Lands Challenge Thread

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: L.H.'s sig line

I don't know... Trying to read it drives me crazy, but somehow I maintain the urge to stare at it. I now understand how cats feel.
--Xtaabay

The best way to stop it and read better is to click on it and open the whole poem in a new window

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: L.H.'s sig line

The best way to stop it and read better is to click on it and open the whole poem in a new window

Well, I keep watching the darn thing and when I start to click on one I go, "No, no, no! Not that one. An even better one could be scrolling by... any minute now."

 

[WickedEve]

You hate it, don't you? I knew it, it's annoying... Just testing these things...

And yes, you don't need to change that, it's perfectly clear. I agree with Red, though.

I did edit it. I took out a few words. I have it at lotus now. I'm sure they'll work it over and rough it up a bit. lol

Okay, off to stare at that scrolling thingy some more.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: L.H.'s sig line

The best way to stop it and read better is to click on it and open the whole poem in a new window

I dunno... it took me a while to catch it with the mouse, but I ended up with the yield to madness poem. I read it, really liked it, but also got the eerie feeling that you've been to my house and have seen me in action

--Xtaabay

 

[Zhuk]

.

.

 

[_Land]

Bravo, Zhuk

Now i will have to finish mine Dont forget to pass a challenge on my friend

 

[TheDR4KE]

Re: Re: Open challenge: grow a haiku

Chickadee-dee
hiding from winter sleet
singing in sun

for the original see:
Black Capped Chickadee

Feedback on the original would be welcome.

Hi Rybka

I don't know the bird you're talking about, but that it is a bird is clear Makes the intro line very good.

winter sleet though is redundant, unless you have very very cold summers More importantly, I don't know what the word 'winter' is telling me. The hiding seems to contradict emotionally with the singing. If it is in the sun, it's not hiding very well. If it is singing in sun, that seems happy to me - not like hiding from sleet which seems uncomfortable.

Follow the process of my challenge and write out the experience that you observed that first time when you were motivated to write the poem. Re-write your original poem into prose if you don't remember the event clearly. Show me every step along the way, not just the final haiku.



As to the original -- I like the rhythm of it, but something leaves me very cold. Probably that the 'they' is never identified, and that to me a clown is not a bad thing. I tend to think court jester, 0 The Fool, etc knowing that a lot of wisdom is masked there. If you were to change it from'they' to yourself, showing that you used to call the bird a clown in insult, but now know him to be a happy clown and you the fool, that would probably work a lot better for me.

I know you love the text layout stuff, but centered really doesn't do much for me either Lots of good imagery though. Here's an edit. Take what you will from it, as with all edits

Drake


Black Capped Chickadee
by Rybka ©

"Black Capped Clown," I called you.
Trusting feathered heart beating rapidly,
as you cock your head and, with sure black eye,
choose that one perfect seed from my hand.

"Black Capped Clown," I called you.
High in the birches,
hanging upside down from the catkins,
rushing to beat the snow to the ground,
hiding from the sleet in the firs.

"Black Capped Clown," I called you.
Singing to the warming sun,
melting hard ice and frozen souls:

Chickadee Dee Dee Dear
God
It's great to be alive and living free.

"Black Capped Clown," I called you,
but a fool was I.

 

[TheDR4KE]

Challenging perky again

I think we're going to weave a sub-thread of challenges and reverse challenges through the larger thread. But then, I think Red and Eve will too


Perky, apple of my eye and spring of the love in my heart, please read through either or both the King James and Revised Standard Edition, or any other, versions of Solomon's Song of Songs and let it inspire you to write a poem of your choice of form, length, etc.



the D

 

[Rybka]

Resonse to DR4KE

DR4KE wrote:

I don't know the bird you're talking about, but that it is a bird is clear Makes the intro line very good.

I guess you don't know the bird. In size they are like a small sparrow and the song is their name, "chickadee dee dee dee". Chickadees are widely know as "clowns", even by Audubon and Peterson, because of their friendly and humorous antics. They are easy to hand tame and a lot of fun to watch on a feeder or in the woods, and are usually quite vocal. It is not a derogatory term usually, though I chose to view it as such in the context of the poem to emphasize the brave fullness of their heart and spirit.

winter sleet though is redundant, unless you have very very cold summers

Actually, I have seen it snow up here in every month except August. On the other hand I have walked three miles across 18 inch thick ice to an island in the middle of February wearing only boots and a bathing suit. (The temperature was 93 °F). - I used the word "winter", however to give some length to the second line and to indicate the season which is traditional in haiku. We have sleet here from fall to late spring.

