I am your Dom "BUT" ......

[nh23]

Well for me is cheating the physical part only. If i'd mind all the women with who my man flirt i would end in a mad house soon. He's allowed to do whatever he wants too, except anything about sex with other woman IRL. No touching, no kissing, no fukin anything like this!! He can cyber and swap nude pics with anyone if he likes, just as i do, but i won't share his body with noone, simple as that.

All the things i do he can do as well, so i think it's fair. Not my fault he's not a dominant. But i won't leave him just because he dunno dominate me. I am a good wife to him, at least i try.

I am fulfilling my submissive needs online yes. Still think it's better than leave him just cuz he dunno give me what i need. I love him way much more than i care of my needs. And i would never go out with a real Dom and let him use me. What i do is an online thing, just horny words and nude pic's really. Sorry if i don't feel quilty for that. *chuckles*

We have the same rules for me and him. What i do he can do as well, so i have nuthing to feel bad about.

I'm going to have to agree to disagree with you on this one. I don't have any experience with online relationships because the thought doesn't really do anything for me, but I would imagine that the emotions can be very much the same as real life. Having a Dominant fulfills a need in me that my husband cannot. He understands this and it's something we discuss frequently. In my point of view if I was getting these feeling met without his knowledge it would be just the same as me fucking someone without his knowledge. I didn't suggest you leave him. Or that you feel guilty I'm just saying that while you think that sex with someone else is a betrayal, emotional attachment in my mind deserves the same title. Swapping pics and chatting is one thing. Involvement in a D/s relationship is another. There are a lot more feelings and emotion in a serious D/s relationship.

 

[silent_subbie]

...................

 

[nh23]

Yes theres lots fo feelings in real D/s relationship, but i am realistic and still with my legs on the ground. I know very well my place is and the Dom i talk with knows it too.

To the emotional thing: You are right yes, it might happen that we become really close. It will hurt only me if that happens tho and the Dom, not my husband. When i start this with someone i always make it clear i am married, limited in what i can do and that i would never leave my man. My man knows i do sexchat with men on the net, i told him i do it long time ago and i also explain him why i do so. He wasn't happy about it, but he understand i have needs he cannot met so he tolerate me this, i tolerate him other things.

He wouldn't tolerate me if i had sex with another man and i wouldn't tolerate him another woman. He dunno the man i chat with is my Dom and i don't see any reason to tell him that because he don't understand BDSM at all. He knows as much as he needs to know, as much i need to tell him so i wouldn't feel bad about what i do with my online Dom.

He sexchat with women over the net, have their naked pics in his comp, even showed them to me once. I do the same with men, a Dom. Honestly i don't wish nothing as bad as if my man could be my Dom, that would be nice and more easier than this online D/s, but sadly he is not into this, oh well....

I really don't see chats, cyber chats and things like this as cheating, so i cannot agree with you on this one.

Yes, we have very different opinions on this. That's ok though. That's what's so great about BDSM. Not every relationship is the same and not one way is right. My only concern is when you said that if you and your Dom become very close it can only hurt the two of you. My husband and I have been poly for quite some time, and although things are amazing now, we did have some struggles at first. Say you happen to fall in love with your Dom. That can and probably will impact your relationship with your husband. There is a potential there for him to end up getting hurt. I don't so much see cyber chatting as cheating as I do emotional involvement with another person. I'm glad that the way you do things works for you, that's what is important. My lifestyle works for me, and being honest with my husband about everything is the only way I can have peace and sleep at night. I know everyone is not that way, and don't expect anyone else to be. Just showing the other side of the coin. I know you never came right out and said this, but I felt ( and maybe wrongly) as if you were saying that maybe people in poly relationships didn't care that much about each other since they are able to have sex with others. I was just pointing out that in a poly relationship there is a tremendous amount of communication and consideration for the feelings of your partner. ( In mine anyway) I love my husband very, very much. Him having sex with another, or me doing the same for that matter just doesn't bother us. At night he comes home to me and I to him. Nothing or no one will ever change that. People in poly relationships can and in my case do care very deeply about each other.

 

[Homburg]

I never meant to ofend you Hombrg.

I am not offended. I tend to get voluable when offended.

I wish you good fortune in your relationship.

*tips the hat*

 

[silent_subbie]

.....................

 

[silent_subbie]

...................

