Bondagebunni
Petable
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2002
- Posts
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you guys are viscious...jeez...i'd be scared if i didn't know better!
I finially tried this 'bdsm' stuff and dotn want to do ti anymore....
- Thread starter Nusance
- Start date
AnelizeDarkEyes
Lurker Deluxe
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Damn, the English language is taking a beating on this thread. Vicious. No, not me. LOL. One shouldn't asked to be corrected if one doesn't expect it. No?
Thank you Eb, for the support, by the way.
Thank you Eb, for the support, by the way.
Bondagebunni
Petable
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- Posts
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Re: Vicious?
it is the way some people do it. I mean really...you don't have to yell at them and be accusatory (is that even a word? i'm kinda tired and i'm not really sure) and putting words in their mouths isn't the nicest thing either. I'm not going to name names...but lighten up some! it's one thing to correct 'em...but it's quite another to yell at them.
hey, i never claimed to be able to spell...in fact...quite the opposite.
Ebonyfire said:
it is the way some people do it. I mean really...you don't have to yell at them and be accusatory (is that even a word? i'm kinda tired and i'm not really sure) and putting words in their mouths isn't the nicest thing either. I'm not going to name names...but lighten up some! it's one thing to correct 'em...but it's quite another to yell at them.
AnelizeDarkEyes said:
hey, i never claimed to be able to spell...in fact...quite the opposite.
fleur d'amour
Experienced
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- Feb 4, 2003
- Posts
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smiling
smiling at bunnie - thank you
smiling at bunnie - thank you
TheCyberPoet
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2001
- Posts
- 359
I am coming in late to this discussion, but having just read the thread (thread-hoping tonight), I must respond to certain comments. These responses are to multiple people, but they are for everyone/anyone to comment upon.
Everyone has already jumped you for the silliness (or stupidity) of going along with this entire act without a safeword. I think what everyone might have missed is that it sounds like you have found yourself the victim of your own testosterone poisoning... Almost as if to say "I'm man enough to take this (or whatever she might dish out)."
The concept of control is an elusive one with a very wide range. 24/7 control is not necessarily the same as 24/7 bondage. If I take a sub to dinner, and I order her meal for her, that is a form of control. If I instruct My sub to select a major, attend and graduate college, that too is a form of control that extends to years, not merely minutes. When I tell a client to do this or purchase that, it is a form of control. Control is not based upon physical restraint; I think you are obscuring a larger part of the picture by thinking that only the active sexual aspects of the lifestyle represents the entirety of the lifestyle. Moreover, as a Dom who neither cares to separate those characteristics that make Me dominant in My portion of the universe, nor is sure that He necessarily could, I understand that control is a wide-reaching concept that transcends the bounds of a relationship. When I ask a question, I get an answer (be it of a submissive or anyone else), because it is other people's nature to respond to Me as such automatically. Whether it is Me saying "excuse Me" as I walk past someone in Blockbuster, or berating a sub's behavior in private, I am never ignored, never shrugged off, simply because of the presence I have. In business, it is the same -- people turn to Me because I am an authority on what I do, what I know, and that is a reassurance for them that they seek (after all, who would seek advice from someone that isn't sure of what they are proposing?).
So, given that understanding of who I am, how could anyone ever become involved with Me and not understand that there is a 24/7 aspect to the relationship(?), for I am not going to be anyone but Myself 24/7. It does not mean that I do not have an open mind or that I am opposed to hearing the opinions of a sub, nor that I do not concern Myself with the feelings and needs (sexual, emotional, physical, etc) of those in My care. Would I be content with a submissive that was shackled 24-7 at My beck and call? No, but only because I demand that My sub(s) expand their own capabilities and improve themselves through education, professional development, hobbies and undertakings. And yet, to pursue those things at My insistance when they would rather be sitting at My feet, happily, is also a form of control...
You can have a good clue if you understand what it is that makes the choice of the lifestyle appealing... I won't be misleading and say that you can spot everyone who does kinky stuff in their bedroom and calls it BDSM (rarely the case). And I will probably be lambasted for this next statement, though I believe it to be very true: there is a certain air about those who are true Doms and another about those who are true submissives that you can learn to spot -- even when they aren't aware of the lifestyle as an option for themselves yet. Mostly it is in the eyes and the posture, the holding of the head and the shoulders, the positioning of the hands; those who seek to understand/know/control, and those seek to be protected by virtue of a strong leader and protector. But it is a difficult thing to learn to look for accurately. It is infinitely safer to simply assume people are vanilla and will always be vanilla until you find out otherwise from them.
