Is it really safe, sane, and consensual?

Congratulations, Catalina, {Added: and Francisco}

You {Added: two} did, among hundred of pages and numbers, post one line that has to do with your claim; I saw it:

//extramarital affairs resulted in up to 20% of male offenders who killed their ex-girlfriends. // {see at the end, for full quotation}

HOO-RAY


Catalina {added: and/or Francisco; 'you' will refer to either or both} says,

Do I have to explain to you what extramarital affairs means? To claim that when 24 % of the homicides are related to jealousy that if you are having an extramarital affair you are not running an additional risk is just plain stupid, especially if the data is there showing otherwise.

Now, let's inspect your one line of relevant evidence. It seemingly says--and you don't cite the original study-- of 'boyfriends' who kill spouses, in CHICAGO, over a 29 year period, UP TO 20% of them killed over (discovery of?) an extramarital affair. That means maybe 10% or 15% or up to 20%, the author isn't sure or doesn't say.

The author, however, doesn't give 20% as an "additional" risk.

Now in almost the same breath you refer to the figure of 24% for jealousy-based killings. That's for CANADA, for the 1991-1992 period.

Somehow you want to combine these numbers to suggest 'additional' risk from affairs? For what population? What country?

What, may I ask, does the data show about the magnitude of the 'additional risk'? Surely you don't believe the 20% figure (for affairs) for Chicago can be applied on top of the 24% figure (for jealousy) in Canada? (i.e., that the Chicagoan from Canada almost doubles the death risk through having an affair).

You give us a goulash of figures, from Hong Kong, US, Canada, etc. and don't appear to have any rationale for combining them or considering them together.


It's unclear in the Chicago study, but the Canadian study only uses ONE category for motive. I.e., it has to be quarrel or jealousy. The makes it impossible, or entirely opaque to me, to answer a question like "What's the additional risk of quarreling, above that for jealousy?". One would need overlapping categories, so that one could see of jealous ones how many got into quarreling also.

So the nature of the categories for the Chicago study is unclear; if they're like those of the Canadian study (one only is picked) you cant tell what the additional risk is for one category added to another. Iow, if, in CHICAGO, we knew, 30% of the killings were assigned to the jealousy category, and 20 % to the extramarital affairs category, and no events to both categories, one doesn't get a clear idea of what the 'addition' of an affair does to risk, in a jealous situation.


Really Pure read the links and the data, read the reports mentioned in the data, and compare the numbers before making claims.


My position is simple; you made some claims about dangers to those having affairs; that's to assume the burden of proof. While some 'cheaters' do get killed (everyone agrees), you've never producted any data about *additional* risk due to an affair.

Nor have you even acknowledged the dangers, apparent in your own citations, due to the 'straightforward' approach you find morally superior. (Tell him you want out.)

No doubt some can be flummoxed by lots of fancy sounding citations, urls for documents which you don't seem to have read recently, but most of us, here, I'm sure, can see that your data on AFFAIRS, and the risks or special risks of them has been minuscule [one line, above, for which you seem to want a medal] or non-existent.

J.




=====

Entire excerpt posted by Catalina or Francisco:

Jealousy appears to be the leading homicide motive in many studies, often caused by known or suspected adultery or the woman terminating the relationship. In their standardized homicide reporting, police in Canada identify one pertinent motive from their standard lists, which include categories such as “argument/quarrel”, “anger/hatred”, “general domestic”; in 1991-92, 52% of the intimate homicides were attributed by the police to an argument or quarrel and a further 24% to jealous. (Wilson & Daly, 1994).
Block and Christakos (1995) examined 2556 intimate partner homicides that occurred in Chicago over a 29-year period, and found sexual jealousy was a motive in up to 19% of male offenders who killed their former common-law partners and extramarital affairs resulted in up to 20% of male offenders who killed their ex-girlfriends.
 
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Pure, as I see once again you cannot read. I did not post those posts, but stand by them anyway. Perhaos you just ran out of answers and questions for Master, but is no reason to bother me. I did not get past the first paragragh as I realised once again you cannot accept the facts even when they jump up and bite you. That is sad.

Catalina
 
Apparently your worlds only consists out of the United States, and are incapable of combining data out of more then one source.

For the rest again you have not said anything new, and you still have not read the data and links posted. The only thing you have bothered with is to read the quotes I put in here.

I am not going to discuss with you how statistics works an area where you seem to be lacking some background on.

I have done posting data, statistics and reports which you do not read anyway.

Francisco
 
Actually, Francisco, I'm the one who asked for statistics.

I have to admit I haven't read all of your links yet, but that's because I can't get Acrobat to work.

Once I reload it, I'm going to read the pdf though.
 
Hello Temptress_1960,

You are correct you asked for the statistics.

However It was Pure how without reading through all of the material states conclusions, claims for me to have coy and ploys, and tries directly to discredit me with lies and false conclusions while from the first posting mad the data was there.

If you are having problems with opening or reading the data, I will put it on yahoo for anyone to download and I can do that with any of the links and PDF I have referred to.

Francisco.
 
I would appreciate it if you could put the pdfs on yahoo. I'm having trouble down-loading, for whatever reason.

The links are fine, except for those where I need Acrobat.

Love that dial-up.
 
Here you are the link on yahoo for the reports, They are pretty big I can not do anything about that.

Do a right click and then choose save targer as for the files you are interested in.

deleted link


Francisco.
PS. I am missing one file but I did not have any space left on geocities.
 
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Francisco,

By the way, I did have a look at the 140 {Added: Sorry, 265 is the correct figure; 140 is another tome} page tome "Varieties of Homicide". It's got lots of chapters on all kinds of issues surrounding homicide, like weapons, drug use, demographic patterns, etc.

I looked at the pages you mentioned, and yes, of course jealousy is linked to a certain proportion of homicides. Men (mostly) sometimes do kill the spouse and/or her lover. Those facts of course are not in dispute.

Perhaps Temptress or others willing to pour throught the tomes and sites Francisco dumped on us, will be able to give their opinions.

