how to tell if a guy is a sub

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah, that's why I see this thing going to hell quickly. It's like this: A guy starts leaning this way. I pick up on it and he tells me that he likes to be told what to do, then that he has fantasized about being my slave for a long time.
I make it clear that sex is not on the table, he says that's fine.
So, in my mind, if you want to be a slave, that negates what you want. Your 'wants' should be to satisfy mine. End of story. I don't care if he goes home and jerks off thinking about it, or bangs his girl while thinking about it, or whatev, but as soon as he starts thinking that he has some right to my time or attention, he is no longer a slave, and I therefore have no interest in the entire deal.

That's definitely one way to define slavery.

Let him know that's what you're thinking. If he still says yes, then tell him you'll try a limited contract with him-- two weeks, or a month. he has no right to leave the contract before whatever time you two decide on.

This means he has to be extremely honest with himself, and forthright in saying how much he can tolerate-- and that's harder than most people have any notion of.

You will need to make sure your slave knows what's expected of him. really know. You can come up with stuff on the fly, but he will need to know how to address you, how to communicate with his owner-- because this is not a country in which you can flay another human being for not doing what you've told him to do. There will be times when you give an order that your slave cannot follow. What happens then?

I will say that in the leather tradition, a slave is extremely valuable property. The master is responsible for the slave's well-being. It is not a one-way street. You don't take on a slave for the hell of it.

 

[YourCaptor]

A guy may be a sub if he ends every sentence with "Sir".

A guy may be a sub if his secret fetish is licking boots.

A guy may be a sub if he drops the soap every time you come over.

A guy may be a sub if your striptease results in him washing and ironing your clothes.

 

[Stella_Omega]

A guy may be a sub if your striptease results in him washing and ironing your clothes.

Good one!

 

[Bette_coquette]

That works well in theory. Not so much in practice, I'm afraid.

So true. Before marrying my husband, he did whatever I told him to do, willingly and happily. After marriage, I found I was the one that wanted to clean the house, do the laundry and cook the meals. I'm better at it than him. I want him out of my kitchen, out of the laundry pile, and definitely leaving alone the hardwood floors that he thinks can be cleaned with a vacuum and a bucket of hot soapy water.

The longer it's been since I've taken on these chores, the more he's turned into Al Bundy. I actually watched him unbutton his shorts and slide his hand into his pants and just...leave it there. Al Bundy!!

Yep. People tend to have needs, no matter what they say. They might not be physical needs, or sexual needs that you will run into, but more of the psychological kind. I'm pretty sure at some point he'll need appreciation, he'll need to know you actually care, that you actually want him to do these things, not only because you get these things done for you, but also because it is him that's doing them etc.

Doing things for someone else and not getting anything in return can be hot for a while. In the long run it gets less hot and want and needs start playing a bigger role.

I used to give him tasks and he saw these things as totally hot. Now that we're living under the same roof, with work and family pressures, the hotness I feel for our sexual escapades is wearing off. I get home from work, cook dinner, do dishes, plop on the couch for an hour, then do 30 minutes of chores before bed, and well, when bedtime comes, I don't care about sex or role-laying or any of that. I just think about how soon 4:30 a.m. is going to roll around and how tired I am.

Marriage sure takes the blush off the fun times of dating and adventures.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Bette, that is absolutely flattening.

 

[Bette_coquette]

I think I need to hang out here more often and get my groove back. The pull out our bag of tricks and tie him to the bed for a couple hours while I go have my nails done.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think I need to hang out here more often and get my groove back. The pull out our bag of tricks and tie him to the bed for a couple hours while I go have my nails done.

I think you ned to teach him exactly how to handle your hardwood floors. I mean-- even a vanilla couple needs to go through that.

Also, as a woman who has raised kids, also, I can tell you that "I'm better at it than him" is a self-fulfilling prophecy. As long as he never does it-- under your supervision or on his own-- he never will become as good at it as you are. And you will ALWAYS be the one that does all the housework after you get home from work.

