International Earth Day Poetry 20/03/06

[sandspike]

Champagne 1952...how are U?

A Whisper To Sol

Come here now where
the winter blankets
my skin and smooths
the scars of hard use
left by the rough touch
of hurried punishment.
I need your gentle
hands to warm my breast
and melt the chill
from my bones. Release
me from the tyrant
hold of frozen lakes
and welcome a chill
soul as you would
a sigh of fresh air.
In your heat I'll thaw
and with that opening
come here now.
__________________


I know this is about the earth because I read it in this thread.
It could of been a request for a trip to the islands. To me that makes
a great picture. I love the mother earth the woman idea ( that is how
I read it). Spring gives everything a chance to start over, right?
What life without sun? Mother earth speaking to the sun, if I'm wrong
don't tell me. I love the 1st person thing. Good one,sandspike

 

[sandspike]

tristesse, another Gaia

On the plains there is no doubt
The Earth is round.
The horizon curves from East
to West bending to the sun's circuit.
The wind is soft today, a kissing wind
that stirs her hair and lifts a hawk
to hover in the blue above her.
She cradles life waiting to emerge
in folded bud and sleeping seed,
shivering anticipation waits impatient
in the sweetly scented soil
stirring only when Gaia agrees
T'is time

Smooth read with only mother mentioned. No men to destory her.
I like it as it is. sandspike

 

[sandspike]

Rybka The Equinox Experiment

I tramped the fields of spring today
to catch the sun's first scarlet ray
and while awaiting day to grow
heard psalm in voice of dove and crow.

I drove my stakes in frozen clay
to fix the sun with solar stay
and watched as morning brightness grew
till spring's first rays a shadow threw.

Out in my field of last year's hay
where summer boys and calves will play
I measured lines and angles straight
and now for spring's first sunset wait.

Rhymes work and this is a fun read read. sandspike

 

[Sex and Death]

Deleted poem. Missed deadline. Misunderstood.

 

[champagne1982]

Fine WSO I'll start the ball rolling with this:-

Our Planet Earth

Who knows when it all began.
Some say it was the big bang.
From a single cell we did evolved,
Or so we have been told.

Take a few hundred million years or so.
Did it take us that long to grow?
From all fours we did crawl
To standing on two feet, so tall

<snip>

This is a lovely sentiment all dressed up in geological progression. You teach a fine lesson.

I noticed the first stanza doesn't have end rhymes but all of the rest do, or near rhymes, anyway. Did you have a reason not to have that one rhyme as well?

Thanks for sharing.

 

[champagne1982]

Born of crashing waves
in rain squall gusts of destiny,
fluidity spins
jaded thoughts of creation's
ageless tapestries.
Heaven knows
every teardrop wiped
from horizons of earthly sorrow
but, only nature still sings
songs of a better tomorrow.
Tis hard to believe in a heaven
or hell these days,
watching the waves crashing
listening to whales weep..

There are some truly lovely phrases you use to show us the softer side of the mother.

I think you've got quite a few metaphors in this piece, maybe too many? I wonder what would happen if you narrowed your impressions down to just a couple of these lovely lines and took those a little further?

Lovely now, but I see a promise of true beauty.

Thanks for this poem.

 

[sandspike]

Wso...good morning or whatever it is at your shore

Earth Day

Blue mountains cry
dawn as the cows
begin to keen their lost calves,
culling began yesterday
and the calling continues today. Mourning
their loss, unknowing departures
a tearing of the heart
as it rips the herd apart
and scatters their bellows
into the westerly
to mix and mingle
with the angry sea
that bombards land
stealing sod by sod
until it laps
the lip of the mountains
like gathered tears


This is a sad one. That last sentence is a mouth full, but overall it
reads well. I like a 'prose poem' when it dances well. This one
is a waltz, a blue waltz. I really got into this after the scene switched
around line 7. The beat starts to drive and the poem switches
from sad to almost angry. It maybe the line breaks or the rhyme.
Could be the sea thing. I think the poem was a better read from
'a tearing of the heart' to the ending. sandspike

 

[bluerains]

ty~

I like the flow of it also...what would you sub for the metaphors sweetie..ty

There are some truly lovely phrases you use to show us the softer side of the mother.

I think you've got quite a few metaphors in this piece, maybe too many? I wonder what would happen if you narrowed your impressions down to just a couple of these lovely lines and took those a little further?

Lovely now, but I see a promise of true beauty.

Thanks for this poem.

 

[BooMerengue]

The Equinox Experiment

Rybka
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I tramped the fields of spring today
to catch the sun's first scarlet ray
and while awaiting day to grow
heard psalm in voice of dove and crow.

I drove my stakes in frozen clay
to fix the sun with solar stay
and watched as morning brightness grew
till spring's first rays a shadow threw.

Out in my field of last year's hay
where summer boys and calves will play
I measured lines and angles straight
and now for spring's first sunset wait.​

.
.
Rybby? Sorry I didn't see this sooner. I really like it. Reminds me of Robert Frost. This is why I hate commenting on poems. I can't find anything wrong with this, so it must be perfect! TY. In my book, anyways!

