How would you feel if your partner confessed that they had raped someone?

[wenchhh]

This is when I start feeling like I'm not a healthy girl . . . because that kind of confession turns me on.

I hafta admit, my thoughts are congruent with The above.
Ok, so of course, I feel it's never ok to force someone, to hurt someone, to use power in a non-consensual way. That being said, people have their own baggage. Extenuating circumstances and all that. More info is needed. Since you asked, Marquis... if it was a serial rapist/really bad guy/act kinda thing, I'd not just dump him, I'd report him. If it was a "it happened once and these were the circumstances.... it's not something I dream of doing again"... then yeah. It'd turn me on, and we'd talk about it... a LOT!

 

[stickygirl]

I hafta admit, my thoughts are congruent with The above.
Ok, so of course, I feel it's never ok to force someone, to hurt someone, to use power in a non-consensual way. That being said, people have their own baggage. Extenuating circumstances and all that. More info is needed. Since you asked, Marquis... if it was a serial rapist/really bad guy/act kinda thing, I'd not just dump him, I'd report him. If it was a "it happened once and these were the circumstances.... it's not something I dream of doing again"... then yeah. It'd turn me on, and we'd talk about it... a LOT!

Maybe you've missed out some discussion - if has been exhaustive but... how exactly do you distinguish between "a really bad guy" and the guy who's lying to you saying it was 'just a misunderstanding'? Funny thing about really bad guys: they don't tell the truth. Funny thing about rape - they're ALL bad guys.

 

[KoPilot]

Maybe you've missed out some discussion - if has been exhaustive but... how exactly do you distinguish between "a really bad guy" and the guy who's lying to you saying it was 'just a misunderstanding'? Funny thing about really bad guys: they don't tell the truth. Funny thing about rape - they're ALL bad guys.

There's a reason that fair trials generally feature a defense and a prosecution.

 

[stickygirl]

There's a reason that fair trials generally feature a defense and a prosecution.

Trials are something else - the post referred to judging people in a social context and since numerous wives that are beaten claim they still love their husband, personal judgement is hardly objective.

 

[KoPilot]

Trials are something else - the post referred to judging people in a social context and since numerous wives that are beaten claim they still love their husband, personal judgement is hardly objective.

I know, I was speaking in a general sense. The closest thing we can get to an unbiased perspective is to get all sides of the story, and not just the perpetrator's.

 

[Primalex]

numerous wives that are beaten claim they still love their husband, personal judgement is hardly objective.

Either you don't know what an emotion is or you don't know what objective is. Right now your statement does not make sense.

"I love him." and "He beats me up." are not mutually exclusive statements. It's completely legal to hate a nice person and to love a bad person.

Your statement would have made some sense with:"numerous wives that are beaten still live together with their husband".

 

[Elated]

The person confessed to raping another person.
Confession.
Guilty. Nothing to discuss there.
Only thing to decide...do you want a relationship with this person?
Depends on personal tolerance.

Those women who get beaten and stay...sound like closet slaves to me.
I no longer have any empathy for these women.
Unfortunate that their children will be smacked around as well.
Especially if the children are fathered by a previous relationship.

Some psychologists believe people do what they do because they like it.

I find psychology a soft science myself. Variable according to society's tolerances at the moment.

Feel free to put me on Iggy.

 

[Primalex]

Funny thing about really bad guys: they don't tell the truth. Funny thing about rape - they're ALL bad guys.

Now.. what happens to a feminist who sees a woman that falls in love with a rapist? Does she drop dead from the paradox? Fighting for the self-determination of women or fighting against rapists? Which course does not corrupt the feminist position?

 

[stickygirl]

If you like... I revised it for you:

Trials are something else - the post referred to judging people in a social context and since numerous wives prefer red apples to green ones, personal judgement is hardly objective.

The original conjunction phrase must have confused you, but the qualifying clause clarifies the full meaning. That's the problem when you pick out the bits from a sentence without looking at the overall context.
Grammar was never my strong subject at school either, but I've worked out empathy and politeness all by myself.

 

[stickygirl]

Now.. what happens to a feminist who sees a woman that falls in love with a rapist? Does she drop dead from the paradox? Fighting for the self-determination of women or fighting against rapists? Which course does not corrupt the feminist position?

Nothing much to with feminism per se, just plain old human nature: people do the dumbest things. What if you discovered you best drinking buddy had gunned down another man in cold blood. You still friends?

 

[xxxpaulzzz]

Nothing much to with feminism per se, just plain old human nature: people do the dumbest things. What if you discovered you best drinking buddy had gunned down another man in cold blood. You still friends?

does it not depend on circumstance of rape? I know some say rape is rape but a recent survey showed woman don't actually think that is so

 

[stickygirl]

Some psychologists believe people do what they do because they like it.

Can't see many psychologists passing up the chance of making some bucks. Should we right off drug addicts or smokers because they do what they do? Men and women in abusive relationships may finish one relationship and head straight into the next one but do they like it?! Maybe they haven't had a chance to break that cycle and resolve underlying problems. I don't think psychologists or society should simply shrug and say "Oh well - there's lot of it about isn't there? Too bad." But where do you stop trying to fix up other people's lives? Perhaps a topic for another thread?

