I am your Dom "BUT" ......

[silent_subbie]

..............

 

[FurryFury]

Thought topic:

Taking off a wedding ring is stoopid IMO. 'Cause it attacks a lot of tail.



I ain't shitting, you, no.

Discuss or not, as you wish . . .

*skips off*

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[silent_subbie]

.............

 

[RJMasters]

I have no prob with what RJMasters said in his post,

First, yes you did have a problem with what I said, its pretty clear by your response that you did.

Strike one

actualy i understand him very well. From my side of view he hate anything outside the marriage and me to. ,

Secondly, you don't even have a clue or understand the first thing about me. I never once said I hate anything outside of marraige or that I hated you. I said you were being hypocritical because you have two men in your life, but you would not tolerate either of them having anyone else besides you.

You have divided your life into two peices. One part lives in RL and one part lives online. You give part of yourself to one man who is your husband and then you give another part of yourself to another man who is not your husband. In both parts you demand those men to be exclusitive to you. Yet you then make comments of a derogatory nature about someone who is in a RL poly relationship. So let's be clear....I do not hate you for looking outside your marraige to fulfill your needs, especially since your husband is doing the same thing, I see that more as being a sad thing because it doesn't appear from what you said to be a positive force in your relationship at all.

Swing and a miss, Strike two

Wish it was so easy when my husband is not a Dom like RJM surely is.

If you knew anything about me you would know that I am not a Dom in my marraige. The dominant partner of our relationsip, yes. The sexual agressor of our relationship, yes. Dom? Nope. It takes two people with full consent to be in a D/s relationship where one identfies as the Dom and the other identifies as the submissive. Me and my wife have talked at length about all of this, and she has not consented to be identified as my submissive. She has consented to be my wife who will through devotion and duty submit to me her husband. And to be honest, in many ways I see this as being much closer to authentic submission than most of the shit I see online which pays lips service to the titles and the fantasy version of online D/s BDSM.

Strike three

You say that your husband doesn't understand about being dominant or D/s BDSM, have you ever asked him what he sees in these women online that he cybers with and what is it about them that he is so attracted to? Perhaps if you knew that, that might be a place that you could be submissive to your own husband's desires and needs. Have you ever once gone and knelt to your own husband and expressed how much inside you want to be the one to meet his needs and be the one he desires? That you want to serve him and give yourself to him?

You see I got a hunch about all of this...I don't think this is really about D/s or BDSM at all. I think D/s and BDSM is just the vehicle of escape. I think day after day you have watched your husband give the sacred and special parts of himself to other women and you no longer have respect for him. I think you are lying to yourself in that you say by being the only one that can touch, taste, and feel his cock, that the integrity of your relationship is ok. Most submissive will tell you that it isn't the cock which is important but the man attached to it. And I say that you are lying because when you go online..******* relationships can only be mental and emotional. If this is what you seek and need, it is because this is what you see as being sacred and special. You choose D/s because it is exactly these sacred and special things which a Dom gives to his submissive that makes whatever physical exchanges occur mean something.

The three options I see you having are...

- Work to restore the missing aspects of your existing relationship with your husband so that he is exclusive to you mentally, emotionaly and physically.
- Divorce your husband and find a man who has a desire to be exclusive to you mentally, emotionaly and physically.
- Remain as you are satisfied that you need two men, one to be physically exclusive with and one to be menatally and emotionally exclusive with.

And if your going to settle in choosing the last option, which is fine if you do, because that's your business....then at least have the decency to acknowledge that you require more than one person to fulfill and meet all your needs, and that it would be good if you refrained from making disparaging remarks of others who do the same in their poly relationships. At least they are probably in a poly relationship as a matter of choice in the hopes to further enrich their own lives, not because they are forced a leftover option due to the shortcomings of their own relationship.

I think this whole thread is a farce and a smoke screen. Perhaps some of the opinions regarding privacy and the joy of being able to be open about one's relationship are valid and good, but the way this thread was presented and framed? I can't help but think that if real submission had been involved here, this thread would never have been made in the first place or the tone of it would have been made with less indignation and a sense of entitlement. This makes me question the motive, which wasn't a genuine attempt to learn about valid reasons regarding privacy vs openess.

