I'll read yours...

[cookiejar]

Thank you Cookie. But how do I do it the way you all do so I can type say, "Limbhugger's Stories" and it will link there? Sorry don't mean to detract. Perhaps best asked on another thread.

Hope this works...
click on edit profile
then in signature box type...

<a href="http://www.literotica.com/stories/m....php?uid=257244"> Limbhugger's Stories</>

put your Stories in brackets ...B for bold check my quote...the brackets are there...confused enough yet?

Then cross your fingers lol

 

[champagne1982]

Embedding links and building signatures

step 1. -- check out the F.A.Q.

step 2. -- in blue at the top to the right of the literotica.com banner you'll see Control Panel. Click on that.

step 3. -- now, you'll see a row of buttons .. my vB Home.. Edit Profile... that's the one you want. Click on it.

step 4. -- scroll down to the block labelled Signature: now,

step 5. -- type, all on one line and without any spaces, regardless of what I type here.
[u r l=http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=257244
]
Limbhugger's Branches
[/u
r
l]

step 6. -- click on the button at the bottom "Submit Modifications"

Voila your link is embedded in your signature, on each and every Lit Bulletin Board post you've ever made or ever will make, until you turn it off.

 

[Limbhugger]

Thank you Cookie and Champagne. Got it now!

Sorry again to side track the thread.

 

[gystex]

A reiview

Hello Destinie! I have just read "DESIGN HOUSE."

I'll start with what I liked about it. The sex is really good. You are descriptive and varied with your words, and the action is lively and heated.

Genevieve herself is something of a puzzle. She is described as a bitch, and generally acts the part, but she also hugs Jamie when she's hired and makes jokes with the staff. It's obvious you're trying to show that the bitchiness is all an act, but if so it's not a very convincing one. Perhaps part of the problem is that Jamie seems to take it all in stride as her boss suddenly transforms from bitch to buddy - and I never did get the idea of why she pretends to be so unpleasant in the first place.

The seduction happens amazingly quickly. I wonder how it is that Genevieve came to the conclusion that Jamie is bisexual and that her advances would be welcome - she didn't seem to drop any clues.

Your grammatical skills are slightly lacking - this is a minor thing but it is a little distracting. A good beta-reader can help you there, or a grammar checker if your WP has one. It is also sometimes difficult to tell who is speaking, particularly when there's nore than two people in the conversation.

I like the plot to the story, though I wish it were integrated into the sex a little more. It's almost like we recieve a brief introduction, and then move on to a sex scene that, while hot, is motiveless beyond simple lust. Why did Genevieve focus her attentions on her intern? Does Jamie feel that she is being used or loved? How comfortable is she with the idea of nailing the boss, especially since she knows that Genevieve isn't entirely genuine? We don't seem to get to know these women very well, and especially since the story is told from Jamie's point of view, it would be nice to have greater insight into her feelings.

 

[DiJiT]

Feedback please

Destinie I would love for you to give me some feedback on my work. I would welcome all criticism.I think it is very kind of you to help out other writers this way.THANKS ALOT

 

[Ms. Jones]

Wicked n Erotic...

The Life I live - your poem should be given to every girl just before she walks down the aisle to get married. There's sadness in the repeated lines. Sometimes I feel like a hampster on the wheel of life. Thanks for this thread.

 

[RenzaJones]

Re: Feedback please

Destinie I would love for you to give me some feedback on my work. I would welcome all criticism.I think it is very kind of you to help out other writers this way.THANKS ALOT

do you write under your username? I did a search and got no responses. in any case put up a link when you can.

 

[DiJiT]

I do use my user name. Why you couldn't find me in your search is beyond me. In any case my submissions should still be in the "New Poetry Submissions section. I hope that you will take a look and that you'll like them.There will definately be more to come.

 

[champagne1982]

I do use my user name. Why you couldn't find me in your search is beyond me. In any case my submissions should still be in the "New Poetry Submissions section. I hope that you will take a look and that you'll like them.There will definately be more to come.