 

[FurryFury]

Once you said that your husband can and does flirt, cyber, and exchange pictures too, that you are both aware of the other's activities, I knew you were being fair about things.

I do believe online is better than physical flesh cheating or leaving a person that you don't want to/who does not want to be left.

*nods*

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Is it normal for a Dom to say :

okay, i will take care of the role of your online dominant

!!! BUT !!!

DO NOT TELL ANYONE ON THE BOARD THAT YOU ARE MY SUB, THAT I OWN YOU, THAT WE PLAY, CHAT, THAT I TEACH YOU, GUIDE YOU etc etc.......
​

Can you say "player"? Can you say "cheater"? Can you say "pretender", "troll", "HNG", and a slew of other terms that boil down to "someone who has something to hide, who has something they will lose if their involvement with you becomes public knowledge."

He may actually have a legitimate reason for asking this. But frankly, I can't imagine what it could be and unless he's willing to explain his reasons for not wanting you to acknowledge the relationship, you need to kick his butt to the curb.

 

[silent_subbie]

...............

 

[FurryFury]

I'm glad you realize that what you want is okay and if a PYL doesn't want it, that makes y'all not the right fit.

I never said I wanted things keep quiet due to embarrassment issues. That is SO not the case. I stated my case. If that's what you got out of it, there is likely no point in stating it again.

 

[silent_subbie]

................

 

[HottieMama]

silent...i am really glad you figured this all out for yourself. You know from previous posts, i tially agree with the "being proud" thing, and i am glad you aren't settling on this issue.

Take Care...

 

[FurryFury]

Okay, i prolly misunderstend what you said i am sorry. I am glad it works for you tho.

And yes i realised me and the Dom are not what i need/want. For a simple reason i cannot share here tho. We are still good friends and he is still very nice Dom in my eyes. *smiles*

Thank you for your advice FurryFury.

I feel the same way, as long as what you are doing works for you and yours, it's all good.



(NOW I see the typo in my previous post. Doh! *goes to correct*)

 

[twysted73]

I spoke with few Dom's around here and i met with this more than once, so i wanna know what ya all think about it.

(I am sorry for posting this, but it pissed me off, i had to spit it out lol)

[/center]

Even though it's already been said, I'd like to add my 2 and say I agree. There is an alterior motive behind his impulse.

I have recently taken on my first on-line submissive (you'll see me looking for ideas in another string) and I couldn't be more proud of her. Then again, I firmly believe in being a one-sub Dominant as my own personal choice. Take long enough to think it through and you'll see the possabilities for a negative motive outweigh those for a possative one I'm afraid. (and I thought about it for a few before answering inorder to provide my most honest answer)

However, I'm not one to jump on a gloom and doom bandwagon. So I suggest you sit him down (as it's already been said I'm sure) and share your feelings without fingerpointing. Place your feelings in an unaccusing context. "This is how I feel because I like to be shown...etc." or "When you tell me you'd not wish anyone to know I am yours it makes me feel...". Les chance of him getting defensive and opening up to you as to his deeper reasons. He just might wish to gain a confidance with you first before showing you off. *shrusg* Hmm..ok, so it turned out to be a dime instead of two cents.
Hope it helps.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

I belong to someone, and y'all don't know who he is.

He's not instructed me to keep quiet. We've not said a word on the subject, actually... it is just not necessary for us that you all know.

I prefer to keep it to us just as much as he does, though I have my moments where I feel like screaming it from the proverbial mountaintops... I stop myself in those moments, by thinking about the consequences of such an action... people know, which means that rumors start, secrets are let out, backstabbing begins, and things get ugly.

*shrug*

I'm quite happy being incognito with him.

I couldn't have said this better myself Jade. I find no reason to add anything to what you've said except that a D/s relationship is just like any other- the more people in your business, the more people liable to add their two cents, the more chances of things going wrong and misunderstandings occurring.