I personally can't find anything that goes to the question, Is adultery especially risky, as for instance compared to 'discussing' one's dissatisfactions, or informing the other that ones is leaving or, of course, actually leaving. Most of the stats LUMP together, the killing of the unfaithful spouse, with the killing of the _defecting_ spouse, as one researcher calls it. (The spouse who's trying to leave.)

In the end, I cant say I'm impressed with Francisco's non responsiveness to the requests for _relevant_ data. And I'm remembering the initial mountain of stuff on incidence of abuse which is only marginally related. I resent having to look at a hundred {Added: actually hundreds} pages, to see if anyone, there, has even talked about the issue at hand.

I'm interested in other's opinion who've browsed or read the material suggested.

J.
 
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By the way, I did have a look at the 140 page tome "Varieties of Homicide". It's got lots of chapters on all kinds of issues surrounding homicide, like weapons, drug use, demographic patterns, etc.

It is clear that the only reason, you criticise the data is because it does not suit you. It does not proclaim what you want to hear. Fine criticise the data, criticise the reports, I mean it is clear to everyone by now why you are protesting so loud. And by the way the report is 265 pages which leads me again to believe you did not take a look into the report, happy to see you made the mistake so many of my students have in the past.

I advise you to find peace within yourself for whatever you feel so disturbed about. I for one leave the subject to those who might be able to help you deal with the demons inside you.

I wish you peace and happiness, and hope that you will have a fruitful discourse with those that are interested in discussing with someone who can only make statements without proof, whose only contribution to a discussion exist out of unsupported questions, who is to lazy to read sources and then misquotes them while claiming he has read through them, who never has given any data supporting his own statements, who always leaves the burden of proof to others.

Francisco.
 
//It is clear that the only reason, you criticise the data is because it does not suit you.//

Cite the evidence, chapter and verse, page number and source, including url, that shows the 'relative risks' of 'cheating'; to take a simple case, that cheating is more hazardous (to a woman) that 'defecting,' saying you're leaving or leaving. Or more hazardoud than, say, driving.

Every grad student, even high school student learns this skill.

The professorial tone and maneuver, when caught out, "Here read these five books and 20 articles and you'll see my point" is pretty transparent.

Right Here. Francisco. Quote your sources rather than yelling at me.

Some Numbers
Do remember that there's no disputing that some homicides are by husbands (or those in a similar situation, or who understand there to be a committment) who've found their wives (or SOs) having an affair. For France, I've seen the figure of about 250 per year.

{url corrected, 7-16}

http://www.france.diplomatie.fr/label_france/ENGLISH/SOCIETE/violence2/violence.html


Some key statistics

12,000 suicides in France in 1997, and 165,000 attempted suicides each year.

In one case in two alcoholism is accompanied by violence.

There are 250 crimes of passion***{see note} per year in France and 4 million women assaulted by their partner. Universal, and universally under-estimated, for lack of reliable statistics, conjugal violence in France is said to affect all social classes, all nationalities, all ages and all cultures.


As to relative risk:
The table doesn't reproduce well, but the three numbers after a country are its total deaths, then (next line) its rate, then i(next line) its population.

http://www.abs.gov.au/Ausstats/abs@.nsf/Lookup/3875170E8478D171CA256CAE0016268F

23.26 ROAD TRAFFIC FATALITIES, International comparisons - 1999


[Country] Number of Persons killed
no. per 100,000 of population millions
Total population

Australia 1,763
9.3
19.0

Canada 2,972
9.7
30.5

France 8,487
14.4
59.0

Japan 10,372
8.2
126.7

New Zealand 509
13.4
3.8

Sweden 580
6.6
8.9

Switzerland 583
8.2
7.1

United Kingdom 3,564
6.0
59.5

United States of America 41,611
15.3
272.7

======
It can be seen that 8, 487 persons died in auto accidents in France in 1999. If at least a third were females, and at least a third of those, married (or committed) woman, that's at least 939 deaths for married women.

{Added: Recalculation using for the 8,457 base figure, one third females: 2519. Assume 80% are adult, 2255. Assume 60% are married, 1353. [Assumptions based on Canadian stats]}

Hence the french married women is almost four times as likely {rough estimate} to die, in a year, in a traffic accident, as from a crime of passion by a jealous husband {or lover}.

{Added:recalculation of ratio using new figures. 1353/250 = 5.4
She is a bit more than 5 times as likely to die in a traffic accident}

Advice for French women: Watch the road on your way to a tryst; that's far more likely to get you killed, than the deed itself !!


Like that, Francisco. Figures. Sources. To whom the figures apply. Assumptions. Interpretation/Analysis. See, it isn't hard.

Best,

J.
*** The scope of "crime of passion" bears some examination. The terms, at its core, refers to the killing of the wife and/or her lover, having 'caught them in the act," i.e., fucking. This is viewed as absolutely intolerable and 'crazy making' by certain countries, esp. where not many read Loving Wives stories at Literotica. Obviously the term may be extended: Suppose they are only in bed. Or sitting on it, after. I'm speculating that these might count. There are also gray areas, areas of penumbra, which I don't know how the French statisticians categorize:

Suppose a hubby waits outside the wife's lover's apt and shoots her as she emerges from a session. Suppose, even more 'gray', she's shot on returning home from an assignation. In any case, the scope of 'crime of passion' would be narrower than 'homicide against wife by reason of husband's upset over her affair', since that could encompass fairly cold blooded 'executions', though one suspects these killings are more often 'hot' (angry) than cold.


PS. By the way, the results, above, are hardly ironclad, but at least someone can see who's being talked about, which things are solid and where things might be questioned.
 
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For the US, what are the dangers for a married woman, of a traffic death?
For death due to a jealous husband (including where there is an affair)?


Summary, about 5000 married women are killed per year in traffic accidents, in the US. In a given year the risk is .00009, and the 40-year cumulative risk would be about .36 %.

About 1250 women per year, in the US, die in ‘intimate homicides’ (by husband etc.) for reasons often involving quarrels. Where a country breaks down to motive, ‘jealousy’ accounts for about a quarter of these (Canada); or ‘affair-related’ accounts for one fifth (Chicago; Block and Christakos, 1995)). Hence, taking the higher figure, about 300 women per year die in jealousy related ‘intimate homicides.' Very sad, indeed.

