I'll read yours...

[destinie21]

Oh you guys the thread is coming along nicely, Thanks to all thos who posted. Keep it coming and thanks.


Ps: I'm currently working on a story involving a female assasian and I need to know what type of gun would have a sliencer and be worn in a shoulder holster. I tried gun websites but they got me nowhere.

Regards D21

 

[destinie21]

Re: Faithful

Destinie: Hi! I'm 155 centimeters tall or 5 feet 1 inch in hieght.

I am a full foot taller than you

I always wante to be shorter I stopped growing when I was 12
it was horrid. lol

 

[Jenny _S]

Ps: I'm currently working on a story involving a female assasian and I need to know what type of gun would have a sliencer and be worn in a shoulder holster. I tried gun websites but they got me nowhere.

Regards D21

There are several possibilities, Des.
For real fire power A MAC 80 submachine gun is available in a short model with a silencer.

A Glock can be accept a silencer with a simple modification to the barrel.

Either of those can be concealed in a shoulder holster.

For really quiet operation you want something in a small caliber though, like a .22. There is a Ruger Automatic Clip fed that can be modified to accept one. The small caliber is a favorite of hit men, by the way.

In any case, silencers are illegal in the United States and everywhere I can think of in Europe. There is no place you can buy one unless you are a Governmental agency. The silencer would need to be crafted by a talented and unscrupulous gunsmith for whatever weapon you select.

Hope this helps.

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

I just read 2 stories by Wicked-N-Erotic, "Summer's Secrets" and "A Learning Experience". I thought they were fantastic. Your writing is so very descriptive - you bring little details alive and paint a vivid picture of what is really going on. This is true of both the erotic and non-erotic parts of the stories. And I think I would be in heaven if a man gave me a "learning experience" like in your story... maybe I could get hubby to break out the handcuffs and honey?

JJ,
Thanks for your feedback, I'm glad you liked them. Descriptions are a huge pet peeve of mine, I can't write a story without having it loaded with even useless details. I like the reader to see every little thing that's happening or being seen by the characters. I don't frequent the boards on weekends so I'm playing catch up now. I will get to your story today and give feedback. Thanks again for your rave reviews.


Wicked

 

[OldnotDead]

Oh you guys the thread is coming along nicely, Thanks to all thos who posted. Keep it coming and thanks.


Ps: I'm currently working on a story involving a female assasian and I need to know what type of gun would have a sliencer and be worn in a shoulder holster. I tried gun websites but they got me nowhere.

Regards D21

Hey, Destinie,

I'm enjoying this thread and reading some others' works.

This gun website may be of more use to you.

http://www.p3llc.com/mgrental.html

P3 is a Connecticut dealer that sells and rents machine guns and advertises locally that they also sell suppressors (silencers). The 'public' cannot buy such things, but if you are also a Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer (not as hard to become as you might think), you can buy such things. You might find it enlightening to write them and discuss some of your plot and get their insight into not only what your 'heroine' would use, but how she might obtain it. There is a link to their email address at the site.

Good luck with your story,

OldnotDead
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=135309

 

[OldnotDead]

Re: Re: Read 2 stories

I completely agree, this is a brilliant idea.

Loulou

Hello, all,

I realize D21 did not want the thread to turn into 'Guns n Ammo' <G> so in effort to get back to business, I'll make some comments about Lou's story, Living the Fantasy, Ch 1.

I didn't see any obvious grammar and spelling mistakes, which is a personal pet peeve of mine as they distract from the story.

I thought the pacing was good. One of the things I look for in a first person story is to see if my own thoughts are moving with the author or if I'm wishing that it would move faster or slower. In this one, I enjoyed the words and look forward to more.

On a very personal note, I want to commend Lou on her handling of sanitation and anal sex. I realize in the world of cyber we can ignore a lot of the less than romantic and erotic sides of sex. I appreciate, however, when an author shows some sense about the dangers involved in developing bad habits. Having the characters show some thought about hygeine is a most appreciated touch that this author did not think should go without comment.

Kudos to D21 for the thread.

OldnotDead
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=135309

 

[destinie21]

OND
I read your story The First of Her 'Firsts'
It was outstanding. I really like how you had the chracter's discussing their sexuality. It seemed more "real" also I want to thank you for not making Lisa a "virgin slut" like so many do.
no wonder the story has the little h.

ps The begining was a good grabber.

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

JJ,

Just read you story. WOW, that was a really hot scenario. I enjoyed it very much and will be looking forward to your next story. I could easily picture myself under that desk. Man, I'd love to do something like that in RL.


Wicked

 

[Guest]

Re: Faithful

First of, apologies for taking so long to get back to you all, I've had family stuff to deal with. Your time taken to read my stories and provide me with constructive feedback is appreciated.

