How’s your married sex life?

[Darkrhytm]

Well, to be "open" in the full sense of the word, she would have to have interest in having sex with someone, anyone. I'd actually be open to considering it. She's not. And as far as I'm concerned, I've been abandoned, so if opportunity arises, well, we'll see.

Open can look like whatever the two of you choose it to be. I think consensual exploration in whatever form is beautiful (including her letting you explore on your own).

 

[Dirtyoldhornyman]

Wait a minute.
You mean when you are married you actually HAVE a sex life?
Wow
I never made the connection…

 

[Paguy8641]

Married for 40 years and still doing her 3 or 4 times a week.

 

[LMWM321]

It took me a bit to get back to the sexual part, but yes I am now able to hold both the mom role and my sexual role at the same time. I know I was motivated because my partner is highly sexual and the health of our relationship was and is important to me. So ignoring the dysfunction there would be ignoring a big issue in our relationship and I didn’t want sex to be eliminated or have it feel obligatory or like a chore because that was damaging to both of us.

I wish women had more support in expressing and understanding their sexuality, so there wasn’t so much avoidance going on. The book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski is a really informative read for those trying to reroute their relationship with sexuality.

Great post. ...And my wife and I both read Come As You Are. ..Well, she read it and I opted to listen on Audible. A great book for sure.

My wife's menopause - which came very young - was the biggest challenge in our sex life. ..My wife felt diminished by her increasing challenges having an orgasm and didn't talk about it and me, being the clod I am, didn't really pick up on it. ..The book helped us realize that the goal of sex is to enjoy ourselves and NOT necessarily to have an orgasm. ..Amazingly, once we stopped making her orgasm the goal, she started having them again. ..With lots of credit going to better communication (due in large part to both of us reading the book), better use of toys, and a WHOLE lot of lube.

Added comment:
Oh, and estradiol cream helped a lot with pain during PIV. A godsend for sure. ..It took weeks to start working but once it did it made a night & day difference reducing discomfort which went a long way in restoring her desire.

 

[marf2200]

pretty much non-existent

 

[SmokingFap]

Do you make
Sure she knows that she is still a very desirable woman. When was the last time you brought her flowers for no reason other than to tell her that her beauty is far more than the bouquet. When did you compliment her last. Maybe walk past and give her ass a little pat and make a comment about it still looking as fine as
Ever ?

What unique and innovative ideas! I'm sure he's never thought of any of those things, but appreciates your advice.

 

[Jennitalia]

Both 50, been together 20 years. Sex is once or twice a week. Occasional oral and anal sex, more oral. Anal is about once or twice a month.
It would be more sex if my husband wasn't so stressed out.
Stressed out people are not fun to hang out with!
I have a high sex drive but I don't get much alone time to masturbate due to kids being around.

 

[Noedel]

Great post. ...And my wife and I both read Come As You Are. ..Well, she read it and I opted to listen on Audible. A great book for sure.

My wife's menopause - which came very young - was the biggest challenge in our sex life. ..My wife felt diminished by her increasing challenges having an orgasm and didn't talk about it and me, being the clod I am, didn't really pick up on it. ..The book helped us realize that the goal of sex is to enjoy ourselves and NOT necessarily to have an orgasm. ..Amazingly, once we stopped making her orgasm the goal, she started having them again. ..With lots of credit going to better communication (due in large part to both of us reading the book), better use of toys, and a WHOLE lot of lube.

I know how that feels. I don't orgasme, at all. It sucks as I want to know what's that like. But on the other hand, I do know how to enjoy sex and I do enjoy it massively. Big hug for your wife and glad that you guys figured it out by talking. It's important

 

[Pad_Foot]

I know how that feels. I don't orgasme, at all. It sucks as I want to know what's that like. But on the other hand, I do know how to enjoy sex and I do enjoy it massively. Big hug for your wife and glad that you guys figured it out by talking. It's important

no orgasms ? Ever???
On your own ???

 

[Noedel]

no orgasms ? Ever???
On your own ???

Nope... never, also not on my own

 

[TallDarkFemale]

I'm 44, he's almost 46. Once in a blue moon. Not his fault. I WANT more, but I want it to be better. He doesn't even try...

 

[Paguy8641]

I'm 44, he's almost 46. Once in a blue moon. Not his fault. I WANT more, but I want it to be better. He doesn't even try...

I’m so sorry to hear that. Have you talked about it with him

 

[Kimlikes]

believe it or not, my great grandma had the best advice on married sex, "men need to have sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to have sex. If you can figure out the balance, you'll have a happy life."

Also, the book "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel, is a fantastic read whether you're in a sexless marriage or not

I feel the same as your great grandma If I didn’t make sure my husband is satisfied he would look alse where ,

 

[fishnfool]

Oh so familiar. I have nothing but empathy being in the same sinking boat.

I would like to apply for membership in that club.