For a married woman, then, her chances of dying this way, in a given year, are .0000056; the rate on a 100,000 base being about 0.6
The murder-victim rate for US women overall is about 2.5 per 100,000.
The cumulative risk for a jealousy-murder over a 40-year period is about .0002 or .02%, making certain assumptions about uniformity.


Conclusion: A US woman, in a year around 2000, has about
a 16 times greater danger of dying in a traffic accident than from a jealous husband.
Note: Jealous husbands have been known to act even where no ‘affair’ exists. The figure narrowed for ‘affairs’, is closer to 20.

========

Some figures for traffic deaths and intimate homicides, including those related to jealousy or affairs.

Total US pop.,yr 2000 .. 281.4 million
http://www.census.gov/population/cen2000/tab02.txt

Over 18, yr .. 2000 .... 205.8 or 73%

Married 110.6 or 56% of adults
http://www.census.gov/population/cen2000/tab02.txt

Married Females 55.3 =20% of all adults =37% of all females.

Traffic Accidents, deaths(1999)........ 41,000
http://www.abs.gov.au/Ausstats/abs@...A256CAE0016268F

About 1/3 of these female............ 13,700/yr
http://www.childtrendsdatabank.org/demo/death/77VehicleDeaths.htm

A. Married 37% 5,000 deaths of married women/year

=====
Intimate Homicides (US), female ............ 1250/year
average in the late 1990s
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/intimates.htm


B. Jealousy related .. 1/4 of above ......... 312/year deaths
http://canada.justice.gc.ca/en/dept/pub/smir/ms_int_rel_report_litrev.html)

C.Affair related (Chicago)..1/5 of above.... 250/year deaths

Serran and Firestone, _Intimate Partner Homicide_
http://courseweb.edteched.uottawa.ca/psy3171/PersonalWP/Spousal homicide review article1.pdf

Block and Christakos, 1995, for Chicago, cited in Serran and Firestone. {reference was pointed out to me by Francisco.}*

========

E. Ratio, traffic to affair(jealousy) for death . 16
(Line A divided by Line B.)

The wife is 16 times more likely, in a given year to die from a traffic accident as she is from a 'jealousy' precipitated homicide by her husband.


F. Ratio traffic to affair-related death ....... 20
(Line A divided by Line C)

G. *Ratio based on assumptions at ** greatly favoring the
existence and dangers of the wife's affairs.
(Line A divided by Line D, below) ... ... .... 6

{Note that the ratio cannot drop much further, namely to 4; even if *every* intimate homicide of a woman was assumed to be caused by (her) affairs. The total 'pool' of victims is 1250.}
=====
[end main text]

**{{Query: what numbers would apply, in place of C. under assumptions that maximize the possible number of deaths connected to affairs?

It seems doubtful, starting with the pool of women being murdered, that they are vastly more prone to affairs than those not murdered. Many murders follow from, or are a part of general abuse. Since there are estimates that perhaps 1/3 of all married women have affairs, less us assume that two thirds of all domestic killings are connected with the woman's affairs.

{{If one added together the quarrels and the jealousy categories, one would have about 3/4 of the female victims, but it seems unlikely that *every* fight is about infidelity. The 3/4 figure would add about 100 to the total of 833, and would not seriously affect the ratio, which would become about 5.}}



D. The resultant figure would be 833/year. }}




ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Much of the stimulus for this research is due to Francisco of Amsterdam, although fresh searches for data and sources were undertaken.

====
[end]
 
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All I have to say is figures aside, and no I am not agreeing or disagreeing with any of the above analyses, I feel any loss of life, even one, which could have been prevented through the use of knowledge, patience, forethought, or any other preventative means, is one life too many to be wasted, especially in the pursuit of a possibly transitory momentary pleasure. Hindsight comes a bit too late for the body on the morgue slab.....and that is the reality for me.

Catalina
 
Catalina said,

//All I have to say is figures aside, and no I am not agreeing or disagreeing with any of the above analyses, I feel any loss of life, even one, which could have been prevented through the use of knowledge, patience, forethought, or any other preventative means, is one life too many to be wasted, especially in the pursuit of a possibly transitory momentary pleasure. Hindsight comes a bit too late for the body on the morgue slab.....and that is the reality for me.//

I thought you--or others-- might appreciate some numbers.

We've been over this before. In any abusive OR unstable situation the risks are hard to evaluate, esp. their relative weight.

1) If you--outsider--do nothing, she may die through escalating violence, etc.

2) If you take her on as a counselling client, you risk causing her to be accused of 'getting new ideas from that feminist'. Hence a *fight,* {quarrel} which, as you know, is a motive/cause of as many as one half of domestic homicides against wives.

2A) In particular if you counsel her towards a decision to leave; help her firm it up, that leaving-- or the attempt at it--may cost her her life. (So called defection, in the domestic homicide stats. Also through causing a fight.)

3) If you--a female--befriend her and take her out, etc, you risk causing her to be called 'disobedient', which is also a precursor to some murders.

4) If a man becomes her lover, that could create 'jealousy' and lead the way I've analyzed, YET jealousy does happen without any lover.

So one has several possible 'competing' risks.

Note that in doing 2) or 3), esp 2A) you may well be imperiling her; yet you do so, presumably for the longer term possible good.

So a number of complex factors exist, and there's not always a way to see in which direction a 'slab' in the morgue may lie, where it's more likely.

{Added: Note that the same problem applies from the wife's end: should she do nothing, take a night course, make a friend, take a lover? which is riskiest? depending on the irrationality of the husband, the simplest, most innocent thing may well cause
a huge blow up.}

I can remember as someone's lover, someone in an abusive situation, helping her secretly move her stuff out and go to an apt. How do you evaluate that: a) did I imperil her? b) did I help remove her from peril? (permanently, since it ended the marriage). She thanked me a year later, so from her pov, the course of action 'worked out.' Indeed, in arguably removing her from a peril, perhaps I did more than a counsellor could have (the counsellor can't help load the moving van).