If you read the original post we were led to believe that:

- i wanna know what ya all think about it
- Is it normal for a Dom to say...

Were those really honest questions silent_subbie? Was that really your motive?

Or perhaps is it more true that your motives were the following which is also taken from your original post and in your 2nd post

- (I am sorry for posting this, but it pissed me off, i had to spit it out lol)
- I am so jelaous of all those sub's who can freely say who their Dom is

The truth is your motive for making this thread was simply because you were angry and jealous.

I know this is true I "quoted it" and because regardless of the outcome, the Dom she was with would be shamed. If all had agreed this was utter bullshit and that he was nothing but a player, by giving her what she wanted, which was to be open about their relationship, then he would be forever known as the Dom that was shamed into publiclly admitting she was his submissive and he was her Dom. Certainly the goal of every submissive for their Dom don't you think? Not to mention wouldn't that destroy any chance she might have to be able to claim proudly she was owned by Him? And if he didn't give her what she wanted, then chances are they would end their relationship, and she would feel justified in issuing an ultimatium in the form of a public thread.

The relationship was over the moment she hit the submit button on the original post of this thread. Anyone surprised by their break up should smack themselves upside their head.

This thread is about anger, jealous, manipulation and a little bit of hypocrisy thrown in for good measure. Lovely, just lovely.

 

[RJMasters]

This thread started out and has continued with people ready and willing to accept that this guy is a big, bad, manipulative, player Dom. That he was protecting HIMSELF by wanting to keep their relationship private. There were all kinds of reasons presented as to why he would be motivated to do this; the biggest was that he had a "harem" of subbies.

You said several times that you had no idea why he would be ashamed of you and not want to tell the whole wide world that he was your proud owner. And conversly, you wanted to be able to proudly wear his name in your sig line like so many other submissives on Lit, who you admire and want to emulate.

And then you finally asked him why he was requiring secrecy and you posted this:

He have a good reason for what he asked me and i understand it now

and this:

The reason this Dom gave me makes us more friends than Dom andsub now and it's okay. I still love him and appreciate him for being so honest with me. I understand his reasons very well nad i am happy for him.

I was not at the beginning, nor am I now, willing to accept that this guy is some big, bad guy.

When only one side of a relationship is presented, it's unfair to make judgement calls on the motivations of the one who is silent. And it's so common here to right away run to protect the poor submissive who says she is being used, manipulated, etc and is apparently, incapable of taking care of herself. Dom bashing is common on this board.

Many posters here prefer to keep their private lives private and have posted so, and you have commented on this as though this is somehow a bad thing. As though we are ashamed or not proud of the person we are involved with.

That is not true and in short, it's a misrepresentation.

Just like the opening post was a misrepresentation of an anonymous Dom. He was not, after all, the big, bad, player Dom that was presented on page 1 and peppered throughout this thread.

He is, it appears after all, to be a very human person with valid (according to your posts that you have accepted and understood his motivations) reasons for what he initially requested of you.

And so, it appears to me we have come full circle and still, I will not pass judgement on a silent, anonymous person whose motivations are still unclear to all but you and perhaps a few of your chosen friends.

I wish you good luck in your journeys.

Yeah that's a big fucking gold star

​

 

[silent_subbie]

................

 

[silent_subbie]

.................

 

[HottieMama]

Two sub's takes to much of time and attention and i really think a Dom can take a good care only of one submissive really. Because while he talk to the one the other is always being ignored. I don't mind this as a friend, but i do mind this as a sub. Thats why we are just friends now.

Careful of the generalizations you are making there. There are plenty of Doms that are able to "take good care" of more than one sub. There are several wonderful of examples on this board alone. It is not a situation of talking to one while the other is ignored. Do you really expect to have 100% of your Dom's time? Can he have 100% of your time? The simple fact that you have a husband tells me that answer is no.

 

[A Desert Rose]

This thread is a fucking train wreck.

So much debris and twisted, convoluted shit, so many conflicting posts, you wouldn't know where to start looking for survivors.

