Hyperchallenge

[The Mutt]

...and the guy who said he didn't know Shakespeare til he quoted "to be or not to be" and Al's face lit up like he'd found a brand new friend. I do love that and right afterward I watched Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and laughed silly. I love anything Tim Roth does and Richard Dreyfuss gives great dry comedy

We need another challenge. (well... I do) Got any ideas, anyone?

I hope I am not the only one who has never been able to get the "musical Hamlet" from Gilligan's Island out of my head.
"It is to be, or not to be, that is the question that I ask of thee..."

Someone once mentioned posting a picture and having everyone write a poem about it. I think that would be fun.

BTW>>> If you have never seen Akira Kurasowa's Throne of Blood, you must. Macbeth set in feudal Japan. Not a word of Willie's dialog, but still one of the best Shakespearian films ever. Without a doubt the scariest version of Macbeth I have ever seen.

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

omg..i'll be singing in my sleep tonight now thank you!

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

I hope I am not the only one who has never been able to get the "musical Hamlet" from Gilligan's Island out of my head.
"It is to be, or not to be, that is the question that I ask of thee..."

Someone once mentioned posting a picture and having everyone write a poem about it. I think that would be fun.

BTW>>> If you have never seen Akira Kurasowa's Throne of Blood, you must. Macbeth set in feudal Japan. Not a word of Willie's dialog, but still one of the best Shakespearian films ever. Without a doubt the scariest version of Macbeth I have ever seen.

i agree ..might be kinda fun ..seeing how different everbody would write regarding the same image..sounds fun!

 

[BooMerengue]

Oh Mutt!

I just watched Akiro Kurasawa's Rhapsody In August... it really moved me. I was thinking a tribute to Nagasaki - The Memorial is held on Aug 9- it's 59 years this year- would be a cool challenge.

Then my mind rambled to ALL the horrible times of mass destruction by human hand in history

The smallpox blankets to Native Americans

Hitler's rampage

Andersonville prison during our Civil War

and I'm sure there are a hundred more I don't know about and would like to

Ideas anyone?

 

[Maria2394]

omg..i'll be singing in my sleep tonight now thank you!

if you think that's bad, well, my youngest girl asked me if I ever saw green acres before and I said, yeah, a long time ago, she asked me if I could remember the song, I knew every word and sang it for her and it rang in my skull for three days!!

its hurts just thinking about it :

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

if you think that's bad, well, my youngest girl asked me if I ever saw green acres before and I said, yeah, a long time ago, she asked me if I could remember the song, I knew every word and sang it for her and it rang in my skull for three days!!

its hurts just thinking about it :

my daughter had to learn "lets go fly a kite" for school chorus program..now mind you we both love mary poppins but i had to listen to her practice that and green acres, ..for weeks.

omg i was cleaning house humming lets go fly kite..or singing green acres, for days and days, she still teases me about it.

 

[trendyredhead]

just sign me...

IMPATIENTLY WAITING!


hint hint hint hint Lauren

 

[Lauren Hynde]

sorry

 

[CharleyH]

LOL - Posting here might psyche some of you out, thinking the results are ready. Alas - no. I'm just leaving a note in case not all have seen the thread I posted:

Lauren's computer is in for repairs, and she will have the results of this challenge as soon as she is able.

Thanks.

 

[BooMerengue]

Thanks, Charley!

 

[Angeline]

...and the guy who said he didn't know Shakespeare til he quoted "to be or not to be" and Al's face lit up like he'd found a brand new friend. I do love that and right afterward I watched Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and laughed silly. I love anything Tim Roth does and Richard Dreyfuss gives great dry comedy. Have you seen a Mad Dog Time? Find it, rent it, you will LOVE it!

I remember the hot days there tho we spent most of our time in the water. As a kid the heat didn't bother me like the bugs did. Ugh! Carrie has re invited me to the UP and I want to go but the bugs there are considered the UP Air Force.

Glad to see you. I'm working on a kids book and its fun. Sort of like the Tribe tho nothing like it at all. My 11 yr old grandaughter helped me write the silly sonnet Iamb Learning... she catches on VERY quickly. She wants to be a singer. One viewer wrote that she thought it was a poem about Shish Ka Bobs and my gd is incensed... wanted to fire off a mean reply. Cuz she wrote about half... and has never heard of anyone eating lamb. lol

We need another challenge. (well... I do) Got any ideas, anyone?

my daughter is writing poetry now. can you spell p-r-o-u-d?

and i wanna take ee to nyc just to show him the cloisters--yknow where they filmed part of looking for richard...

i dunno anything about mad dog time, but i'll try to find it. and i saw guilenstern and rosenkrantz off b'way. what a rush that was! my feet didn't touch the ground for a week! ever hear of "richard deterred"? it's a parody of richard iii based on nixon and watergate. it's funny as hell. ran off broadway a forever ago when i was um a mere child. yeah...that's the ticket.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I'm back now. I survived, and so did 85% of my computer, somewhat miraculously, and I will be posting my reviews as soon as possible.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Hooray!