I think what you are actually saying is that you (a) tend to socialize in circles where the average age and level of experience is such that the people who truly embraced BDSM are on the cutting edge of the group dynamics and as such stand out (even within their own group); and (b) that you presume that this type of group is the realm in which you will find what you are seeking.
As an experienced Dom, I think that you would be far better served by finding an older Domme, someone at least a decade older than you, who would be willing to take you in for a much longer term and introduce you to the lifestyle at a pace you can digest and appreciate. Naturally, a side effect of this is that this Domme will probably (to your current mind-set) not be as visually tempting as a 21-year old hot-bodied Goth Raver. It will take some deprogramming and reprogramming for your circuits to realize that what makes a woman sexy isn't necessarily a picture-perfect look* that exists solely on the cover of FHM (nor the starry-eyed look of a girl rolling & trolling), but the sex will be so infinitely better that you'll never look back fondly at what you have left.
*NOTE: This is not to say that Dommes are not beautiful creatures; they can be extremely beautiful even by the cover-girl look standards of society.
Good luck in your searches.
Read, ask, meet, and don't stick your butt out too far too early.
=-= The CyberPoet
Everyone has already jumped you for the silliness (or stupidity) of going along with this entire act without a safeword. I think what everyone might have missed is that it sounds like you have found yourself the victim of your own testosterone poisoning... Almost as if to say "I'm man enough to take this (or whatever she might dish out)."
The concept of control is an elusive one with a very wide range. 24/7 control is not necessarily the same as 24/7 bondage. If I take a sub to dinner, and I order her meal for her, that is a form of control. If I instruct My sub to select a major, attend and graduate college, that too is a form of control that extends to years, not merely minutes. When I tell a client to do this or purchase that, it is a form of control. Control is not based upon physical restraint; I think you are obscuring a larger part of the picture by thinking that only the active sexual aspects of the lifestyle represents the entirety of the lifestyle. Moreover, as a Dom who neither cares to separate those characteristics that make Me dominant in My portion of the universe, nor is sure that He necessarily could, I understand that control is a wide-reaching concept that transcends the bounds of a relationship. When I ask a question, I get an answer (be it of a submissive or anyone else), because it is other people's nature to respond to Me as such automatically. Whether it is Me saying "excuse Me" as I walk past someone in Blockbuster, or berating a sub's behavior in private, I am never ignored, never shrugged off, simply because of the presence I have. In business, it is the same -- people turn to Me because I am an authority on what I do, what I know, and that is a reassurance for them that they seek (after all, who would seek advice from someone that isn't sure of what they are proposing?).
So, given that understanding of who I am, how could anyone ever become involved with Me and not understand that there is a 24/7 aspect to the relationship(?), for I am not going to be anyone but Myself 24/7. It does not mean that I do not have an open mind or that I am opposed to hearing the opinions of a sub, nor that I do not concern Myself with the feelings and needs (sexual, emotional, physical, etc) of those in My care. Would I be content with a submissive that was shackled 24-7 at My beck and call? No, but only because I demand that My sub(s) expand their own capabilities and improve themselves through education, professional development, hobbies and undertakings. And yet, to pursue those things at My insistance when they would rather be sitting at My feet, happily, is also a form of control...
You can have a good clue if you understand what it is that makes the choice of the lifestyle appealing... I won't be misleading and say that you can spot everyone who does kinky stuff in their bedroom and calls it BDSM (rarely the case). And I will probably be lambasted for this next statement, though I believe it to be very true: there is a certain air about those who are true Doms and another about those who are true submissives that you can learn to spot -- even when they aren't aware of the lifestyle as an option for themselves yet. Mostly it is in the eyes and the posture, the holding of the head and the shoulders, the positioning of the hands; those who seek to understand/know/control, and those seek to be protected by virtue of a strong leader and protector. But it is a difficult thing to learn to look for accurately. It is infinitely safer to simply assume people are vanilla and will always be vanilla until you find out otherwise from them.
I think what you are actually saying is that you (a) tend to socialize in circles where the average age and level of experience is such that the people who truly embraced BDSM are on the cutting edge of the group dynamics and as such stand out (even within their own group); and (b) that you presume that this type of group is the realm in which you will find what you are seeking.
