How many of you...

[Recidiva]

Sorry to post to you but this whole post reminds me of that Sicilian rant in The Princess Bride:

Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten
my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong,
so you could've put the poison in your own goblet,
trusting on your strength to save you, so I can
clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But,
you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must
have studied, and in studying you must have learned
that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison
as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly
not choose the wine in front of me.

And I did it for Recidiva, my movie co-watcher. ;-)

"I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocaine powder."

 

[A Desert Rose]

That whole scene is so funny.

Yes and every line in this movie is quotable. It's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen.
Had a cancer survivor friend tell me that she spent most of her time, while on chemo, watching funny movies. I've taken her advice to heart.

 

[A Desert Rose]

"I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocaine powder."

LOL. You so funny doll.

 

[Hester]

i'll give a serious answer

coworkers don't need to know anything about my sex life. as far as i'm concerned i don't want them to know i even have sex. of any kind.

friends can't really handle what i'm into. some of them still can't get over a discussion we had about 5 yrs ago that i enjoy anal sex. if they can't handle a little bottom fucking, i can promise you they don't want to know about the other things i'm into. if anyone were truly interested i'd probably discuss it with them. but generally my tastes are too far out of their frames of reference for any discussion to be fruitful.

plus, i like the deliciousness of having secrets like this.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't say shit at work.

I met with some of my gf's last night. I did mention some of the local things and some of the online things I do, have done or plan to do.

Fury

 

[JMohegan]

...admit your proclivities to your R/L friends?

This is actually a very good question. My answer is yes, I do.

I have some R/L friends who share my proclivities.

Others I tell because I suspect they might benefit, personally, from ideas to which they have not previously been exposed.

Still others I tell for the simple reason that I feel no shame in being a sadist and a dominant male. To me, these traits are a perfectly natural thing to reveal as part of a getting-to-know-you discussion of who I am.

And sometimes I reveal this information as one small way to stand up for freedom of sexual expression in this country. People are usually surprised (astonished, to tell you the truth) but rarely judgmental after hearing me out. I view this as a means of combating stereotypes, one person at a time.

 

[FurryFury]

This is actually a very good question. My answer is yes, I do.

I have some R/L friends who share my proclivities.

Others I tell because I suspect they might benefit, personally, from ideas to which they have not previously been exposed.

Still others I tell for the simple reason that I feel no shame in being a sadist and a dominant male. To me, these traits are a perfectly natural thing to reveal as part of a getting-to-know-you discussion of who I am.

And sometimes I reveal this information as one small way to stand up for freedom of sexual expression in this country. People are usually surprised (astonished, to tell you the truth) but rarely judgmental after hearing me out. I view this as a means of combating stereotypes, one person at a time.

Good for you!

*smiles*

Fury

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Damn you Hester thats one hot AV ...............fans self

 

[shy slave]

Ok I will bite.

Shaun has posted over here on and off since I have been at Lit.

Yep, he has a 'GB' way of asking things, and has been flamed for it beofre, but actually he is an ok guy.

I met him earlier this year, when he helped me out with a non-erotic, non-sexual problem I had. He came to my rescue.

So whilst he may not wander in here often it doesn't make his question any less valid.
He has asked lots of questions on here about BDSM as he is trying to understand the whole concept. He may never agree with it all but at least he asks before he makes his mind up.

Which is much more than some from both the GB and real life do
/rant


As for his question~ Do I tell people? Yes, IF they ask!

When I was with my ex I worked in an office environment, the receptionist saw marks on me one day and asked. I told her. Turns out she is quite a closet Domme and is now married to a vanilla man. She continues to talk to me and find ways to work things out.

I have told people if the subject has come up, but it doesn't come up often and apart from my family it has not come up with anyone since I met Andante.

My family have an idea, if they asked more I would tell more. They don't ask.
I am not uncomfortable with telling people but I am uncomfortable with the idea they may use that to make my relationship seem sordid or lesser than any other relationship.
I am ok about trying to explain the reasons and concepts as oppose to the actual details of what we personally do.

have been thinking a great deal about Lit and my posting recently. Many thoughts are wandering around my head at the moment.

The result has been a realisation that there is nothing here I would be ashamed about people who know me (either in r/l or as shy) seeing and reading.
That said I would be uncomfortable if any of his or my children read things here as it may change their perception of their father or me.

 

[Ebonyfire]

So whilst he may not wander in here often it doesn't make his question any less valid.
He has asked lots of questions on here about BDSM as he is trying to understand the whole concept. He may never agree with it all but at least he asks before he makes his mind up.