Ha! Good luck little silent subbie! I'll leave it to smarter people than I to try and sort through it out.

 

[nightschild6996]

Well shit...

I WAS going to put in my two cents when I read the first post, but the more I read, the more sad I found the situation to be. I completely agree with RJM, and I think we can pretty much say this discussion is over. All it is now is "I'm right!" "No, I'm right!" and that isn't helping anyone.

Good luck to everyone.

 

[catalina_francisco]

All I have to say, and to be honest it isn't just in relation to this thread alone but something I see often, is that people use the word 'love' far too lightly and casually to even share remotely the same definition as I have for when I say 'I love or loved xyz' in terms of anyone outside friendship. I am so happy I am with someone who understands what it is.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

[...] people use the word 'love' far too lightly and casually to even share remotely the same definition as I have for when I say 'I love or loved xyz' in terms of anyone outside friendship.

"Love" is an interesting word and an interesting concept, but as you say the word is often applied very broadly. We love our pets, our friends, our family and our lovers/partners. We can even love our work and our jobs (yes, it is hypothetically possible.)

I try and distinguish those I love from those I am "in love" with. And that number is far far fewer.

 

[RJMasters]

We still like each other and stayin good friends, but we cannot really be Dom/sub. He's to busy and i dunno share, so we are friends yes. And i don't mind because we are very good friends. He understand me and i understand him.

RJMasters said: The relationship was over the moment she hit the submit button on the original post of this thread. Anyone surprised by their break up should smack themselves upside their head.

Well you are wrong RJ. We didn't split because of my original post in this thread. We've split because he have one submisive already and i dunno, neither i want to be number 2.

Somehow i feel no matter what i'll say you won't like it anyways, nvm.

Well just so I am clear. You start this thread in anger and jealiousy(your words not mine).

People, like Luna gave you good advice to go talk to this Dom because maybe he has valid reasons for this and he is not trying to hide anything.

You then go and talk with him, and then come back and tell us all that he has good reason.

Then you say that you two are broke up.

And now you are saying that his good reason is that he has another sub!!!!

Wouldn't this then justify your orignial anger? How is this a good reason? He tells you that he will agree to be your online Dom and does so for a couple of days, but he tells you that you cannot telll anyone about it. Now you find out that he was infact hiding that he did have another submissive.

So now we are to believe that you started this thread because you were so pissed off and angry that he asked you to not make your relationship public. Then you say he patted you on the back for starting this thread. Now we find out that he was in fact hiding the knowledge of a another sub from you, and all of a sudden you are just peachy keen with that? He lied to you, he didn't tell you about his other submissive. He Dommed you for a few days, then this thread appears and chaos ensues.

I still maintain that the moment you hit the submit button the relationship was over.

The only thing consistant about this thread is that you have consistantly contridicted yourself.

"Somehow i feel no matter what i'll say you won't like it anyways"

At least that is one thing we agree on, because I don't think you would even know what the truth is if it bit you on the ass.

I won't be expending any more energy or time in regards to this matter. The only reason why I join this thread was to point out that when you made the comment to Hornburg that if you were his wife/sub you would kick his ass for having sex with two women... I thought that was pretty hypocritical of you to hold such a view when you yourself had two men in your life.

 

[silent_subbie]

..............

 

[FurryFury]

Actually, don't think this thread is shit at all. I think there is a lot of good stuff in there for those that are discerning enough to see and use those things.

Has it taken a lot of twists and turns? Yes. What thread doesn't?

 

[the captians wench]

I have to admit that I have been lurking on this thread.

Scielent_sub, through out this thread you do seem to contradict yourself a bit, and I have noticed how my own views on the situation have shifted with every post you make. Now I am not saying that that was intentional on your part, you may not even realize it, I'm just saying that it has a large part in why people have at times seemed a little harsh.

That being said, the biggest thing that stands out for me is that you started the thread talking about "your dom" and then here in the last page or so you've said that you only chatted on yahoo a few days. I think the problem you are running into here is that even those of us who have carried on online d/s, for the most part, don't refur to some one as "my dom" so quickly. It's obvious to me now that you are looking for a certian type of, for lack of a better term, play time bdsm. That's not my thing, but if it satisfies you, no worries.