I'm back now. I survived, and so did 85% of my computer, somewhat miraculously, and I will be posting my reviews as soon as possible.

Go for it...we're waiting!

 

[BooMerengue]

my daughter is writing poetry now. can you spell p-r-o-u-d?

and i wanna take ee to nyc just to show him the cloisters--yknow where they filmed part of looking for richard...

i dunno anything about mad dog time, but i'll try to find it. and i saw guilenstern and rosenkrantz off b'way. what a rush that was! my feet didn't touch the ground for a week! ever hear of "richard deterred"? it's a parody of richard iii based on nixon and watergate. it's funny as hell. ran off broadway a forever ago when i was um a mere child. yeah...that's the ticket.

Ange... sometimes talking w/ you is like looking thru a piece of amber at a forgotten time and place. Imagine a lovely couple of moderate means with their wonderfully obedient ( tho sometimes mischievous) 7 children aged 15 to 2 in their Sunday clothes wandering around The Cloisters. I do believe that's where I saw the Unicorn Tapestries which I have NEVER forgotten. Mom found me crying over the one where all the spears were sticking in him. lol

I was to go meet SushiBoyNYC there in 2001 for my B'day- Sept 10. Something intervened. The next day I was sitting at my pc eating a piece of cake when the 1st plane hit... I haven't been back. I do so love NYC.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Let's try it again. Last time I sat down to write this, it didn't end well.

My personal thoughts on each of the 16 hypersonnets posted:

• HyperSleep by BooMerengue ©
  
  Hypersleep is a solid poem. Technically, it's almost flawless, although the only iambic pentameter problem that I could find came at a crucial time, the last verse before the closing couplet:
  
  and now your song changes to one of doom.
  
  A slight flaw easily fixable:
  
  and now your song turns into one of doom.
  
  One thing that I think really worked well in this poem was the way it used the structure to move the poem forward in much the same way as the classic sonnets are intended to. There's a presentation of the theme, an expansion, a clear-cut shift in the poem between the two tercets, and a closing couplet that wraps it all up and introduces a twist: a classic golden key couplet.
  
  On the other hand, I found several instances where the form makes itself noted, some places with superfluous words, others with words missing, where it's clear that the author was struggling to keep true to the meter and rhyme, sometimes at the expense of the flow of the poem.
  
  
• Hyperfiesta by champagne1982 ©
  
  Hyperfiesta is a tough one to call. It's a superbly written poem, captivating, painting a gorgeous picture. The form is completely seamless. So much, in fact, that it tears it apart. There is no attempt to keep to iamb, which in itself wouldn't be that big a deal, since the sense of rhythm is still very present throughout the poem, but it is accompanied by an intensive use of enjambments, including across different units - the author opts for cramming the entire 2 quatrains + 2 tercets + 1 quatrain + 1 couplet scheme into a single 20 verses stanza.
  
  The result is the shattering of the rhyme and metric schemes, which leads to the same feeling as a very dense free verse poem. It's a very interesting way of writing formal poetry.
  
  
• Hyperplasmic love by fawnie ©
  
  I have already made a iambic analysis of an earlier Hyperplasmic love in this thread, but this final version is much better. I found no technical flaws of any kind, the meter and rhyme schemes are perfect. More importantly, there is no evidence of strain, no verse feels forced to accommodate the form. They all flow very well.
  
  The only negative aspects of this poem, in my opinion, had to do with the sometimes clichéd feel of some verses, and in a way of the overall thematic. Time is now to me a friend / Love be lost within my fears / To say I need is much too strong a word.
  
  Also, I didn't see a great deal of development across the 20 verses of the poem; instead, it felt rather circular, insisting on the same sentiment throughout, changing only the words. I don't know if a classic 14 lines sonnet wouldn't have had the same effect.
  
  
• Hyperchallenged by ferociouskittycat ©
  
  This is definitely a fun read, and that ain't bad. There's an interesting progression of the poem, using the structure well enough, each stanza making up a new development unit.
  
  Technically, there are some flaws. It starts out well, with a good first quatrain, but in the second, for example, we have:
  
  With glasses set upon my nose so grand
  Wires on my teeth, a brand new smile
  Wearing hand me downs that suit my style
  Adorning band-aids covering my hand
  
  Two verses that start with a strong syllable and therefore miss the iamb. There are other examples in the subsequent stanzas too. There are also some verses that even if they don't strictly miss the iamb, it still falls short of sounding natural:
  
  And to sit and read in the library - the stressed words are "to", "and", "in" and "library". Apart from the last word, they're all connection words; both verbs in this verse are treated as weak syllables.
  