As an experienced Dom, I think that you would be far better served by finding an older Domme, someone at least a decade older than you, who would be willing to take you in for a much longer term and introduce you to the lifestyle at a pace you can digest and appreciate. Naturally, a side effect of this is that this Domme will probably (to your current mind-set) not be as visually tempting as a 21-year old hot-bodied Goth Raver. It will take some deprogramming and reprogramming for your circuits to realize that what makes a woman sexy isn't necessarily a picture-perfect look* that exists solely on the cover of FHM (nor the starry-eyed look of a girl rolling & trolling), but the sex will be so infinitely better that you'll never look back fondly at what you have left.
*NOTE: This is not to say that Dommes are not beautiful creatures; they can be extremely beautiful even by the cover-girl look standards of society.
Good luck in your searches.
Read, ask, meet, and don't stick your butt out too far too early.
=-= The CyberPoet
AvaAdore
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2002
- Posts
- 488
Nusance said:I wasent saying you were or at least didnt mean for it to be taken that way and i apoligize for offending everyone... But i want to bring back the point that i cant reconize the people in public whom are not walking around with collars and wierd leather gear who are into the lifestyle. Its just sort of frustrating...... That must be why it seems like everyone is the pumk rock acid useing type.... Again, i apoligize.forgive me!?!
gee, dont you just love stereotypes! it really spares you of that awful effort of actually getting to know a person!
WynEternal
Beyond Insanity
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2003
- Posts
- 4,582
Re: Re: Vicious?
Ok, just jumping in here for a moment. I haven't seen anyone yelling, or any accusations flying. What I have seen are people correcting misconceptions about what it is that we do. Granted, we all do not always agree on what it is that we do, but it is an affront to us all by making generalizations, and incorrect ones at that.
There are those who think bdsm is just a game, and only for the bedroom. They are entitled to those opinions. For others, it goes beyound the bedroom, and into the whole of life itself.
I was in a 24/7 non married relationship. I always did what Mistress wanted, but she didn't have to tell me everything I did. That would have been tiresome for her. There were certain guidelines set, and I behaved within those lines, always defering to her judgement. Both in public and in private, I deferred to her wishes. There were moments of levity or absolute seriousness. Just because I was a slave, didn't mean I wasn't allowed to have fun.
I don't think there are many Dom/mes out there who want to tell their subs/slaves what to do every waking moment. That's where training comes in. I learned to anticipate her needs before she had to tell me. Yes, we both derived certain satisfaction from it. And I will forever cherish the time we had.
Bondagebunni said:
Ok, just jumping in here for a moment. I haven't seen anyone yelling, or any accusations flying. What I have seen are people correcting misconceptions about what it is that we do. Granted, we all do not always agree on what it is that we do, but it is an affront to us all by making generalizations, and incorrect ones at that.
There are those who think bdsm is just a game, and only for the bedroom. They are entitled to those opinions. For others, it goes beyound the bedroom, and into the whole of life itself.
I was in a 24/7 non married relationship. I always did what Mistress wanted, but she didn't have to tell me everything I did. That would have been tiresome for her. There were certain guidelines set, and I behaved within those lines, always defering to her judgement. Both in public and in private, I deferred to her wishes. There were moments of levity or absolute seriousness. Just because I was a slave, didn't mean I wasn't allowed to have fun.
I don't think there are many Dom/mes out there who want to tell their subs/slaves what to do every waking moment. That's where training comes in. I learned to anticipate her needs before she had to tell me. Yes, we both derived certain satisfaction from it. And I will forever cherish the time we had.
Shadowsdream
Dream Maker
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2002
- Posts
- 3,173
Re: Re: Re: Vicious?
A perfect glimpse of the reality of many of U/us
WynEternal said:
A perfect glimpse of the reality of many of U/us
Rocket88
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2002
- Posts
- 365
This thread has shifted from Absurd to Overdrive-Retarded.
This board is basically a cross-section of the BDSM group. Look around. I see the emperor has no fucking clothes, people. This place is populated by some funny, cool, interesting and beautiful people. But I have found more misanthropes, freaks, liars, and ghastly rejects than I can count. In this thread alone there is enough angst and self-delusion to float a battle ship.
I am part of the BDSM group and have been for years. I took no umbrage from Nuisance's comments. Why? Because I'm not a fucking freak. All you who were offended? You labled yourself, I suppose. I didn't ridicule the guy because of his action, no matter how fucked up it was. He just needs to learn, that's all.
