Hyperchallenge

[Miss Oatlash]

will it hurt? u scare me, i think i'd rather wrestle alligators

I promise the pain will bring pleasure...

 

[tungtied2u]

so everyone whose hyper poem I critiqued, ignore me, cause apparently I'm backwards, and have no frickin idea what I'm talking about when it comes to iambic pentameter.

*flustered*

Thanks everyone who helped me out here and in PM, I started to see some of the meter problems, but then lost it again, and went back to the way I speak it, and it sounds right, but I know it's wrong when I bold the words the correct way. It's completley frustrating and obvious that I need more practice, to grasp it.
I've not met the challenge.

perks

If anybody is iambicly challenged it is I. I knew when I posted it the meter petered, but it didn't matter that I would be battered by the critics. I'll just try harder next time.
The exercise stretched me, though it's easy to see I need to stretch more, even though it makes my brain sore. So why? I need to improve my rhyme.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful critiques. I hope this brings a blush to your cheeks, you cheeky girl!

 

[tungtied2u]

Hyperchallenge reviews

Lauren,
Have you posted reviews of the hypersonnets yet? Didn't know if I just couldn't find them or if they were still in process.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Not yet, tungtied. I'm going to try to find time for them tonight. Sorry.

 

[tungtied2u]

Thanks, Lauren

Not yet, tungtied. I'm going to try to find time for them tonight. Sorry.

No apologies necessary. If your life is anything like mine, it's plenty busy. Not to mention the added responsibilites of the Gunfight, and the thoroughness you apply to all the work you do.
Just wanted to make sure I didn't overlook it.

 

[perks]

perks

If anybody is iambicly challenged it is I. I knew when I posted it the meter petered, but it didn't matter that I would be battered by the critics. I'll just try harder next time.
The exercise stretched me, though it's easy to see I need to stretch more, even though it makes my brain sore. So why? I need to improve my rhyme.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful critiques. I hope this brings a blush to your cheeks, you cheeky girl!

*grin* I don't know about blushing, but I appreciate it. I hate not mastering something. I hate when a poem controls me, instead of the other way around. Maybe I'm of the Michelangelo school of Poetry, the poem exists, I just have to set it free. That being said, maybe the poem wasn't meant to be in iambic pentameter. I'm just going to have to keep searching for the one that is. I wonder if I'll ever find it, and if I do, will I like it?

 

[BooMerengue]

Iamb Learning

Okay my friends come here and listen up;
I'll try to teach you how to place your words
to mimic flights of Angels and of birds
and not the antics of a playful pup!

Its best if you can write the way you speak
and let the accent fall where it is meant.
Dont force it by plac ing it dif fer ent.*
By bending words sometimes you make them weak.

*You see what I just did; I made you stumble.
I should replace the word 'force' but I won't.
Or do you think I should replace the 'don't'?
To find just the right word will make you humble.

I watched Hynde's task bring on the puzzled faces
and then I saw a trace of something more
from those across the pond whom we adore
They put their accent marks in different places!

When you are through then open your thesaurus
and decorate your work with sounds that sing!
Now praise yourself for all the joy you'll bring
and give a wink* to this ol' dinosaurus!

(chuckling)

*= Votes and Comments (thanks)
Iamb Learning

 

[tungtied2u]

Iamb Learning

Okay my friends come here and listen up;
I'll try to teach you how to place your words
to mimic flights of Angels and of birds
and not the antics of a playful pup!

Its best if you can write the way you speak
and let the accent fall where it is meant.
Dont force it by plac ing it dif fer ent.*
By bending words sometimes you make them weak.

*You see what I just did; I made you stumble.
I should replace the word 'force' but I won't.
Or do you think I should replace the 'don't'?
To find just the right word will make you humble.

I watched Hynde's task bring on the puzzled faces
and then I saw a trace of something more
from those across the pond whom we adore
They put their accent marks in different places!

When you are through then open your thesaurus
and decorate your work with sounds that sing!
Now praise yourself for all the joy you'll bring
and give a wink to this ol' dinosaurus!

(chuckling)

God, how cute are you, boo? I have seen the light, and it is Merengue!

 

[BooMerengue]

oh, gawwwsh!!!

You just made me laugh so loud I woke my son in law who is being punished and sleeping on the couch! Now I'm in deep shit!

