I finially tried this 'bdsm' stuff and dotn want to do ti anymore....

[entitled]

This thread is becoming funny in an odd way. Honestly. It started out as 'i got into a bad situation and want to vent about it' then progressed to 'well, here's some good advice' and went straight to 'You all suck'. Now that it's gotten to the point where the nasty, hypocritical nature of whoever this poor soul is, it's time to sit back and just laugh.

From the posts here it has become fairly obvious to me that this person doesn't really want to know much about a situation before jumping in and drowning - possibly causing himself and/or those around him serious harm. Not a sign of responsibility. That in itself is enough to make me want to avoid this person in any sort of sceneing situation. Then again, that's just me.

Another thing: it's not really any harder to find a nice, decent person into the lifestyle than it is to find a nice, decent person into something like, oh, polo. It's all in who a person talks to, where they look, and how open-minded they are. Most people would never dare to think i'm into the lifestyle in any way. i'm too 'down-home' and 'girl-next-door' for people to believe it. You just never know what a person would like unless you ask or know that they've tried it. If a person expects everybody into a certain lifestyle to be "a tree loving drug addict hippy taking X, meth or whatever" then that is what that person will find. That's the same as assuming all hockey players (as an example off the top of my head) are idiots with missing teeth and black eyes that can't do anything but slap a puck around and beat each other up. It's simply not true.

Oh, Nusance, this is directed toward you: i'm a follower of an alternative religion. That makes me a 'tree loving hippy' of sorts. i can also count on both hands the amount of 'drugs' (including medicinal OTC-type painkillers and allergy meds) i've taken in the past two years. Take care what you say. Speaking untruths is not kosher.

 

[MissTaken]

Well, if your not a tree loving drug addict hippy taking X, meth or whatever then those comments dont apply to you and if it does i dont care if your offended nore do i want your advice becaus i dont think much of the people im refering to....

True enough.

I understand what you are saying, but am simply suggesting you watch how you say it.

To generalize BDSMer's is going to put off those people you would like to get to know.

And many people have generalized BDSMers as a group. Why? For many reasons, one of which is that media, even when it tries to portray BDSM as an acceptable way of life, don't spotlight the educated, loving, handsome respectful Dom and his intelligent, independent, lovely submissive. They go for the leather, whips, chains, drugs and tatoos.

Finding someone "decent" can be difficult, yes. But no more difficult than finding someone "Decent" who is not into BDSM. Frankly, my heart has been broken and my body misused and my mind fucked with more by the nilla's in my life than any Doms.

Anytime we look for a partner, it is difficult. But finding that partner can be incredible.

Just babbling through a day with the flu...sorry all!

 

[entitled]

To generalize BDSMer's is going to put off those people you would like to get to know.

*snip*

Finding someone "decent" can be difficult, yes. But no more difficult than finding someone "Decent" who is not into BDSM. Frankly, my heart has been broken and my body misused and my mind fucked with more by the nilla's in my life than any Doms.

Now why couldn't i just say that and be done with it?

 

[Nusance]

Oh, and.. if most BDSM livers are ugly... what's that say about you? If you're going to generalize, you're going to have to include yourself in that generalization... because you're participating in the lifestyle.

I include my in the portion of bdsm 'lovers' that is 'phine'... Im just not crazy about the ones that are into drugs, thousands of tatoos and piercings and walk around strung out all the time trippin' on acid or whatever else they use... Im just saying alot of people into the lifestyle do those things, i see it alot... So, anyways.... Im not saying everyone into bdsm is a freak by no means.

oh yea, and leave my spelling alone. Ass!

 

[Ms_Lilith]

The point here is that a LOT of people who AREN"T into BDSM are into all those things you don't like. I don't see why you feel the need to make a correlation between BDSM and being stupid (ie- major drug use, etc).

And honey, about your spelling.. if the shoe fits...

 

[WynEternal]

Nusance, more often than not, those into bdsm will not outwardly flaunt their lifestyle in front of others. Yes, some will have tattoos and some will have piercings. You'll find that everywhere.

Most BDSMers are not the druggies you are making them out to be. Why not? Because a major part of the lifestyle is about control. One of a person's greatest assets is their mind. Drugs and excess alcohol use/abuse will greatly diminish a person's perception and can/will cloud their judgement. If you lose your head to psychotropic drugs or alcohol you can and will be endangering yourself or someone else. Ask any lifestyler (not partier) and they will tell you the same thing.

I don't know what parties or clubs you are going to (nor do I care), but you'll do better to stay away if you see a lot of that going on.

