How do you help someone get over being abused

[Mistress L]

I agree with what Mona said "Patience, Love and Understanding"
As a survivor of abuse I can tell you from my heart that these three things are extremely important. Something that is also important to most, is feeling that they can trust you. Always be honest with him or her because what you may think is just a little white lie can destroy any trust and that feeling of trust is vital to someone that has survived any kind of abuse. My other half was the first man I trusted enough to tell my secrets and horor stories to. I went through several years of counseling to deal with all the feelings that surround this issue and without the loving, patient and understanding person that I am married to I would have been lost. It takes special people like you in our lives to help us through the ruff spots. I know over the past 25 years I have tested all three of those with my husband. Sometimes I even wonder why he's put up with me all this time cause I know the abuse has tainted my perception of so many things. Always be there for them to listen. You may not always understand why they act or react to things the way they do but LOVE can overcome anything. The saying that "time will heal all wounds" is another important thing to remember. This will all take time and thats where patience comes in. We survive and trust and love and feel safe again especially when there are people like you. They are lucky to have someone who cares.

 

[Mistress L]

I agree with what Mona said "Patience, Love and Understanding"
As a survivor of abuse I can tell you from my heart that these three things are extremely important. Something that is also important to most, is feeling that they can trust you. Always be honest with him or her because what you may think is just a little white lie can destroy any trust and that feeling of trust is vital to someone that has survived any kind of abuse. My other half was the first man I trusted enough to tell my secrets and horor stories to. I went through several years of counseling to deal with all the feelings that surround this issue and without the loving, patient and understanding person that I am married to I would have been lost. It takes special people like you in our lives to help us through the ruff spots. I know over the past 25 years I have tested all three of those with my husband. Sometimes I even wonder why he's put up with me all this time cause I know the abuse has tainted my perception of so many things. Always be there for them to listen. You may not always understand why they act or react to things the way they do but LOVE can overcome anything. The saying that "time will heal all wounds" is another important thing to remember. This will all take time and thats where patience comes in. We survive and trust and love and feel safe again especially when there are people like you. They are lucky to have someone who cares.

 

[Mistress L]

I agree with what Mona said "Patience, Love and Understanding"
As a survivor of abuse I can tell you from my heart that these three things are extremely important. Something that is also important to most, is feeling that they can trust you. Always be honest with him or her because what you may think is just a little white lie can destroy any trust and that feeling of trust is vital to someone that has survived any kind of abuse. My other half was the first man I trusted enough to tell my secrets and horor stories to. I went through several years of counseling to deal with all the feelings that surround this issue and without the loving, patient and understanding person that I am married to I would have been lost. It takes special people like you in our lives to help us through the ruff spots. I know over the past 25 years I have tested all three of those with my husband. Sometimes I even wonder why he's put up with me all this time cause I know the abuse has tainted my perception of so many things. Always be there for them to listen. You may not always understand why they act or react to things the way they do but LOVE can overcome anything. The saying that "time will heal all wounds" is another important thing to remember. This will all take time and thats where patience comes in. We survive and trust and love and feel safe again especially when there are people like you. They are lucky to have someone who cares.

 

[Gil_T2]

Mmmmmmmmmmm........... now that really helps.

KIKI I still wish I was closer to be there for you & to give you my hugs in person.

P.S. saw your post in TC & have replied there too.

 

[Gil_T2]

I agree with what Mona said "Patience, Love and Understanding"
As a survivor of abuse I can tell you from my heart that these three things are extremely important. Something that is also important to most, is feeling that they can trust you. Always be honest with him or her because what you may think is just a little white lie can destroy any trust and that feeling of trust is vital to someone that has survived any kind of abuse. My other half was the first man I trusted enough to tell my secrets and horor stories to. I went through several years of counseling to deal with all the feelings that surround this issue and without the loving, patient and understanding person that I am married to I would have been lost. It takes special people like you in our lives to help us through the ruff spots. I know over the past 25 years I have tested all three of those with my husband. Sometimes I even wonder why he's put up with me all this time cause I know the abuse has tainted my perception of so many things. Always be there for them to listen. You may not always understand why they act or react to things the way they do but LOVE can overcome anything. The saying that "time will heal all wounds" is another important thing to remember. This will all take time and thats where patience comes in. We survive and trust and love and feel safe again especially when there are people like you. They are lucky to have someone who cares.