Which is much more than some from both the GB and real life do
/rant.

However, it does count how one asks for the information. He was snotty. I take a dim view of snotty. So his being a "good guy" is lost on me.

Eb

 

[shy slave]

However, it does count how one asks for the information. He was snotty. I take a dim view of snotty. So his being a "good guy" is lost on me.

Eb

I take your point, but snotty is a subjective thing.

I agree their are ways to ask people things and sometimes it appears they are looking to be 'difficult' with any potential responses by the way the question is phrased.

Thats on of the things about online, you can't fully read the person and their intent, you just see the words.

I often wonder why some new posters on Lit seem to get flamed almost instantly and others whom I find offensive are not.

It must be in our interpretation of the way the words come across.

 

[Ebonyfire]

It must be in our interpretation of the way the words come across.

I have to agree with you there.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I take your point, but snotty is a subjective thing.

I agree their are ways to ask people things and sometimes it appears they are looking to be 'difficult' with any potential responses by the way the question is phrased.

Thats on of the things about online, you can't fully read the person and their intent, you just see the words.

I often wonder why some new posters on Lit seem to get flamed almost instantly and others whom I find offensive are not.

It must be in our interpretation of the way the words come across.

Have you read this guy on the GB? That might change your "interpretation" a bit, I think.

 

[babiesmiles]

I often wonder why some new posters on Lit seem to get flamed almost instantly and others whom I find offensive are not.

It must be in our interpretation of the way the words come across.

I noticed a common factor in welcomming or not new users , specially when they start a thread in a way ...let say a bit naive .

This factor resides not in the new ones words in itself ( unless they are really bratty or on the contrary really clever and interesting ) but in the " collective way of the board " to perceive those words .

Often it is the first couple of replies which make the story . If for a trick of the fate they are forgiving and understanding the following sequel smoothly and quiet . If they are smart alec , sarcastic or funny replies the others usually follow that path .

I am not saying we are sheeps alike here but just that the board ( this BDSM one ) although made of several voices has its own life and sensitiveness towards things and people .

Maybe is that which makes a community or maybe we are just a bit cliquish .. who knows !

 

[Ebonyfire]

I don't think anyone should have to kiss ass to get a question answered around here. Just ask a straightforward question without a lot of BS gets the job done.

But sarcasm breeds sarcasm in my book.

Eb

 

[A Desert Rose]

To begin with he is not a new poster.

Secondly, he asked questions that are very much akin to "when did you stop beating your wife?"

And lastly there is a definate tone to his posts. Read them. It's more than apparent.

 

[Ebonyfire]

To begin with he is not a new poster.

Secondly, he asked questions that are very much akin to "when did you stop beating your wife?"

And lastly there is a definate tone to his posts. Read them. It's more than apparent.

I got his tone. It was snotty.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

...admit your proclivities to your R/L friends?
Do your co-workers know what you do? Is it strictly an online thing? Do you tell your friends on Monday about the munch over the weekend?

I'm out about my involvement in this lifestyle.

By out I mean I don't hide it or lie about it.

By out I mean that I live it in my home.

By out I mean that I don't panic and hide the toys and dungeon furniture when my children (all adults) come to visit me.

By out I mean that the adult members of both of our family's know and janey addresses me as "Sir" in front of everyone and anyone.

I have RL vanilla friends that know I am a sadist and that janey is my submissive. There are people I work with that know. I do NOT go to work in leathers (except on Halloween), I do not wave a flogger around while grocery shopping, nor do I have janey kneel at the table when we go out to eat...

Do I tell my friends about the munch? Sometimes, in general terms. But frankly, they are not interested in the details. And I am sure not telling them who was there or what happened at a demo. I care about the privacy of my fellow kinksters to out them. And my nilla friends and co-workers aren't interested in knowing I paddled/flogged/spanked/stuck needles in someone or any other details of our private lives. The ones that _were_ interested in the details are no longer "vanilla" friends! *WEG*

What is appropriate conversation for some people and some places is NOT appropriate for others. I use common sense and discretion to determine what is right for who, and when.

 

[saw_man1]

Sorry to post to you but this whole post reminds me of that Sicilian rant in The Princess Bride:

Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten
my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong,
so you could've put the poison in your own goblet,
trusting on your strength to save you, so I can
clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But,
you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must
have studied, and in studying you must have learned
that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison
as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly
not choose the wine in front of me.