More importantly, I don't know what the word 'winter' is telling me. The hiding seems to contradict emotionally with the singing. If it is in the sun, it's not hiding very well. If it is singing in sun, that seems happy to me - not like hiding from sleet which seems uncomfortable.

If you have read the original poem then you should understand that the birds hide from bad weather, but come cheerfully forth again as soon as the sun shines.

Follow the process of my challenge and write out the experience that you observed that first time when you were motivated to write the poem. Re-write your original poem into prose if you don't remember the event clearly. Show me every step along the way, not just the final haiku.

No offense meant, but if you understood the original poem, then it should be obvious that the resultant haiku was arrived at by doing what you asked, whittling away everything that could be considered superfluous. The original poem is much fuller and richer of course, but if you knew New England weather and Chickadees the haiku suffices to give a flavor. - An author must supply meaning, but the reader, and particularly a reviewer, should bring some knowledge to the work in question.

As to the original -- I like the rhythm of it, but something leaves me very cold. Probably that the 'they' is never identified, and that to me a clown is not a bad thing. I tend to think court jester, 0 The Fool, etc knowing that a lot of wisdom is masked there. If you were to change it from'they' to yourself, showing that you used to call the bird a clown in insult, but now know him to be a happy clown and you the fool, that would probably work a lot better for me.

I believe I explained above that "blacked capped clown" is a traditional way of describing the chickadee. In the original work I am "objecting" to the phrase because I am praising the free-spirit "never be unhappy" nature of the bird (although "clown" is not really applied in a derogatory sense if you know the bird and its habits. - By the way, the poem is meant to be spoken in a rustic New England accent.)

I know you love the text layout stuff, but centered really doesn't do much for me either Lots of good imagery though. Here's an edit. Take what you will from it, as with all edits

Drake


Black Capped Chickadee
by Rybka ©

"Black Capped Clown," I called you.
Trusting feathered heart beating rapidly,
as you cock your head and, with sure black eye,
choose that one perfect seed from my hand.

"Black Capped Clown," I called you.
High in the birches,
hanging upside down from the catkins,
rushing to beat the snow to the ground,
hiding from the sleet in the firs.

"Black Capped Clown," I called you.
Singing to the warming sun,
melting hard ice and frozen souls:

Chickadee Dee Dee Dear
God
It's great to be alive and living free.

"Black Capped Clown," I called you,
but a fool was I.

I hope you are not upset when I respond that you have completely misread the work and your edit (spacing aside) has destroyed it.
By the way, "It's great to be alive and living free." refers to New Hampshire's state motto, "Live free or die", and "Dear God" to our traditional values.

DR4KE, I appreciate your comments even if I totally disagree with most of your points. To me, and everyone around here the meaning of the original poem (which has been locally published) is clear. The work has been well received when read. But then, we still like Frost (the poet, not the weather) up here too.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[TheDR4KE]

Not upset at all.

I guess it is a poem that particularly works when you have enough background knowledge. Congratulations on having it published.

D

 

[_Land]

Rybka Challenged

I just wanted to see some more of your great poetry



This is the challenge! Seeing as your the funny bone at lit, i would like to see a Limmerick about Fish, it must have four double intendre in it. Please make good use of alliteration. No lenght limit

Also, I would like to after posting it here have it submitted in audio format




_Land

 

[Rybka]

Free Form Limerick

I just wanted to see some more of your great poetry

Do you mean "great" or "grate"?

This is the challenge! Seeing as your the funny bone at lit, i would like to see a Limmerick about Fish,

your = you're; Limmerick = limerick
We may be finny, but fish are not funny. We are most beautiful! ><)))°<

it must have four double intendre in it.

intendre = entendre
So, does that equal one octal entendre?

Please make good use of alliteration.

Are you calling me an alliterate? - After all, authors aren't always able and aware about abilities and affectations!

No lenght limit

lenght = length - You start early on weekends; don't you?
How can you have a limerick without the firm rhyme scheme and line count?

Also, I would like to after posting it here have it submitted in audio format

You don't want much do you? Besides, I don't know how to do that.

Limericks are not my forte. I have never really liked the form. I do love puns. I consider them the "highest" form of humor, not the "lowest". I will think about your request, but I do not write to order. Usually the muse has to sneak up behind me, smack me up alongside the head with a herring, and then fill my hovercraft with eels!

