Hyperchallenge

[Liar]

Re: Re: Reading Aloud

she also said my hyperchallenge"s meter doesn't fit the form, which I don't understand, I've pmd, asking for an explanation, because to me it's flawless, and if it's not, then I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I need to learn how to do it correctly, eep, before tomorrow's contest. *confused*

Let us both hope that there's no sonnet or hypersonnet involved in whatever Lauren cooks up for us tomorrow... It brought some good poems, but at least to me, it was a pain in the butt to write.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Re: Re: Re: Reading Aloud

Let us both hope that there's no sonnet or hypersonnet involved in whatever Lauren cooks up for us tomorrow... It brought some good poems, but at least to me, it was a pain in the butt to write.

I enjoyed the challenge...whether I ever participate in another challenge remains to be seen!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Tomorrow's challenge shouldn't involve iambic pentameter. At least I wasn't planning on it 'til this very second...

PS: Great hypersonnets, everyone. I was a bit too busy today to be able to properly review them, but I will.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Tomorrow's challenge shouldn't involve iambic pentameter. At least I wasn't planning on it 'til this very second...

PS: Great hypersonnets, everyone. I was a bit too busy today to be able to properly review them, but I will.

I'll look forward to it whatever it is. It's nice to have something to think about besides work and torturing my Mutt!

 

[Guest]

all my words are less be-cause you see them 5
a-llit-er-a-tion, struc-ture, and the rest 5
per-haps I pushed you fur-ther with my test 5
when I threw a pig, this price-less gem 4
my wis-dom is quite fasc-et-ed it’s true 5

learned sole-ly from my hard and traveled road 5
pure parts of pain, my educated load 5
The bruises on my flesh were all for you 5

I some-how thought that this was what you knew 5
ass-um-ing that you knew the po-et’s code 5
and so, it seems, my the-ory is quite flawed 5

filled on-ly with a skewed and frac-tured view 5
of who you were and prom-ise that you showed 5
in-side your dark and dir-ty world of fraud 5

you’re the ru-ined a-pple in this sys-tem 5
a rot-ten spot that’s dam-a-ging our best 5
and think-ing that you’re flaw-less, that’s the jest 5
poss-ib-ly the prob-lem’s with your brain stem 5

gen-et-ic fail-lings fa-ther your fac-ade 5
and an-y cure for you, an act of God 5


perks - I took your poem and really studied it - something I just didn't have time to do this a.m. - and now the only line I just can't feel comfortable with is the "pig throwing" line.

I apologise for nit-picking. It's a better poem than I could ever compose.

 

[Liar]

when I threw a pig, this price-less gem 4

? reads like 5 emphasised syllables to me.

when I threw a pig, this price-less gem

I found 3 places where the da-bum da-bum da-bum rhythm got weird though, at least in my inexperienced ears. PM'ed to you perky. Do with it as you please.

#L

 

[Liar]

Tomorrow's challenge shouldn't involve iambic pentameter. At least I wasn't planning on it 'til this very second...

PS: Great hypersonnets, everyone. I was a bit too busy today to be able to properly review them, but I will.

I agree, this was a great challenge. Exhausing but really good gumnastics for my muse. She's been getting soggy lately.

Like I said, tomorrow is a duel, so I'll be armed. If you bring an iambic sonnet to the duel tomorrow, I'll shoot myself and get it over with.

If you pull something really brave, like bring a villanelle into the equation, I'll take you down first.

#L

ps. That being said, my head is full of little pixies singing lullabyes. I'm off to bed.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

? reads like 5 emphasised syllables to me.

when I threw a pig, this price-less gem

A iamb is a weak syllable followed by a strong one. When isn't a iamb.

 

[Guest]

Tomorrow's challenge shouldn't involve iambic pentameter. At least I wasn't planning on it 'til this very second...

PS: Great hypersonnets, everyone. I was a bit too busy today to be able to properly review them, but I will.

What a great challenge, Lauren. I would never have tried a sonnet let alone a hyper version. Thanks. And kudos to all the participants.

 

[Liar]

? reads like 5 emphasised syllables to me.

when I threw a pig, this price-less gem

I found 3 places where the da-bum da-bum da-bum rhythm got weird though, at least in my inexperienced ears. PM'ed to you perky. Do with it as you please.

#L

WAIT! Clarification. This was not the poem I was looking on. This is 'hypersensitive hyperbole', and the one I looked at before was 'hyperchallenge'

Um... I think....

Ok, gawd. I can't do this at 3.30 in the morning.

Apologies to everyone for my confusion.