I think we've probably exhausted this topic. I trust you will acknowledge I did some research around issues you raised, and you will agree that dangers are complex and possibly there with no interventions or a number of 'innocent' ones.

Best,
J.
 
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Feminist Analysis

If you, little woman, pursue wanton and thoughtless pleasure, wrecking homes and getting VD probably, in the process, you will end up cold on a morgue slab.

This seems fascinatingly retro-Victorian or 1950's to me.
 
Pure said:
Catalina said,

//All I have to say is figures aside, and no I am not agreeing or disagreeing with any of the above analyses, I feel any loss of life, even one, which could have been prevented through the use of knowledge, patience, forethought, or any other preventative means, is one life too many to be wasted, especially in the pursuit of a possibly transitory momentary pleasure. Hindsight comes a bit too late for the body on the morgue slab.....and that is the reality for me.//

I thought you--or others-- might appreciate some numbers.

We've been over this before. In any abusive OR unstable situation the risks are hard to evaluate, esp. their relative weight.


Yes they are which is why I say one life is one life too many in any situation which is preventable through using your 'smarts' so to speak. And yes we have been over and over and over this.....and initially the discussion was not to do with DV situations.....but as you raise it again I will try and answer your questions/statements.

1) If you--outsider--do nothing, she may die through escalating violence, etc.

She may, but there are ways to do and not to do in these circumstances. Often well meaning friends are a girl's worst enemy in this situation, sometimes best friend. Depends on the circumstances, and what the woman wants.

2) If you take her on as a counselling client, you risk causing her to be accused of 'getting new ideas from that feminist'. Hence a *fight,*which as you know is a big category of motives/causes of domestic homicide.

First priority is doing a safety check, and safety plan, then setting up a system of less risk which includes not advertising she is seeking counselling. Most women who are in this situation, and seek counselling (we don't actually choose whether to take them on or not, they choose to come), are so aware of the risks it has taken months to years to even begin to contemplate, and as such they themselves do all they can to ensure secrecy and are very creative as are we especially if we receive calls from perpetrators (or possible), threats, or unexpected visits. There are more than one occasion when a perpetrator has accompanied a woman to a counselling service and she has been smuggled out of the building by workers and into a waiting police car.The agency also is usually not openly advertised as such.....not distinguished by signs etc.

2A) In particular if you counsel her towards a decision to leave; help her firm it up, that leaving-- or the attempt at it--may cost her her life. (So called defection, in the domestic homicide stats. Also through causing a fight.)

As stated before counselling (mine at least, and feminist policy)is never geared to tell her to leave or not leave, only in providing her with the facts she needs to make her own decision....hence the phrase 'she is the expert in her own life, not anyone else who does not live her reality 24/7.....then giving all the help and support possible with whatever she decides, even staying.

3) If you--a female--befriend her and take her out, etc, you risk causing her to be called 'disobedient', which is also a precursor to some murders.

Disobedient is a term I think might apply more to BDSM than DV....don't recall ever seeing it used as such in internationally recognised research and publications, or from anecdotal discussions or writings of survivors.But yes, you have to be careful, and she has to decide whether she wishes to risk it. More often than not it is wiser to set up per chance meetings in public places, often with more than one on one to look less suspicious. Many women will deflect any overtones of friendship from well meaning or not aware people. Some perpetrators will delight in it, others will be angry.

4) If a man becomes her lover, that could create 'jealousy' and lead the way I've analyzed, YET jealousy does happen without any lover.

Exactly, which is why women who are in these situations need to avoid such risks, such as adultery, but often for a variety of reasons do not. To me, any prospective lover/dominant who is aware of the situation is wiser to avoid the situation in the interests of responsible behaviour and concern for her. The argument of they are often accused whether they do or don't does not to me show any real concern. A person may be suspected of murder, or worse still framed, but is hardly a reason to say, 'well I am being accused so I may as well forget the risks and go do it and hope I am not caught.' Is too big a gamble. While you have a position of innocence, you have a chance no matter how slim.....once you choose to forgo that position, you are going to increase your risks of negative outcome significantly.

So one has several possible 'competing' risks.

Note that in doing 2) or 3), esp 2A) you may well be imperiling her; yet you do so, presumably for the longer term possible good.

So a number of complex factors exist, and there's not always a way to see in which direction a 'slab' in the morgue may lie, where it's more likely.


As by now you have read my definite restated yet again, that personally no, I do not recommend these things as you have outlined, and in my understanding from your words, because of the risks involved which as both a professional, and someone with first hand personal experience I am aware of. For someone who has no experience with the issues, I agree, there is no way of knowing, and no amount of saying afterwards, 'I was only trying to help' will change the outcome after the worst case scenario occurs.

Many people in many life situations think in the short term, not the long term and the outcomes possible....often under the illusion it won't happen to them. Someone who has personal experience and is stable, or someone with in depth professional training and knowledge (and not a regular counsellor who has no or little understanding of the dynamics of DV) there is still risk, but lesser so, and is why the decisions and actions should always be made by the woman without added pressure, but with any facts and support she requires and requests. DV workers are not super beings, but those committed to the area are hypersensitive to the risks and appropriate actions and supports a woman can choose from if her choice.

{Added: Note that the same problem applies from the wife's end: should she do nothing, take a night course, make a friend, take a lover? which is riskiest? depending on the irrationality of the husband, the simplest, most innocent thing may well cause
a huge blow up.}


As we have now gone back to the regular SO issue, IMO I still maintain honesty, and dealing with your issues first is the safer choice. As to the partner blowing up, it brings back to mind 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me'. Words are not going to kill. A deceived and betrayed SO on discovery of the lie thay have been living without choice may though.

I can remember as someone's lover, someone in an abusive situation, helping her secretly move her stuff out and go to an apt. How do you evaluate that: a) did I imperil her? b) did I help remove her from peril? (permanently, since it ended the marriage). She thanked me a year later, so from her pov, the course of action 'worked out.' Indeed, in arguably removing her from a peril, perhaps I did more than a counsellor could have (the counsellor can't help load the moving van).

