I just called the police...

[Svenskaflicka]

When I was learning Jeet Kun Do (which is inspired by Bruce Lee's teachings), our teacher told us that there are 5 steps in a fight.

1. You say something like "look, I don't want any trouble", and try to get away from there. This is the absolute best method, because no-one will get hurt.
2. You use your martial arts skills to get control of your opponent, so he can't do anything to you. You also tell him: "look, I can control you, if I want. I'm gonna let you go now, and I want you to just leave me alone, or I'll have to hurt you".
3. If the person is still being aggressive, you have to repeat step 2, but this time with a little more force, so that you hurt your opponent, for instance, break a bone inside his arm.
4. If the moron STILL tries to hurt you (like, say, he's too drugged up to understand that he's in pain), then you have to... kill him. Because if you don't...
5. ...you'll be at step 5, and that's where he kills you.
   [/list=1]

 

[MathGirl]

Ancient art of combat paper folding

I have a seventh degree black belt in Origami, and the only thing it does for me, is that it keeps my pants from falling around my ankles.

Dear Quaz,
When you are forced to employ your skills, you jab the bad guy in the eye with the corner of a folded napkin, right?
MG

Dear Svenska,
Envision someone my size saying something like, "I don't want to hurt you" to a bruiser.
MG

 

[Guest]

Re: Ancient art of combat paper folding

Envision someone my size saying something like, "I don't want to hurt you" to a bruiser.

MG

I think I read that story . . .

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: Ancient art of combat paper folding

Dear Svenska,
Envision someone my size saying something like, "I don't want to hurt you" to a bruiser.
MG

To which he replies by dropping to the ground, rolling back and forth, laughing his ass off, and you have time to run the fuck out of there.

 

[CWatson]

Re: Re: Ancient art of combat paper folding

To which he replies by dropping to the ground, rolling back and forth, laughing his ass off, and you have time to run the fuck out of there.

Amen that. Black belt or no, if someone tries to hit me, I'm just getting my ass out of there.

Back when I was still taking karate, deshi Jeff told us a story about how he was attacked by a man with a gun. Deshi Jeff successfully defended himself and incapacitated his assailant, but the police were less than pleased. "He'll probably sue you," they told him. "You'd probably have less legal trouble if you'd just taken the gun and shot him."

...

 

[Svenskaflicka]

The most ridiculous example I've ever heard of happened here in Sweden, when a man tried to break into a kiosk to steal money, cigarettes, candy, whatever. The moron climbed up on the roof, and tried to open the window on top of the roof, but slipped and fell through the glass, and landed inside the kiosk. He hurt himself badly, not only on the broken glass, but also from the fall. He sued the owner of the kiosk...

...who had to pay!

Shop owners! Remember to leave the windows open, and put mattresses on the floor under them, so that burglars won't get hurt breaking into your shops! It could cost you your business!

 

[Guest]

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Ancient art of combat paper folding

To which he replies by dropping to the ground, rolling back and forth, laughing his ass off, and you have time to run the fuck out of there.

Dear Svenska,
I'd run just after delivering a swift kick to his particulars.
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Can you reach that high, MG?

 

[BardsLady]

When I was younger *let's face it, and stupider* I and my now ex-husband moved into this apartment next door to a very nasty, rundown house.
That night, there was yelling and screaming and stuff. What happened next was really scary. A car pulled up into the driveway, a seriously pissed off woman *who turned out to be the lover of one of the men inside* pulls out a .357 and unloads the entire thing into the house, reloads, and does it again!

Turns out the guy inside had seriously cheated on her and left her hanging for most of his law infractions. hehe.
*******

I do Tai Chi. Which may not be much in the way of Martial Arts, but it's really nice to have when you're going to rape prevention classes and are the one called on to take on BOTH instructors instead of just the one.

It took less than 5 minutes to have them both on the ground in wrist locks. Even I was blinking in suprise. It was way too easy.

I dont like to fight, but it's nice to know that you have something that you can use to defend yourself with if you need to.

Just my Thoughts,
BardsLady

 

[Svenskaflicka]

On our first lesson in Jeet Kun Do, I was chosen to be the first "victim". One of the teachers, dressed in double protective wear, "attacked" me, and I had to fight him off. Within 2 minutes, maybe less, he was on the floor, with me kicking his crotch, jumping on him, putting an elbow in his chest... The poor guy had to endure 14 women defending themselves against him that day. Even though he had protective wear that were 3" thick, he was still bleeding at the end of the day.

We had great fun, though. Imagine a young women about MG's size, kicking a man (whom she only reach to the shoulders of) down, and hitting him, while 13 other women stand in a ring, shouting:

"Use the knee! Use the knee!"
"The eyes! Go for the eyes!"
"Use your nails! Claw him!"

 

[BardsLady]

*falling over laughing*

I can actually SEE that happening!!! *giggling*

After the frontal attacks with my group, we had to get attacked from behind. THAT was kind of fun. I knew he was padded and that made a difference.

My head went back into the face shield when he grabbed me, It went back so hard it cracked the protective shield. I started squirming and hitting and stomping so hard, I managed to turn around and sink my fingers in the top of his helmet. You know those little breather holes, yea. those.

I did everything right, except I found that I couldnt get my fingers OUT of that hat, so I kept wailing away at him with my knee. The women around me were yelling some really interesting things:

Rip his head off!
Go for his Dick!
Castrate the sonofabitch!!

And the one I really started laughing at:

Feed him his Nuts!!


I managed to free my fingers and he fell down. I gave him a final few kicks to the legs, ribs, chest, nuts, and face, before the other guy called a halt. When asked why I diddnt stop at the knee thing, I said," He wastn't ont he ground yet and no one said stop?"

Ah the joys of adrenaline rushes.

BTW, they did have a spare h elmet, but those plexiglass things are supposedly unbreakable. HAH!

BardsLady

 

[Vincent E]

What's the negative form for "impressed"?

Bored.