How to be a MAN

[lit_ch3]

If not mentioned earlier, artofmanliness.com has a lot of stuff. Good luck.

 

[lit_ch3]

Also too, prepare yourself, by classes, studying, reading, whatever, to handle common, but adverse situations.

I took a 2-day wilderness first aid course. Just in case. In the span of the next 3months I Heimliched someone back to life and rescued an elderly neighbor who'd been overcome by heat.

Being prepared for simple things like that does a world of good in making you feel grown up.

 

[Dishrag]

I’m find myself seriously intrigued by this question. However I find it, for myself at least, a much more complex and personal question than a forum seems an appropriate place for a proper response. Please, if you like, feel free to contact me at anytime here and we can talk one on one for as long as you like. Or don’t , I don’t know if I can help you at all either way but I’d be happy to try, in a more constructive setting. Your choice, I think you have a more clear understanding of what it is that you need.

 

[dschuetz68]

I’m not a man, so there are probably others better suited to tell you how to become one.

What I would look for in a life partner and co-parent though and what I see many people talk about when they talk about manliness, is what I would rather describe as someone who has grown up.
I think that is about some things that are useful regardless of gender, useful for anyone really and I think that might be a place to start.

To me that would mean strength and courage to take responsibility for your actions and for others who are depending on you and also to stand up for yourself and others who need it.

It would also mean self reliance by working on building useful life skills, so you can take care of yourself and others.

I would also say that I think building a world view or perhaps a value base/ ”code of honour” to live by is part of it, because I think it helps with building integrity. I do think that is going to be a work under construction as long as you are still open to learning - something that I think you should stay open to as long as possible.

All of that means doing a lot of stuff you’d rather not in my experience, so discipline, self control and perseverance are useful.
A classic on that topic would be Aurelius’ Meditations, if you want book recommendations. There are a lot of great coming of age stories out there too.

Perfectly said!!!

 

[dschuetz68]

I try to keep prepared for any situation,self reliant if need be.as a single father of 2,I’m still learning a lot of things.my kids are 8 years apart,my son being the oldest. I teach them too,but they’re gifted in different areas. My goal is as long as I’m single,to protect and provide for my family,be truthful,loving and kind to everyone,yet not afraid to stand up to what’s wrong.I keep a tight hold on my beliefs.

 

[littlecordelera]

Women, what do you look for in a man to know he's trustworthy?

To me, the most unattractive guy is the guy who is concerned about being "a man." The most attractive guy is the guy who is willing to be himself, someone who doesn't follow the crowd.

OP, when I read your original post, I see a guy who doesn't like himself. If you don't like yourself, it's hard to get other people to like you. We treat others the way we treat ourselves. I would ignore any efforts to be "a man," and first focus on one area of improvement. You need an accomplishment. The easiest, although it won't be easy, is to improve your physical condition. As crazy as it might sound, and I know this will take a ton of courage, is to join a Crossfit gym. I promise that you can find a gym that will be full of people willing to help. They will show you the ropes (literally and figuratively), show you how to measure your progress, and they will provide you with encouragement. You will have to do the work. For the first 6-months or so, it will completely suck, and you will want to quit. Don't quit. Get over that initial hump. It is your wall, and you need to have the accomplishment of having scaled that wall.

Once that is done, I don't think you will need anymore advice.

I wish you the best of luck. If you need someone to "talk to," you are welcome to PM me.

 

[AmberSolis]

My dad died when I was in middle school. I grew up as an anime nerd in the 2000s. I am now obese, full of excuses, and probably 20-40 years from death. I am ontologically, by definition, a man, but not manly, and don't "man up."

How does one become a man? Physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, how does man-boy fashion himself into husband or father material, and not merely stumble into such relationships causing permanent psychological trauma to his loved ones? Men, do you have any books to suggest or people to imitate? Women, what do you look for in a man to know he's trustworthy?

OP, do you have a local volunteer fire dept.? Might consider joining. In my mind, part of what makes a man is what he has endured in his life, what he has tried to build, what he has tried to save; and, has he tried to help others? In a volunteer fire dept. you'll get training, education, exercise, meet tons of new people (including LOTS of women, because we ladies love, love, love our first responders!)

You won't get in shape overnight. And lots of times, it will suck rotten balls. I cried for a week after the first major auto accident I responded to, and found the driver of one vehicle was a 19 year old young man, who wouldn't be seeing his 20th birthday. There's tons of assholes in the fire dept. too, as in every other field of human endeavor. You will ask yourself many times, "Why am I here?"

In other words, it won't be easy, it won't always be fun, and you'll have to deal with the inevitable assholes always present in the population. In return, you'll get in shape, learn stuff, and possibly save a life or two, the Good Lord willing.