Back to DV? If it were her choice to move out what is the problem? If you forced the issue you were risking her and would have had to live with the guilt the rest of your life if she ended up dead. It was her choice as I glean from your scenario. You did the right thing, though by being her lover I do not see you as acting very responsibly in relation to her safety if you were aware of the abuse. But that being said, I suspect you are only human and without specific knowledge about DV, you knew no better so were doing what came naturally with no doubt the thought you were serving a useful purpose.

I think we've probably exhausted this topic. I trust you will acknowledge I did some research around issues you raised, and you will agree that dangers are complex and possibly there with no interventions or a number of 'innocent' ones.

Best,
J.

Yes I think the subject is exhausted from yours and our viewpoint, and as I/we have never attempted to do anything but present an answer to the original questions as in how we (not enforce on others) would relate in the circumstance, no doubt we are best to agree to disagree and leave the choices to those involved, the same as we make the choice whether that is a situation we want to be intimately involved in a one on one relationship.

Catalina
 
Re: Feminist Analysis

Netzach said:
If you, little woman, pursue wanton and thoughtless pleasure, wrecking homes and getting VD probably, in the process, you will end up cold on a morgue slab.

This seems fascinatingly retro-Victorian or 1950's to me.

And Netzach, no offence meant as you know the respect we usually hold you in, I think for whatever reason you are becoming rude and irrational, not to mention not very insightful into the realities of life in the 21st century. This is incredible given all areas of research and knowledge portray the US as a violent society above other westernised nations with more guns than people, and increasing daily.

Also remember in research reading the highest cause of death for pregnant women in the USA is gunshot wounds. So I do not think being aware and minimising risks is that out there. Of course, as we repeatedly state, but for some reason it does not seem to be what some people here want to acknowledge, the choice is always up to those involved...but as we also stated, we did not personally want to be part of that choice for various reasons, the predominant for me being honesty and safety to the other.

Kindly sign your own name to your own words and don't bother to try and rewrite mine/ours and attempt to pass them of as ours when it is clear you have far from an objective outlook, or a realistic view of contemporary society. I sincerely hope reality does not jump up and bite you one day as it seems you will be caught totally unprepared, and that I would not like to see for any living being.

Catalina
 
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Re: Re: Feminist Analysis

catalina_francisco said:
And Netzach, no offence meant as you know the respect we usually hold you in, I think for whatever reason you are becoming rude and irrational, not to mention not very insightful into the realities of life in the 21st century...
Catalina

I don't think Netzach is rude or irrational.

Originally posted by Netzach:
If you, little woman, pursue wanton and thoughtless pleasure, wrecking homes and getting VD probably, in the process, you will end up cold on a morgue slab.

This is indeed the impression I get from what you've said here all along, catalina, as I mentioned in a previous post myself.
 
Re: Re: Re: Feminist Analysis

Temptress_1960 said:
I don't think Netzach is rude or irrational.



This is indeed the impression I get from what you've said here all along, catalina, as I mentioned in a previous post myself.

You are entitled to your impressions, but as I have repeatedly said, they are far removed from the truth....but it seems that the truth is not as palatable as twisting words to say what you want, be it for effect, attention, support, guilt, or just plain ignorance I do not know but it gets tedious and does little to display the qualities some here wish to portray. I am under no illusions as to who I am but I suspect some here do not share that security. Unfortunately, as you all feel my words speak to you of a view you say you attach to who I am and how I feel, (seems no amount of explanation gets through the fog so why bother), I can take comfort in knowing your own words do the same for others.

Also I do not know if it is intentional, but Master finds the use of lower case 'c' for my name insulting, and as I do not sign that way, consistent wth his wishes, I will give benifit of the doubt and presume it an unintentional oversight on your part.

Catalina
 
Mon analyse du jonpollyisme

Netzach said:
If you, little woman, pursue wanton and thoughtless pleasure, wrecking homes and getting VD probably, in the process, you will end up cold on a morgue slab.

This seems fascinatingly retro-Victorian or 1950's to me.

My feminist analysis says: it's a dangerous world out there, lil subbie. Only I know how to protect you. Only I know how to keep your checkbook balanced.

Someday I gotta tell you about the only time I was ever a troll. I had a gynarcho-syndicalist, female-supremacist, self-hating-male, male-submissive character named the "penised_person" (after Jon Stoltenberg) who was obsessed with "theory", yet not too bright. He began every other post with "My feminist analysis of the situation says that..."
 
Pure said,

//3) If you--a female--befriend her and take her out, etc, you risk causing her to be called 'disobedient', which is also a precursor to some murders.//


Disobedient is a term I think might apply more to BDSM than DV....don't recall ever seeing it used as such in internationally recognised research and publications, or from anecdotal discussions or writings of survivors.{my emphasis}


It's funny Catalina. I write very calmly and factually, having done some homework, and you want to get picky and patronize me:
You go out of your way not just to talk about academic papers but any discussion or writings. That would mean, would it not, that I pretty much whimsically decided on the term and/or injected the term into the discussion, where neither an academic or even a lay survivor would.

Disobedience certainly does come up in the literature about domestic violence, and it's not surprising, in view of the many retro or traditional males, who believe (for the wife) 'love honor and obey.'

Here are two instances, and one attribute the concept to another source, though they are not the document where I first saw the word:

http://law.anu.edu.au/criminet/tprov.html
"Defenses: Provocation"

Provocation is often raised in cases of homicide between adult sexual intimates. Most commonly it is raised by men who kill women (usually their sexual partners or former sexual partners) in a state of loss of control due to an act of provocation (infidelty, disobedience etc).