Please dont anyone tell Tung I'm a 54 yr old burnt out greyheaded Grammy, ok?? sshhhhh

 

[tungtied2u]

oh, gawwwsh!!!

You just made me laugh so loud I woke my son in law who is being punished and sleeping on the couch! Now I'm in deep shit!

Please dont anyone tell Tung I'm a 54 yr old burnt out greyheaded Grammy, ok?? sshhhhh

boo
if you
only knew
who
what
and why
I am
ma'am
you'd be
most pleased.

 

[BooMerengue]

boo
if you
only knew
who
what
and why
I am
ma'am
you'd be
most pleased.

Uhhh...

Care to fill in the blanks? I hate riddles; now you have me franticky! SPILL THE BEANS!!

my mailbox is empty and waiting...

 

[trendyredhead]

ok....i hate to be impatient, but i do it so well...

Lauren, I know you're busy, but we're still anxiously awaiting your verdict and reviews on the hyperchallenge....

Can you give us some idea of when to check back??

Vielen Dank!

trendyredhead

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: ok....i hate to be impatient, but i do it so well...

Lauren, I know you're busy, but we're still anxiously awaiting your verdict and reviews on the hyperchallenge....

Can you give us some idea of when to check back??

Vielen Dank!

trendyredhead

Well, the thing is I'm hours away from finishing a short story. As soon as I'm done with it (predictably in 1 hour from now) I will print out all the hypersonnets and have a go at it.

I want to say to check back tomorrow at about this time.

 

[trendyredhead]

thank you, dear!

****goes back to furiously crocheting to pass the time****

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Hyper Mutt

thank you, dear!

****goes back to furiously crocheting to pass the time****

The Mutt is anxiously awaiting the results as well. I even started a hypersonnet in honor of his attitude:

HyperMutt

So eagerly he waits for the results
Will Tathagata win; perhaps Tristesse?
Or will it be his kinky, sweet mistress?
Will he get some praise or just insults?

You finish it...

 

[trendyredhead]

Re: Hyper Mutt

HyperMutt

So eagerly he waits for the results
Will Tathagata win; perhaps Tristesse?
Or will it be his kinky, sweet mistress?
Will he get some praise or just insults?

You finish it...

I won't finish it, but I'll add another stanza or three...


His Hyperdulia is hard to beat,
The rhythm and the rhyme are tightly wound.
But Hyperemia goes round and round
And echoes in his head with visions sweet.

When Hyper Music plays in Liar's voice,
And Hypersleep is just beyond his reach,
It's hard to be so certain of a win.

His Lady Lauren has a real hard choice.
To make him happy could be quite a reach
When other sonnets stir the heart within.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

You will all be happy to know that I finished my story, minor edits notwithstanding, and tomorrow I will definitely be carefully rereading those hypersonnets

 

[Guest]

You will all be happy to know that I finished my story, minor edits notwithstanding, and tomorrow I will definitely be carefully rereading those hypersonnets

I'm more interested in reading your story.

 

[Angeline]

Do I dare to write a hyper-poemy?
It's an easier dare to eat a peach
than to grasp a form that's beyond my reach,
dipping my thoughts in its sweet-ink foamy.
What is poetry? Do lines make haiku?
Is the iamb pent a poem's sold reward?
Would you think it lame or my words untoward,
if I write in jest and I joke with you?
If metaphors fail, if they can't renew,
did I hoist myself on a failing sword?
Would you think I lost as I try tonight
if my meter falters or goes askew?
Worst of all, if my poem makes you feel bored,
would the rhythm save it or make it right?
Tell me the truth though I'm not your homie,
is a poem to feel or is it to teach?
I can write them all, but you don't know me
if you think the form's all that's in my sight
if you think counting is why one should write.

 

[BooMerengue]

Ange! Hiya kid!

I watched Al Pacino filming Richard (III, I think) and the same thing was said there. Learn the form so you can more surely step outside of it.

same as colorin outside the lines, I guess!

How are you? Stayin cool?

 

[Angeline]

Ange! Hiya kid!

I watched Al Pacino filming Richard (III, I think) and the same thing was said there. Learn the form so you can more surely step outside of it.

same as colorin outside the lines, I guess!

How are you? Stayin cool?