We are not freaks who walk around in the general nilla public sporting dog collars and leashes or tight black leather, whips and chains. We can be the modest housewife next door, or the executive in the Armani. Lifestylers come in many shapes and sizes. By lumping us, you are doing us, and the lifestyle you wish to take part in, a great injustice.

 

[Nusance]

We are not freaks who walk around in the general nilla public sporting dog collars and leashes or tight black leather, whips and chains. We can be the modest housewife next door, or the executive in the Armani. Lifestylers come in many shapes and sizes. By lumping us, you are doing us, and the lifestyle you wish to take part in, a great injustice.

I wasent saying you were or at least didnt mean for it to be taken that way and i apoligize for offending everyone... But i want to bring back the point that i cant reconize the people in public whom are not walking around with collars and wierd leather gear who are into the lifestyle. Its just sort of frustrating...... That must be why it seems like everyone is the pumk rock acid useing type.... Again, i apoligize. Heres a rose ladies forgive me!?!

 

[MissTaken]

YOu may actually be surprised to find out who is into the lifestyle.

Doctors, lawyers, social workers *gasp*, highly educated people who walk down the street as anyone else.

Cops, truck drivers, the disabled, ....my point being that there is a rainbow of people who get involved in BDSM. Some wear it like a medal, and some treat as something very private.

Are there any munch groups near you?

That might be a great way to get introduced into a safe social situation where you can meet Dom/mes and subs and make some friends.

 

[kayte]

I wasent saying you were or at least didnt mean for it to be taken that way and i apoligize for offending everyone... But i want to bring back the point that i cant reconize the people in public whom are not walking around with collars and wierd leather gear who are into the lifestyle. Its just sort of frustrating...... That must be why it seems like everyone is the pumk rock acid useing type.... Again, i apoligize. Heres a rose ladies forgive me!?!

Nusance ~ There is something else to think about. I know the number of people I see, especially young ones, wear collars and all. They are simply wearing something as they think it is a fashion statement. To them it doesn't mean anything beyond that.

Most of the people in the life that I know, you would have no clue as to their proclivities by the way they are everyday. You wouldn't know by looking at me. It is nothing I am ashamed of, that is they way I have to be to survive in the rest of my life, that is all. Because of people that attack what they don't understand.

 

[Nusance]

Are there any munch groups near you?

.

I had some time and did a little search one day and found a m4m club, but i want no part of that... Here in south carolina this stuff isnt very big at all... All i can do is hope one of the girls i date just so happens to be into it.

 

[Wizard]

I had some time and did a little search one day and found a m4m club, but i want no part of that... Here in south carolina this stuff isnt very big at all... All i can do is hope one of the girls i date just so happens to be into it.

Keep looking , it is everywhere you just haven't found it yet.
I live in a real small city and about a year ago I found a swingers club about 5 miles from my house right by a state park.
I know my area and never knew it was there.

Remember they don't run adds in papers for have signs you may have to look a bit but I bet you find something close by that intrests you.

 

[MissTaken]

I had some time and did a little search one day and found a m4m club, but i want no part of that... Here in south carolina this stuff isnt very big at all... All i can do is hope one of the girls i date just so happens to be into it.

Sometimes, a gal or guy can be introduced into it, slowly.

I am not suggesting you run right over and beg for a kind spanking, but as time goes on and you get close to someone, you never know where it will lead.



*Hi Wizzie*

Mucho Huggos for you, sweetie!

 

[Bondagebunni]

We are not freaks who walk around in the general nilla public sporting dog collars and leashes or tight black leather, whips and chains.

hey! what about those of us who DO walk around in collars with handcuffs on our belts? and whip keychain....and handcuff necklace..and a "slave" pin...and...nevermind.

I'm not sure what reality you exist in, but he's dead-on straight. I'm very lucky to have a beautiful little sub.

...

Personally, I think it's so cute when chicks try to be tough. It's just adorable. I laugh and laugh.

i love you!

(heehee...he said i was beautiful! i feel special now.)

... But i want to bring back the point that i cant reconize the people in public whom are not walking around with collars and wierd leather gear who are into the lifestyle. Its just sort of frustrating...... That must be why it seems like everyone is the pumk rock acid useing type....

oh hon, most of the people walking around in fishnets, leather, and collars aren't even into Bdsm..they just think the look is cool. As many of my friends from high school that dressed like that...every one of 'em freaked when they found out _I_ was into it...quiet little me... ^_^ heeheehee. I'm special.

 

[navarre]

YOu may actually be surprised to find out who is into the lifestyle.
social workers *gasp*

OMG
Not social workers.

 

[Bondagebunni]

OMG
Not social workers.

