Holding Your Tongue

[Eilan]

If the thread is as active as the people posting in the thread then I shall have ample opportunity to post.

So, how the hell is it a personal ad, anyway? Even with The Playground, people still seem confused as to where their threads should go.

 

[yoshimitsu]

Maybe I'm stirring up trouble, but I'll be impressed if anyone can hold their tongue on this one.

See that thread is a perfect example of somewhere I will often hold my tongue.
For one my brain is flooded with so many responses at once (most horribly obscene) it would be nearly impossible to filter them into a coherent thought.
I might try but the second reason I wouldn't post is because I am quite confidant the origonal poster and those with simalar beliefs don't want to hear what I have to say. I don't think I will change their minds and my posting probably won't even get them pondering their actions. Basically IMO I would be posting to hear myself talk and get confirmation from those who agree with me.

If the poster asked for opinions on their behavior i would be more likely to chime in and try to phraze my opinion in a way that would hopefully make them think about things from another perspective.

I can't believe how many people share those beliefs. It makes me want to stick a fork in my foot.

 

[Eilan]

Basically IMO I would be posting to hear myself talk

And that's necessarily a bad thing?

 

[yoshimitsu]

And that's necessarily a bad thing?

Not necessarily. It just takes less effort in my head.
Plus we don't want to waste any lit bandwidth, ya know their kinda tight asses about that.

 

[Nickie Smiles]

How many times do you find yourself doing this on Lit? I have to admit, I just read through a thread (I'm not going to say which one) that caused me to say, out loud, "Dude, you're just a dick in a glass case -- break in case of emergency. She's keeping you around in case she needs to use you." However, I know that that advice is way more harsh than what said person needs to hear, so I said nothing . . . which I think is best, considering the circumstances.

Anyhow, to the advice-givers, do you ever hold your tongue? Do you read through a thread and back away before you say what you know needs to be said, or do you tell it like it is?

I think you should express your opinion but in a caring and sensitive way. Not always is this easy, and it's understandible, so it might be best to just walk away from it if it's too overwhelming. It may come back at you. I had to learn the hard way. This not only goes for free speech boards, but in life itself.

 

[Nickie Smiles]

Maybe I'm stirring up trouble, but I'll be impressed if anyone can hold their tongue on this one.

<---Bites tongue!

 

[silverwhisper]

erika, that is now chief among the reasons i do not look at the personals. :>

ed

 

[SweetErika]

erika, that is now chief among the reasons i do not look at the personals. :>

ed

Yeah, after several mentions on this thread, I decided to check it out for the first time in many, many months. I was floored, mostly by the amount of support she got. I'm thinking I'll go back to ignoring Personals again, because I'd either chronically piss people off or have a very, very painful tongue!

 

[silverwhisper]

yes, but think of the applications! you'd have built up some pretty good arm muscles from all the tongue-holding...

[ducks]

ed

 

[TBKahuna123]

I couldn't help it, this thread just set me off. maybe because I've been on the recieving end of this once upon a time. Girls like this are one of the main reason guys treat women like shit! Not emotionally betraying him my ass.

Dang it Eilan, you're a bad influence on me.

 

[SweetErika]

[ducks]

No need to duck, Ed. I'm a lover, not a fighter.

 

[SweetErika]

I couldn't help it, this thread just set me off. maybe because I've been on the recieving end of this once upon a time. Girls like this are one of the main reason guys treat women like shit! Not emotionally betraying him my ass.

Dang it Eilan, you're a bad influence on me.

Hmmm...I'm glad you didn't hold your tongue. You provided a great perspective as the guy this is actually happening to.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Hmmm...I'm glad you didn't hold your tongue. You provided a great perspective as the guy this is actually happening to.

Thanks. You know the hardest part was I was engaged to the whore in question, and when I found out, I thought it was all my fault for not being good enough to keep her happy. Pretty devestating to a 20 yo who's been with the same girl for 3 years, more or less. Now, after 11 years of happy marriage, compared to her two failed marriages because she can't keep her legs together, I know the fault wasn't mine. Still, that was easily the most traumatic experience of my life. So to see this gal so flippant about it...errr just pissed me off somethin fierce.

 

[Eilan]

that is now chief among the reasons i do not look at the personals.

Yeah, the sad thing is that I'd considered using Lit Personals at one point, thinking it might be a classier alternative to a standard membership at AFF. I'm not so sure about that. My ad would be so picky that it wouldn't get any semi-legitimate responses.

