Lesbian is proving more difficult than I thought.

[MiaBabe23]

Yes and I am using those things. But again it gets repetitive.

Might it also work to show that with the way they respond, their voice? The giggly, silly dancer and the demanding, mysterious intellectual? Exaggerated for difference there, obviously
Also I sometimes wonder if pronouns are overused, (not by you specifically, I enjoy your writing, but all of us perhaps). Might it be a chance to focus more on traveling deeper into the mind/ sensation etc once we know who you’re talking about?

 

[Melody_Lightdraft2]

Thank you, it was not the first lesbian encounter I have written, as I said this is a prequel. I know from my writing classes that I was lucky enough to have a tutor who was kind enough to critique a story that could not be read out to the group as it violated the BBC 9pm watershed rule. That is no intimacy, even though we were all adults, they were worried about OFSTED inspections. It was the first time I had written about centaur sex, the story involved a rather inexperienced colt and a much more worldly wise filly.

He said writing about sex is difficult, although I had handled it with care and sensitivity.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I've done women with women before, but always in a minor way, in a group sex setting. I'm writing my first purely lesbian scene now and it's harder than I thought. With man/woman, you have he/she and him/her to keep you from filling the page with their names. But when it's two women, that is a lot harder.

I've tried breaking it up by using things like. "Maria stroked the lovely blonde's face and then leaned in to kiss her trembling lips." But you can't do that too much or it becomes obvious what your doing and kills the flow of the story.

I've read a few lesbian stories to see what those authors did and it seems they had the same trouble. Advice?

It's a little early in the day, and I'm going to sound like I'm pontificating, as well as promoting myself. So my only advice is to try to use whatever techniques you used in your other stories. I know, people here are going to say to make it "believable," although maybe you prefer more in the way of fantasy. In any case, not every blonde is "lovely" nor do lips always tremble.

If you wish, you can read my first attempt, which got a better rating than I had expected. Also, originally I had never planned a "prequel" to another story, but that seemed to be the way to go. Both women could be identified as bisexual, but I think it qualifies for the category. It's set nearly a year before the first story.

https://classic.literotica.com/s/amanda-and-lucille

 

[Jorunn]

"Maria stroked the lovely blonde's face and then leaned in to kiss her trembling lips."

Try using body parts instead of names and drop the pronouns (even if your grammar checker yells)

Fingers lightly caressed a single blushing cheek, leading the way for ardent lips to be re-united once more.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Thanks to everyone for their advice. I will be jumping back in this story soon (gotta finish my Halloween contest entry) and will take your words to heart. Appreciated.

 

[alohadave]

It's interesting how you pretty much have to use objectifying language of the participants in order to make it clear who you are talking about.

 

[SimonDoom]

Thanks to everyone for their advice. I will be jumping back in this story soon (gotta finish my Halloween contest entry) and will take your words to heart. Appreciated.

I wish you well in dealing with all those difficult lesbians.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

maybe a wrong question, but why do you need to write lesbian stories? especially, since well, you say you don't really feel it.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

maybe a wrong question, but why do you need to write lesbian stories? especially, since well, you say you don't really feel it.

It's like a mountain, I assume; lesbians are there, so they must be written about, you know--because they are there.

 

[StillStunned]

It's interesting how you pretty much have to use objectifying language of the participants in order to make it clear who you are talking about.

Perhaps use descriptors like "the strong empowered businesswoman", or "the homemaker who was happy with her choice and had the respect of her partner and society"?

 

[NoTalentHack]

It's probably because I only slept a couple hours last night, but I read the subject like a log entry.

Day 267: Lesbian is proving more difficult than I thought. Must discuss with fellow crew members, especially head lesbianologist.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

It's probably because I only slept a couple hours last night, but I read the subject like a log entry.

Day 267: Lesbian is proving more difficult than I thought. Must discuss with fellow crew members, especially head lesbianologist.

Hum, and who or is it whom, would that be?

 

[StillStunned]

Hum, and who or is it whom, would that be?

I've read lots of studies and seen loads of documentaries, so it might be me.

 

[Rob_Royale]

maybe a wrong question, but why do you need to write lesbian stories? especially, since well, you say you don't really feel it.

Fair question. And trust me, I AM into it. It isn't a lesbian story. It is a story that will feature two women who will be exploring their bi-sexual leanings. I have done such things before, but usually as part of a group sex situation. Not yet just two women on their own. It's part two of The Suburban MILF's Club Ch. 01.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

I've read lots of studies and seen loads of documentaries, so it might be me.

HUM, don't we have a couple of Lezbos on here?

 

[Carnevil9]

That makes perfect sense but sadly this is a part 2 to a story with an ensemble cast. It's in third person.

Can you write the section with one of the participants describing the encounter to someone else? Or maybe into her diary? Then, since it is character-speech, rather than narrator-speech, it would make perfect sense to switch to first person for the duration of the "story-within-a-story."

 

[MillieDynamite]

Um, I'm one, I think. Yeah, I see the tattoo I got to show I was.

HUM, don't we have a couple of Lezbos on here?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Day 267: Lesbian is proving more difficult than I thought. Must discuss with fellow crew members, especially head lesbianologist.

I think the official title is "cunnilinguist".

 

[gunhilltrain]

"Maria stroked the lovely blonde's face and then leaned in to kiss her trembling lips."

Try using body parts instead of names and drop the pronouns (even if your grammar checker yells)

Fingers lightly caressed a single blushing cheek, leading the way for ardent lips to be re-united once more.

Isn't that sort of what I told him not to do? Or maybe he likes the idea of "ardent lips?" I know, everybody has a different style.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I think the official title is "cunnilinguist".

Cunninglinguist. Good at French.

 

[Areala-chan]

HUM, don't we have a couple of Lezbos on here?

Probably one or two. Sometimes we get spooked and hide, but we can often be bribed with chocolate to re-appear.

 

[SimonDoom]

Probably one or two. Sometimes we get spooked and hide, but we can often be bribed with chocolate to re-appear.

Maybe that's Rob's problem. He's working with a lesbian who doesn't like chocolate.

 

[Areala-chan]

Maybe that's Rob's problem. He's working with a lesbian who doesn't like chocolate.

Strawberries are a useful fallback if chocolate is unavailable (or unliked for some bizarre reason...).

 

[Whanmore]

Tell me about it. I literally have to read every pronoun to see if it can be confused. They almost always can be. Alot of proper noun uses. check out my Lesbian Professor story and see how I did.

 

[DanDelaware]

Do the characters have enough distinguishing features to set them apart? Could you refer to one's "soft, white flesh" as opposed to the other's "smooth bronze skin"? "Neatly trimmed pussy" versus "shaven"? "Calloused fingers" to distinguish them from "soft palms"?

I've read stories like that and it can get annoying too. I have to stop and think, "Wait: which one is the blond and which is the brunette?" and that takes me away from the scene. Also, the context can help. If Maria is positioned higher than Emma (e.g taller or standing vs. sitting), then "Maria stroked her face and leaned in to kiss her trembling lips" works just fine.