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xxamendsxx
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Is CyberSex cheating on a spouse?
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alleycat93
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Would you care to expand upon this? I would be interested in what you learned that changed your mind, and why.
I believe that such insight would add value to this discussion.
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xxamendsxx
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Sharkzilla
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When you find your sexual fulfillment from someone other than your SO, it’s cheating. The random fantasy is fine, and probably unavoidable. It crosses the line when you engage someone outside your relationship to get yourself off.
Ragingbull
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Does that mean I have to give up masturbating to porn? Damn... Oh wait, I'm not married. Yipee-kay-yeah!!
Asian_Flower
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Its not cheating if your partner approves is it?
alleycat93
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Its not cheating if your partner approves is it?
I believe you are correct.
In my opinion, "cheating" involves keeping the activity secret from your partner. If they approve, then it is not a secret, and therefore, it is not cheating.
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Asshungry
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I love having sex chat with someone I dont know and will never meet, that said I would never physically cheat on my wife.
lookinforward
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To me, that would be impossible to answer those questions. A lot of the definition of whether those behaviors would be considered cheating would have to be determined by any agreement or understanding of behavior between you and your spouse.
alleycat93
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Well said. From the variety of responses, and as clarified by this post, the concept of "cheating" is different for every relationship. What is cheating in one relationship, may not be cheating in another.
I suspected this when I started the thread. I am looking for these opinions. I did expect to find that a majority of folks would have similar feelings, but it appears to be an equal split between some people thinking that some of these activities are "cheating", and others who feel none of these activities are "cheating".
I appreciate all the opinions. I hope others will continue this discussion.
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Imo
I would consider sexting, phone, and cam if your partner doesn't approve or is left in the dark. Even then I don't think it's as bad as physical infidelity and shouldn't be an action that ends a good (otherwise) marriage.
That said I think it would be pretty hot if my wife was doing any/all of the above. It would be a step toward my fantasy being full filled of my wife getting laid by another guy.
I would consider sexting, phone, and cam if your partner doesn't approve or is left in the dark. Even then I don't think it's as bad as physical infidelity and shouldn't be an action that ends a good (otherwise) marriage.
That said I think it would be pretty hot if my wife was doing any/all of the above. It would be a step toward my fantasy being full filled of my wife getting laid by another guy.
icandothis
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No, not really . . . but then that's me talking. There is one person on Lit that in the past I've enjoyed cybersex, IM, phone sex, etc with several times and with those thoughts and feelings still fresh later enjoyed "real" sex with hubby. I know this will sound crazy, but I would probably feel differently if it were my husband getting his rocks off with someone on Lit. Totally not fair, right?
Cratchit
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It comes down to what you and your spouse and significant other see it as. One might think its not cheating but the other would. I tend to think that those who say its not either have an open relationship with them......or say no to justify it to be able do it
cowslinger64
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If you're doing without your partners knowledge and approval, IMO it is cheating.
However... as I've learned in my time on this board, there are grey areas and not everyones situation is the same. I try not to be judgemental...
However... as I've learned in my time on this board, there are grey areas and not everyones situation is the same. I try not to be judgemental...
JoyDyan
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Yep...if you're getting sexual gratification on a personal level from someone other than your SO, I would consider it cheating.
I certainly understand why many people here come here...their marriages aren't great. I get it, and I'm sympathetic. But that's justification, no matter how good the excuse is. Still cheating, and their SO would probably still see it that way.
I certainly understand why many people here come here...their marriages aren't great. I get it, and I'm sympathetic. But that's justification, no matter how good the excuse is. Still cheating, and their SO would probably still see it that way.
Rozalin_0123
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Cheating isn't as black and white as it was say before the internet and cell phones. Boundaries should be disclosed early on into a relationship. If you disrespect those boundaries, that would be cheating.
SweetSam42
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It's funny how I've changed my mind about this over the past 6 months. My thinking on this used to be that anything you're hiding from a spouse that is as intimate as cybersex/camming can be, is likely cheating. And perhaps I still believe that a little.
However, what really is the harm? Sexual gratification outside the marriage without having actual intercourse - isn't that the same as watching porn? What's the difference - a connection with a specific person as opposed to an actor in a pre-recorded video? If there aren't feelings/emotions involved between the two parties, and it's all purely for sexual pleasure, how different is it in principle than masturbating by yourself with any other visual/audio/erotica aid?
However, what really is the harm? Sexual gratification outside the marriage without having actual intercourse - isn't that the same as watching porn? What's the difference - a connection with a specific person as opposed to an actor in a pre-recorded video? If there aren't feelings/emotions involved between the two parties, and it's all purely for sexual pleasure, how different is it in principle than masturbating by yourself with any other visual/audio/erotica aid?
lovecraft68
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Personally I feel role play or dirty talk through IM or e-mail is pretty harmless.
When it gets to the point of cam and masturbating for each other I think it begins to cross the line. Unless its been discussed or agreed on of course.
When it gets to the point of cam and masturbating for each other I think it begins to cross the line. Unless its been discussed or agreed on of course.
SassySheDevil
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Let me ask you this, as a female. I'm not judging in any way cause lord knows I am no saint..
Have you as a woman, done any of those you mentioned with no feelings? I myself can not get naked on a cam, phone sex etc with someone whom I do not have some level of comfort with, which means I trust them, which also means I've opened myself up to them in some way.
Just curious... cause if you have.. Can you teach me how you do it.
ElizaRichards
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THIS.
norfolklad
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Let me ask you this, as a female. I'm not judging in any way cause lord knows I am no saint..
Have you as a woman, done any of those you mentioned with no feelings? I myself can not get naked on a cam, phone sex etc with someone whom I do not have some level of comfort with, which means I trust them, which also means I've opened myself up to them in some way.
Just curious... cause if you have.. Can you teach me how you do it.
That's an interesting take on it.
As a man I would have to say that no, I've never done any of those things mentioned - or more - without feelings for the person involved and couldn't without some level of comfort with them, trusting them, and opening myself up to them.
But, at the same time, if I could indulge in cybersex with them then I see no reason why I wouldn't want to indulge in RL sex with them. If I had a spouse I would regard the one as cheating no less or no more than the other, if I regarded either as cheating at all.
Fortunately, I don't have a spouse so the question is academic but, for what it's worth, I don't believe that one person can ever be everything that another person needs in life, so a lifestyle that allows a certain amount of freedom to both participants in a relationship is essential. If you were bi, for example, would the fact that you were in a straight relationship mean that you should suppress that whole aspect of your nature?
SassySheDevil
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First, I guess the cybersex part.. if it could just as easily lead to real sex. That could depend on many things, Distance from one another being a big one, where you draw the line, being another, and which need you are fulfilling. I personally do not believe in partaking in these just cause you need an orgasm. if that's the case, you wouldn't really need a living, breathing person on the other end, you could just use porn or stories, or something mechanical. For me, it's mental too. The tease of passion/lust/want/desire. Those are all emotions.
As for the the bi thing. I believe that too, falls in the same category as the original question. It would depend on your partner. I'd like to think that those things are discussed before entering into a serious relationship.
