I am your Dom "BUT" ......

[saw_man1]

I'm with Fury on this. If I were involved with someone on this board, it would be private and quiet and no one's business. My private life is private and I'm careful how much and what I share here.

********

 

[FurryFury]

I've always told the men I was with online, Dom or not that I didn't want it to be known on this board or anywhere else. If that makes me less of a sub, I'm cool with that. I have a certain comfort level I need. If they don't understand that they are not the right fit for me. Hell, I think I'm not the right fit for anyone right now being so busy and all but that's life.

*shrugs*

 

[A Desert Rose]

It's an apples and oranges comparison.
If I'm reading yours and FF's post correctly you two have the freedom to go public with the details of whatever relationship you were/are in were you so inclined. However, you just choose not to. A decision that when mutually agreed upon is wise one in my opinion.
To be arbitrarily ordered to keep the relationship secret is an entirely different matter. There may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for his position but more than likely there isn't.

No, actually I would not have had the freedom to go "public". That decision would have involved another party and I would not have ever violated his trust or betrayed him by going public without it being a unified decision.

It was a unified decision to NOT go public, we both agreed not to. And I'm very glad we did agree to that. We have remained friends on this board and no one will ever be the wiser. It saved us both a lot of embarrassment.

Yes, this particular Dom has made an arbitrary decision and apparently, since she has not responded to several requests wondering if she has even asked him why he wants things this way, she is in the dark about it. Just as we are.

There's only one side of this issue we are hearing. I'd still be interested in knowing how he explains his motivation.

 

[FurryFury]

No, actually I would not have had the freedom to go "public". That decision would have involved another party and I would not have ever violated his trust or betrayed him by going public without it being a unified decision.

It was a unified decision to NOT go public, we both agreed not to. And I'm very glad we did agree to that. We have remained friends on this board and no one will ever be the wiser. It saved us both a lot of embarrassment.

Yes, this particular Dom has made an arbitrary decision and apparently, since she has not responded to several requests wondering if she has even asked him why he wants things this way, she is in the dark about it. Just as we are.

There's only one side of this issue we are hearing. I'd still be interested in knowing how he explains his motivation.

Right, I considered this a mutual compact with trust. Though I technically could have gone public, that is something I would never do.

The only reason I can think of to ever do such a thing would be if I had a "catastrophic" online experience with such a person and wanted to warn others. That warning shit never really works though. Fortunately, my experiences have not been bad or at least not bad enough I felt I needed to do such a thing.

*shrugs*

If she is being ordered to keep secret and it isn't a mutual thing then, yes that is different. Not necessarily wrong, but different from what Desert Rose and I have said about our experiences, because she wants something her online Dom does not. There is a conflict there.

And yes, it would be interesting to know what he says his reasons are.

 

[WriterDom]

I don't want no stinking lit chick. And if I did it would be private. Because some jealous subbie is going to say something hateful just to piss her off and I have to deal with the aftermath. And I don't like it when my little fury gets upset. (just kidding)

You could try to ask him why. Is it because he wants a harem or some other reason? Remember the ring of subs from the playground that came here all pissed off and wanting to out the guy that was Master of them all? They wanted to form the "Out the Player" club.

subs are easy pickings. I get 2 offers a day some days. Or one. Rarely do I get none. Today is a zero day. Anyone want me? I'll shave my balls for you.

 

[Homburg]

My wife posts on here. Neither of us has publically admitted any relation to the other. (A pretty fair number of people know, and I don't really consider it a secret. It's just not necessarily common knowledge.) It was done this way on my decision. Why? Because I wanted to play around? Nope. I've made clear that I'm married, and that my wife posts here, and anyone I chat with is told this fact up front.

I did it because I was concerned that she might not want to be associated with me. I can be *ahem* polarising. I didn't want to wander in, caudse a stink, and have her time on this boards poisoned my my occassionally aggressive personality. She's been here a good long while and I didn't want to mess with that.

Additionally, she is her own person here, and, again, I'm not going to mess with that.

As to online subs, playmates, etc, I tend to keep that quiet too. Why? Not because I'm ashamed. I'm just rather private about this sort of thing. Part of it is for similar reasons above. I'm pretty damned sure that I'll say something that will piss off scads and scads of people, and I don't want someone I care about getting ugly PM's because they are publically attached to me.

