept your submissive's sexuality and then asking them if they would be willing to expand on that under any circumstances or not if that was indeed what you wanted


i guess i just think messing with someone's sexuality is dangerous


(i dont fully understand everything about limits and how much is discussed)

I personally spend lot of time interviewing my subs BEFORE I lay one finger on them. I also require them to complete a BDSM checklist, that shows me how much they know, and how much (or little) they have experienced. I use it as a basis for discussion, and well as a template for further activities. Sometimes, I even require a contract, either verbal or written.

I know what I require in a sub, and if I require something that cannot be given by that particular sub, I may becide to pass on him. So the issue of "messing with someone's sexuality" is never an issue. Th emore time you take to get to know your sub, the less likely you are to make dangerous errors.

You would be surprised about the number of hetero men who are bi-curious, I know I was. Many of them just want a safe, discreet environment to do it in.


Ebony

 

[lilfrk]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

I believe I was talking about MY likes and dislikes. For one thing, a hard limit would not be an issue, cause it is a requirement for any sub I have. I interview my subs very carefully before I collar them. They are required to meet my requirements, If they don't, I pass on them.

So I am at a loss about what you mean.

Ebony

Geez, I was joking. The post gremlin ate my little tongue sticky out dude. Sorry

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

Geez, I was joking. The post gremlin ate my little tongue sticky out dude. Sorry

I thought so, but I wasn't sure! LOL
Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

Geez, I was joking. The post gremlin ate my little tongue sticky out dude. Sorry

Oh yeah, cleaning the house naked is an erotic experience. My sissy boy does it in CBT and butt plug. He has a hard on the whole time he is cleaning!

Eb

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

Oh yeah, cleaning the house naked is an erotic experience. My sissy boy does it in CBT and butt plug. He has a hard on the whole time he is cleaning!

Eb

Gives me and idea or two or three
for a little sub visiting for training this weekend

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

It's a hard limit of mine. No house cleaning.

Ahem.
Me, too.

Fuck that "sevice sub" crap...just get on with the flogging, will you?

 

[SpectreT]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

Ahem.
Me, too.

Fuck that "sevice sub" crap...just get on with the flogging, will you?

.....And cymbidia wins the "Pepsi Spew" award of the day with that one, folks! Give her a round of applause...... She can pick where they land.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

Ahem.
Me, too.

Fuck that "sevice sub" crap...just get on with the flogging, will you?

I flog when I feel like it, right now I feel like having my GD house cleaned!

EB

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

.....And cymbidia wins the "Pepsi Spew" award of the day with that one, folks! Give her a round of applause...... She can pick where they land.

clap clap clap

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My answers

I flog when I feel like it, right now I feel like having my GD house cleaned!

EB

me too

 

[monster666]

There does seem to be a lot of gender bending happening these days. I never thought about whether it would be more or less prevelant among BDSM'ers. I guess I just thought it would end up on most men's hard limit lists, and fewer women's.

BDSM'ers are big on experimentation - and that includes, i think, far more gender experimentation than is usual among non-BDSM folks.