======
Nonconventional Indicators of Gender Disparities under Structural Reforms
by S Sonpar and R Kapur

Gender Planning Network Project
Workship, 17-20 November, 1999, New Delhi

http://www.idrc.ca/mimap/gender.pdf

While the majority of abuse was nonphysical, women were substantially more often the victims of physical violence than were men . Domestic violence resulting in death such as dowry deaths in India, and female infanticide in India and China deserve particular mention. Data based on national crime statistics and police records grossly underestimate the prevalence of violence. Even so, they present a shocking picture. For instance, dowry deaths in Ind ia in 1985 were 999 , 1786 in 1987 and 5157 in 1991. Harassed women are also driven to suicide. In Gujarat alone , it is estimated that 20 00 women committed suicide on account of domestic violence in 1 989-90 (Mehta a nd Dighe , 1991). A braham ( 1991) presents case studies which show how acts of violence involving dowry are predatory acts which can be sequenced as demand, threat, punishment for defiance/disobedience, acquiescence, demand, threat finally leading to death by suicide or homicide.
===
[pure said]
So a number of complex factors [involving risk of death by 'intimate homicide'] exist, and there's not always a way to see in which direction a 'slab' in the morgue may lie, where it's more likely.

Catalina replied
As by now you have read my definite restated yet again, that personally no, I do not recommend these things as you have outlined, and in my understanding from your words, because of the risks involved which as both a professional, and someone with first hand personal experience I am aware of. For someone who has no experience with the issues, I agree, there is no way of knowing, {my bold} and no amount of saying afterwards, 'I was only trying to help' will change the outcome after the worst case scenario occurs.



Again, what's this little piece saying. I, the pro, have a grasp and mastery of the complexities, you, understandably, do not. And so the difficulty in seeing what might be a deadly risk, is yours, existing subjectively; not shared by folks such as me.

It's hard to be nice to someone who's always saying "I'm the pro." Indeed, in this case, since I did most of all the work to try to quantify things and post results and citations here, your attitude especially rankles. I suppose there may be a connection. The 'I'm the pro" speech comes after someone else came up with a coherent set of facts and figures, and posted them. You, it appears, cannot bear to say anything favorable.

This is a pattern that other react to--your saying almost explicitly, "You know nothing, and your position reflects that. I frequently encounter that position among those ignorant of the issues." {My words encapsulating your apparent position}.

You know what's sad, Catalina. I came to the computer thinking "She's being given a bad time; I wish one could get away from her manner and deal with issues on a mutually respectful basis." I was polite and respectful in my posting that you're commenting on. I included no slights, nothing personal.Then I'm hit with these sorts of remarks. AND a basic lack of engagement at the issue level, since the position differing from yours is essentially labelled ignorant or childishly naive.

I would add too, that for me and others, you don't know what our background, our studies, including feminist are. You generally talk as you would to the yokels at the bar. "Let me explain how feminists understand the concept of empowerment."

The nice thing about the 'net is that CV's don't really cut much ice.
People have a chance to see the actual 'case' produced, and it's not uncommon for a better educated person who 'cuts corners' or 'sounds off' etc. to get the worst of an exchange with someone with fewer 'papers.'

I hope you learn to be a little more 'laid back," and 'show, don't tell' (as they say to writers) a calm professionalism, quiet mastery and skilful presentation of facts that may be at your fingertips and not someone else's. That alone will 'discredit' (if we want to use that concept) the others' views, far more than attempting to denigrate their knowledge or background in comparison to your own.

:rose:
 
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Feminist Analysis

catalina_francisco said:
You are entitled to your impressions, but as I have repeatedly said, they are far removed from the truth....but it seems that the truth is not as palatable as twisting words to say what you want, be it for effect, attention, support, guilt, or just plain ignorance I do not know but it gets tedious and does little to display the qualities some here wish to portray. I am under no illusions as to who I am but I suspect some here do not share that security. Unfortunately, as you all feel my words speak to you of a view you say you attach to who I am and how I feel, (seems no amount of explanation gets through the fog so why bother), I can take comfort in knowing your own words do the same for others.

Also I do not know if it is intentional, but Master finds the use of lower case 'c' for my name insulting, and as I do not sign that way, consistent wth his wishes, I will give benifit of the doubt and presume it an unintentional oversight on your part.

Catalina

Whoa.

I am indeed entitled to my impressions, though that isn't quite how I'd put it.

What I'm telling you is that this is the impression your words give. The impression I get from your words may not be true to what you think, but it is what your words imply.

I am not trying to make an effect here, I don't need or expect attention, I'm not asking for support, I don't feel guilty... and I may be ignorant, but let me tell you that I am perfectly capable of getting a reasonably accurate impression of what the words you choose imply.

I may not be as academically credentialed as you are, but part of my job is proofreading a newspaper, not just for spelling, grammar, and punctuation, but also for content. I am quite accustomed to reading copy and analyzing the impression it makes.

I have read what you say about who you are and how you feel, and again, what I am telling you is that many of your remarks give an entirely different impression.

I think that often happens with this medium; what we mean does not always match what we say, with the different cultures and experiences we all bring to this table. I have had to back-track and further explain myself, both here and in chat, when what I thought was crystal clear took on a different meaning for another person.

I was unaware that not capitalizing your name was offensive to you or to your master, given that your user name itself is not capitalized. I wouldn't exactly call it an oversight, since your user name and signature are not consistant, but it certainly was not meant to offend you or your master.
 
Oh!

Only you are entitled to hyperbole. I forgot.

It's very rude to employ rhetoric, and rather irrational, verging on the ol' diagnosis of hysterical.

I live in the states, incidentally. I lived in two major metros with high murder rates, in fact I grew up in one of the WORST places for gun violence in the entire country. All your statsitcial analysis is just that. I actually did live in places where I was much more likely to die from a misplaced bullet from a stranger than one from a spouse or friend.

You tell me if sociology encapsulates your reality, Catalina.

But what could I know, I obviously have no concept of fact. I go out and work and put up with people's daily shit, I don't have time for as many stats as I did in class.
 
Pure said:
Pure said,

//3) If you--a female--befriend her and take her out, etc, you risk causing her to be called 'disobedient', which is also a precursor to some murders.//


Disobedient is a term I think might apply more to BDSM than DV....don't recall ever seeing it used as such in internationally recognised research and publications, or from anecdotal discussions or writings of survivors.{my emphasis}


It's funny Catalina. I write very calmly and factually, having done some homework, and you want to get picky and patronize me:
You go out of your way not just to talk about academic papers but any discussion or writings. That would mean, would it not, that I pretty much whimsically decided on the term and/or injected the term into the discussion, where neither an academic or even a lay survivor would.