  Stare into the face looking back at me – the natural way for me to read this line would be, Stare into the face looking back at me, which isn't iambic.
  
  The rule of thumb is, if you can make sense of the verse just by reading the stressed syllables, you're on the right track:
  - With glasses set upon my nose so grand - "glasses" "set" "upon" "nose" "grand" - perfect;
  - And to sit and read in the library – "to" "and" "in" "library" - not so good...

I'll be back later with the rest.

 

[BooMerengue]

Lauren- Thank you. I wish I could get a critique like that on everything I write. Its clear and constructive- exactly what I need.

I'm still having trouble w/ the 'word' thingy. I dont have the vocabulary of a poet. I understand all the words I read, but I don't use them in everyday conversation, and when I try to add them in my work it no longer sounds like me. But a sonnet is a good place for the $2 words so I'm gonna keep pluggin! lol

 

[The Mutt]

Lauren- Thank you. I wish I could get a critique like that on everything I write. Its clear and constructive- exactly what I need.

I'm still having trouble w/ the 'word' thingy. I dont have the vocabulary of a poet. I understand all the words I read, but I don't use them in everyday conversation, and when I try to add them in my work it no longer sounds like me. But a sonnet is a good place for the $2 words so I'm gonna keep pluggin! lol

Often I read a poem and it is so clear that the poet wrote what they meant, then went back and replaced some words with more "poetic" alternatives. If blue is what you mean, don't try to shoehorn "azure" in just to sound more poetical. In Shakespeare's sonnets, he often uses much simpler language than he does in his plays. Read "When in disgrace with fortune..." and compare it to "To be or not to be...". Other than 'bootless' , it is all plain, simple words. It is not the words, it is what you say with them.

 

[BooMerengue]

Well TY, Mutt. But not everyone feels that way. I've taken hits on other works cuz viewers think I'm taking the easy way out. But I don't really write for poets so its ok.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Some of the rest of the hypersonnets:

• Hyper Music by Liar ©
  
  Hyper Music is another very solid poem, and a technically almost-spotless hypersonnet. The words flow naturally, never feeling forced by the restraints, the rhythm, the dance, all taking advantage of the form rather than adapting to it.
  
  The juxtaposed images of the night sky and the two lovers are nothing new, but the way they're presented is so fresh.
  
  The meter never fails, and the only instance where I spotted a flaw was in the last quatrain:
  
  You pull me closer, watching Venus' flight,
  a tiny spark of magic matching ours,
  and run your fingers tracing ancient scars.
  "You are my song," you sigh into the night.
  
  I read it over and over, and just can't get ours to be more than a near-rhyme with scars, stars and Mars, no matter how much I try to close my British accent. Maybe it's just me, though.
  
  
• hyperpyrexia by Liar ©
  
  I dissected this one before too. Just like Hyper Music, Hyperpyrexia is a near-perfect hypersonnet. I found odd that a person who reads fire in two syllables (as I do) in the first verse of the first quatrain, doesn't do it with scour in the third quatrain. It's just one person reading it, though, so don't mind what I'm saying.
  
  I've noticed that no poem made use of polysyllables as much as this one, and still there was only one iambic mistake:
  
  a struggling but domesticated brain
  run high on holy endorphins and heat
  
  The content makes this a very good poem also, at the best style of Liar's poetry, razor-sharp and swift, and the words flow with an incredible ease, albeit a little more circular than Hyper Music.
  
  
• Hyper-woolly (The Win-Win Scenario) by lostandfounder ©
  
  A fun read, guaranteed to make any reader smile. It used the form well in order to progress in a smooth way, and the dialogue was an interesting device too.
  
  The iambic pentameter was off more often than on. The first quatrain, for example:
  
  "But I like you better without the beard."
  She said to me as her full lips pouted [only 9 syllables]
  Whiskers ran against her face, words doubted [only 9 syllables]
  "I know you like them." Mokingly I jeered
  
  Also, in every verse of one of the rhymes:
  
  She pushed me back and struck my chest lightly [only 9 metric syllables]
  ...
  These symbols of my manhood. Not rightly!" [only 9 metric syllables]
  ...
  Smiling she said, "I don't need it nightly" [only 9 metric syllables]
  ...
  Alas, to her promise she kept tightly [only 9 metric syllables]
  
  A revision of these small details, as well as a lot of the punctuation used would be advisable, in order to get a better flow. As it is, it stumbles a little, here and there.
  
  
• Hyperemia by Miss Oatlash ©
  
  Another near-perfect hypersonnet. The structure is flawless, the writing is powerful, unhampered by the form. My only question mark lies on the punctuation - a full stop at the end of almost every line adds some edge that is in tone with the content of the poem, but doesn't help the flow.

I must apologise again and ask for some patience. I'll get to the rest of the submissions soon. This is very time-consuming, and I'm having a lot of trouble managing mine, these days.