And I've saved this for last: there is no feeling on Earth like riding the fire engine. The trucks are big, and carry tons of gear and in many cases 700-gallons or so of water. But the engines are insane and they accelerate like mad, and there's just nothing else like it when the driver stomps on the gas pedal! (ok, ok, diesel!)

Might also consider volunteering at a local hospital. Or habitat for humanity, or a homeless shelter. But the main point is to get out there, find something that challenges you, and becoming a man will take care of itself.

 

[NightL]

Jesus. I have had plenty of political disagreements of people but I've never felt our morality was so far apart that they wouldn't care for an imperilled child... or me.

If I seen them injured in a car wreck I'd do all I could for them, I believe they'd do the same for me.

I hope you are wrong.

yes - I realise your post was a month ago and I so wish your belief in this was true but take into account "Trump administration's "zero tolerance" policy, which was implemented in April 2018, resulted in the separation of over 5,000 children from their parents at the border." and "American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) estimates that there are still over 1,000 children who have not been reunited."

I am aware there was child removing policies before Trump - but Trump ramped it up and there were a lot of people on the right who were perfectly content with this happening, applauding it happening.

The latest hate campaigns from the right toward children with gender dysphoria.

Even the current USA health system, that the right so vehemently wants to hold onto, "disadvantages children from marginalized and low socioeconomic societies. Children from these groups are more likely to have poor health outcomes due to factors such as poverty, poor nutrition, and lack of access to healthcare" - apparently many on the right are perfectly content with this.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5388137/

(I live in a country with a funded public health service)

I agree with @Escierto & @ToPleaseHim on this subject.

 

[dschuetz68]

OP, do you have a local volunteer fire dept.? Might consider joining. In my mind, part of what makes a man is what he has endured in his life, what he has tried to build, what he has tried to save; and, has he tried to help others? In a volunteer fire dept. you'll get training, education, exercise, meet tons of new people (including LOTS of women, because we ladies love, love, love our first responders!)

You won't get in shape overnight. And lots of times, it will suck rotten balls. I cried for a week after the first major auto accident I responded to, and found the driver of one vehicle was a 19 year old young man, who wouldn't be seeing his 20th birthday. There's tons of assholes in the fire dept. too, as in every other field of human endeavor. You will ask yourself many times, "Why am I here?"

In other words, it won't be easy, it won't always be fun, and you'll have to deal with the inevitable assholes always present in the population. In return, you'll get in shape, learn stuff, and possibly save a life or two, the Good Lord willing.

And I've saved this for last: there is no feeling on Earth like riding the fire engine. The trucks are big, and carry tons of gear and in many cases 700-gallons or so of water. But the engines are insane and they accelerate like mad, and there's just nothing else like it when the driver stomps on the gas pedal! (ok, ok, diesel!)

Might also consider volunteering at a local hospital. Or habitat for humanity, or a homeless shelter. But the main point is to get out there, find something that challenges you, and becoming a man will take care of itself.

Well said!!!!

 

[Plasmaball]

Sigh.

I can't help you lose weight. That's on you to want to change that.

The rest of it? Well..again it's kind of the same thing. You have to want to. Even when it's forced you have to want to.

Watching anime isn't a big deal. Your dad died so you feel you have nobody to guide you. It makes sense. My father isn't dead but he wasn't helpful either. There are certain things I won't do ( fix my brakes) but other things I have. General upkeep of your home for starters.

Do your laundry. Wash your dishes. Fold your clothes. ( this one is important because we all hate it). Fix a outlet ( it's easier than you think). Mow the lawn. These are simple things you can do to start moving towards being a "man".

Something breaks? Go buy the tool if you don't have it, jump on YouTube and give it a whirl, but know your limits as well.

 

[Katch123]

This is a joke thread right? .

 

[AmberSolis]

This is a joke thread right? .

Now that you're here, yes.

 

[saintcero]

Now that you're here, yes.

Ouch. A fastball to the ribs from Amber

 

[Katch123]

Ouch. A fastball to the ribs from Amber

^^^ Don't be a simp.

A better subject would be How to be a good human being, something the world sorly needs. Show compassion to the less fortunate, love the people that matter to you and keep your promises. Nuff said.

**Update: Add "Don't simp for women" to this. It will save you Time & Money in the long run.

Credit to AmberSolis for inspiring the update.

 

[AmberSolis]

^^^ Don't be a simp.

A better subject would be How to be a good human being, something the world sorly needs. Show compassion to the less fortunate, love the people that matter to you and keep your promises. Nuff said.

Don't be the guy who can make a joke but can't take a joke.

You had great advice on the subject, every word of what you said. Instead of an insult, why didn't you lead with that?

 

[Katch123]

Duplicate post

 

[Katch123]

Being told not to "Simp" in any way,shape or form isn't an "insult". It's something most guys between the ages of 10-39 have either said or heard another guy say. That being said thanks for the compliment.

 

[jehoram]

I'm surprised that nobody has referenced this poem so far:

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46473/if---