How do you overcome the 'fear'?

[Homburg]

The only thing that made my relationship with my lover for whom I'm not a totality is the fact that that relationship is not MY totality. It's important, but it runs parallel to other relationships of import. He had the foresight to be able to encourage me to find a relationship which would be my priimary focus as he has his. Sometimes I think I just lucked the hell out a lot, and sometimes I think my relationships fit, puzzle-like, because I had a very clear vision of how that would work before I found the pieces. I do know that I've reached a point in my life where I can say that I can give him the totality of my submission (it's a very small thing as it is, a very rare and tucked away thing that doesn't come to light as it is) and that doesn't mean he has the totality of my attention, my love or my time to the exclusion of other people, which allowed me to meet my husband and be starstruck and idiotic and in love and not close myself off to that because I felt "taken."

Hmm, this is... Well, to be frank, this is very thought-provoking. I'd not thought if this possibility at all. Wow, thank you.

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These are my fears also.

I feel for you then. I see what "w" goes through, and it tears me up. I hate to see her going through that because of me, but I know that rejecting her would destroy her. And, well, I love her deeply, and want to keep her in my life.

One thing I will say is that finding a good Dominant will go quite a ways towards allaying your fears. "w" has trusted me to do things that scare the hell out of me, and I'm not the one having them done to me. She trusts me more than anyone she's ever known. That helps. Unfortunately, finding a good Dom isn't exactly easy, or so I'm told.

 

[HB1965]

Unfortunately, finding a good Dom isn't exactly easy, or so I'm told.

No it's not. Finding one that works for you is very hard. I've had four and none of them were really someone I felt comfortable opening up to completely. All I can say is about all of them was that the sex was great.

I've known I was submissive since I was a teenager yet I'm someone who needs to feel like I'm in control so the fear is very real when a dom demands full submission. Until recently I haven't found anyone that I really trusted.

 

[HottieMama]

One thing I will say is that finding a good Dominant will go quite a ways towards allaying your fears. "w" has trusted me to do things that scare the hell out of me, and I'm not the one having them done to me. She trusts me more than anyone she's ever known. That helps. Unfortunately, finding a good Dom isn't exactly easy, or so I'm told.

No, it is certainly not easy to find a good one, but i agree that once you do a large part of that fear will be gone. At least that has been the case with me.

 

[ShyVixen]

Again, I will repeat, thank you to everyone who posted in this thread

It's nice to be able to share my thoughts and feelings on the subject and get everyone elses thoughts and experiences.

 

[missy_me]

To me submission was at first sexual, but at a point I noticed that I need more than that. My need of submission started to be more than just physical and it totally freaked me out. It took me over 2 years to really accept the fact that it's not just some phase that's gonna fade away. But it was good that it was such a slow process - it gave me time to get information, read and talk with people.

Then I met him - and I got cold feet. He had seen something in me and he was willing to take things very slowly, and that's what really saved me. I felt the need to submit totally, but I was still afraid of my own feelings. He gave me a real D/s for dummies online course and asked tons of questions. And by the time we met IRL for the first time I had overcome most of my fears. We are still taking things slowly, but our ultimate goal is TPE. He makes most of the decisions already, and every time I see that he makes decisions that are good for the both of us (one way or another), I want to give him more and more control over my everyday life as well.