Babyface said it well in this, one of my favorite songs about relationships:

AND OUR FEELINGS

We fell in love
And who could blame us
The word was we were just beside ourselves
And everybody said it wouldn't last
Now they wonder
Why we didn't last

We fell in love
It seemed so righteous
Couldn't compare our love to no one else
And everybody thought we could not win
It's no wonder
Love came to an end

And our feelings
Just aren't feelings anymore
They're just words that come from whispers
From people we don't know
And our feelings
Just aren't feelings anymore
They're just words without emotion
From people who don't know

We fell apart
The bond was broken
Should've kept our thoughts between ourselves
And though they say they cared
They didn't help
Makes me wonder
Should we blame ourselves

So here we are
Broken hearted
What in the world have we done to ourselves
When everybody said to let it end
It makes me wonder
We can't let them win

HOOK

If we'd only just try we could make it by
And maybe in time we could make it right
If we only had done what we shoulda done
We'd both be here still making love
I wanna know that, that we can go back
Back to the times when the lovin' was all that
When no one could come between our love

HOOK

 

[Life_Noir]

I think this comes across as very hypocritical of you. You being married yet seeking outside of that relationship to fulfill a need that you do not get from your husband, you of all people should understand that one person may not meet all the needs of the other person.

If I were to take your exact words and turn them around, if I was your husband I would kick your ass for it and conclude I was with the wrong person.

Does your husband know that you have an online Dom? Does he know the things you two do and share together online? If not, then who is really playing who here? If he does know, then great, but that still doesn't change the fact that you are seeking outside your relationship to fulfill a need.

As to your orignal post, here is another reason your current Dom may not want your relationship public, because it is still a crime to commit adultry in many places and were it ever to become public that he is invoved with a married woman, it could cost him.

What you all do is your own business, but I think your attitude appears to be selfish and is hypocritical. If you want the ability so bad to be able to publicly say you are owned or belong to someone, like others do, then perhaps you might consider divorcing your current husband and giving your self 100% to a Dom in RL like others have. Because you see many here have sacrificed everything they had in order to earn that right to be able to do that.

If your not willing to do that, then perhaps you ought to just being grateful that you have what you have and quit making such a big stink about it. If your husband knows about it, then your lucky that he allows you to do something you could never do for him(which btw you should bow down low to him).

Someone going outside their marriage and then demanding exclusiveness is like a bank robber trying to tell a shoplifter he shouldn't steal. He might be right in that it is wrong to steal, but they are hardly in a position to be able to make such demands.

*ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Careful there hommes.....
Keep pointing out the obvious moral, ethical, and logical problems like that.... And no one will like you anymore.. *grin* I should know...

Which is why I didn't earlier post the observation that his restriction might simply be because he's actually READ the posts on this board... WHich {with a few exceptions} would almost certainly be enough to turn ANY Dom/me off allowing public exposure...

Anyhoo...Hi KC! ...Hi Fungi...Long time no see... Hope things are going well.

 

[silent_subbie]

..................

 

[LittleJade]

Silent... have you ever heard the term "methinks the lady doth protest too much"?

 

[silent_subbie]

..............

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[silent_subbie]

...................

 

[A Desert Rose]

This thread started out and has continued with people ready and willing to accept that this guy is a big, bad, manipulative, player Dom. That he was protecting HIMSELF by wanting to keep their relationship private. There were all kinds of reasons presented as to why he would be motivated to do this; the biggest was that he had a "harem" of subbies.

You said several times that you had no idea why he would be ashamed of you and not want to tell the whole wide world that he was your proud owner. And conversly, you wanted to be able to proudly wear his name in your sig line like so many other submissives on Lit, who you admire and want to emulate.

And then you finally asked him why he was requiring secrecy and you posted this:

He have a good reason for what he asked me and i understand it now

and this:

The reason this Dom gave me makes us more friends than Dom andsub now and it's okay. I still love him and appreciate him for being so honest with me. I understand his reasons very well nad i am happy for him.

I was not at the beginning, nor am I now, willing to accept that this guy is some big, bad guy.

When only one side of a relationship is presented, it's unfair to make judgement calls on the motivations of the one who is silent. And it's so common here to right away run to protect the poor submissive who says she is being used, manipulated, etc and is apparently, incapable of taking care of herself. Dom bashing is common on this board.

Many posters here prefer to keep their private lives private and have posted so, and you have commented on this as though this is somehow a bad thing. As though we are ashamed or not proud of the person we are involved with.

That is not true and in short, it's a misrepresentation.

Just like the opening post was a misrepresentation of an anonymous Dom. He was not, after all, the big, bad, player Dom that was presented on page 1 and peppered throughout this thread.