I do have one poem about a fish, but it is one of my favorites. It means a lot to me, and since so few have voted on any of my other works in my "wildlife series" I have not posted it here. It has been well received at local readings, but is not for an "erotic" audience. It is not a "Gee but it's great, after eating your date, pulling your pud in the Mississippi mud" type of poem. Which is what this site seems to want. (Apologies to Uncle Dud.)

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[_Land]

Rybka, I dont drink really i dont, but i dont spell check my messages either LMAO, It is just a challenge, rules are made to be bent although i would like a limerick

 

[Guest]

fish

Hey Rybka,
Since you seem to take a liking to all things fishy, you might want to take a quick look at my poem "Fizzle Fish" I swear I'm not trying to brag or boost my rep or anything. Just thought you might like it.

--Xtaabay
p.s.
I'd make the name of the poem a link that would actually take you to it, but I don't know how

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Fizzle Fish by Xtaabay

 

[Angeline]

Fizzle Fish

FYI was reviewed by moi in the new poems list and I did indeed speculate on the Rybka connection, though this was later pooh-poohed by the ichthyolorybka.

 

[HomerPindar]

Re: Rybka Challenged

I just wanted to see some more of your great poetry



This is the challenge! Seeing as your the funny bone at lit, i would like to see a Limmerick about Fish, it must have four double intendre in it. Please make good use of alliteration. No lenght limit

Also, I would like to after posting it here have it submitted in audio format
_Land

This, in no way, implies that I have a funny bone....maybe a cute one every once in awhile....

She made a splash with the boys
they moaned and groaned, what noise
First she had Jon
Then went down on Toms
a teasing catch for fishermans joys

HomerPindar

 

[Guest]

Of Rybka and fish...

L.H. is magical! Someday I'll learn how to make links 'n' stuff

hehe... well, I didn't write Fizzle Fish *for* Rybka, but the fishy perspective of it, I thought, would be appreciated by R.

--Xtaabay

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Since this IS the challenge thread...

... I challenge Xtaabay to make a link

And you should check THIS.

 

[Guest]

Re: Since this IS the challenge thread...

... I challenge Xtaabay to make a link

And you should check THIS.

hm... this is going to be embarassing. I'm going to try it out... let's see what happens...
Xtaabay

I'll feel pretty silly if this doesn't work, but there should be a link above

--Xtaabay

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Since this IS the challenge thread...

hm... this is going to be embarassing. I'm going to try it out... let's see what happens...
Xtaabay

I'll feel pretty silly if this doesn't work, but there should be a link above

--Xtaabay

uh oh... it links, but for some reason it's linking to Young n Horny's page ?!!!?

But I guess it still fulfills the challenge, since you didn't specify that the link had to be accurate
--Xtaabay

 

[Guest]

trying again... sigh...

Xtaabay

Let's try again.
--xtaabay

 

[Guest]

Re: trying again... sigh...

Xtaabay

Let's try again.
--xtaabay

nope.. same problem. Poor young n horny... I feel kind of bad. I don't know... you've stumped me with this challenge. We've now established that I can make links, but not for the intended information .. hahahaa.... how's that for retardation?
--Xtaabay

 

[Rybka]

Fizzle Fish

Hey Rybka,
Since you seem to take a liking to all things fishy, you might want to take a quick look at my poem "Fizzle Fish" I swear I'm not trying to brag or boost my rep or anything. Just thought you might like it.

--Xtaabay
p.s.
I'd make the name of the poem a link that would actually take you to it, but I don't know how

Xtaabay, of course I read your poem. I have read ALL your poems, and your stories TPP! I have liked them all very much.
I just wish you would tell us how to pronounce your name and what it means.

Re links: Next time you make a post on the board, look just above the box you type in. There are a couple lines of buttons that let you do neat things to your text. The button command you want for making a "link" is labeled "http://". Just click on it and follow directions. You will need to know the name for the link, and the link's URL address (which appears in the "address box" at the top of your screen when you view the linked page. Just type or cut and paste. - Make sure that "http://" only appears one time.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Rybka]

Sorry _Land, just can't seem to do limericks

Monkfish

"See the fishes jump with joy!"
said the monk to Jewish boy.
"You are not a fish," he cried.
"How do you know what's inside?"
Smiling gently, monk replied,
"How do you know, little goy
that inside my thoughts aren't Koi?"

Rybka, I dont drink really i dont, but i dont spell check my messages either LMAO, It is just a challenge, rules are made to be bent although i would like a limerick

I tried, but this is as close as I could come. - You also get only one double entendre, and little alliteration.
Does this satisfy? Should I post it?

Regards,                       Rybka