"Lifestyle" vs "Playing"

[bunny bondage]

I always get annoyed by the "24/7" bit, because it's not 24 hours divided by 7. it should be "24x7"...? Okay, I confess, I'm a pedant!

ok, someone hit this guy

 

[FungiUg]

ok, someone hit this guy

oi!

 

[James G 5]

I always get annoyed by the "24/7" bit, because it's not 24 hours divided by 7. it should be "24x7"...? Okay, I confess, I'm a pedant!

Oh PEDANT
For a second I thought you used another, similar word & was about to ask if you were a Catholic priest....

 

[MissTaken]

This thread has been on mind since it started

My thoughts keep coming back to the same analogy. Let me see if I can pull it together for you.


I am a musician. Music is an important part of my life, not just playing, but my appreciation and passion for music is part of how I identify and interact with my surroundings.

There was a time, when I was practicing or performing no less than six hours a day. During this time, I associated almost exclusively with other musicians.

There was a time when I was proficient on three instuments and had mastered two. Now, the most I do, is play my guitar and sing for my children or the four walls in my living room. While I dont' get the same feeling as I used to when playing out or performing with others, my personal musicality meets my needs.

So, am I still a "real" musician? Some would say not. Some would look down their noses and demean me for not incorporating my skill and passion more fully into my life. Some would say, "You play around with the guitar."

I am still real.
My music fits me and my lifestyle.
It just may not fit anyone else's.

So, have I boggled you all with my half baked analogy or does it make sense?

 

[FungiUg]

Oh PEDANT
For a second I thought you used another, similar word & was about to ask if you were a Catholic priest....

No, that has three more syllables!

 

[Ebonyfire]

I can't be bothered

with other people's business cause mine keeps me busy 24/7.

I am a lifestyle Domme and it works for Me. I am only interested in dealing with subs who want to serve Me. I like my submissive sto be D/s environmentally friendly.

If others want to swing from the chandeliers, more power to them.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: This thread has been on mind since it started

So, have I boggled you all with my half baked analogy or does it make sense?

Oooh, can we make g-string jokes?

It does make sense, MissT. Thanks. Basically the "lifestyle" component is the level of activity, but the fact that music isn't your lifestyle doesn't mean it isn't a fundamental part of who you are.

I sing -- baritone/tenor, been in a few choirs, a few amateur musicals and so on, and music is probably far more pervasive of my life than D/s. But I wouldn't say music is my life, and I am certainly not in a musical lifestyle. So for me, your analogy works especially well.

 

[James G 5]

Re: This thread has been on mind since it started

My thoughts keep coming back to the same analogy. Let me see if I can pull it together for you.
So, have I boggled you all with my half baked analogy or does it make sense?

makes sense to me

 

[Ebonyfire]

Whoops! My computer locked and I thought it did not take my message. MissT feel free to delete a few of these!

 

[Netzach]

It's not a style, it's a life.

SM is a big deal for me. I go kind of nutty if I don't get my fix.

I like an attentive and compliant person to do that with who's not faking anything, and while I looooooove to play, I don't fake anything either.

 

[deezire1900]

WAIT...WAIT...WAIT...this was a sweet post about me dating for the first time after my lover left me after 8 years. I am saddened the way it has gone to a "who's right, who's wrong" type of form. I wanted people to feel my joy, my shaking soul, and my heart jumping out of my throat when he touched me for the first time.
I wanted to know if it was ok to want to submit to him, and feel his power. I wanted to say how wonderful it felt to have a strong man hold me and kiss my face, while he thinks of pinning my arms behind my back.
I thought it would be fun.....now I see that politics spring up EVERYWHERE. and it makes me sad...

 

[bunny bondage]

psst....deezire....


while i share your feelings about politics being far too present sometimes, i think you've posted on the wrong thread....

 

[FungiUg]

WAIT...WAIT...WAIT...this was a sweet post about me dating for the first time after my lover left me after 8 years.

Huh? It was? I thought it was me starting a discussion about what a "lifestyle" BDSM (or D/s) was like compared to "playing".

deezire, politics is part of the human condition. Can't escape it. But I haven't seen much in the way of politics in this discussion so far -- we've had a few different viewpoints, a little teasing, but no real politics.

In fact, far from being saddened, I've been rather pleased at what people have said and contributed.

P.S. I'm glad to hear you are dating again! And I hope it goes well. Put your head together with bunny and compare notes -- she's just started dating a new guy as well.