Hi Tatelou,
I just read your story and I was impressed. I actually was sitting there like you do at a horror movie going, "NO! Don't run from your hiding place! He's right there!" Does the silly bimbo listen? Absolutely not.
I think the dog should get all 3 steaks. As a matter of fact, I wonder what the story would have played like if Bob had been a little less faithful to his humans and a lot more to his stomach...

Champagne, thank you! It is great to see that the story pulled you in like that. I love the alternative ending idea, I wonder how things might've turned out? Food for thought, anyway, (excuse the pun. )

Tatelou I read "Faithful"... interesting premise and I was hooked after the first few paragraphs. Btw...I loved Bob..lol

Thank you, Cookiejar. Good to know that you quickly got pulled into the story. I also love Bob, I used my own dog (a Border Collie, called Billy) as the model and inspiration for his character.

I'll make some comments about Lou's story, Living the Fantasy, Ch 1.

I didn't see any obvious grammar and spelling mistakes, which is a personal pet peeve of mine as they distract from the story.

I thought the pacing was good. One of the things I look for in a first person story is to see if my own thoughts are moving with the author or if I'm wishing that it would move faster or slower. In this one, I enjoyed the words and look forward to more.

On a very personal note, I want to commend Lou on her handling of sanitation and anal sex. I realize in the world of cyber we can ignore a lot of the less than romantic and erotic sides of sex. I appreciate, however, when an author shows some sense about the dangers involved in developing bad habits. Having the characters show some thought about hygeine is a most appreciated touch that this author did not think should go without comment.

OND, thank you, your constructive and varied comments, on all of my stories, are much appreciated. I will reply to the feedback on my other two stories via email, I'll just address chapter 1 of LTF here.

I am pleased to see that you found my spelling and grammar good. I do pride myself on being able to spell and construct a sentence properly. It is also a pet peeve of mine, I find myself instantly turned off from a story; when reading one riddled with spelling mistakes, and poor grammar. It greatly distracts my concentration from the story.

Your comment on the pace of the story was great, it's good to know I got that right.

Glad to see you noticed my attention to personal hygiene. It was not only me being aware, and expressing its importance, it was also part of my characterization. Yours is the second positive comment I've received about that in particular, I've had no negative. I had prepared myself for a negative reaction, I thought some might see it as being jolted out of the sex scene. It is comforting to me, to know that people do take that kind of thing seriously.

Thanks, again, to all.

Lou

 

[destinie21]

Hi all I'm looking for feedback on my story.Reunited-ch 1 corrin's plan

please read and give feedback. Also not a complaint just an observation and a request. Please if you don't like a story or you see errors let the authour know. Don't let this become a superficial praise thread please.

 

[Norton77]

New here...

Hi,
Some great stories.... not sure how I link to mine, but I'm enjoying going through all of yours!

x

 

[OldnotDead]

Re: New here...

Hi,
Some great stories.... not sure how I link to mine, but I'm enjoying going through all of yours!

x

Hi Norton, I'm not sure you're newer than me with all those posts of yours

But I do know how to paste a link.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=109152

This is yours, copied from the header in the web page with your profile and story list.

OnD
http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/memberpage.php?uid=135309

 

[champagne1982]

OldnotDead

Hi OnD.

I felt it was time I read and critiqued one of your stories. Thankyou for some great sexual descriptions. I enjoyed this first chapter of Ready to Take This Chance although I noticed some problems within it that can't be attributed to style alone. I recommend finding a good editor who is strong in sentence structure and punctuation to help you through those bumpy spots.

1.

"Nothing definite. Just this show, Probably the new planetarium. Hopefully some good food. Probably some sightseeing. I'm usually going through New York on my way somewhere else, so not having to go anywhere is a nice change."

This bit of dialogue bothered me for some reason and I finally flashed on what it was. When I speak aloud I avoid the word "probably", just as if my life depended on not saying it. The word has a tendency to get tangled in my lips. Here you have brave Jerry saying it twice. I think your dialogue here would be improved if you'd change both instances of "probably" to 2 different synonyms. ie: likely and maybe. There's also a punctuation error that you likely see now so I'll just mention it's existence rather than point right to it .

2.

He remembered something about ordering the food and he knows she didn't do all the talking, although he would have let her.

You seem to have a tense shift here that sticks out at me during the reading. At first I tried to pass over it, but I kept returning to re-read this sentence. It distracted me quite a bit.

3.

"Do we have to stay here for dessert? Or can I take you to another restaurant I know that has fabulous after dinner concoctions until late at night"

I'm not going to nitpick all the way through your story and point out all the grammatical problems I see, but this sentence is really awkward to hear in my mind. Try to say it out loud and you run out of air, thinking you've come to the false ending of the second question. I suggest punctuating it differently. "Do we have to stay here for dessert or can I take you to another restaurant? I know of (or: I've been to) a place that has fabulous after dinner concoctions until late at night."


As I mentioned, I really did enjoy your story. I cared about these two individuals from the moment she peered through his glasses at him right up to the final promise of more to come. Thankyou for sharing your work.