He is, it appears after all, to be a very human person with valid (according to your posts that you have accepted and understood his motivations) reasons for what he initially requested of you.

And so, it appears to me we have come full circle and still, I will not pass judgement on a silent, anonymous person whose motivations are still unclear to all but you and perhaps a few of your chosen friends.

I wish you good luck in your journeys.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Nice song, but i still think what i said.

You don't go out and take off ur wedding ring before you go so people wouldn't know you are taken, do you?? Oh comon', you wear it all the time and you are prode you do, at least i do!

I am not ashamed of my husband and i'll not be ashamed for my Dom either so let the whole fuking word knows i am his wife and he's my man, let the whole world knows i am his sub and he's my master. Nuthing i should be ashamed for in this and i am not.

And i dont give a damn about what people around us think or say about it, about us. I love who i love and i belong to who i've deiced call my master and nobody and nothing can change this.

People will hurt you now and then yes because people are just people, but it's not a reasoon (never was) for me to keep me quiet about who i love and who my master is. If i lived in this silly fear of losing him because people know me and him belong together whats the point of marriage then huh? Whats the point of being collared then??

You don't marry someone and then hide it *smiles*. For me is D/s relationship as any other relationship. I take this very seriously and my master will not be ashamed to admit i am HIS, same as i will not be ashamed to proclaim i belong to him.

Nothing, i say nothing what people say or do could ever change what i feel to my husband or what i'll feel for my master. All that matters to me is what my hubby says or think or do. Only he got the real power to really hurt me. Same power as my master will have and i won't give this to anyone lightly. I give all of me to relationship, i always did and my husband just love it. I hope my master will feel the same about it.

I might sound i want alot eventho i don't think so. Only thing i really want and demand is to be loved and respected, i give the same back. My husband is happy to call me his wife and my master will be happy to call me his submisive. If i didn't get this from them i couldn't call them my husband and my master.

As i said, i am not on the hunt for a Dom. I have lots of other things to do + i am quite okay on my own atm. But once i will decide submit to someone, theres things i will demand, no hiding is deffonately one of them. The rest are my limits said in checklist, which i expect to be respected.

I am very submissive to my husband eventho he's not into this and he's not dominant at all. I find it easy to serve him, eventho he dunno i do when i kneel at his feets and do things for him. The nicest thing that could happen to me is if he become dominant, but that will most likely not happen. I can serve him and i do, but i still miss the dominant bit, miss him to telling me what to do ya know. Thats why i've decied to find me an online Dom, but i am not in hurry with this. Actualy i think if i will look for a Dom at all.

On the other side pretend you don't miss something you really need is hard tho, so i dunno yet. Will see as the time goes on.

No silent, I don't take my wedding band off but neither do I tell all of my business to anyone who will listen. There are things that are sacred between husband and wife, Dom and sub. The less people in your business, the more sacred the relationship remains.

Just because I am married, and would shout from the rooftops that I am, I don't announce his name or details that are special to only us- same with my Dom- privacy is privacy regardless of who the person is.

The relationship I have with my Dom is sacred to us and for me, thats what matters. I don't feel I have to expose who he is- he knows that what I post is about him, that I care about him very deeply and that I respect who he is in my life...no one else need know that.

 

[Ishmael]

*ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Careful there hommes.....
Keep pointing out the obvious moral, ethical, and logical problems like that.... And no one will like you anymore.. *grin* I should know...

Which is why I didn't earlier post the observation that his restriction might simply be because he's actually READ the posts on this board... WHich {with a few exceptions} would almost certainly be enough to turn ANY Dom/me off allowing public exposure...

Anyhoo...Hi KC! ...Hi Fungi...Long time no see... Hope things are going well.

He pretty much nailed the delimma.

Ishmael

 

[ecstaticsub]

Think i could turn my husband into a dominant is like think you could change a hoe into a housewife. You can try, but it won't work because she will stay a whore, same as my man will always be just who he is and he's not a dominant, never was. He's not submisive either, he surely have respect of people around him, but he dunno give strict orders. He can do that in his job, but not with me and it's okay.

Whores can't be housewives? I must have missed that part in housewife school...lol (but then again I've only been a on again off again housewife) LOL

Just teasing around..I couldn't change my husband into a Dominant either, wouldn't want to. I love him as he is. But he knows the dynamics of my D/s relationship.