I am your Dom "BUT" ......

[FungiUg]

do you do that often?

Way too often. It's when I tell them that I get into trouble.

 

[FungiUg]

Sweety, up until recently, I had a second submissive offline

*snap*

Hopefully not the same one...

 

[Homburg]

*snap*

Hopefully not the same one...

Of course not. A different one. The other other one. You know, that one.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I would be totally ok if my Dom had a girlfriend or a fuckbuddy (he already has a wife) or someone he was just sleeping with, but it would be much much more difficult--close to a deal breaker if he had another submissive.

That is unless she was submissive to me, too

 

[Homburg]

That is unless she was submissive to me, too

Hawt.

 

[cookiecat]

I don't want no stinking lit chick.

^^^^^^
Your words always move me.

----------------

silent subbie - everyone here has given you very good advice. It's difficult when you want to let everyone know how happy you are with your Dom. There is nothing wrong with asking him why he wants to keep it quiet and with talking through your reasons. As someone else said, go with your gut feeling - is he being honest? You'll know......

 

[LittleJade]

I belong to someone, and y'all don't know who he is.

He's not instructed me to keep quiet. We've not said a word on the subject, actually... it is just not necessary for us that you all know.

I prefer to keep it to us just as much as he does, though I have my moments where I feel like screaming it from the proverbial mountaintops... I stop myself in those moments, by thinking about the consequences of such an action... people know, which means that rumors start, secrets are let out, backstabbing begins, and things get ugly.

*shrug*

I'm quite happy being incognito with him.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Hawt.

Training a female submissive for my Dom (and me) is close to my number one fantasy...hopefully someday.

 

[LittleJade]

I would be totally ok if my Dom had a girlfriend or a fuckbuddy (he already has a wife) or someone he was just sleeping with, but it would be much much more difficult--close to a deal breaker if he had another submissive.

That is unless she was submissive to me, too

I understand this...

in most cases, I would agree.

 

[silent_subbie]

..................

 

[silent_subbie]

...................

 

[RJMasters]

As long as it works for you...

That wouldn't work with me. My Dom wouldn't have enough of time for more sub's with me. Guess i am atention whore + i wouldn't share neither my husband neither my Dom. Thats just something i don't do, never.

I think if you are not good enough for one person, in other words if he needs more than me, then i am prolly with the wrong man/Dom. And i really find it hard to believe that alot of women would allow this in their relatioships, vanilla or D/s, same thing to me.

I agree with the fuck buddy, wife etc if it's just an online relationship. I am not that silly to think he won't fuck anybody, but i am not okay if he train and dominante more women than me, can't help it.

You are lucky man Homburg!! Most of women would kick ya ass for it, i am one of them.
*bow lowly before you wife*

I think this comes across as very hypocritical of you. You being married yet seeking outside of that relationship to fulfill a need that you do not get from your husband, you of all people should understand that one person may not meet all the needs of the other person.

If I were to take your exact words and turn them around, if I was your husband I would kick your ass for it and conclude I was with the wrong person.

Does your husband know that you have an online Dom? Does he know the things you two do and share together online? If not, then who is really playing who here? If he does know, then great, but that still doesn't change the fact that you are seeking outside your relationship to fulfill a need.

As to your orignal post, here is another reason your current Dom may not want your relationship public, because it is still a crime to commit adultry in many places and were it ever to become public that he is invoved with a married woman, it could cost him.

What you all do is your own business, but I think your attitude appears to be selfish and is hypocritical. If you want the ability so bad to be able to publicly say you are owned or belong to someone, like others do, then perhaps you might consider divorcing your current husband and giving your self 100% to a Dom in RL like others have. Because you see many here have sacrificed everything they had in order to earn that right to be able to do that.

If your not willing to do that, then perhaps you ought to just being grateful that you have what you have and quit making such a big stink about it. If your husband knows about it, then your lucky that he allows you to do something you could never do for him(which btw you should bow down low to him).

Someone going outside their marriage and then demanding exclusiveness is like a bank robber trying to tell a shoplifter he shouldn't steal. He might be right in that it is wrong to steal, but they are hardly in a position to be able to make such demands.