This is also true for vanilla couples, it has very little to do with D/s.

 

[cmky]

Okay, I've talked it over with my roomie.
We both know the guy in question. She thinks he's harmless, not a psycho-stalker type, which has been in the back of my mind.
We've been chatting with him online for a couple of hours off and on. I'm trying to take Stella's advice to offer him a two-week contract to see how it works out.

He's agreed to verbal terms, broad stuff, what he is going to be responsible for, and things like that. I totally picture this guy standing in the corner like a servant in one of those period films.
I've asked him about what he wants out of this. He said that it has been his fantasy for a long time to be the slave of a pretty girl (his words, not mine), it doesn't have to be sexual, and he only wants some positive reinforcement, to be treated well, and to be degraded a little. When I asked him what that last part meant, he said that he wants to feel like a slave, be ordered, not asked, do humiliating jobs, and be ignored when he's not needed.

Right now we're talking about what hours he will be available.

How does that sound so far?

After marriage

...

 

[Bette_coquette]

Okay, I've talked it over with my roomie.
We both know the guy in question. She thinks he's harmless, not a psycho-stalker type, which has been in the back of my mind.
We've been chatting with him online for a couple of hours off and on. I'm trying to take Stella's advice to offer him a two-week contract to see how it works out.

He's agreed to verbal terms, broad stuff, what he is going to be responsible for, and things like that. I totally picture this guy standing in the corner like a servant in one of those period films.
I've asked him about what he wants out of this. He said that it has been his fantasy for a long time to be the slave of a pretty girl (his words, not mine), it doesn't have to be sexual, and he only wants some positive reinforcement, to be treated well, and to be degraded a little. When I asked him what that last part meant, he said that he wants to feel like a slave, be ordered, not asked, do humiliating jobs, and be ignored when he's not needed.

Right now we're talking about what hours he will be available.

How does that sound so far?


...

Interesting that you quoted me with 3 periods following.

I just asked him to get me a coffee. He said the pot was empty. I told him nevermind. He said he'd bring me coffee whether I like it or not. It's brewing now. He's cooking dinner tonight. I have to remind myself to stay out of the kitchen and not hover. I hate anyone in my kitchen. I think I have control issues.

OK, I'll quit derailing your thread now.

 

[Bette_coquette]

cmky, it sounds divine.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Interesting that you quoted me with 3 periods following.

I just asked him to get me a coffee. He said the pot was empty. I told him nevermind. He said he'd bring me coffee whether I like it or not. It's brewing now. He's cooking dinner tonight. I have to remind myself to stay out of the kitchen and not hover. I hate anyone in my kitchen. I think I have control issues.

OK, I'll quit derailing your thread now.

Funny how well your stuff and CMKY's stuff dovetail...

to both of you! But for different reasons.

And funny thing, I just now got s short, sharp remark from my partner about sharing janitorial duties. Our marriage is kinky but not D/s, and I have been getting sloppy with my own set of chores.

 

[cmky]

@bette:
I just thought it was funny how you qualified that complaint by stating that you are married

Update: me and my roomie are about to head home from the beach (it's raining!) and my new pet is going to meet us there.

On the way home I'm going to try to think of some initial duties...and maybe a dress code. I was thinking about making him work in the nude for the first day, but I really don't want to see his wang, or his ass, for that matter.

 

[teknight]

Does the guy look like this?
http://www.blimpie.com/assets/images/menu/prod_sub.jpg
Or, does he eat a lot of subs (thus being what he eats)?

 

[cmky]

Does the guy look like this?

Not really, but now I'm hungry!
If he was here, he would be making me a sandwich, and it had damn well better look like that pic.

So, it's official. For the next two weeks at least, I have my own slave. Well, I have joint ownership of a slave.
Tomorrow afternoon he's going to begin, and not a moment too soon. I have laundry that needs to be done and a bathroom that needs to be cleaned.

 

[Licia]

Ah....

