Indecisive Subs

[Marquis]

and please do forgive my spelling. I know it's horrid, but I'm too lazy at the moment to care to do the whole copy paste thing and spell check

I hate when people say this; if you're too lazy to use spell check why should we forgive you?

Don't fear the enter key!

 

[Marquis]

I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if this isn't quite what you mean.

No, I can't take it anymore!

Why are you asking forgiveness for the lazy choice you made?

 

[Marquis]

Just finished the thread

Damn y'all, we got some heavyweights in here, good thread!

A respectable mixture of veterans, cadets and newbs.

Could we be on the cusp of a BDSM Talk renaissance?

For Kumani, here's all I'll say.

If one person tells you you're a horse, tell them to fuck off.

If two people tell you you're a horse, check the mirror.

If three people tell you you're a horse, buy a fucking saddle.

 

[neonflux]

Hey Marqui, I am new to this corner of the Lit forums. I have been meaning to tell you, and this seems to be the appropriate place to do so, that I have really been enjoying and learning from your posts. Neon

Damn y'all, we got some heavyweights in here, good thread!

A respectable mixture of veterans, cadets and newbs.

Could we be on the cusp of a BDSM Talk renaissance?

For Kumani, here's all I'll say.

If one person tells you you're a horse, tell them to fuck off.

If two people tell you you're a horse, check the mirror.

If three people tell you you're a horse, buy a fucking saddle.

 

[Marquis]

Hey Marqui, I am new to this corner of the Lit forums. I have been meaning to tell you, and this seems to be the appropriate place to do so, that I have really been enjoying and learning from your posts. Neon

Thanks neonflux!

I haven't posted in these forums much in a little while, but I've seen some interesting topics emerge recently. Thanks for being a part of it!

 

[onyxvixen]

I just wanted to get some feedback and possibly some opinions from Doms/Dommes about indecisive slaves/subs etc.
Reason being I find that as a Domme it is so difficult to find a true slave/sub. A person who truly is a sub. I do not mean in the sense of a play acting and so forth (because I do take the D/s lifestyle very seriously) but sometime who is willing to put in the effort in completing steps and so on towards the path of relinquishing control.
I just had to put this out there because I am sure that I am not the only Domme that has experienced this.

The basic bottom line here is that they have to want to. Your job is to give them reasons to want to.

What do you mean by a 'true slave/sub?' One who does all the giving and makes not a single demand of you? That's dangerously close to necrophilia, maybe you could buy yourself some kind of doll?

I bet you take your role very seriously. I bet you suck every ounce of fun out of it and stomp over whatever's left, just in case. D/s is supposed to be enjoyable, for both parties.

The truth is, as much as we want other people to exist for ourselves, they exist for themselves, just as we do. In any healthy relationship, there will be times when one partner isn't able to be what the other partner wants at that moment. That doesn't make them dishonest or indecisive, it makes them a human and an individual.

Bingo. As others have said, there are loads of reasons for a sub's inconistencies and little rebellions. They're all individuals and you have to give enough of a shit to work out what your sub's reasons are.

Subs are only ever in a D/s relationship because of a deep seated need within themselves. If you don't bother to find out what makes a sub tick and scratch that itch, they'll get discouraged and lose motivation and more importantly, respect for you.

Can't imagine why they would

 

[Musing]

No, I can't take it anymore!

Why are you asking forgiveness for the lazy choice you made?

You're right, I'm really not. Why do I even act like I care?

 

[Musing]

Bingo. As others have said, there are loads of reasons for a sub's inconistencies and little rebellions. They're all individuals and you have to give enough of a shit to work out what your sub's reasons are.

Subs are only ever in a D/s relationship because of a deep seated need within themselves. If you don't bother to find out what makes a sub tick and scratch that itch, they'll get discouraged and lose motivation and more importantly, respect for you.

Can't imagine why they would

Yep, I wholeheartedly agree, strong words onyxvixen.

 

[papilllon]

I’ve had only one very short relationship with a Dom but if it thought me anything, it’s that trust is everything. In order to be willing to give, I need to know that my partner respects my limits, cares about me and is trustworthy.

The man I was involved with ended up not respecting one of my limits, choosing to put my health at risk without my consent, knowing perfectly well from a discussion the week before that I was against it. We had known each other for two months (only met 3 times) when he decided, while I was not in a position to notice, to take off the condom. The moment I realized it (too late, mind you), all hell broke loose. He was told in a very un-submissive way to get off me and I bet he didn’t find me all that sweet and vulnerable then. I was angry and I was hurt because few things sting as much as a breach of trust. I didn’t fancy much perhaps catching herpes, aids or any other critter of that sort. The decision to take that risk should not have been his.