Hi & welcome MISSTRESS L to the thread, it's alway pleasing to hear from another surviver to show those still in the horror of abuse that there is hope to be found & with patience,love & honesty all can be as it should.

 

[Cathleen]

Now most people are not very good at evaluating "where they are at" compared to "where they have come from" because they are too close to the action . . . after all, it is their own life that they are evaluating . . . and they are taking an active part in creating whatever is happening, or not happening to them . . .

People tend to gather information about themselves from the reflections of others . . . if there are positive reflections then the person generally feels good about themselves and does not doubt that they are making progress . . .

so very, very true Don.... I now look for those that will reflect peace, love, understanding and joy back to me.... and really that is not as difficult as it once was.... thanks for more good words and thoughts!

Cate

 

[Sapphiregem]

Good Morning

Good Morning Everyone,


It has been so long since I posted here I guess I was going through a time when i was blocking out everything ) I am truly grateful for all your kind words, without those I really don't think I would be where I am today. I do have a different look on life now, knowing it was never my fault, I shouldn't had lived the way i was living, for as long as I did. As for being on my own. I am doing just great, for those baby steps turned unto bigger steps.
I decided that I could not move away from a place that has been my home for all my life. My EX, who no longer can visit with my youngest, no matter what he has done to me, I could not have him deported . I almost felt sorry for him is that normal? ) ...As of when I last posted, he has moved to a different location, many mile between us, I know he can never hurt me again, and I truly beleive he will not..... All my three son's are now home with me, and have been great, for they have suffered so much. I know I am a great Mother, for there isn't anything I wouldn't do for my son's. By posting here all of youse gave me a chance to have and live a better life. I am still in counseling, and have even visited local shelters, where I can share what I've been through, and help even if its just by listening I do try to keep as busy as I can.....I've even started singing again ah what I feel for you all, goes be on words I will keep intouch, and start reading this thread more, for as if anyone at anytime need someone to talk, I will always be here

 

[Cathleen]

Re: Good Morning

Good Morning Everyone,


It has been so long since I posted here I guess I was going through a time when i was blocking out everything ) I am truly grateful for all your kind words, without those I really don't think I would be where I am today. I do have a different look on life now, knowing it was never my fault, I shouldn't had lived the way i was living, for as long as I did. As for being on my own. I am doing just great, for those baby steps turned unto bigger steps.
I decided that I could not move away from a place that has been my home for all my life. My EX, who no longer can visit with my youngest, no matter what he has done to me, I could not have him deported . I almost felt sorry for him is that normal? ) ...As of when I last posted, he has moved to a different location, many mile between us, I know he can never hurt me again, and I truly beleive he will not..... All my three son's are now home with me, and have been great, for they have suffered so much. I know I am a great Mother, for there isn't anything I wouldn't do for my son's. By posting here all of youse gave me a chance to have and live a better life. I am still in counseling, and have even visited local shelters, where I can share what I've been through, and help even if its just by listening I do try to keep as busy as I can.....I've even started singing again ah what I feel for you all, goes be on words I will keep intouch, and start reading this thread more, for as if anyone at anytime need someone to talk, I will always be here

{{{{{{{{{ Trice }}}}}}}}}}} excellent for you!!! sounds great... all the best to you!

Cate

 

[Sapphiregem]

Re: Re: Good Morning

{{{{{{{{{ Trice }}}}}}}}}}} excellent for you!!! sounds great... all the best to you!

Cate

((((((Cate)))))))) Thank You very much. Yes it is great knowing I have a mind and life of my own .

And learning that no man will ever hurt me again


All the best to you too Cate

 

[Bandit58]

((((((((Trice))))))))

I'm so glad you're turning your life around, you sound so much happier than when you first posted here And I'm also glad your ex has moved away so you can stay in familiar surroundings without fear, and your youngest son doesn't have to be uprooted from his friends and school.

I believe I know how you feel when you spoke of blocking out things......it was only when I left my husband and had lots of alone time that I realised just how badly he treated me over the years, it was like a light had come on and I realised how long I'd been just existing instead of living. Things I had blocked out for years came back, like the date rape 25 years before......if only I'd realised what a pig he was back then
But then I probably wouldn't be where I am today, so go figure....

Do keep dropping by to update us, we'd love to hear how you're getting on

 

[Gil_T2]

((((((((Trice))))))))

I'm so glad you're turning your life around, you sound so much happier than when you first posted here And I'm also glad your ex has moved away so you can stay in familiar surroundings without fear, and your youngest son doesn't have to be uprooted from his friends and school.