And Jumping Jesus on a Pogo-Stick, people.... learn some fucking English! Is it so hard to place a comma? Do you really not know the difference between "your" and "you're?" 'There" and "they're?" (And before I hear one word about a split infinitive, don't even start. We don't speak Latin and therefore cannot split our infinitives.)
This board is basically a cross-section of the BDSM group. Look around. I see the emperor has no fucking clothes, people. This place is populated by some funny, cool, interesting and beautiful people. But I have found more misanthropes, freaks, liars, and ghastly rejects than I can count. In this thread alone there is enough angst and self-delusion to float a battle ship.
I am part of the BDSM group and have been for years. I took no umbrage from Nuisance's comments. Why? Because I'm not a fucking freak. All you who were offended? You labled yourself, I suppose. I didn't ridicule the guy because of his action, no matter how fucked up it was. He just needs to learn, that's all.
And Jumping Jesus on a Pogo-Stick, people.... learn some fucking English! Is it so hard to place a comma? Do you really not know the difference between "your" and "you're?" 'There" and "they're?" (And before I hear one word about a split infinitive, don't even start. We don't speak Latin and therefore cannot split our infinitives.)
entitled
the quiet one
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2002
- Posts
- 17,813
How nice it is to be able to admit to myself - and to label myself - that i'm not quite 'normal' in the public's eye! It sounds as if You're the one that has a problem with it. Might i suggest taking a step back and looking in the mirror? You might find it interesting to know that not everybody is just like You. That makes You just as much a 'fucking freak' as everybody else. Just my couple of pennies' worth.Rocket88 said:
WynEternal
Beyond Insanity
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2003
- Posts
- 4,582
entitled said:
LOL. I think the "Yes I'm a freak" arguement will hold well in court if I'm ever in a custody battle. I agree with you, entitled.
I'm not a freak. I am different, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit idly by and allow someone to say "they're all freaks and druggies." There is no such thing as normal because we all have our own ideosycrecies.
There, got that off my chest. Now I'm going to go cook myself some dinner, and chill.
entitled
the quiet one
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2002
- Posts
- 17,813
Those were my points exactly. If we were all normal we would all be exactly the same and the world would be a very boring place. That means that either we're all 'normal' in our own unique ways or we really ARE all freaks. Take your pick.WynEternal said:
Bondagebunni
Petable
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2002
- Posts
- 2,933
Re: Ahem,
oh really? then you haven't been paying attention...because this sounds very much like an accusation to me.
it's pretty obvious to me...and hopefully everyone else...that he meant those that he met where he lives, not everyone...if that's not accusing him of calling us all ugly and abnormal (which he DIDN'T) i don't know what is. I know i'm not making any friends by saying this...but it's blatantly obvious that there is some extreme overreacting occuring here.
and love...what's a split infinitive? *blinks*
WynEternal said:
oh really? then you haven't been paying attention...because this sounds very much like an accusation to me.
Ebonyfire said:
it's pretty obvious to me...and hopefully everyone else...that he meant those that he met where he lives, not everyone...if that's not accusing him of calling us all ugly and abnormal (which he DIDN'T) i don't know what is. I know i'm not making any friends by saying this...but it's blatantly obvious that there is some extreme overreacting occuring here.
and love...what's a split infinitive? *blinks*
lark sparrow
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2002
- Posts
- 1,715
lol I was very tempted to respond "Ok, so don't do it anymore." but stating the obvious is rarely appreciated.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2001
- Posts
- 20,570
Re: Re: I finially tried this 'bdsm' stuff and dotn want to do ti anymore....
*chuckles*
Good post.
Great post.
I thought and thought how to bring this thread around and you did it one fell swoop!
Hugs!
I do think that when all one has is text to judge a post by that our own interpretation then is affected by our experience. Hence, there have been times I have typed something that seemed very benign only to find out later that it was offensive to some.
All we have are words.
I believe that it is best practice to ask for clarification when one feels offended. Many times, it is a misunderstanding.
Furthermore, this forum has had experience with people pretending to engage in the lifestyle simply to come in and condemn it. For that reason, I believe that there are times that posts are taken as offensive and judgemental, when we wonder about the motivation and veracity of the poster.
All we have are words.
I believe that it is best practice to ask for clarification...
I said that I guess.
Not everyone is adept in the skills of diplomacy or the written language. So, everyone, new and old alike, needs to be cautious and careful about how they interprate what is before them on the screen.
I believe.... Oops...yep, said that before.