Hi DiJit,
Maybe you should be asking for critique on the poetry board, since more people interested in poems read there. Nevertheless, you'll find you'll get a better response if you embed a link in your signature or in the body of your post.

step 1. -- check out the F.A.Q.

step 2. -- in blue at the top to the right of the literotica.com banner you'll see Control Panel. Click on that.

step 3. -- now, you'll see a row of buttons .. my vB Home.. Edit Profile... that's the one you want. Click on it.

step 4. -- scroll down to the block labelled Signature: now,

step 5. -- type, all on one line and without any spaces, regardless of what I type here.
[u r l=http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/memberpage.php?uid=262720
]
DiJit's Digits
[/u
r
l]

step 6. -- click on the button at the bottom "Submit Modifications"

Voila your link is embedded in your signature, on each and every Lit Bulletin Board post you've ever made or ever will make, until you turn it off. It should look like this: DiJit's Digits

On Saturday, October 4th I offered this review of your poems on the new poems thread in the Poetry Feedback & Discussion forum:

There's a new poet offering a pair of poems today. I hope his work will gather polish as he becomes more experienced. Look past the spelling error or two and lack of punchy punctuation to read:

My Muse
by DiJiT
[...]
Hope you have brought to me
Your kind heart and gentle soul have allowed my eyes to see
[...]

and

A Soul Unseen

[...]
As worlds live and worlds die
A soul unseen they still pass by
[...]

If you would like a complete edit and critique let me know and I'll be happy to offer some of my ideas and thoughts on your verse.

 

[Just-Legal]

Cookie - I read your Hallowe'en entry and thouht it was wonderful, beautifully done and made me a little teary.

Now, lets have a sequel where he finds the bastard rapist and kicks the seven bells out of him!

I'm not expectiny anyone to read mine... they're all a bit weak to be honest *mutters something about needing to post more*

 

[Jenny _S]

Jenny,

I just read "A Little Adventure With Kelly." I enjoyed the forcefulness Jenny displays. A real take-charge kind of girl! My only "positive criticism" was the ending seemed a bit abrupt. Maybe a tweek on the cheek, or a wink and sly smile just as Jenny left Kelly gasping and trying to clear her head. A very subtle observation is all. I just got the feeling Jenny was the kind of girl to take one last look at her "accomplishment" before meeting her man for lunch.

Damn, giving any form of criticism is hard isn't it? It is a very pure form of respect I think (when done with proper intent and appropriateness). A very good story tho Jenny. One I will point out to my wife as a sure read!

Sorry... I've been away... but time to respond to this hugger. You will be intereted to know that "Kelly" was written with three different endings.

1. Jenny is done with Kelly and simply walks away.
2. Jenny takes Kelly's face in her hands, kisses her and dumps her on the floor and walks out.
3. Jenny looks back at Kelly as she leaves the lavatory then grabs the waiter by the crotch as she walks into the street.

Number 1 was my least favorite. Number 2 I liked the best and had intended to post it with that ending even though it does show a tender side to Jenny that I didn't really want to show. Unfortunately I didn't discover until weeks later that the one I posted had ending #1. Number 3 is probably too much me and not enough of this Jenny.

Oh well.

This was a story that caused me a lot of grief, actually. For several weeks after it was posted half the wankers on Lit wanted to tie me up, whip me and fuck my brains out.

Hey guys, It's Fiction!!!!

 

[cookiejar]

Cookie - I read your Hallowe'en entry and thouht it was wonderful, beautifully done and made me a little teary.

Now, lets have a sequel where he finds the bastard rapist and kicks the seven bells out of him!

I'm not expectiny anyone to read mine... they're all a bit weak to be honest *mutters something about needing to post more*

Thank you JL...I just saw this. I will be reading yours tomorrow....practice makes perfect...keep writing...

 

[destinie21]

Hey folks thanks for keeping the thread going. I have a new story posted and would like feedback on it. It's called 10/20/03 Summer Fun It's a lesbian / incest story so if you're likely to find the subject matter offensive please don't even bother. Thanks in advance.