I believe I know how you feel when you spoke of blocking out things......it was only when I left my husband and had lots of alone time that I realised just how badly he treated me over the years, it was like a light had come on and I realised how long I'd been just existing instead of living. Things I had blocked out for years came back, like the date rape 25 years before......if only I'd realised what a pig he was back then
But then I probably wouldn't be where I am today, so go figure....

Do keep dropping by to update us, we'd love to hear how you're getting on

I'll add my hugs to you too TRICE hearing good news is the best feeling of this thread & I'm sure life will continue to brighten as time goes on.
{{{{{{{{{{{{TRICE}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Don K Dyck]

Re: Good Morning

Good Morning Everyone,


It has been so long since I posted here I guess I was going through a time when i was blocking out everything ) I am truly grateful for all your kind words, without those I really don't think I would be where I am today. I do have a different look on life now, knowing it was never my fault, I shouldn't had lived the way i was living, for as long as I did. As for being on my own. I am doing just great, for those baby steps turned unto bigger steps.
I decided that I could not move away from a place that has been my home for all my life. My EX, who no longer can visit with my youngest, no matter what he has done to me, I could not have him deported . I almost felt sorry for him is that normal? ) ...As of when I last posted, he has moved to a different location, many mile between us, I know he can never hurt me again, and I truly beleive he will not..... All my three son's are now home with me, and have been great, for they have suffered so much. I know I am a great Mother, for there isn't anything I wouldn't do for my son's. By posting here all of youse gave me a chance to have and live a better life. I am still in counseling, and have even visited local shelters, where I can share what I've been through, and help even if its just by listening I do try to keep as busy as I can.....I've even started singing again ah what I feel for you all, goes be on words I will keep intouch, and start reading this thread more, for as if anyone at anytime need someone to talk, I will always be here

Welcome back Trice . . . that's great news!! . . . the future just gets better and better . . .

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Hi Everyone!

It's been awhile since I've visited and found myself trying to catch up with everyone

Kiki - just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Like Don said "recovery" is a long, generally slow process and every so often we sort of take time out to evaluate where we are at . . . How true he is and it's these moments when unintentionally throw ourselves off course causing some of us to feel despressed or frustrated or worse.

Exercise does help when I feel down, depressed and my SO is at work and there isn't around that I trust to talk to (or cry to). Since I've been in Physical Therapy and have been walking 30 minutes 2x a day I feel a lot better mentally - no longer asking myself "what if", "why me" or "is history going to/is repeating itself?" and other stuff like that.



********KIKI***** ***


Aloha Gil & Bandit

 

[Sapphiregem]

Re: Re: Good Morning

Welcome back Trice . . . that's great news!! . . . the future just gets better and better . . .

Thanks Don, Bandit,&Gil


Yes the future is getting better, for I can't see that far ahead yet?
But I know it will be better then the way I have always lived
I truly thank each and every one of you. For if I never came across this thread I would still be living the hell I was in. Your caring words, to hear them, and to know you all cared. I know I still have a long way to go yet. I know I will make it, for having friends as dear as you all

 

[Bandit58]

Hi Everyone!

It's been awhile since I've visited and found myself trying to catch up with everyone

Kiki - just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Like Don said "recovery" is a long, generally slow process and every so often we sort of take time out to evaluate where we are at . . . How true he is and it's these moments when unintentionally throw ourselves off course causing some of us to feel despressed or frustrated or worse.

Exercise does help when I feel down, depressed and my SO is at work and there isn't around that I trust to talk to (or cry to). Since I've been in Physical Therapy and have been walking 30 minutes 2x a day I feel a lot better mentally - no longer asking myself "what if", "why me" or "is history going to/is repeating itself?" and other stuff like that.



********KIKI***** ***


Aloha Gil & Bandit

Hi shadow Gil was saying only the other day that he should send you an email to check on you and lo and behold there you are And we're online every day so if you ever need someone to talk to any of our PM boxes are open

Trice....I do remember the day I moved out of my husband's house, I stood in the middle of the living room and cried, not sure whether it was relief that I'd finally done it, or looking ahead and seeing an uncertain future and being really afraid I didn't know what I was going to do or how my life would go but I did know that it would be the start of something miles better than I'd had......and I was right But it took a lot of hard work and rebuilding before it got to that stage, I do think 2 years is a very short time to have that happen but I think I was more than ready to make the changes. There were lots of ups and downs along the way but I've come out of it a very much stronger person, and you will too!