Disobedience certainly does come up in the literature about domestic violence, and it's not surprising, in view of the many retro or traditional males, who believe (for the wife) 'love honor and obey.'

Here are two instances, and one attribute the concept to another source, though they are not the document where I first saw the word:

http://law.anu.edu.au/criminet/tprov.html
"Defenses: Provocation"

Provocation is often raised in cases of homicide between adult sexual intimates. Most commonly it is raised by men who kill women (usually their sexual partners or former sexual partners) in a state of loss of control due to an act of provocation (infidelty, disobedience etc).

======
Nonconventional Indicators of Gender Disparities under Structural Reforms
by S Sonpar and R Kapur

Gender Planning Network Project
Workship, 17-20 November, 1999, New Delhi

http://www.idrc.ca/mimap/gender.pdf

While the majority of abuse was nonphysical, women were substantially more often the victims of physical violence than were men . Domestic violence resulting in death such as dowry deaths in India, and female infanticide in India and China deserve particular mention. Data based on national crime statistics and police records grossly underestimate the prevalence of violence. Even so, they present a shocking picture. For instance, dowry deaths in Ind ia in 1985 were 999 , 1786 in 1987 and 5157 in 1991. Harassed women are also driven to suicide. In Gujarat alone , it is estimated that 20 00 women committed suicide on account of domestic violence in 1 989-90 (Mehta a nd Dighe , 1991). A braham ( 1991) presents case studies which show how acts of violence involving dowry are predatory acts which can be sequenced as demand, threat, punishment for defiance/disobedience, acquiescence, demand, threat finally leading to death by suicide or homicide.

Once agaiin Pure you are off on a tangent for whatever reason you do this these days. I spoke as a comparison as I do like to keep Dv and BDSM as seperate issues, which many would prefer to bundle into the same basket. I also was rfeferring to western knowledge and experience which is what we are discussing in general. Cultural differences always impact on any area of knowledge so when I am talking specifiacally about a common element of our cointemporary society, I do not refer for current information to 2 centuries past or a remote village in another culture which inn very few ways reflect our reality. I have not seen an abundace of dowry deaths as described in Indian culture (though illegal) in downtown Manhatten or Sydney. I also try to refer to internationally recognised writers first before exploring the lesser known, so I have a frame of reference to allow me to know what can be applied as recognised commonalities, especially with internet as anyone can and do often print papers without necessarily knowing a thing about what they are talking of. Are you going to refer to an African villagers annual income when wanting to seek knowledge about the average income of middle class America? Not if you want to find the information you seek to apply to your topic.
===
[pure said]
So a number of complex factors [involving risk of death by 'intimate homicide'] exist, and there's not always a way to see in which direction a 'slab' in the morgue may lie, where it's more likely.

Catalina replied
As by now you have read my definite restated yet again, that personally no, I do not recommend these things as you have outlined, and in my understanding from your words, because of the risks involved which as both a professional, and someone with first hand personal experience I am aware of. For someone who has no experience with the issues, I agree, there is no way of knowing, {my bold} and no amount of saying afterwards, 'I was only trying to help' will change the outcome after the worst case scenario occurs.



Again, what's this little piece saying. I, the pro, have a grasp and mastery of the complexities, you, understandably, do not. And so the difficulty in seeing what might be a deadly risk, is yours, existing subjectively; not shared by folks such as me.

It's hard to be nice to someone who's always saying "I'm the pro." Indeed, in this case, since I did most of all the work to try to quantify things and post results and citations here, your attitude especially rankles. I suppose there may be a connection. The 'I'm the pro" speech comes after someone else came up with a coherent set of facts and figures, and posted them. You, it appears, cannot bear to say anything favorable.


Sorry Pure but you asked the questions and youa re well aware of my specialty area of work so I figure you want the answers I give from knowledge. Silly me....you were just baiting again for a bit more mileage and attention it seems. As to the 'pro' stance, I have made ot clear where I stand on that, my words I refer to not your twisted ones. I have also said a lay person may know what to do and not to through a variety of ways, but when you are playing in someone elses life which can bring about their death from your ignorance no matter how well meaning, I would hope you would want to be sure instead of treating it as an experiment to see if you could do it. I am also sure if you speak to any police officer or worker who deals with this situation on a daily basis, you will be told to not step in where you may be the inadvertent cause of someone's death.

This is a pattern that other react to--your saying almost explicitly, "You know nothing, and your position reflects that. I frequently encounter that position among those ignorant of the issues." {My words encapsulating your apparent position}.

You know what's sad, Catalina. I came to the computer thinking "She's being given a bad time; I wish one could get away from her manner and deal with issues on a mutually respectful basis." I was polite and respectful in my posting that you're commenting on. I included no slights, nothing personal.Then I'm hit with these sorts of remarks. AND a basic lack of engagement at the issue level, since the position differing from yours is essentially labelled ignorant or childishly naive.


Yes sad Pure as stupidly and against the advice of others I thought you had also returned to your more usual former self and spoke to you with due respect as I am sure most will see. It unfortunately seems I have been niave and played into your trap yet again as no matter how I speak, you are only after one thing for whatever reason I am no longer interested in understanding. As said before, if you don't want honest answers don't ask the questions, especially about a subject you know I have proefessional and personal experience with, or at least let me know up front you are looking for a little 'colour' and I won't waste my time. Then again that would not serve your purpose.

As to the bad time....don't let it overly concern you as I have found I have no reason to either, and into the bargain found out who you really are despite your repeated overtones of 'friendship', and where your purpose lies in not just this time, but many past circumstances with many others.

I would add too, that for me and others, you don't know what our background, our studies, including feminist are. You generally talk as you would to the yokels at the bar. "Let me explain how feminists understand the concept of empowerment."

The nice thing about the 'net is that CV's don't really cut much ice.
People have a chance to see the actual 'case' produced, and it's not uncommon for a better educated person who 'cuts corners' or 'sounds off' etc. to get the worst of an exchange with someone with fewer 'papers.'