 

[Ishmael]

Just as many players in this subset of sexuality as any other.

I'd find another.

Tada!!!!!!

Ishmael

 

[silent_subbie]

................

 

[the captians wench]

I would be totally ok if my Dom had a girlfriend or a fuckbuddy (he already has a wife) or someone he was just sleeping with, but it would be much much more difficult--close to a deal breaker if he had another submissive.

That is unless she was submissive to me, too

That's kind of how I was before. As long as I was top bitch I was okay with having little sisters, for the most part. (he just didn't have enough time for me let alone me and others and was really trying to pawn some of the time I needed off on them....yeah it don't work that way).

But I have been envolved where I wasn't on top, and i've been happy that way too. They had a very well istablished relationship and I was the new one, I could deal with that.

but more on topic...

When I was accepted by some one who posted here, I posted a tag with his user name on my sig, per his instruction. I was happy to wear it. now if I'm involved with some one who doesn't want any one here to know, the first question I ask is why. If it's because they are worried about what people think or say, or don't want to have to deal with "hey wanker get your lil bitch in line" then I understand. If they can't give me a reason, then I assume they're hiding something and wenchie is not about the secrets, I don't keep them very well.

 

[nh23]

Yup i am selfish fuck when it comes to sharing men. What you saying sounds like you think it's better to divorce than fulfill my needs online? I am not going out to fuck other men ehh. What i do is online thing only and it will stay this way, but i still think i can want this from my Dom? even if he was just online one. I wanted this because i was willing to give the same back.

To my husband......
He knows i chat with men yes. He dunno about what, but i don't see it as a crime because he swaps emails and pics with women as well. Usualy using me to translate it for him *chuckles*.

What i said to Homburg was my personal view of things. I didn't mean to bitch him about what he do, it's none of my buisness. I just said i couldn't do that and i couldn't. Knowing my man meet and play with some woman IRL would be just too painful for me, so i wouldn't allow this, no way. I am okay with online female friends he have, same as with all those real ones he meet. I am okay with it as long as he don't touch, kiss and fuck them. If he did i am sorry, but i wouldn't bother with him anymore.

When it comes to physical contact my man is just mine just as a husband should be, same like i am just his IRL. Like it or not, stay or go. Easy as that. I didn't marry him to share him with some bitch or sub or whoever. If he wanted that freedom i'd be no longer his woman.

Honestly my man have as much of freedom as he wish, but i made it clear he won't have other women IRL. From what Homburg said i think he does have them? Can't imagine he would have a sub and not touch her.... And thats okay if his relationship keeps working and his wife sub is willing to let it happen. I surely wouldn't.

I maybe sound like i want ALOT, but i give alot back. Honestly, want a man or a Dom just for myself seems just right to me. I won't be part of any harem. IRL and online either, cba


Anyways as i said, i spoke with the man and we sorted things out. I undertand his reasons now and he understand me as well, so i am over this.

My husband and I are poly. I know it's not for everyone, but it works well for us. He understands my need for submission but it's not his cup of tea, so he's perfectly fine with me having a Dom in my life. It's all about communication and honesty. When your talking about physical contact as in your only fulfilling your needs in an online relationship... in my opinion sex is not the only type of cheating. If your have emotional involvement with another person without your significant others knowledge to me that's cheating also. Your allowing another to fill a need for you in your life without being honest with your husband about it.

 

[LittleJade]

I am (practically) married. I've been with my partner for over six years now, and we work, very very well together. However, he hasn't got a dominant bone in his body... not that he's submissive... he's just not into kink. Period. He knows I am, that I need that particular need fulfilled, and so he has given me the freedom to find what I need online... which, for the most part, does satisfy me.

We've also begun the path into a swinging lifestyle- we had some friends over a few weekends ago, and there was some play... and we all hope for more play in the future... I would love to see my sweetie fuck another woman.. it would just be plain out HAWT.

Strange? Sure. But I know he loves me, and I know he's coming home with me, so why should I worry? Why should I be jealous? My sweetie knows I love him, and that I'm coming home with him, so why should he be jealous? *shrug* It seems pretty simple to me.