After that, I was tested for STDs and, luckily, everything was okay. Nevertheless, it was a deal breaker and I have never seen that man again. My thought was : if it’s okay for him to do just that, what will be okay when I’m naked and tied up in front of him? The thought was not a very comforting one.

Now, to him, I suppose I am not a “real” submissive… Still, I’ve been reading, talking and learning about D/S for about 3 years now. I have, in the beginning, tried real hard to get all this “crazy nonsense” out of my mind and here I am, 3 years later, still walking that road. And even after that not so good experience (many things weren’t quite right), I still cannot imagine not having a D/S relationship. The need is there and is a part of who I am.

One thing I know though is that I will always stand up for what I believe and not accept what I consider an abuse of power, submissive woman or not. If the Dom asks too much too fast (and keeps doing it, over and over) or breaks my trust, I will change my mind and end the relationship. I don’t consider it being fake, just being true to myself.

When you are a newbie, everything you experience with a Dominant is a new experience. You get nervous, you don’t know what to expect and you learn along the way to identify better what you want and to clarify what you need. It’s certainly very difficult for a Dominant at times but it is also trying for the submissive. There may be some gamers out there, but I suspect there are even more submissives just trying to find their way and understand better what being submissive really means to them.

Papillon

 

[neonflux]

After that, I was tested for STDs and, luckily, everything was okay. Nevertheless, it was a deal breaker and I have never seen that man again. My thought was : if it’s okay for him to do just that, what will be okay when I’m naked and tied up in front of him? The thought was not a very comforting one.

Now, to him, I suppose I am not a “real” submissive… Still, I’ve been reading, talking and learning about D/S for about 3 years now. I have, in the beginning, tried real hard to get all this “crazy nonsense” out of my mind and here I am, 3 years later, still walking that road. And even after that not so good experience (many things weren’t quite right), I still cannot imagine not having a D/S relationship. The need is there and is a part of who I am.

One thing I know though is that I will always stand up for what I believe and not accept what I consider an abuse of power, submissive woman or not. If the Dom asks too much too fast (and keeps doing it, over and over) or breaks my trust, I will change my mind and end the relationship. I don’t consider it being fake, just being true to myself.

Papillon - your story cut me to the core - I cannot imagine anyone in such a position of power betraying such a trust so horribly. I can't see you as "not being a real submissive" in this situation, but rather, would suggest that he is not a "real" Dom - at the very least, he is a very, very bad one. He is certainly neither ethical nor moral. Maybe it's because I'm switch but I believe that surrender is a conscious gift given. I think it's Catalina who often says that being sub is not the same as being a doormat??? If not appreciated and treasured, I think that a sub not only has a right but a responsibility to self to take her/his gift back. I agree with you that this is only being true to yourself Neon

The basic bottom line here is that they have to want to. Your job is to give them reasons to want to... D/s is supposed to be enjoyable, for both parties.

I loved this comment. Especially the last

 

[papilllon]

Papillon - your story cut me to the core - I cannot imagine anyone in such a position of power betraying such a trust so horribly. I would never see you as "not being a real submissive" in this situation, but rather, would suggest that he is not a real Dom. He is certainly not ethical or moral. Maybe it's because I'm switch but I believe that surrender is a conscious gift given. If not appreciated and treasured, the sub not only has a right but a responsibility to self to take it back Neon

I loved this comment. Especially the last

I appreciate your kind words neonflux, thank you.

To put an end to this relationship was the best and the only course of action for me.

Papillon

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

.

One thing I know though is that I will always stand up for what I believe and not accept what I consider an abuse of power, submissive woman or not. If the Dom asks too much too fast (and keeps doing it, over and over) or breaks my trust, I will change my mind and end the relationship. I don’t consider it being fake, just being true to myself.

When you are a newbie, everything you experience with a Dominant is a new experience. You get nervous, you don’t know what to expect and you learn along the way to identify better what you want and to clarify what you need. It’s certainly very difficult for a Dominant at times but it is also trying for the submissive. There may be some gamers out there, but I suspect there are even more submissives just trying to find their way and understand better what being submissive really means to them.

Papillon

I have to say I, for one, really appreciate these words. As someone new, just starting to learn and no particlar real time experience, or cyber for that matter, I think this is something to take to heart.

Thanks,
Rox.

 

[papilllon]

I have to say I, for one, really appreciate these words. As someone new, just starting to learn and no particlar real time experience, or cyber for that matter, I think this is something to take to heart.

Thanks,
Rox.

If you follow your instinct and trust your feelings, you will make the right decisions.

Papillon