One last thing. Regardless of meter or parameter paragraph paranormal paul peter neater beater...those two poems were awe inspiring. I fear there will be nothing but a wet spot left of me come tomorrow.

over and oooooouuuuttt....

#L

 

[Guest]

I'm interested at how people read a poem.. Here is how I heard mine. Bear in mind the English accent which may or may not have a bearing on pronounciation.


The sky draped earth in shades of blue and gold
and beaut-e-ous Hyp-er--i-on was born
to rise in east-ern skies and bless each dawn.
His mo-ther, Gai-a, wept to loose her hold

she watched her glor-ious son get ev-er bright
and ride a-cross his fa-ther’s great do-main
to dip be-low the rim with crim-son stain
and leave the sky a dam-son cloak of night.

He shared his gift with all, a blind-ing light
but none could meet his gaze with-out great pain
its fierce-ness drove brave men down to their knee

His sis-ter, The-ia, sens-uous in his sight
suc-cumbed to love poured down on her like rain
the un-i-on was blessed with god-lets three

No oth-er Tit-an claimed too be as bold
Hyp-er-i-on would gaze on them with scorn
his fier-y char-iot left the heav-ens torn
A sun god wrapped in fierc-est heat, yet cold

So ends my tale of Greek myth-o-log-y
of god and god-dess Tit-an de-i-ty

 

[perks]

so everyone whose hyper poem I critiqued, ignore me, cause apparently I'm backwards, and have no frickin idea what I'm talking about when it comes to iambic pentameter.

*flustered*

Thanks everyone who helped me out here and in PM, I started to see some of the meter problems, but then lost it again, and went back to the way I speak it, and it sounds right, but I know it's wrong when I bold the words the correct way. It's completley frustrating and obvious that I need more practice, to grasp it.
I've not met the challenge.

 

[Guest]

so everyone whose hyper poem I critiqued, ignore me, cause apparently I'm backwards, and have no frickin idea what I'm talking about when it comes to iambic pentameter.

*flustered*

Thanks everyone who helped me out here and in PM, I started to see some of the meter problems, but then lost it again, and went back to the way I speak it, and it sounds right, but I know it's wrong when I bold the words the correct way. It's completley frustrating and obvious that I need more practice, to grasp it.
I've not met the challenge.

No, I won't ignore your critique. Your opinion is valid and - even if you did get it wrong - it made me go back and look critically at my thing.

I vote we put Lauren in the stocks if she pulls another of those in 2004.

 

[perks]

No, I won't ignore your critique. Your opinion is valid and - even if you did get it wrong - it made me go back and look critically at my thing.

I vote we put Lauren in the stocks if she pulls another of those in 2004.

my opinion was based on incorrect knowledge, so it's moot, critically relooking aside.

and no, i have to learn it, sometime.

 

[Guest]

my opinion was based on incorrect knowledge, so it's moot, critically relooking aside.

and no, i have to learn it, sometime.

I bet you're one of those people who get some new gadget, pull it out of the box and try to use it, find it won't work then look at the instructions.

 

[perks]

I bet you're one of those people who get some new gadget, pull it out of the box and try to use it, find it won't work then look at the instructions.

nope, I'm the person who reads the directions and still doesn't get it, so I do it and figure it out for myself. I'm spacially oriented.

 

[Liar]

I'm interested at how people read a poem.. Here is how I heard mine. Bear in mind the English accent which may or may not have a bearing on pronounciation.



the un-i-on was blessed with god-lets three

Hyp-er-i-on would gaze on them with scorn

So ends my tale of Greek myth-o-log-y

This is quite interresting, I didn't reflect on it when reading your poem, I really didn't read them for the, um...iambience of it all. But the words Union, Hyperion and Mythology falls off my tongue as Un-i-on, Hyp-er-i-on and Myth-o-log-y... i.e ending with another weak syllable. I found the same kind of things in several poems, to the extent that I didn't reflect on it. I'm beginning to suspect that I'm too anal rententive, due to not using the language on a daily basis. my way of thinking would actually disqualify a vast number of words from iambic poetry ('po-et-ry' for instance ). Should I file that as an effect of my unsavvy with spoken English laguage?

 

[trendyredhead]

This is quite interresting, I didn't reflect on it when reading your poem, I really didn't read them for the, um...iambience of it all. But the words Union, Hyperion and Mythology falls off my tongue as Un-i-on, Hyp-er-i-on and Myth-o-log-y... i.e ending with another weak syllable. I found the same kind of things in several poems, to the extent that I didn't reflect on it. I'm beginning to suspect that I'm too anal rententive, due to not using the language on a daily basis. my way of thinking would actually disqualify a vast number of words from iambic poetry ('po-et-ry' for instance ). Should I file that as an effect of my unsavvy with spoken English laguage?