 

[Angeline]

Ange... sometimes talking w/ you is like looking thru a piece of amber at a forgotten time and place. Imagine a lovely couple of moderate means with their wonderfully obedient ( tho sometimes mischievous) 7 children aged 15 to 2 in their Sunday clothes wandering around The Cloisters. I do believe that's where I saw the Unicorn Tapestries which I have NEVER forgotten. Mom found me crying over the one where all the spears were sticking in him. lol

I was to go meet SushiBoyNYC there in 2001 for my B'day- Sept 10. Something intervened. The next day I was sitting at my pc eating a piece of cake when the 1st plane hit... I haven't been back. I do so love NYC.

We used to take trips into the city when I was very young and go to the Empire State Building or the Met and always see the Rockettes and a film at Radio City Music Hall. Then when I was older (like 13+) I'd go to the city alone--take the train in and walk around the Village or get cheap show tickets at the Tix booth in Times Square and see a play before meeting my uncle who had a shop near Columbus Circle.

The best was trips to the Lower East Side where my dad grew up. We'd always go to Ratner's--a long-gone kosher deli. It had the meanest waiters in the world and was quite a trip.

Oh and my aunt (a Manhattanite) had this great story--she saw the filming of that last scene in front of the Plaza Hotel from The Way We Were. She said Robert Redford was so gorgeous, you could see it all the way across Fifth Avenue, lol.

Oh you have no idea. My family is a Woody Allen movie.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Hyperemia by Miss Oatlash ©

Another near-perfect hypersonnet. The structure is flawless, the writing is powerful, unhampered by the form. My only question mark lies on the punctuation - a full stop at the end of almost every line adds some edge that is in tone with the content of the poem, but doesn't help the flow.

Lauren,

I am humbled by your kind words. Thank you!

Miss O.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Lauren,

Any word on when the rest of the hypers will be reveiwed?

Miss O.

 

[Randi Grail]

[*]hyperpyrexia by Liar ©

...

I've noticed that no poem made use of polysyllables as much as this one, and still there was only one iambic mistake:

a struggling but domesticated brain
run high on holy endorphins and heat

I might have a clue on that word. I was in Gothenburg (In Sweden, land of the L-man) last week, and got into a conversation with a woman in a bar. She was a fitness buff fanatic, and we got into talking about excersise. I remember specifically how she talked about runner's high because of the peculiar way she pronounced "endorphin". She said it like "submarine" (end - or - phin long vowel in the end, like 'spleen')

Ok, so it's a Swedish accent thing, you might say. Oh nay, I put the location in to make you think just that. She was from Philadelphia.

I am a native English speaker too. I had a hard time with another word in Liar's poem. However I try, I can't read "submerging" without a hard first syllable without cringing.

I think that illustrates how hard iambic verse is to get right for everyone, when we even speak the language different from person to person.

 

[tungtied2u]

I might have a clue on that word. I was in Gothenburg (In Sweden, land of the L-man) last week, and got into a conversation with a woman in a bar. She was a fitness buff fanatic, and we got into talking about excersise. I remember specifically how she talked about runner's high because of the peculiar way she pronounced "endorphin". She said it like "submarine" (end - or - phin long vowel in the end, like 'spleen')

Ok, so it's a Swedish accent thing, you might say. Oh nay, I put the location in to make you think just that. She was from Philadelphia.

I am a native English speaker too. I had a hard time with another word in Liar's poem. However I try, I can't read "submerging" without a hard first syllable without cringing.

I think that illustrates how hard iambic verse is to get right for everyone, when we even speak the language different from person to person.

Well said Randi. I lived in England for 7 years, and I learned we do not necessarily speak the same language. They definitely
stressed different syllables, and what I found interesting, the Brits tend to end their sentences by going up in pitch- like an upbeat, while we Yanks tend to end on a downstroke.

Well spotted, though. Cheery-by!

 

[BooMerengue]

Wait! Wait! I think someone wrote a little poem about this very thing!Hold on... lemme look...

Iamb Learning

Okay my friends come here and listen up;
I'll try to teach you how to place your words
to mimic flights of Angels and of birds
and not the antics of a playful pup!

Its best if you can write the way you speak
and let the accent fall where it is meant.
Dont force it by plac ing it dif fer ent.*
By bending words sometimes you make them weak.

*You see what I just did; I made you stumble.
I should replace the word 'force' but I won't.
Or do you think I should replace the 'don't'?
To find just the right word will make you humble.

I watched Hyndes task bring on the puzzled faces
and then I saw a trace of something more
from those across the pond whom we adore
They put their accent marks in different places!

When you are through then open your thesaurus
and decorate your work with sounds that sing!
Now praise yourself for all the joy you'll bring
and give a wink to this ol' dinosaurus!

Its all in fun!!

(pushing ya... Go vote!!!)