I'm also not interested in CV's as it is not my bacground in life, nor does it demonstrate kudos. I go on how a person conducts themselves as a person, and in that I alweays hope to learn something. Mistakenly I thought like me, you were one who liked open discussion and growth but obviously not. As for not knowing people and backgrounds, as has been mentioned before, profiles exist....why fill them with emptiness if you have nothing to hide and come with an open mind and a desire to share with others. You above all others seem to delight in remaining an enigma and not divulging anything of yourself which to my and IMHO from life expereince yuou understand, speaks volumes.

So unless you share something of yourself, don't jump up and down if you feel you have been preceived incorrectly. The net I guess is good for you as it is anonymous and allows you to assume any persona you wish, just to elusively duck and weave if asked anything about it. Personally, up to now, I have not found any part of the net as in discussion boards or chat rooms of any interest as they seem filled with more fakes than real people. I still find that, with Lit being one exception, but still they are here. Variety is good, as is the choice to not engage when you find a vaccuum.

I hope you learn to be a little more 'laid back," and 'show, don't tell' (as they say to writers) a calm professionalism, quiet mastery and skilful presentation of facts that may be at your fingertips and not someone else's. That alone will 'discredit' (if we want to use that concept) the others' views, far more than attempting to denigrate their knowledge or background in comparison to your own.

:rose:


I am interested in intelligent discussion, not ones that take sugar coating and game playing to get to a point somewhere down the track if then. I don't 'tell', though you continue to try and play that line, but when someone knowingly asks me in a sugared tone my opinion on a variety of situations I have long experience in dealing responsibly with, I am not about to say, 'Well, I just don't know for sure....maybe you should do what you think and see if it works...hope someone doesn't die, but, oh well, if they do, try a different tactic next time.' If you want those answers ask me about how to successfully perform brain surgery...I haven't rried that yet so can't tell you anything much from an informed viewpoint. Seems it disturbs when someone applies knowledge, anecdotal or academic, instead of blundering along irresponsibly and forever fun, fun, fun. Life is for learning so you can hopefully evolve from the point you are at each day.

Catalina
 
Netzach said:
Oh!

Only you are entitled to hyperbole. I forgot.

It's very rude to employ rhetoric, and rather irrational, verging on the ol' diagnosis of hysterical.

I live in the states, incidentally. I lived in two major metros with high murder rates, in fact I grew up in one of the WORST places for gun violence in the entire country. All your statsitcial analysis is just that. I actually did live in places where I was much more likely to die from a misplaced bullet from a stranger than one from a spouse or friend.

You tell me if sociology encapsulates your reality, Catalina.

But what could I know, I obviously have no concept of fact. I go out and work and put up with people's daily shit, I don't have time for as many stats as I did in class.

N, again you seem to go off when that was not the intention. I also work, though these days not paid, but to me that has never been the measure of work or not working. I have worked through simple mathematics and respective ages, longer than you, but that is neither here nor there, just an observation and a growing feeling I get to justify why I am allowed to continue breathing it seems. When in paid employement I have been chastised for working too hard, and often privately as well, but that is me.

Coupled with that I have the misfortune of having a brain that works far faster than many seem able to keep up with, including many of my former lecturers through their own admission unsolicited by me. Not bragging, but a reality I and my son have lived which often has taken us both through suicidal spells because of it and the misguided perceptions people have about it.

To me, stats aren't the be all and end all, but they were bought up by some in this forum, in fact demanded, and the ones I quoted were gleaned from recreational reading many years ago before going to study so once again you misunderstand my perspective and who I am. I am sorry what once was a mutual respect, or was as I perceived it, has declined to this bitch session.

Catalina
 
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Hello Pure,

I would like to point you to a mistake you have made in your calculations.

Source:
Intimate Partner Homicide:
A Review of the Male Proprietariness and the Self-Defense Theories
Geris Serran1 & Philip Firestone
Page 5.
Block and Christakos (1995) examined 2556 intimate partner homicides that occurred in Chicago over a 29-year period, and found sexual jealousy was a motive in up to 19% of male offenders who killed their former common-law partners and extramarital affairs
resulted in up to 20% of male offenders who killed their ex-girlfriends.


Source:
Intimate Partner Violence
By Callie Marie Rennison, Ph.D. and Sarah Welchans BJS Statisticians
Page 10.
Intimate partner homicide, by gender, 1998 Females 1,317

A child can do the math now:
20 %, results in 263 deaths in 1998 where the direct result of extramarital affairs, Ok the number is not huge, I mean what we are talking about 263 women murdered by their partner. Because of extramarital affairs, if we now add the numbers of the jealous boyfriends who have killed their SO. Which is 19 % of the total we get an additional 250 deaths.

Total number 513 deaths, yes this is not a huge number but this is every year over and over again. This however is just the tip of the Iceberg, these are the worst case scenarios, were it has resulted in death.

So lets take a look at violence by intimate partners.

Source:
Intimate Partner Violence
By Callie Marie Rennison, Ph.D. and Sarah Welchans BJS Statisticians
In 1998 women were victims in about 876,340 violent crimes and men were victims in about 157,330 violent crimes.

I have not found any hard facts on how many of these cases have to do with infidelity and am not going to make the mistake to extrapolate homicides percentages to these numbers. But it gives you something to think about, does it not.

And by the way Pure have you ever compared the number of deaths caused by aids and put those against the number of deaths caused by traffic accidents. Would that not mean that we can just ignore aids, I mean we have to concentrate on what has the highest risk and the possibility of dying by an road accident is higher then that of aids.

Playing with number is all very well, but we should not forget that behind every number there is a face, a life that has been destroyed, a future that has been smashed. Even if you could save any of those 513 women, by making her aware of the additional risks she is taken, you have made progress. You have saved one human life.

Francisco.
Edited to add:
According to the CDC(http://wonder.cdc.gov)
There have been 1,074 female die of aids in 1998, that is roughly about twice as many as there have been killed in intimate homicides.

Should we now say, we should completely ignore aids since there are hardly any women dying of it? That is of course a bullshit argument as is comparing intimate homicides to road accidents.
 
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