 

[stickygirl]

does it not depend on circumstance of rape? I know some say rape is rape but a recent survey showed woman don't actually think that is so

Oh blimey... go back a few pages Paul. This has been gone over ad nauseam. Sorry but I'm not about to revisit that one

 

[xxxpaulzzz]

Oh blimey... go back a few pages Paul. This has been gone over ad nauseam. Sorry but I'm not about to revisit that one

my humblest apologies for not reading the full thread from start to finish.

 

[stickygirl]

my humblest apologies for not reading the full thread from start to finish.

Pfft... no you're right. Sorry if I came across a bit battle-wearied
OK... what survey? Citations are important here

 

[KoPilot]

If you like... I revised it for you:

Trials are something else - the post referred to judging people in a social context and since numerous wives prefer red apples to green ones, personal judgement is hardly objective.

The original conjunction phrase must have confused you, but the qualifying clause clarifies the full meaning. That's the problem when you pick out the bits from a sentence without looking at the overall context.
Grammar was never my strong subject at school either, but I've worked out empathy and politeness all by myself.

Not sure what part of my post said "I disagree with you"? Because I wasn't?

 

[stickygirl]

Not sure what part of my post said "I disagree with you"? Because I wasn't?

LOL - must have been lost in translation or something "nations divided by a common language" . I seem to be rubbing everyone up the wrong way this evening. Sorry

 

[Stella_Omega]

does it not depend on circumstance of rape? I know some say rape is rape but a recent survey showed woman don't actually think that is so

I'm with stickygirl on this-- what survey?

And what woman?

(I like your handle BTW, it's an entire sex scene in one word )

 

[Primalex]

Nothing much to with feminism per se, just plain old human nature: people do the dumbest things. What if you discovered you best drinking buddy had gunned down another man in cold blood. You still friends?

I'm not a NRA spokesman, so it doesn't really matter.

So, women who do things you don't agree with are by definition dumb, because, if they would be smart, they wouldn't do stuff you disagree with?

Anyway, the question was whether you would help her to fight for her right to live with the man or to fight against her right to live with the man. You didn't answer this yet.

 

[Primalex]

I'm with stickygirl on this-- what survey?

And what woman?

Does it matter? Check this thread with a few participants and you already have a woman in here complaining about the strict statutory rape laws and that rape is _not_ rape. Then extrapolate, add all the women who seduced a minor etc.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm not a NRA spokesman, so it doesn't really matter.

So, women who do things you don't agree with are by definition dumb, because, if they would be smart, they wouldn't do stuff you disagree with?

I said people - make your own deduction

Anyway, the question was whether you would help her to fight for her right

s. Her rights - no further elaboration needed but your repetition puzzled me. I'm sure it was intentional

to live with the man or to fight against her right to live with the man. You didn't answer this yet.

So how are you today Prima? Anything bugging you? Life good?


ETA
Dear God... http://www.uic.edu/depts/owa/sa_rape_support.html

 

[ChastitySmith]

Would it be that easy for you to shoot someone?
That's not a sarcastic question. I think I am pretty cold-blooded, but ... honestly, I don't know if I could. And I really would like to never have to find out.

And my response to the initial question is not sarcastic, either.

 

[Felonious1]

Rape mail - A how to guide.

http://totalfratmove.com/Φkt-member-from-georgia-tech-sends-rapiest-email-ever/

In various interviews found in other places, there's some who make light of this email and try to dress it down as a prank or satire. Thus proving their personal perception of gross insignificance regarding the topic rape in general.

We, collectively as a society, become what we've been conditioned to believe during the formative years. Thus flawed conditioning doesn't help when the wrong message is sent. Heads will justifiably roll over this shit. ( unless a jock is responsible, in that case, it will most likely be swept under the rug )

 

[jpin]

I guess everyone can feel free to answer, and consider the question in the way most interesting to you, but the scenario I have in mind is this:

Your loving and committed partner confesses to you, under whatever context, that they committed a rape at some point in their lives. Not an Ariel Castro type of situation, but a girl he was trying to fuck said no rather late in the seduction process and he overpowered her. Or perhaps she was too drunk to say no, or passed out completely.

We hear about these situations as being extremely common. If the crime is common, so must be the perpetrator, no?

Who are these men? Can they be reformed?

If your man told you he did something like this in his younger days, how would it make you feel about him now?

An interesting question - and you are right. Given the rate of women who have been sexually assaulted, the statistical probability is high that we (women) have dated a perp at one time or another. I had not ever thought about it

 

[jpin]

Rapists have very strict definitions of rape, it seems-- always to justify that what they did wasn't.

Wish I had time to look up that study that was done on college-age boys who found that way more of them confessed to rape when the word "rape" was removed from the questionnaire and other, more plainly descriptive words were used instead.

http://jezebel.com/5404064/rapists-admit-repeated-crimes--as-long-as-you-dont-call-it-rape