 

[OldnotDead]

Re: OldnotDead

Hi OnD.

I'm not going to nitpick all the way through your story and point out all the grammatical problems I see, but this sentence is really awkward to hear in my mind. Try to say it out loud and you run out of air, thinking you've come to the false ending of the second question. I suggest punctuating it differently. "Do we have to stay here for dessert or can I take you to another restaurant? I know of (or: I've been to) a place that has fabulous after dinner concoctions until late at night."

Thankyou for sharing your work.

Thank YOU, Carrie, for such thoughtful and constructive comments.

You are the second person that has suggested reading work out loud, particularly dialogue, to help smooth it out. I would like to think the second chapter improved somewhat thanks to that suggestion. If you feel it has not, well, there goes another illusion

Thanks for pointing out my over use of 'probably'. It's an old verbal habit from when I got annoyed with someone that changed it to 'prolly'.

Again, you're thoughtfully laid out comments will be with me when I work on future efforts.

OnD

 

[Limbhugger]

Ps: I'm currently working on a story involving a female assasian and I need to know what type of gun would have a sliencer and be worn in a shoulder holster. I tried gun websites but they got me nowhere.

Destine,

Jenny gave good advive on the use of a .22LR semi-automatic handgun as a favored choice of assassins. The Israeli Mousad used them quite effectively after the Olympic bombings. I would suggest you look at Baretta and Walther. James Bond carried a Walther .380ACP...lol. But seriously these are two very respected firearms around the world. I am a firearms enthusiast so feel free to email if you ever want details or information. Be more than happy to help out.

 

[Limbhugger]

Jenny,

Have to admit, your avatar and your PNW location led me to choose your stories first.

I just read "A Little Adventure With Kelly." I enjoyed the forcefulness Jenny displays. A real take-charge kind of girl! My only "positive criticism" was the ending seemed a bit abrupt. Maybe a tweek on the cheek, or a wink and sly smile just as Jenny left Kelly gasping and trying to clear her head. A very subtle observation is all. I just got the feeling Jenny was the kind of girl to take one last look at her "accomplishment" before meeting her man for lunch.

Damn, giving any form of criticism is hard isn't it? It is a very pure form of respect I think (when done with proper intent and appropriateness). A very good story tho Jenny. One I will point out to my wife as a sure read!

I have four stories posted. Three were written before I joined here and really got a feel for the story types. I would love feedback on them. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors. My own editing practices became overshowed my rush to post the stories.

My two personal favorties are "Coming Of Age" and "The Power Of A Woman." But any feedback is appreciated.

I've no idea how to provide a link to my stories. Help?

I intend to read stories from of this thread's contributors! Destine, Wicked, and on and on and...

Just writing your thoughts and having the courage to open them to the world makes you all great people in my book! Everything after that is just refining.

 

[Limbhugger]

Wicked,

Just read "Seduction of a Repairman." WOW! Wonderful story! All the teasing was excellent. I love seductive teasing. The way she began in control of the scenario but ultimately relinquished it to her own desires.

Loved the ending too!

Hugger

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Thank you Hugger, I'm so glad to hear that you liked it.

I don't know why but for some reason an unexpected twist always seems to work itself into the ending of my stories. Maybe it comes from all the mysteries I've read, who knows.

Thanks again.

Wicked

 

[Limbhugger]

You're more than welcome Wicked. Downloaded the audio too. Do you have any stories that you narrate yourself? Love to hear them.

I like endings too. Would love you found your way to one of my stories and provided good honest feedback. Go ahead, I can take it!...LOL.

Gorgeous avatar BTW!

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Hugger,
Thank you for the compliment on my AV. All but one of my stories in audio are narrated by me and that one will soon be changed, I just submitted it yesterday in my voice. I promise to get to some of your stories as soon as I can and provide feedback.

Wicked

 

[Limbhugger]

I look forward to it Wicked! I have no idea how to link to pics or stories so I apologize in advance.

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

hiya Hugger,

I chose to read "We're Alone Right?". I liked the story a lot. The sex was hot and believable. I liked the ending, I guess being one of those people myself that likes the little twist at the end is what makes me like it so much. Great job, keep writting.

Wicked


P.S. I sent you a PM with more indepth opinions and thoughts.

 

[Limbhugger]

Thank you Wicked. Your inputs are dead on.

If you get a chance I would love for you to read "Coming Of Age."

BTW, I do I post links? I'd like to link to my pics/stories in my signature but don't know how. Anyone help????

 

[cookiejar]

Thank you Wicked. Your inputs are dead on.

If you get a chance I would love for you to read "Coming Of Age."

BTW, I do I post links? I'd like to link to my pics/stories in my signature but don't know how. Anyone help????

Here you go...

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=257244

 

[Limbhugger]

Thank you Cookie. But how do I do it the way you all do so I can type say, "Limbhugger's Stories" and it will link there? Sorry don't mean to detract. Perhaps best asked on another thread.