 

[Pornofan420]

Mmmmm...

<waving>Greetings, y'all. Great idea for a thread, D21</waving>

I'll start with you, babe. Loved Summer Fun . I posted feedback to it's dedicated thread, but then I found this one. Really hot story. I believe it was Colleen Thomas who pointed out that the sex doesn't kick in till quite late in the piece, but you've really done a good job of keeping the sense of erotic tension in the air. Quite the stiffener.

Tatelou, I also just read Living the Fantasy Ch.1. To you also I say, really hot. The "page down" key is a beautiful thing because it only takes one hand, leaving the other free to wander down my shorts. I love stories told well in the 1st person. I've also got a minor kink for married folk getting it on so it scored extra-sexi points with me.

PF420

 

[destinie21]

Re: A reiview

Hello Destinie! I have just read "DESIGN HOUSE."

I'll start with what I liked about it. The sex is really good. You are descriptive and varied with your words, and the action is lively and heated.

Genevieve herself is something of a puzzle. She is described as a bitch, and generally acts the part, but she also hugs Jamie when she's hired and makes jokes with the staff. It's obvious you're trying to show that the bitchiness is all an act, but if so it's not a very convincing one. Perhaps part of the problem is that Jamie seems to take it all in stride as her boss suddenly transforms from bitch to buddy - and I never did get the idea of why she pretends to be so unpleasant in the first place.

The seduction happens amazingly quickly. I wonder how it is that Genevieve came to the conclusion that Jamie is bisexual and that her advances would be welcome - she didn't seem to drop any clues.

Your grammatical skills are slightly lacking - this is a minor thing but it is a little distracting. A good beta-reader can help you there, or a grammar checker if your WP has one. It is also sometimes difficult to tell who is speaking, particularly when there's nore than two people in the conversation.

I like the plot to the story, though I wish it were integrated into the sex a little more. It's almost like we recieve a brief introduction, and then move on to a sex scene that, while hot, is motiveless beyond simple lust. Why did Genevieve focus her attentions on her intern? Does Jamie feel that she is being used or loved? How comfortable is she with the idea of nailing the boss, especially since she knows that Genevieve isn't entirely genuine? We don't seem to get to know these women very well, and especially since the story is told from Jamie's point of view, it would be nice to have greater insight into her feelings.

Sorry I took so long to respond, Genivive was never a bitch that's only the way Leigh precived her (Jamie is the brother as stated in the resturant scene) Geniveve was is simply very work oriented, her coldness is an act. As far as the sex goes sometimes there's just an attration. At least for me there doesn't need to be hints and labels and such, in my own life I know I've slept with woman who later claimed to be straight. Leigh has no feeling of being loved or used which is why neither is reflected, she wanted a good fuck that's what she got. I may go back and work on the story a bit more, maybe. I'm glad you enjoyed some elements and thanks for the feedback. Also a special thanks for being honest and constructive.

 

[scorpiosting]

Great Thread!!

I have a story that I would love someone to take a look at before I post it in the story section.

I will reciprocate and do the same for you, just send me a PM.

You can find my story on the regular Story Feedback board it is called Prime Real Estate.

Cheers!!

 

[Guest]

Re: Mmmmm...

<waving>Greetings, y'all. Great idea for a thread, D21</waving>

Tatelou, I also just read Living the Fantasy Ch.1. To you also I say, really hot. The "page down" key is a beautiful thing because it only takes one hand, leaving the other free to wander down my shorts. I love stories told well in the 1st person. I've also got a minor kink for married folk getting it on so it scored extra-sexi points with me.

PF420

Hi Pornofan!

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, I've only just noticed your post. Thanks for the great feedback, it is very encouraging to hear that you find I tell stories well in the 1st person. It's that kind of comment that inspires me to carry on with that particular series of stories. The rest of my stuff is written in 3rd person (both limited and omniscient).

I've had a few similar comments, with regard to that story being about a married couple, it seems that kind of set-up is in the minority when it comes to hot erotic stories. Who'd have thought it!?