And I did it for Recidiva, my movie co-watcher. ;-)

I must confess to a small case of plagiarism. But in my defense; that’s a great movie to steal lines from.

 

[jadefirefly]

Nobody asks. So I don't tell.

I see no reason to randomly inform people who have no interest in the details of my intimate life about things they didn't ask about.

The few friends that have asked, know. Those who don't, don't. I prefer keeping it that way; I don't want them to randomly start telling me private things either, like that they had diarrhea last night or something.

 

[SirFace]

I have one male friend who knows of my recent conversion. I think they may be suspecting at work too since I have this pile of chains and ropes and clips and leather things and all sorts of other toys piling up around my desk. Never mind the cum stains on the wall and desk and the lithium ion batterys for the camera. And none of my other friends have seen me for weeks as we have been "busy" hehe.

 

[Easy-Reader]

...admit your proclivities to your R/L friends?
Do your co-workers know what you do? Is it strictly an online thing? Do you tell your friends on Monday about the munch over the weekend?

My co-workers don't know I'm into BDSM. It isn't just an on-line thing (well at least not in the past. At the moment I'm not in a relationship). I don't attend munches so I suppose I haven't much to say about that.

No one really knows what I do or what sexual likes/dislikes I have other than myself and the person I'm involved with and a few ex-girlfriends. Well, and maybe a few people on lit.

My silence on the issue in front of others isn't because I feel ashamed of what I enjoy (I don't), but is instead an outgrowth of my personality and how I deal with the world around me. I'm a very private person*. I believe in and like the idea of a clear line of delineation between me and the rest of the world. For me, letting everyone I know in on every aspect of myself would simply blur that line. Not to mention, sharing everything about myself with the people I see everyday would make me even more tedious and boring than I perhaps already am.

One could best sum it all up by saying I don't tell people what I do because I don't tell people everything, and I don't tell people everything because I like a compartmentalized life. I'm not sure if any of that makes any sense, but it's late where I am, and I'm tired.


*read as "boring, old-fashioned, yankee".

 

[O'Mac]

Well, I'm a guy (dramatic pause), and therefore it's pretty much in my blood to share the details of most of my sexual encounters with my closest friends. In my case, I do it primarily because:

A) I like talking about the people I care about and making sure everyone knows a little bit about each other.

and,

B) Three of my closest friends are virgins and I do it as a way to prode them into at least considering to speak to a member of the opposite sex.

Co-workers, Family, etc are pretty much in the dark about that, but yeah, my close buddies know of the stuff I get up to.

 

[Bandit58]

I'm out about my involvement in this lifestyle.

By out I mean I don't hide it or lie about it.

By out I mean that I live it in my home.

By out I mean that I don't panic and hide the toys and dungeon furniture when my children (all adults) come to visit me.

By out I mean that the adult members of both of our family's know and janey addresses me as "Sir" in front of everyone and anyone.

I have RL vanilla friends that know I am a sadist and that janey is my submissive. There are people I work with that know. I do NOT go to work in leathers (except on Halloween), I do not wave a flogger around while grocery shopping, nor do I have janey kneel at the table when we go out to eat...

Do I tell my friends about the munch? Sometimes, in general terms. But frankly, they are not interested in the details. And I am sure not telling them who was there or what happened at a demo. I care about the privacy of my fellow kinksters to out them. And my nilla friends and co-workers aren't interested in knowing I paddled/flogged/spanked/stuck needles in someone or any other details of our private lives. The ones that _were_ interested in the details are no longer "vanilla" friends! *WEG*

What is appropriate conversation for some people and some places is NOT appropriate for others. I use common sense and discretion to determine what is right for who, and when.

*applauds*

Going by your post I would say I am half in, half out Our friends (vanilla) know we are in the "lifestyle" but half of them don't understand it and the other half don't really care. We get lots of jokes about being "the DV8 couple" but they all know we met here on Lit too! Master has a belt buckle which looks like a set of handcuffs and He will wear it in a vanilla setting, and I have both handcuff and flogger earrings which have gotten some comments too.

My mum and kids are back in NZ and no they don't know. My daughter spent a month with us recently. She's 18 and she did see the D/s dynamic in action although we hid the toys and toned things down while she was here. She saw me serving in a non sexual way e.g. Master's meal was served first, I would get up to get Him things, etc. He did joke to her that He was "The Master" and she would roll her eyes at Him.... She is quite the Junior Domme at times herself