When my love and I were at our hight, and he first accepted me as his I wanted the world to know, and so did he. And so he had me put a tag in my sig line with his user name here. Then when I was able to have a tital, his name went there too. I was proud to wear it, as he was proud to see it on me. The reason it ment so much to me was that I knew it showed how much we are tighed together, and yes I felt like it ment he wasn't ashamed to call me his.

I have also met with and played with people from this site, and again I wanted to tell every one what I catch I found, but I didn't, not specifically in name. Jounar (my "online dom") knew about who I was playing with, and yes he did know even the user names, so I wasn't hiding from him, but it was with respect to those I have been involved with. Not all parties were happy to have the world know our situation, and I respect that, not thrilled with it, but I respect it and honored it.

The difference, for me and I think for a lot of people here, is that in both cases these were people I had known and talked with for months and formed connections with. Not just people I have "sex chat" with. I do have a couple of cam mates here, but I have no desire to advertise my assosiation with them because I have no real emotional connection with them.

Which is what puzzles me. Why would anyone want to proudly display that they are connected to some one whom they have no emotional connection with? Those I call my love, my sir, my dom, my master, always hold a deep part of me, and that is why I have the desire to shout it from the roof tops.

I think what you really need to do is sit back and really think about what you want out of this. If you really are only looking for sex chat, then you have to understand that that is all your partner is going to be looking for as well and that you can't realistically expect them to be loyal and exclusive to you alone. Exclusiveness usually comes with commetment, and that usally comes with an emotional bond that goes way beyond sex chat. But of course that is just my opinion and take it for what it is.

I'm really not trying to pick on you, and I'm not calling you a liar or anything else. It just sounds to me like you're not sure what it is you want exactly. You have said that you want your man to be your dom, but he's not interested, and I'm afraid that sex chat with a dom is not going to fulfill what you are actually looking for.

I wish you well, and hope that you find what it is that you really want.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Actually, don't think this thread is shit at all. I think there is a lot of good stuff in there for those that are discerning enough to see and use those things.

Has it taken a lot of twists and turns? Yes. What thread doesn't?

I think this thread has been a "home run".. You actually hit upon a subject that alot of us have been thinking ourselves and have been afraid of saying "out loud". This is the sort of "meat" that makes Lit worth coming to.

Silent sub, you may have conflicting view on this subject and that's okay... its not an easy subject to talk about and yes, this may have been a pretty gut wrenching experience experience for you in that you may have had to defend yourself but the idea isn't to attack you so much as it is to make you think (or at least help you to do so).

I hope this helps.

 

[Pure]

He wanna keep it private yes. I don't understand why. For me it's like being married and not allowed to say who my husband was...., isn't that stupid?

a better analogy is that the married man you're having the affair with wants you to keep it a secret. very common, imo. (i'm not trying to justify it, but some of the reasons are obvious.)

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

He wanna keep it private yes. I don't understand why. For me it's like being married and not allowed to say who my husband was...., isn't that stupid?

a better analogy is that the married man you're having the affair with wants you to keep it a secret. very common, imo. (i'm not trying to justify it, but some of the reasons are obvious.)

What a perfect response, Pure. And quite obvious.

 

[SweetErika]

Silent_subbie, are you somehow related to BiaTchinFire (or something like that)? That is, are you friends outside of Lit, or from the same area?

Call me crazy, but it seems like there are A LOT of similarities in the situations you've presented, how you write and what you write.

 

[Kajira Callista]

this is the thread that never ends
it just goes on and on my friends
some people started posting not knowing what it was
and thay continue posting forever just because
(repeat)




*takes a bow*

 

[im_a_voyeur]

this is the thread that never ends
it just goes on and on my friends
some people started posting not knowing what it was
and thay continue posting forever just because
(repeat)




*takes a bow*

Have I ever mentioned that I love KC?..... 'cause I really really do

 

[Kajira Callista]

Have I ever mentioned that I love KC?..... 'cause I really really do

* bats lashes and looks innocent*