 

[White Warlock]

My Comments

Hi Folks…
Looks like it’s my turn to say a few words… I feel a bit like the lamb being fed to the wolves. <nervous laugh> As you have already seen, I’m a ‘rhyming’ poet, or at least try to be <smiling> Also I would like to say thank you all for your comments on my own poem posted on this thread. All comments, positive, negative, and constructive have been noted <smiling> (My learning curve has risen sharply)


My Erotic Tail
Posted

Gaia is dying

a flowered field
yields a beautiful sight
hiding the soil and dirt

a mountain peak
points towards heaven
with pure white caps

pulling your vision
from the brush choked valley
oil fields, factories and mills

in the darkness
of nothing and void
spins a pretty blue planet

the warmth of the sun
fills our morning sky
with colors of a rainbow (colours)

beauty hides the truth
Gaia is dying from a virus
known as man's progress

(I liked the content of this. The last stanza that really hits home the message of how, in the guise of progress we are speeding the process of killing our planet)



BooMerengue
Posted

silvered drops eased down the mirrored windows
as the grey and gloomy day drizzled into night
erasing the dribble of the creek that once danced
a boundary around this ill fated garden
once, in a different time, fruit and flowers
sprang from this earth with an abandon
contagious to all who lingered here,
those who found their sustenance
in the fertility of the very air breathed
by generations of them born to the land
but nay! even they lauded Progress,
and invited Him to stay for dinner
with Him came the factories,
the landfills, the unknown diseases
and the sky changed to grey
the rain to poison, the land dug and piled
in what once was The Valley Fair
and I, seated in the window,
listening to the flotsam of conversation
watching the world around us die, slowly
but dying just the same.

(Not my kind of poetry. But we are all individual and have our own style if expression. Here is a picture of our world in its beauty. Yet again emphasising the destruction of this fragile earth in the name of man’s progress in the later part)



Champagne1982
Posted

A Whisper To Sol

Come here now where
the winter blankets
my skin and smooths
the scars of hard use
left by the rough touch
of hurried punishment.
I need your gentle
hands to warm my breast
and melt the chill
from my bones. Release
me from the tyrant
hold of frozen lakes
and welcome a chill
soul as you would
a sigh of fresh air.
In your heat I'll thaw
and with that opening
come here now.

(Wow! First read and I wondered if I was reading a lovers plea, which in fact it is. Expression of the way you feel about Mother Earth without ‘calling’ her name. I like this very much and thank you for sharing <smiling>)


bluerains
Posted

Grandfather

Born of crashing waves
in rain squall gusts of destiny,
fluidity spins
jaded thoughts of creation's
ageless tapestries.
Heaven knows
every teardrop wiped
from horizons of earthly sorrow
but, only nature still sings
songs of a better tomorrow.
Tis hard to believe in a heaven
or hell these days,
watching the waves crashing
listening to whales weep..

(This took some thinking about. I have read, and reread it several times. I get the restless motions of our oceans more than the earthly moods. However. It’s a good read and I’ll give credit where it’s due. Thank you for sharing)


Wildsweetone
Posted

Earth Day

Blue mountains cry
dawn as the cows
begin to keen their lost calves,
culling began yesterday
and the calling continues today. Mourning
their loss, unknowing departures
a tearing of the heart
as it rips the herd apart (Comma)
and scatters their bellows (Loose ‘and’ change scatter to ‘Scattering’)
into the westerly (add 'wind')
to mix and mingle (delete ‘to’ and change ‘mix’ to Mixing’)
with the angry sea
that bombards land (change ‘that’ to ‘Which’ )
stealing sod by sod
until it laps
the lip of the mountains
like gathered tears.

(This has great potential. I accept it’s ‘in the making’ but I ‘felt’ the ‘plea’ Good content and composition. I like it <smiling> In brackets I have made suggestions.)


Sandspike
Posted

Bottom Line

we are mostly ants
who want our Uncle
to tap the oil and topple trees
walls for receptacles
plastic phones
cheap gasoline for SUV's

worker ants noses to the grindstone
profit for prodigal industrial Queens
all the while raping Mother
turning to brown
what was blue and green

(Here again is the expression of our own demise in the name of progress. Short and to the point with no fancy titillating of words. Content and composition good, even if its not to my sort of poetry. I got the message, <smiling> and that is what its all about.)

 

[champagne1982]

I like the flow of it also...what would you sub for the metaphors sweetie..ty

On another read, I see you've stuck with a water metaphor almost consistently throughout. The only slip I get caught on is where you discuss "tapestries", I think I'd use "watercolor". Otherwise your poem is a wonderful showing of our little blue world.

 

[sandspike]

My Dearest Warlock

(Here again is the expression of our own demise in the name of progress. Short and to the point with no fancy titillating of words. Content and composition good, even if its not to my sort of poetry. I got the message, <smiling> and that is what its all about.)
__________________

My poems are always short and to the point. You won't find titillating words.
There will be content and maybe composition. There will be a buzz going
on. He who writes sober writes in his clothes. He who writes ..not sober
writes for the world to see. I would stay and explain the depth of my work
but this bottle is empty.