Dang it Eilan, you're a bad influence on me.

Well, I'd apologize, but it wouldn't be a sincere apology.

Now, after 11 years of happy marriage, compared to her two failed marriages because she can't keep her legs together, I know the fault wasn't mine.

Were you, by any chance, engaged to my husband's ex?

 

[TBKahuna123]

Were you, by any chance, engaged to my husband's ex?

Ha ha ha. You know, it's really sad but these kind of women are fairly common. Hell, my best friend watched me go through it and then went through the same thing himself a few years later, except he was actually married and there was a kid involved too. I was lucky and found out while it was easier to extricate myself. About 2 years after we broke up she got married to a guy I new by association. This guy was a lot like me and was just one of the nicest guys I have ever met. I knew she was cheating on him, our mutual friends knew it, but they wouldn't tell him. Why? Because they tried to tell me and it almost ended our friendships. They weren't going through it again. Anyway, he found out and kicked her to the curb, and she did the same thing again. It's obvious that she ahs issue and prey on us nice guys to take care of her so she can go out and screw around. THIS is where I have my problem.

I've come to the realization that some women just shouldn't get married because they can't stay faithful. Now when I say faithful, I'm not necessarily talking about monogamy here. While I believe in monogamy, some people aren't suited to that lifestyle. That's fine, just find someone who matches your views and be honest and open about it. That's why they call it an OPEN relationship. Personally, I think monogamy would be easier, not harder, to live with successfully.

This however was not the problem with my ex. She was a predatory cheater and I believe, like the poseter of the thread that started all this, that she gets off on hurting people.

 

[Guest]

 

[Bibliodrak]

Speaking as one who knows first hand about an aggressive cheater who seduced me into "helping" her when I was rather naive about sex. I have never had a lower self image than when I actually thought about what I was doing. People like that seem to enjoy the pain caused to both their partners, the Boy/Girl Friend and their sex toy. So I am glad everyone spoke up about that when if I did it would be kinda hypocritical. I am also glad to see that the people on this thread were able to put their thoughts out there without flaming, flames just make people defensive rational thought helps peolpe to think.

 

[Eilan]

You know, it's really sad but these kind of women are fairly common.

I know that I've posted about this on other threads, but my husband's ex admitted to my mother-in-law that when she saw someone that she wanted, she'd do whatever it took to make them "hers," regardless of who got hurt in the process. She had at least two affairs for this reason--the challenge of the hunt, I suppose.

My husband and his ex tried to get pregnant for six years, and what was particularly hurtful to him was the fact that she rationalized her behavior by saying that if he would have been able to "give her a baby," then she might not have cheated. Yeah, right.

My husband and I met, and pursued our relationship, while we were both still married to other people, so it might be hypocritical of me to be so judgmental toward people who cheat. However, I'd been separated for almost a year, and, after months of separate bedrooms and constant fighting, my husband's ex was on the way out (to live with the guy who eventually became husband #3). The lawyers had been contacted and the dissolution papers had been drawn up, so for both of us, the marriages were going to end whether we'd met or not. Therefore, I have a difficult time believing that our "cheating" hurt anyone.

I, personally, don't have the time or inclination to make the physical and (likely) emotional investment that an affair would require. I'd be hurting not only my husband but our children, parents, grandparents, etc. I don't want anyone to feel the way I did when I discovered that my ex was cheating.

We have some slightly older threads that, in light of the direction this thread has taken, we could renew discussion on. I might have to dig for them and do some bumping.

 

[silverwhisper]

given your new title, eilan, i'm thinking that you're quite expert at bumping...

ed

 

[Eilan]

given your new title, eilan, i'm thinking that you're quite expert at bumping...

Grinding, too, but I'm trying to be humble.

 

[silverwhisper]

to which, there is nothing i can say in response, save this:





ed

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

I know nobody has asked, but to me this is not cheating. The relationships were already over, just a bunch of technical issues that needed to be worked out.

See, that's my opinion as well, but I'm just covering my ass.

to which, there is nothing i can say in response, save this

Wow. I've never seen so many dancing 'nanas in one place.

 

[Guest]

 

[midwestyankee]

See, that's my opinion as well, but I'm just covering my ass.

<snip>

Sorry, just couldn't hold my tongue. Eilan, haven't we been all through this deplorable penchant of yours to keep yourself covered when you're here in Lit?