I'll read one of yours tomorrow, when I have some free time. I'll do my bit to keep this thread going strong.

Lou

 

[Pornofan420]

Re: Re: Mmmmm...

Hi Pornofan!
<snip>

Hey back, Lou. Lemme know what ya think. I've got another one in the works right now about the BEST FRICKIN' HEAD I EVER GOT IN MY LIFE!!!!! It was Oct. 11, 2003, about 9pm. From my wife, no less. Did I mention I have a kink for married people getting it on?

BTW, there's another guy who goes by pornofan, but he's seems to have never logged in or actually done anthing. The '-420' is partly for diferentiation, partly political (as you might guess from my sig).

But as we used to say back in Brooklyn all those moons and miles ago, no snap of bone, less than a tablespoon of blood spilt...no foul. Well, we never actually said that, but that seemed to be the general rule we went by.

Be well!

PF420

 

[bitslinger]

Me too

Hiya,

I was going to click on a female author for this but I'll suppress that instinct and offer anyone who would like to have me read and comment an open invitation.

I know this thread is titled feedback, so I don't want to get more fine grained than the author wants, but if you want a critique then just say so. Please tell me if you want just the hilights or if you want more structural comments.

No incest or scat please.

 

[destinie21]

Okay Bit,

I'll bite just click on my sig link and read whatever you want. The stories are appropriatly catergorized and if memory serves I've got only one incest story. and a few f/f and BTW there is
ab-so-lutely no scat of anykind involved because you know ewww. Pick a story any story...

The mrs who's happy for any feedback.

 

[bitslinger]

What does the little H next to a story mean?

 

[Pornofan420]

Just read "Do You Know?"

Heya, Cookiejar.

I read your story "Do You Know?" Really liked it a lot. I really dig morning sex. That's a hot starter of a subject. The style felt like there were two conversations going on, one talking to your lover directly (in quotes) and one addressed to him but done as a sort of internal monologue. It lost a little of it's conversational feel at times, but given the dedication at the beginning, I read it as a piece really written and dedicated to one person, but which we get to read ahd which happens to be hot.

As far as the monologues crossing over, the one that leaps to the eye is

“Do you know how intense my orgasm is? I marvel at what you do to me and I eventually get the strength to lift my head and look at you. You touch my cheek with your hand and I see the love in your eyes.”

Was that meant to be in quotes? That kind of read to me as internal monologue. But these are minor technical points in a real stiffener of a story.

I really, really loved the line

I lean over you and let my mouth and tongue travel over your chest. “Do you know how much I love the smell of you? That musky smell that only you have that triggers such passion in me?”

“Do you know how much I love the taste of your body? The salty taste of sweat from our passion last night. The earthy taste that fuels the fires in my body? ”

My wife and I are very much into the "you smell right, you smell like home" vibe. "M" loves the way I smell, especially about 1/2 an hour after a shower where I've gotten all clean and fresh and have had just a little time to let my natural scent settle in. She's very big on that, especially since I've started keeping the wobbly bits shaved smoothe. If I let it go all thatchy down there, the scent get's a bit too strong for her sensitive nose. Shaved smoothe, it stays at a sexy level and she can spend more time with her nose in cose proximity.

We recently were listening to Diane Ackerman's A Natural History of the Senses on tape in which she challenges the reader to describe the scent of your lover. You can't, really. I certainly can't describe the way M smells except to so she smells absolutely right and absolutely sexy. She's got not a strong personal scent at all so she can go a few days w/out showering and barely ripen at all. But Oooh...that does get a little of my "Napoleon" going on.

I also really dug the line

“Do you know how much I love to look at you? I love your Mediterranean heritage with your dark eyes, skin and hair..."

I'm a Pacific Island/Irish half-breed so I've got the big potato-eating frame to go with the cafe'-au-lait complexion and black hair while my wife is English/Swiss/German, pale and creamy and SPF30 with a hat. It's really nice to see the difference in our skin tones as we lie naked alongside each other.

Very hot, quite a stiffener. Looking forward to reading some more.