It's so difficult to resist a man who knows how you like your coffee and delivers said tasty beverage as soon as you take your seat in the morning, or one who perfoms chores exactly as instructed, etc.

*dreams about new scenes*

Treating him well will be all to easy if he's eager to please. A simple touch could be enough for a guy like that. Have fun!

 

[cmky]

It started this morning.
Neither of us (me or my roomie) are comfortable letting him sleep over or have a key, so I had to drag my sorry self out of bed at 6am to let him in. Then I went back to bed.
I awoke an hour later to the smell of fresh coffee and an awesome breakfast. He stood at attention to the side of the room while we ate. It was hard to get used too and kind of stifled conversation, not that there's much conversation at that time of the morning, anyway.
After that we both had to get ready to leave; I had class, my roomie had work. It got a little wonky at this point. He offered to help with showers and stuff, but I'm not ready for him to seem me nekkid, and I take showers anyway, which is pretty self-sufficient.
So, my roomie, 'J', put him to work making our bed and cleaning up around our bedroom.
By the time we left the house, he was cleaning up the kitchen and sorting laundry to take to the laundrymat. I wasn't entirely comfortable leaving him alone in our apartment; the guy's probably a panty-sniffer or something, but hey, as long as he's harmless, right?

I texted J, and she wants to give him a key and a schedule, so when she gets home dinner will be ready. I'm not sure, but we'll see.

All in all, I think it went pretty well for a first day. We're all being pretty open with each other. When I left, I asked how he liked it, and he said he did, but that we were almost being too considerate. It's hard not to be appreciative when the dude is making you breakfast. I need to figure out how to push his buttons, cuz this is a gravy train I don't want to end

 

[YourCaptor]

Me thinks J likes it.

You live in LA? With the rain an all.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Me thinks J likes it.

You live in LA? With the rain an all.

Is there rain in LA?

There's no rain in L. A.

 

[teknight]

Is there rain in LA?

There's no rain in L. A.

Lou is i Ana?
Or, rather, Lou, is I Ana?

 

[cmky]

Me thinks J likes it.

Yea, I think so, too.
He just left for the night. After cooking us dinner and cleaning that up, we were kind of at a loss. J wanted a shoulder and foot rub, which she got, and he brought us beers while we watched a little TV, but that was about it.

I didn't think this would be a problem, but now that we have a slave, we don't really know what to do with him.

 

[YourCaptor]

Yea, I think so, too.
He just left for the night. After cooking us dinner and cleaning that up, we were kind of at a loss. J wanted a shoulder and foot rub, which she got, and he brought us beers while we watched a little TV, but that was about it.

I didn't think this would be a problem, but now that we have a slave, we don't really know what to do with him.

Do you have an ottoman?

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Does the guy look like this?
http://www.blimpie.com/assets/images/menu/prod_sub.jpg
Or, does he eat a lot of subs (thus being what he eats)?

*giggle*

 

[teknight]

Do you have an ottoman?

I thought that ownership of people (be they Turks, or otherwise) was illegal?

 

[cmky]

Do you have an ottoman?

Hmm...my roomie has something like an ottoman. Calling in an ottoman might imply that it is a nice piece of furniture, tho, when we're actually college kids. Everything we have is either from the thrift store or yard sales.

Oh, and we're not in LA....opposite side of the country. FLA!


This morning was a little better. He was more just a part of the landscape than a fellow human, which sounds bad, but I really think that's what he wants. Today I had him kneel by the breakfast table instead of stand in the corner, when I ordered him to get me some ketchup, I noticed he had a hard-on when he stood up. I'm taking that as a good sign that he likes what we're doing. Cuz you guys are right, I want him to be satisfied cuz he's treating us...well, like queens.

This evening he is going to cook at his house and bring it to us. He's doing something with his friends, so it is going to be a short night, but J wants to do something to establish our dominance more. Nothing sexual, but something that involves him taking his clothes off and feeling exposed.

Any suggestions?

 

[HottieMama]

Serving dinner naked and kneeling naked, legs spread in a V, hands behind back while you eat???