Actually I would prefer not to, but I meet the qualifications.

 

[fishnfool]

Late 40's, married almost 25yrs and we have reached the "don't come in I'm changing" stage of intimacy. And no, it's not because she is putting on something exciting and wants it to be a suprise.

The hardest part is that over the last 5 years we have had 1 -2 times a year where we have awesome sex. Like soak the bed, wake the neighbors, her doing her best to make round 3 happen kind of sex. Then nothing for 6+ months.

It's too much of a mind fuck and coupled with the constant rejection I'm just done trying.

I feel your pain brother. She totally lost interest 10 plus years ago. I understand the “I’m changing” bit too well. She once walked naked out of the bathroom, saw me and walked back in the bathroom and closed the doors. WTAF?

Am I open to a discrete opportunity? Hell yes. When it does, her enjoyment will be my complete focus.

 

[fishnfool]

I can't even begin to imagine something like that. It's been over 20 years for me. It's not just the sex either, but the intimacy of it, and cuddling afterwards.

Bingo. Agree 100%. I miss the touching, holding hands, cuddling as much or more than the actual sex. I miss shared showers.

 

[Volk359]

I’m in the same boat. I haven’t seen my wife naked in years, which in a way is probably just as well. Don’t need the frustration from being aroused by her and not being able to do anything. I came to terms with her lost libido and I’m also open to a discrete opportunity. I would never cheat on her emotionally, like dating, etc, but a physical moment with another woman would be a great release. So wish I could find a lady in the same situation, no strings attached, just physical pleasure and we go our own way.

 

[fishnfool]

I’m so curious and have so many questions about this. It seems a common theme that men are in sexless marriages and at least here, seem to be open to doing anything to please and pleasure their spouses.

How did things get there?
What is the health of the rest of the relationship?
Are there conversations about this or only fighting?
What is the perspective of the wife?

All things I want to know!

I will DM you and be open and honest, but don’t want to air it here.

 

[fishnfool]

She never had any real interest in sex. We didn't have sex before we married so I had no idea. When we did have sex I'm the one who had to initiate it, and more often than not I got turned down. After a while I got tired of the rejection. I didn't want to feel like she was doing me a favor by having sex. Sex shouldn't be about that. It's a very intimate way of expressing your love. In addition, the skin on skin contact was very important, as well as the cuddling afterwards.

She did catch me masturbating once and said, "That's disgusting." I felt bad enough masturbating as it was, and her comment was like a dagger to the heart. I was raised Catholic and masturbation was a big no-no. So after her comment, and my upbringing, I stopped masturbating. It was only a few years ago when a therapist encouraged me to masturbate that I took it back up again. Initially, it was difficult...too much shame and guilt...but she kept encouraging me and now I'm comfortable masturbating. And, while it's nice to have the orgasm, I miss the intimacy of sex and the cuddling, which I can't get masturbating.

We've never discussed it. I didn't see the point, and honestly I didn't want a confrontation over sex. Sex should be a celebration, joyful, not a negotiation.

As far as the health of our relationship goes, I'd give it a "C", and we sleep in separate bedrooms. Which is a good thing, or I wouldn't even be able to masturbate. The last time we had sex was in July of 2001, and it's the last time I had sex.

I don't know what her perspective is, but she seemed to make it pretty clear in rejecting my advances more often than not. And, it's not like I was an inconsiderate lover. I always felt the woman's needs came before mine, so I always made sure she had an orgasm before I did.

I could have written this almost word for word. There is a little more that I am not comfortable sharing on a public board.

 

[Hopeful1972]

Personally, I've never had luck with sex, it's never landed at my feet.
Perimenopause has killed off her libido, and the comments about sex being not important just make me want to scream.
Not her fault, I can't blame her for her hormones abandoning her.
Once a year for us, I've literally given up on having sex of any sort as masturbating is a pale imitation of real sex and then just makes me want sex more.
Am nothing but envious of those (especially mature couples) that get it regular.

 

[Tweedledude]

I could have written this almost word for word. There is a little more that I am not comfortable sharing on a public board.

Same here the story of marital life

 

[fishnfool]

Damn shame. It shouldn’t be that way. And I am convinced there are women out there who want the same things I do.

 

[Volk359]

Damn shame. It shouldn’t be that way. And I am convinced there are women out there who want the same things I do.

Color me ever hopeful.

 

[cosmic264]

Been over 7 years now and she won't talk about it and doesn't give a rats azz about how it effects me.

 

[One_ping_only]

After 20 plus years she and I are still intimate. Not as often as we used to prior to having kids but that's to be expected.

Just last night she's in an especially randy mood with her monthly friend arriving any day now. I took the opportunity to have a nice chilled bottle of wine just for her which she appreciated very, very much

To show her appreciation she allowed me to fuck her in her tight, sexy ass. I know I must had done something right in a previous life