Looking for Richard is one of my all-time favorites! Is Al the coolest or what? I love the scene in Central Park where he's gladhanding everyone and saying in perfect New Yawkese--

Howawreya? Ya like Shakespee-ah?

He's the man of my dreams, you know. Well if he still looked like he did in Serpico lol.

And I'm cool. Tonight. Last few days have been killer hot, even here. I'm dying for autumm--my favorite time of year. I am soooo not a summer person.

How are you sweety?

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Re: Re: Hyper Mutt

I won't finish it, but I'll add another stanza or three...


His Hyperdulia is hard to beat,
The rhythm and the rhyme are tightly wound.
But Hyperemia goes round and round
And echoes in his head with visions sweet.

When Hyper Music plays in Liar's voice,
And Hypersleep is just beyond his reach,
It's hard to be so certain of a win.

His Lady Lauren has a real hard choice.
To make him happy could be quite a reach
When other sonnets stir the heart within.

Great job, Red!

 

[champagne1982]

Hyper Iambics

Thanks to all who left a comment on Hyperfiesta. I know the meter was skippy and yep, you bet the iamb was slipping down that flamenco dancer's cleavage. Just like a drop of sweat. Here's the first version...

The music man stirred a flamenco pair
on his acoustic spanish guitar strings.
With lip captured in teeth, giving sound wings
fingers slapping time with dramatic flair.

She was an artist of passionate dance,
with fiery emotions and flame-red skirt
who flipped her fan full in an artful flirt,
daring the strong man to take tonight's chance

Wear your pride and strength, like a chainmail shirt
while the guitar man lures you with his song;
those castanets clacking a rhythmic trance.

Dark one, of sparked firelight and burning hurt
to leave the night now would be doing wrong.
Stand brave and tall, turning fear into chance.

Wearing lace and grace, letting down her hair
While mariachi, a serenade sings.
She'll take all the love his flamenco brings,
vowing with kisses how deeply they care

Mated in dancing, love timeless and strong
A melody strummed, the guitar man's song.

Which do you prefer? ..

 

[champagne1982]

Just because I'm sick this way --

Hyperlife

The flashes of lightning burn through the sky
leaving a flare of magnesium glow
to rumble through humidity's wet flow
like birthday sparklers on the fourth of July.

The electricity raising hairs on my arm
stealing my breath and now, stilling my heart
needing that painfully, jolting restart
of ignition, crying out in alarm.

There's wonder hidden in that Wiccan charm,
not found in an astrology starchart
but here, as the thunderclouds churn and boil.

An earthy knowledge to save us from harm,
feeling the power love and life impart
to those who celebrate the storm's turmoil.

The Goddess answers our questions of why
we exist. Who wrote the script for this show?
Warns the end comes when we reap what we sow.
I hope it's good. As we live so we die.

Let my seeds plant deep in rich fertile soil
and the crop that grows reward fervent toil.

 

[BooMerengue]

Looking for Richard is one of my all-time favorites! Is Al the coolest or what? I love the scene in Central Park where he's gladhanding everyone and saying in perfect New Yawkese--

Howawreya? Ya like Shakespee-ah?

He's the man of my dreams, you know. Well if he still looked like he did in Serpico lol.

And I'm cool. Tonight. Last few days have been killer hot, even here. I'm dying for autumm--my favorite time of year. I am soooo not a summer person.

How are you sweety?

...and the guy who said he didn't know Shakespeare til he quoted "to be or not to be" and Al's face lit up like he'd found a brand new friend. I do love that and right afterward I watched Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and laughed silly. I love anything Tim Roth does and Richard Dreyfuss gives great dry comedy. Have you seen a Mad Dog Time? Find it, rent it, you will LOVE it!

I remember the hot days there tho we spent most of our time in the water. As a kid the heat didn't bother me like the bugs did. Ugh! Carrie has re invited me to the UP and I want to go but the bugs there are considered the UP Air Force.

Glad to see you. I'm working on a kids book and its fun. Sort of like the Tribe tho nothing like it at all. My 11 yr old grandaughter helped me write the silly sonnet Iamb Learning... she catches on VERY quickly. She wants to be a singer. One viewer wrote that she thought it was a poem about Shish Ka Bobs and my gd is incensed... wanted to fire off a mean reply. Cuz she wrote about half... and has never heard of anyone eating lamb. lol

We need another challenge. (well... I do) Got any ideas, anyone?