Be well,

PF420

 

[bitslinger]

I'll bite just click on my sig link and read whatever you want.

Hmm. This is going to be tough. All of your stories have lesbian characters, and my preferences for lesbian stories probably run perpendicular to other guys. Sadly, that makes my feedback sound somewhat negative because I tend to want story first and sex second.

I read “My Girl”, a story about an old flame. When I read lesbian stories, I really enjoy having the relationship between the characters explored, probably more so than reading about explicit sex. Part two of the story is very tastefully done in that respect but my personal taste would be to see more, especially in part 1. The sex in the first part is pretty hot, but it’s written from a purely physical perspective. Again, my tastes are probably not those of other guys. Some of your choices of transitions are a bit mechanical, perhaps because of word choices.

Part 2 is my favorite of the two but part 1 didn’t really tease me into reading it. I would have liked more emotional continuity given the well presented raw emotion at the beginning of part 2. I think that the description of Karen’s features would have worked better if they were distributed evenly throughout part 2. First, the description breaks up the mood of the first scene. You start by drawing the reader in with an emotional hook; Robyn’s pining over an old flame and having one-night stands because she can’t resolve her feelings. Then you move into a purely physical description of Karen, which gives an impression of a very shallow relationship. Lesbians fall in love for all of the same reasons that heterosexual couples do, and IMHO this paragraph detracts from the beauty of the emotional healing that you’re weaving into the story as Karen comes back into Robyn’s life. Physical descriptions are not the first thing that comes to mind when pining over an old flame. I think that you were trying to illustrate the differences between the petite blonde and Karen, but at this point in the story we don’t know who Karen is. Second, weaving them elsewhere would have given you the chance to put each physical attribute into the context of triggering an emotion or memory later in the story, such as while you chat over coffee.

The coffee shop scene is great. Two people on their emotional guard as they figure out where they want the reunion to go next. The one line dialogue from the characters underscores the fragile and uncomfortable nature of the meeting.

The shift between soda shop and the grocery store lost me. You went from holding her hand and warming up to her again in one paragraph to deciding weather or not to make eye contact in the next.

I really like little details like Robyn’s paintings hanging on Karen’s walls. It shows that neither of the gals has been very far from the other’s thoughts. You move from emotional bonding to sex in a very nice way, including having Robyn be the first to put aside her hurt feelings.

The ending is great. Robyn’s feeling whole again with the presence of her lover.

Hope that's not too much criticism.

 

[destinie21]

Thanks Bits,
I find your feedback to be well thought out and informative. I did kind of chuckle a bit at your explanation of lesbians falling in love. I kind of am a lesbian lol I even have a wife but anywho the first part of the story was intended to read as a little disjointed because it's written in first person and the character is both disjointed ans seemingly shallow in the beginning. Her descritption of Karen is exactly like the descripton she gives of the forgotten blonde. Vapidness and emotionnal detachment are the language of her world. So I think it carried to the reader well but after reading this you tell me.

The sex at the end of part one is a bit mechanical but I'm not sure why it's not flowing right. My mind is telling me it's because it's supposed to be a love story of sorts and at the end of chapter 1 Robyn as a character hasn't been devloped enough and in the context of the story she's not emotionally ready for intimacy. However this being an erotic site I wasn't sure anyone would even care. Until now it hadn't been mentioned but you are absolutly right. The sex is a bit cliche and tacked on. My intentions are to go back and extend the story and flesh it out and see what comes of it. Thank you very much and my are you observant.


Come back and see us soon.

 

[bitslinger]

I did kind of chuckle a bit at your explanation of lesbians falling in love. I kind of am a lesbian lol I even have a wife

Okay, I admit it. I'm neither a woman nor a lesbian ;-) I was trying to say that it's the love part that makes a lesbian story different (and more interesting) than a "two gals gettin it on for the sake of the guys who might be watching" story.

I'd be happy to talk about the mechanical sex (not a bad thing in the right context) if you want me to, but I thought that it might be too fine grained when I wrote the feedback.