As to the online Dom thing... It doesn't bug me if my Sir talks to other people... but part of our coming together was an understanding that I will not be one of a number. I will not be part of a harem of submissives... that is a deal-breaker for me... I do need to have more attention than that, and in BDSM the jealousy does come out. Which is silly, because in general, I'm not a jealous person. He agreed that it was fair that I am his only online sub (what he does in real life is his business, to be quite blunt, and I have no right to ask him, or any online play partner, to limit themselves to just me, both online and off).

*shrug* It works for some of us.

 

[Homburg]

As long as it works for you...

That wouldn't work with me. My Dom wouldn't have enough of time for more sub's with me. Guess i am atention whore + i wouldn't share neither my husband neither my Dom. Thats just something i don't do, never.-

Time is definitely an issue. I was run pretty ragged, I fully admit.

I think if you are not good enough for one person, in other words if he needs more than me, then i am prolly with the wrong man/Dom. And i really find it hard to believe that alot of women would allow this in their relatioships, vanilla or D/s, same thing to me.

To each their own. RJM expressed the point about hypocrisy well. I won't add to it, except to say that I agree with his points.

I agree with the fuck buddy, wife etc if it's just an online relationship. I am not that silly to think he won't fuck anybody, but i am not okay if he train and dominante more women than me, can't help it.

There is no such thing as a fuckbuddy without D/s elements for me. There is no such thing as sex without D/s elements. Not going to happen. No, I don't need to flog someone to fuck them, but you can guarantee that I'm not going to just do some kind of vanilla thing. I had D/s elements present in my sexual conduct before I knew anything about D/s. It's just how I work. I would hazard a guess to say that is how most people work here.

You are lucky man Homburg!! Most of women would kick ya ass for it, i am one of them.
*bow lowly before you wife*

I do consider myself to be a very lucky man, and thank my stars that I married such an incredible person. She puts up with a lot, and I am grateful for it. I do my level best to make certain she knows she is appreciated.

 

[silent_subbie]

...............

 

[Recidiva]

There are good and bad reasons to do this.

I'm online and my life is out there for everyone to see because I'm proud of it, I have nothing to hide, my husband posts here, we met online, we know the drill.

HOWEVER - we also know the drill enough to know if you have something special that you want to grow or protect without people interjecting their opinions or influence, maybe go elsewhere, keep your mouth shut.

Hiding something to protect it from destructive influence can be a good thing. Hiding it because discovery of a thing would mean disruption of a status quo...not so good.

So there's good and there's bad, and stuff I haven't experienced or considered yet. Private lives can be kept entirely private for good as well as bad reasons.

I'm in a long-term relationship with battle scars, but in the beginnings of nearly every relationship, the private moments and personal moments, remained that way for a reason.

If over time you don't gain more confidence or more exclusive attention, also, it's easy to have it be a thing that doesn't have to be dragged up into public judgment.

I'd compare it to a woman not disclosing that she's pregnant in the first trimester. It's not always out of fear of being pregnant, it can also be out of fear of losing a child she wants badly.

 

[silent_subbie]

..................

 

[silent_subbie]

.....................

 

[TerragonSix]

okay, we spoke and i do understand his reasons well now.

It takes me a while sometimes, but at the end i always get it and submit to it. I am glad he was so nice and explained things to me.

Good deal. Hopefully this arrangement will work out for you. I wish you luck.

As for the subject of multiple partners, I don't know. It's truthfully something I haven't explored yet, or haven't gave good thought about. For lack of experience, I prefer one on one myself. If I start to get interested in multiple partners; I'll try anything once.

 

[Homburg]

Obviously you have different view on things and thats okay of course, we are all different. Yes you are lucky your wife let you do this. Think i saw a post of you where you said shes not really happy about it tho.

She has her ups and downs like everyone else. By and large, she was okay with it, though less so at the outset. New things are always difficult. However, I don't believe I ever said that she was unhappy with it en toto.

I am sorry, but i see as hypocrisy men who think they can have more women than one.

But it is okay with you to have a husband and a Dom? I'm not really being clear on how it is not hypocritical for you to be in your situation and simultaneously chiding me for mine.

 

[silent_subbie]

........................