Then, our perceptions are often based on our personal experience. We have a an eclectic group with a wonderful array of real life situations...BDSM or not. That lends itself to a rainbow of opinions. We all have them. Accept that, move on and never take someone's opinion to heart. Agree to disagree or execute the ignore option if someone seems to have the ability to hurt you.
This thread has given me several ideas for new thread topics. I am not posting them, though. As many of you know, I am trying not compromise the board with MissT threads. It is YOUR forum, not mine exclusively.
So, if anyone wants to dabble, here are some thread ideas:
"Would anyone recognize you as a Dom/me or sub in a casual, social atmosphere?"
"Freaks or just people?"
"Pointers and ideas concerning how and when to engage in your first real life encounter?"
Just a few thoughts.
And to be honest, knowing many of the posters as well as I do and having been sitting on this forum since it's inception, I must say that many of you showed remarkable restraint and class. It is no secret that many of us here can freeze you with a typed word. So, hat's off to everyone! Hugs and carry on!
As for Nusance, I am impressed that he did take serious advice to heart and seemed to really want some input. Even among on line friends, that isn't always the case.
Cyberpet and rocket! Glad to see you de lurk and join in. Both of you brought a different perspective to the train wreck and i hope that you will post more often.
lark sparrow said:
*chuckles*
Good post.
Great post.
I thought and thought how to bring this thread around and you did it one fell swoop!
Hugs!
I do think that when all one has is text to judge a post by that our own interpretation then is affected by our experience. Hence, there have been times I have typed something that seemed very benign only to find out later that it was offensive to some.
All we have are words.
I believe that it is best practice to ask for clarification when one feels offended. Many times, it is a misunderstanding.
Furthermore, this forum has had experience with people pretending to engage in the lifestyle simply to come in and condemn it. For that reason, I believe that there are times that posts are taken as offensive and judgemental, when we wonder about the motivation and veracity of the poster.
All we have are words.
I believe that it is best practice to ask for clarification...
I said that I guess.
Not everyone is adept in the skills of diplomacy or the written language. So, everyone, new and old alike, needs to be cautious and careful about how they interprate what is before them on the screen.
I believe.... Oops...yep, said that before.
Then, our perceptions are often based on our personal experience. We have a an eclectic group with a wonderful array of real life situations...BDSM or not. That lends itself to a rainbow of opinions. We all have them. Accept that, move on and never take someone's opinion to heart. Agree to disagree or execute the ignore option if someone seems to have the ability to hurt you.
This thread has given me several ideas for new thread topics. I am not posting them, though. As many of you know, I am trying not compromise the board with MissT threads. It is YOUR forum, not mine exclusively.
So, if anyone wants to dabble, here are some thread ideas:
"Would anyone recognize you as a Dom/me or sub in a casual, social atmosphere?"
"Freaks or just people?"
"Pointers and ideas concerning how and when to engage in your first real life encounter?"
Just a few thoughts.
And to be honest, knowing many of the posters as well as I do and having been sitting on this forum since it's inception, I must say that many of you showed remarkable restraint and class. It is no secret that many of us here can freeze you with a typed word. So, hat's off to everyone! Hugs and carry on!
As for Nusance, I am impressed that he did take serious advice to heart and seemed to really want some input. Even among on line friends, that isn't always the case.
Cyberpet and rocket! Glad to see you de lurk and join in. Both of you brought a different perspective to the train wreck and i hope that you will post more often.
AnelizeDarkEyes
Lurker Deluxe
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2002
- Posts
- 1,985
Re: Re: Vicious?
My final words on this subject. She asked to be corrected if she was wrong. I corrected her. I don't recall seeing any caps in my post. Hence, I was not yelling. Accusatory? I don't think so. She was making assumptions. I was always warned by people with far more wisdom than I about the dangers of that particular mistake. Pehaps YOU should take it to heart as well.
Bondagebunni said:
My final words on this subject. She asked to be corrected if she was wrong. I corrected her. I don't recall seeing any caps in my post. Hence, I was not yelling. Accusatory? I don't think so. She was making assumptions. I was always warned by people with far more wisdom than I about the dangers of that particular mistake. Pehaps YOU should take it to heart as well.
WynEternal
Beyond Insanity
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2003
- Posts
- 4,582
AnelizeDarkEyes, thank you.
MissTaken, great advice. I bow to your knowledge.
MissTaken, great advice. I bow to your knowledge.
AnelizeDarkEyes
Lurker Deluxe
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2002
- Posts
- 1,985
Thank You Eb
Your Welcome Wyn
Your Welcome Wyn