*giggles* yeah...i sometimes wonder about my old history teacher too....he's very commanding and has this aura that demands respect..it's neat.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I had some time and did a little search one day and found a m4m club, but i want no part of that... Here in south carolina this stuff isnt very big at all... All i can do is hope one of the girls i date just so happens to be into it.

Actually there are a few active BDSM groups in South Carolina. You just have to know where to look.

I checked and South Carolina removed their links. Oh, well.

 

[Wizard]

I

*Hi Wizzie*

Mucho Huggos for you, sweetie!

<Waving back>
Hi MissT looking good...........

 

[Shiver]

I'm getting into this late, but Nusance, you have a little growing up to do. Does anything in your life just appear out of nowhere because you want it? You have to pursue a job, a house, an education, etc. Why do you expect to find an attractive, drug-free, "normal looking" person to fulfill your deepest fantasies in the first bar you walk into? If you want this to work, you need to invest a fair amount of time in educating yourself about it and meeting people until you find the perfect one for you. You might not get properly spanked again for awhile, but you want it to be worth it, don't you?

And incidentally, I've never tried drugs (ever, believe it or not), I don't drink or smoke, I hold down a full-time job and own my own home. I have no tattoos, only my ears are pierced (once each), and my general dress style is middle-class professional. I don't post or answer personal ads or go to munches, therefore my subs have been few, and I've gone without more often than not. But when I find them and carefully cultivate them, the experiences have all been excellent.

Good luck.

 

[WynEternal]

hey! what about those of us who DO walk around in collars with handcuffs on our belts? and whip keychain....and handcuff necklace..and a "slave" pin...and...nevermind.

<snip>

oh hon, most of the people walking around in fishnets, leather, and collars aren't even into Bdsm..they just think the look is cool. As many of my friends from high school that dressed like that...every one of 'em freaked when they found out _I_ was into it...quiet little me... ^_^ heeheehee. I'm special.

hehe... Only when I was LARPing and everyone thought I was a goth chick. Character called for the handcuffs on the belt and other stuff too. In high school, I was the quiet teaching aide that some of the students would suck up to cause I was grading their papers. muahahaha

 

[fleur d'amour]

<sigh>

u know what nusance I totally agree with all these people who's been giving you should I say a piece of their mind. Like you, I know that I'm submissive, but unlike you I know what I'm doing. There are many people on this site who are just looking for some fun, but there are definetely people who are just plain insane. You just have to weave them through. Correct me if I'm wrong guys, but this idea of of Dom/sub should never be about a 24/7 control. It's fun when it's the game and afterwards most of these people are kind, smart, beautiful people. Seeing them on the street you'll never know that these are people who lead these lifestyles. take me for example, I'm a part time dancer. I also work as a model for designers on occasions when I have time. Mind you, from what you see in society nowadays this is a job that does require a certain amount of beauty; so before you're so quick to place judgement; learn to weave out those who you don't like and those you do. This is only just a game, no one ever forces you to relinquish that control, you give that control over to someone you trust and someone you can call "master" or in your case "mistress" I haven't found my "master" in life yet, but it doesn't mean that I give up does it? Best of Luck to you!

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: <sigh>

<snip> Correct me if I'm wrong guys, but this idea of of Dom/sub should never be about a 24/7 control. It's fun when it's the game

I will correct you. Many persons in this lifestyle (for the record, I am not one of them) do live 24/7 lifestyles. You might want to do a TAD bit more research before you speak to something that many people here find very important and consider a way of life. There are great threads in the library thread. Many, dare I say most of us do not consider this lifestyle a "game." Have a nice day.

 

[fleur d'amour]

sorry about that

sorry about that guys, my apologies!

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

For myself, accepted. And nicely done, I might add.

 

[Nusance]

well, i may do the 24/7 thing only if im married to the person... In public, for our social life, we will still make our decisions on what we do when we hang out or else it will be misreable for the sub always doing what the dom wants to do, we will meet in the middle liek a normal relationship does. In public we will be like a normal couple having fun and all, but in the bedroom from time to time it will be a different story.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: <sigh>

I will correct you. Many persons in this lifestyle (for the record, I am not one of them) do live 24/7 lifestyles. You might want to do a TAD bit more research before you speak to something that many people here find very important and consider a way of life. There are great threads in the library thread. Many, dare I say most of us do not consider this lifestyle a "game." Have a nice day.

I certainly do not consider this a game. The search for reality and skin to skin may vary from person to person, but there are some of us who do live in 24/7 households, and there are some of us who are training and/or interviewing subs for 24/7 sub positions.

AnelizeDarkEyes has given you good advice. Read about the various applications of D/s and/or BDSM before making erroneous statements.

Eb