Still, if I'm not willing to say who my wife is, do you think that I'm going to be willing to say who my online sub/girlfriend/playmates might be? Maybe at some point, when I've shown that I'm not going to randomly go nuclear and wreck their online lives with my radical political views or off-colour jokes. Not now though - still too fresh here.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't want no stinking lit chick. And if I did it would be private. Because some jealous subbie is going to say something hateful just to piss her off and I have to deal with the aftermath. And I don't like it when my little fury gets upset. (just kidding)

You could try to ask him why. Is it because he wants a harem or some other reason? Remember the ring of subs from the playground that came here all pissed off and wanting to out the guy that was Master of them all? They wanted to form the "Out the Player" club.

subs are easy pickings. I get 2 offers a day some days. Or one. Rarely do I get none. Today is a zero day. Anyone want me? I'll shave my balls for you.

*chuckles*

Oh you bad!

*hands you a razor and some cream, gets a camera*

 

[FungiUg]

Anyone want me? I'll shave my balls for you.

I have to do that again soon. In preparation for the snip.

I don't get anywhere near the number of offers you do. Dammit, I'm a failure!

 

[FungiUg]

Some slightly related thoughts...

Firstly, I don't really do the "online Dom" thing. Tried it, didn't like it. Too frustrating. I do do (de doo doo doo, de da da da) the "in person Dom with online contact" thing. Even that is frustrating, but at least I get to meet up occasionally and take out those frustrations...

I know that between blogging and other online commentaries, I ran into a big issue of people to whom I hadn't "come out" (as being poly and into BDSM) finding out what was going on and not handling it very well. Also, some insecurities in friends who did know, but still didn't handle it very well, and some big implications taken on hearsay that got fed back to my partner. Suffice to say it got messy.

So I implemented a form of "information shutdown". In some ways it was too late, because the mess had already happened, but I don't need a repeat of it. I don't need everyone knowing my business or what I like to do or who I am doing it with. The people who are involved know and that's what is important.

So there can be (from my experience) some validity in keeping things quiet. The difference here is that all of the people directly involved know what is going on and why. This is not a decision I made lightly and nor is it one I made in isolation.

So while I see some possibility for someone to be saying "don't tell anyone" for good reasons, I don't see enough information to judge what the reason is. And if your potential online suitor is not giving you enough information... that would leave me to believe they are hiding something.

 

[Kajira Callista]

hi fungiug

 

[FungiUg]

hi fungiug

Hey KC. Fancy meeting you here.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Hey KC. Fancy meeting you here.

*giggles* I didn't even look at the thread just the posters name.

Secret online relationships?

I would never and have never never done that...I actually demand after the first convo that it be announced I am collared forever 'til the day i die or no typewritten nookie of any kind for anyone!




*sits quietly looking all serious and stuff*

 

[FungiUg]

Secret online relationships?

I would never and have never never done that...I actually demand after the first convo that it be announced I am collared forever 'til the day i die or no typewritten nookie of any kind for anyone!

But didn't you and I have a secret online relationship for a while? Oh, yeah... so secret I forgot to tell you about it too.

 

[Kajira Callista]

But didn't you and I have a secret online relationship for a while? Oh, yeah... so secret I forgot to tell you about it too.

Wow you are good! lol

 

[silent_subbie]

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[silent_subbie]

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[HottieMama]

I don't think it's smart to ask a Dom if the reason why i am not allowed to say who he is is because he wants a harem around him? *chuckles*

Isn't that more like provoke him to get ride of me?

There are nice ways to phrase the question...

Perhaps...Am i your only sub or do you have others? (i asked that...then again i was recently described as having brass balls...)

 

[silent_subbie]

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[silent_subbie]

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[silent_subbie]

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[silent_subbie]

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[questnboy]

top

were you trying to play the top from the bottom ?

 

[silent_subbie]

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[Homburg]

Would i want you to have an online sub if i was your wife, submissive and you was my master!?? Hell NO!! I would never agree with this lol.

Sweety, up until recently, I had a second submissive offline

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

*just reading through*