You're exactly right, Liar, and I'm in the anal retentive English Language camp as well.

Iambic pentameter is hard to understand and hard to write for a lot of people, experienced and inexperienced poets alike. Some people hear the meter easily, while others don't. But even if a poet wasn't successful with continuous meter through their entire poem, or got it right by chance without understanding it, an exercise like this really serves to help us all be more aware of meter - in general - as we write.

For those who still feel like they want to go back to their poems and evaluate the meter more, I recommend printing it (double or triple space the lines) and having someone read it out loud to you while you follow your printed copy. As they read, make the following marks over each syllable: u for unstressed and / for stressed. Iambic pentameter has 5 (penta) sets of " u / " in each line. Every line starts with " u " and ends with " / ".

Here's an example: (I'm not taking the time to use the non-breaking spaces to make this line up right)

.../......u..../.....u..../...u..../...u...../......u
you’re the ru-ined a-pple in this sys-tem

u../.....u......./.....u....../.....u..../......u.../
a rot-ten spot that’s dam-a-ging our best


In the first line, the meter is backwards. It's right in the second line.

I hope this helps....

 

[perks]

You're exactly right, Liar, and I'm in the anal retentive English Language camp as well.

Iambic pentameter is hard to understand and hard to write for a lot of people, experienced and inexperienced poets alike. Some people hear the meter easily, while others don't. But even if a poet wasn't successful with continuous meter through their entire poem, or got it right by chance without understanding it, an exercise like this really serves to help us all be more aware of meter - in general - as we write.

For those who still feel like they want to go back to their poems and evaluate the meter more, I recommend printing it (double or triple space the lines) and having someone read it out loud to you while you follow your printed copy. As they read, make the following marks over each syllable: u for unstressed and / for stressed. Iambic pentameter has 5 (penta) sets of " u / " in each line. Every line starts with " u " and ends with " / ".
that does help, unfortunately, I can see it when you dissect it, but not when I do, it's frustrating.
Here's an example: (I'm not taking the time to use the non-breaking spaces to make this line up right)

.../......u..../.....u..../...u..../...u...../......u
you’re the ru-ined a-pple in this sys-tem

u../.....u......./.....u....../.....u..../......u.../
a rot-ten spot that’s dam-a-ging our best


In the first line, the meter is backwards. It's right in the second line.

I hope this helps....

 

[trendyredhead]

Another bit of advice - pull out your trusty dictionary and look at the pronunciation of each word - it shows where the stressed syllable is (or syllables if it's a multi-syllabic word).

Perks, it just takes practice and time - I had the dubious good fortune to have a professor in college who worshipped Shakespeare, and went on ad nauseum about iambic pentameter. And then I had a poetry professor who made us try it - repeatedly - and helped his class of ragtag poets "get it" ....

I'd be happy to spend time via email helping you out if you really feel like you have to master iambic pentameter. But please know that you can be an amazing poet with great talent and never write a sonnet again. Your worth as a writer does not depend on whether or not you can master this particular (structured, rigid, somewhat confining) form.

We'll love you no matter what!

trendyredhead

 

[Miss Oatlash]

...structured, rigid, somewhat confining...

3 of my favorite adjectives!!!

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

3 of my favorite adjectives!!!

oh????

 

[perks]

Another bit of advice - pull out your trusty dictionary and look at the pronunciation of each word - it shows where the stressed syllable is (or syllables if it's a multi-syllabic word).

Perks, it just takes practice and time - I had the dubious good fortune to have a professor in college who worshipped Shakespeare, and went on ad nauseum about iambic pentameter. And then I had a poetry professor who made us try it - repeatedly - and helped his class of ragtag poets "get it" ....

I'd be happy to spend time via email helping you out if you really feel like you have to master iambic pentameter. But please know that you can be an amazing poet with great talent and never write a sonnet again. Your worth as a writer does not depend on whether or not you can master this particular (structured, rigid, somewhat confining) form.

We'll love you no matter what!

trendyredhead

feel free to be my cheering section for my upcoming duel, I'm feeling wicked nervous now, lol.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

oh????

Well, hello, BlueskyBeauty! Welcome to the boards...I noticed your poem on another thread. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

And, yes, those ARE 3 of my favorite adjectives! Wanna play?

 

[BlueskyBeauty]

Well, hello, BlueskyBeauty! Welcome to the boards...I noticed your poem on another thread. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

And, yes, those ARE 3 of my favorite adjectives! Wanna play?

will it hurt? u scare me, i think i'd rather wrestle alligators