 

[Croctden]

I find the whole concept of BDSM as a "lifestyle" intriguing. It's not my lifestyle, and I very much doubt it will be. My lifestyle has way too many elements to focus on any one thing (although "food and wine and sex" might be a good description of my lifestyle!)

What intrigues me is not that BDSM can be a lifestyle (it can be, no argument there), but the frequent snobbery associated with it. "Oh, you're not 'real' because you're not into the 'lifestyle'." An unfortunate state of affairs in my mind, but then since I'm on the receiving end of the snobbery, it's not surprising I would feel that.

In contrast, there's this thing called "players". I've yet to hear a good definition of what exactly a player is or isn't. Is anyone who is not into BDSM as a lifestyle automatically a "player"? Or are players something else again?

Do you need to be in the "lifestyle" to be "real"? Is being a "player" bad? Opinions, thoughts, discussion please!

Yeah, I've gotten snobbery too, I think it's more reflexive than intentional. Now that you've called attention to it I bet it fades for a little while. If I was to make a wild guess as to it's cause I would say it's because to someone in the lifestyle "playing" seems cowardly, sort of sticking your toe in the pool rather than swimming.

Of course I'm a player. I don't want a 24+7 relationship. I thought I did, but then I tried. Maybe if I found a sub who could entertian herself for fucking minute! But I digress...

I think I gain several advantages from not being in 24-7 BDSM relationship, such as we can experiment with other play. I call this different. Being a player is bad only if you'd be happier in the lifestyle. If play isn't "real" why is she crying? Should I say "that doesn't hurt, this isn't a 24%7 relationship?"

Also about the US and Canada: When Americans visit they say "Hey! This is the US except the money is all colorful." This pisses off the locals to no end.

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: Re: "Lifestyle" vs "Playing"

Also about the US and Canada: When Americans visit they say "Hey! This is the US except the money is all colorful." This pisses off the locals to no end. [/B]

face it - without your fruity french you're nothing but americans!

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: "Lifestyle" vs "Playing"

Also about the US and Canada: When Americans visit they say "Hey! This is the US except the money is all colorful." This pisses off the locals to no end.

Thanks Croctden! A good post.

Er, Australian and NZ money are similar, except ours makes more sense. Our $2 coin is larger than our $1 coin (instead of the other way around!) I would have thought the change from m/h to km/h on the road signs would be more startling to the poor backward Americans!

Perhaps the snobbery is reflexive, rather than intentional. But in that case, it's worth me calling attention to it! Ingrained clome-mindedness is still close-mindedness.

I also agree with your comment about "playing" seeming easier than going the "lifestyle" route. The odd thing is that is very misleading. In fact, the hardest thing I ever did was decide that I wanted both an element of D/s in my life, and I didn't want to walk away from the relationship I have with my lover (which is not a D/s relationship.)

That's an ongoing issue (as you might well imagine), and it would be easier for me to give up on one or the other. But it would also mean not being true to what I want. So going for what I want is the harder route, not the easier route. It also means that D/s as a lifestyle doesn't suit what I want.

 

[ammre]

I've felt it. Maybe it's jsut an insecurity of my own. maybe it has been used... I dont' know how to classify myself in the secondary terms... I'm submissive.. and i a playing submissive a "real" submissive a "role playing" submissive... i think there just may be too many variations of the term. For me, i'm not living out some cheesy porno fantasy or somehthing.. i like giving into Kon's will, i like pleasing him. He dons'et always need to be pleased by giving me pain or humiliation. I submit myself to him in other ways... we DO at times utilize pain and he does show his claims on me often in public. I don't have an extensive ammount of bondage.. or an extensive ammount of flagelry (sp?)... but the little we have we use. I personally think it's a lot harder to keep your hands above your head when your skin is being teased and you DON't have some sort of restraints on... I submit to his touch and i listen to his commands. I think it may just be intimidation, I mean... could a 'nilla person come here and post along with everyone else about discussion without feeling intimidated? and also if you think about it.. there's subs and doms... i presonally think a dom SHOULD be sorta intimidating. and the insicurity part is still arround sometimes... am i really into it enough to belong here... should i post or would my advice just be so common knowlage to everyone else here...
but anyway i'm starting to confuse myself with my meanings and i jsut got a new bed so i'm gonna go use it!@#

 

[Croctden]

Re: Re: Re: "Lifestyle" vs "Playing"

face it - without your fruity french you're nothing but americans!

Huh? I'm America. Yes, I grew up in Maine, but that counts.