 

[LovingDaddy]

As already mentioned, yes, "Patience, Love and Understanding" are the keys. But speaking from experience I can tell you that it's most definately easier said than done but that's what caring for someone is all about. Time doesn't always heal but I think with support, the person who has been abused can better cope.

 

[Cathleen]

As already mentioned, yes, "Patience, Love and Understanding" are the keys. But speaking from experience I can tell you that it's most definately easier said than done but that's what caring for someone is all about. Time doesn't always heal but I think with support, the person who has been abused can better cope.

I am hoping against all odd that you are right!! Thanks for the words....

Cate

 

[kikmosa]

Bump....Bump.... Bump....

 

[Gil_T2]

Hi Everyone!

It's been awhile since I've visited and found myself trying to catch up with everyone

Kiki - just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Like Don said "recovery" is a long, generally slow process and every so often we sort of take time out to evaluate where we are at . . . How true he is and it's these moments when unintentionally throw ourselves off course causing some of us to feel despressed or frustrated or worse.

Exercise does help when I feel down, depressed and my SO is at work and there isn't around that I trust to talk to (or cry to). Since I've been in Physical Therapy and have been walking 30 minutes 2x a day I feel a lot better mentally - no longer asking myself "what if", "why me" or "is history going to/is repeating itself?" and other stuff like that.



********KIKI***** ***


Aloha Gil & Bandit

ALOHA SD & so nice to hear from you.I'm sure your SO (from what your told me) will be by your side for many loving years, his being there for you is wonderful & i'm sure oyu let him know just how you appriciate him.

LD...Yes it is difficult to rid the DEMONS but they can by pushed into a place where they are rarely seen again & sa time rolls on they are pushed further & further back.

CATE...Keep striding to know you & life will brighten.

TRICE...You doing fine & lifes pleasures will continue to open up for you & it's great to know your singing again.

KIKI...I hope things are settling down for you.

Don...Your input to this thread is so valued because the right words seem to roll from your heart.

Bandit... Love you.

 

[Cathleen]

CATE...Keep striding to know you & life will brighten.

will do Gil.... your support is gladly accepted! thank you..... to you and everyone here!

 

[Sapphiregem]

TRICE...You doing fine & lifes pleasures will continue to open up for you & it's great to know your singing again.





Yes thank you Gil
I am singing again, something I could never do, for I was always laugh at. I am good at it , not that I am giving myself a pat on the shoulder
I do truly know that I am so much better off now then I have been for the last 20 yrs, even though today is one of my bad days.where I just want to hide under the covers.

So I am here reading the thread, and knowing I am not alone

Words could never express what I feel, for each and everyone of you, for all your kind words and heartfelt concerns, and also your visions of hope

 

[Cathleen]

TRICE...You doing fine & lifes pleasures will continue to open up for you & it's great to know your singing again.



Yes thank you Gil
I am singing again, something I could never do, for I was always laugh at. I am good at it , not that I am giving myself a pat on the shoulder
I do truly know that I am so much better off now then I have been for the last 20 yrs, even though today is one of my bad days.where I just want to hide under the covers.

So I am here reading the thread, and knowing I am not alone

Words could never express what I feel, for each and everyone of you, for all your kind words and heartfelt concerns, and also your visions of hope

{{{{{ Trice }}}}}
glad you came out from under the covers!!! good for you....

 

[Gil_T2]

will do Gil.... your support is gladly accepted! thank you..... to you and everyone here!

Just knowing we have hepled is all we do it for as most if not all have been there.

 

[Gil_T2]

TRICE...You doing fine & lifes pleasures will continue to open up for you & it's great to know your singing again.





Yes thank you Gil
I am singing again, something I could never do, for I was always laugh at. I am good at it , not that I am giving myself a pat on the shoulder
I do truly know that I am so much better off now then I have been for the last 20 yrs, even though today is one of my bad days.where I just want to hide under the covers.

So I am here reading the thread, and knowing I am not alone

Words could never express what I feel, for each and everyone of you, for all your kind words and heartfelt concerns, and also your visions of hope

TRICE...come out from under the covers your waisting YOUR valuable self discovery time, the past is the past & it is NOW your life to BLOOM.

 

[Cathleen]

Just knowing we have hepled is all we do it for as most if not all have been there.

Just being able to share is a great gift..... thank you.... letting it go when it is shared.... the magic is that its leaves my heart!!! Thank you all!!

Cate