 

[Croctden]

Americans don't read speed limits

That's an ongoing issue (as you might well imagine), and it would be easier for me to give up on one or the other. But it would also mean not being true to what I want. So going for what I want is the harder route, not the easier route. It also means that D/s as a lifestyle doesn't suit what I want.

Exactly, you made my point better than I did.

 

[FungiUg]

I think it may just be intimidation, I mean... could a 'nilla person come here and post along with everyone else about discussion without feeling intimidated?

Thanks for posting, ammre.

I would personally hope that anyone coming to the board would feel free to post without being intimidated. After all, they might just be curious (and ain't nothing wrong with that!) and find out what all the fuss is about.

i presonally think a dom SHOULD be sorta intimidating

Interesting. I try not to be intimidating or come across heavy handed. I don't back down and roll over easily (i.e. stubborn), but in a public forum, I do my best to be approachable, down to earth, open minded, listen and so on. (I'm far from perfect, but I do try.) Intimidating people would be the reverse of that. Okay, in a D/s session, yes, I imagine I can be quite imtimidating (although again it's not really my style.) But this forum is about discussion, rather than acting out.

. and the insicurity part is still arround sometimes... am i really into it enough to belong here

We're just people who share a common interest. If you are interested in BDSM (or D/s), why shouldn't you feel you can post? I'm sure your questions would be no more stupid than some of my own! So feel free to make yourself right at home.

Enjoy the new bed!

 

[catalina_francisco]

It's not a style, it's a life.

SM is a big deal for me. I go kind of nutty if I don't get my fix.

I like an attentive and compliant person to do that with who's not faking anything, and while I looooooove to play, I don't fake anything either.

So eloquently spoken as is so often your way. I can fully relate to this, especially the 'fix'. LOL

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have to apologise F for initiating Master into the Oz/NZ humour. Was a matter of have to as we were forever getting into 'discussions' about things I said which were just typical Aussie humour delivered in our 'mateship' style, but he wasn't getting it not having lived in it for 45 years.....so we now do cross cultural studies with each other, and from his posting I see he is learning!! LOL

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I do not think many would consider FungiUg a player, I certainly do not.

should i post or would my advice just be so common knowlage to everyone else here..

I feel that everyone has a right to post here and there is nothing like common knowledge. The subject which is discussed here by our friendly all-knowing almost aussie FungiUg is one that is a heated one.

You should not feel intimidated at all, ammre, you are doing a very well job of expressing your views. And I even remember a thread or two where you have played a very important role in bringing the subject back to where it should be, friendly discussions about BDSM and everything surrounding it.

Francisco.

 

[Etoile]

My thoughts on this...

I am a submissive. I am not playing around. If I had the option of living in a 24/7 TPE situation, I would do it. For geographical reasons, I end up only getting to sub on occasional weekends. This is despite the fact that I live with my girlfriend. She is not interested in a TPE situation, although I was not raised with many coping skills and she's had to help me learn about paying the bills, doing household chores, etc. She encourages me to be independent, but it is not my choice - if she were interested, I would be submissive to her. She's not, though, and I love her anyway. This does not mean I am less submissive than someone who insists on only dominant partners. Just like I am in love with a woman, I am in love with a largely vanilla person. It's the way it happened. It's also true that she and I met when I was much too young to know about BDSM, and it didn't come up for a couple of years for me. Nowadays, if I were single, I would seek out a dominant partner.

Shit, I have no idea where I was going with this. Sigh.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

<snip>In contrast, there's this thing called "players". I've yet to hear a good definition of what exactly a player is or isn't. Is anyone who is not into BDSM as a lifestyle automatically a "player"? Or are players something else again?

Do you need to be in the "lifestyle" to be "real"? Is being a "player" bad? Opinions, thoughts, discussion please!

Players. I've been thinking alot on this one, and how to approach this subject without sounding like a judgemental snob. I'll preface this with the caveat that I will defend to the death your right to have your kink, and my kink is no better than yours.

With that said, I see submissive players as those who think that finding a Dominant will save them from their "loveless" marriage, "boring" relationship, or their chaotic lives. I find it interesting to read, on the threads. What about the husband? The boyfriend? The family? How about working on themselves, seeking some inner peace and serenity? Improving and sorting out the chaos into a beautiful gift. Educating and teaching themselves instead of throwing themselves at the feet of any Dominant that appears in front of their eyes.

You get the point.

After all, an ass-whipping isn't the solution to all the problems in your life....now is it?

~anelize