marriage, cohabitation, single...

[Willing and Unsure]

I so disagree with your view that it is being used as a recruitment tool. Being Catholic, I see the Church trying to make sure that they get married (in the Church) for the right reasons.

I have to agree with you here, and I dont buy into the religion thing. I'm currently taking a class about marriage and family relationships, and one of the things the the church tends to encourage more than anything is learning how to be married as opposed to just being married. They do that by offering the pre-marital counseling to couples wishing to get married.

 

[EJFan]

I so disagree with your view that it is being used as a recruitment tool. Being Catholic, I see the Church trying to make sure that they get married (in the Church) for the right reasons.

i respect that... and i'm sure you're right. i didn't really express that thought the way it was formed in my head but i figured it would be a good talking point if nothing else.

 

[Stefani]

Whenever i've lived with someone i usually end up wishing i was single, and whenever i've been single i end up wishing i was with someone. Hm... not sure what that says about me, but that's usually the way i feel.

Am single at the moment and enjoying it... sort of. There are certain times, like on New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day that i end up in tears because I'm not with anyone. *snif, snif*

Steffie

 

[Eilan]

I'm currently taking a class about marriage and family relationships, and one of the things the the church tends to encourage more than anything is learning how to be married as opposed to just being married. They do that by offering the pre-marital counseling to couples wishing to get married.

I'm not Catholic, but my ex-husband is (though he's now EXTREMELY lapsed), and we were married in the Church. We did the requisite several months of counseling with the priest before we were married. If memory serves, all that we did was fill out a questionnaire during the first meeting and spend the subsequent weekly meetings discussing our "compatibility" as indicated by the results of the questionnaire. I got the impression that the priest was just going through the motions.

I think, however, that GOOD premarital couseling should be something that all couples have to participate in. I've seen a lot of friends/acquaintances spend so much time planning their wedding that they've given little thought to the fact that, after the show is over, the caterers leave, and the pretty clothes are put away, they're--GASP--married. The focus should be on the bond that's going to be formed through the ceremony rather than the ceremony itself.

When my husband and I married, I was about 12 weeks pregnant with my now-2 1/2 year old. However, I DON'T think that pregnancy is a good reason to get married, particularly if it's the ONLY reason. I like to say that we got married in spite of my pregnancy instead of because of it because my husband has a history of infertility and we were actively trying to conceive but figuring that it wouldn't happen right away. (I got pregnant the first month that we made a serious effort.)

I enjoy being married because I have a wonderful companion that I want to share everything with. A piece of paper, of lack thereof, doesn't change that. If I could have gotten the same legal protections and/or benefits without "marriage," then I would have gladly done so. I'm not a particularly religious person, and neither is my husband, so we don't feel the need for our union to be recognized in the eyes of a particular deity.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm not Catholic, but my ex-husband is (though he's now EXTREMELY lapsed), and we were married in the Church. We did the requisite several months of counseling with the priest before we were married. If memory serves, all that we did was fill out a questionnaire during the first meeting and spend the subsequent weekly meetings discussing our "compatibility" as indicated by the results of the questionnaire. I got the impression that the priest was just going through the motions.

I think, however, that GOOD premarital couseling should be something that all couples have to participate in. I've seen a lot of friends/acquaintances spend so much time planning their wedding that they've given little thought to the fact that, after the show is over, the caterers leave, and the pretty clothes are put away, they're--GASP--married. The focus should be on the bond that's going to be formed through the ceremony rather than the ceremony itself.

When my husband and I married, I was about 12 weeks pregnant with my now-2 1/2 year old. However, I DON'T think that pregnancy is a good reason to get married, particularly if it's the ONLY reason. I like to say that we got married in spite of my pregnancy instead of because of it because my husband has a history of infertility and we were actively trying to conceive but figuring that it wouldn't happen right away. (I got pregnant the first month that we made a serious effort.)

I enjoy being married because I have a wonderful companion that I want to share everything with. A piece of paper, of lack thereof, doesn't change that. If I could have gotten the same legal protections and/or benefits without "marriage," then I would have gladly done so. I'm not a particularly religious person, and neither is my husband, so we don't feel the need for our union to be recognized in the eyes of a particular deity.

Well said, Eilan.

On the issue of religion, I've know quite a few people who have gotten married because it was the "right" thing to do by their faith. Some have felt guilty about having premarital sex, pregnancy, living together, or because their families and friends were pushing for it. Others were married because they wanted to have "sin-free" sex. Then there are the people who stay very unhappy or even abusive relationships because divorce isn't acceptable in their faith. So I suppose I feel religion can override sound judgment sometimes and should be icing on the cake, not the cake itself.

 

[EJFan]

Whenever i've lived with someone i usually end up wishing i was single, and whenever i've been single i end up wishing i was with someone. Hm... not sure what that says about me, but that's usually the way i feel.

this is EXACTLY what i've been trying to say about myself. i love it when other people compile my thoughts better than i do.

thanks stefani!

 

[DwayneDibley]

I've been with my girlfriend now for over 5 years, but we live separately, and still with our parents! This is mainly financial, I've been a student psychiatric nurse for the last 2 1/2, and she was a student before I was one!

We're about to get a place together, which will be the ultimate test of our relationship. We've spent a week or two together at various stages, like holidays and got on great, but of course living together will be the ultimate test.

As to getting married, we're planning to, we got engaged last year. it will probably be a registry office wedding, as neither of us are religous, and perhaps see if we can take non-religous vows too. As to financial benefits, there are now actually none in the UK for getting married, not even a tax break any more

So far, we haven't gotten bored or annoyed with each other at all, not even when on holiday. My one worry is that I enjoy spending time by myself quite a lot, I enjoy my own company. I hope that living together we both still get our own space, and be able to spend quality time apart as well as together so we don't get sick of each other and resenting each other, I'm sure we can work though it together though.

 

[Stefani]

this is EXACTLY what i've been trying to say about myself. i love it when other people compile my thoughts better than i do.

thanks stefani!

Hey EJ, just call me psychic.

Isn't it kind of frustrating to feel this way? Does this mean we're never satisfied, that we'll always think the "grass is greener" somewhere else?

I have a bit of another problem that goes along with this. When I can't have someone, I am usually madly in love with them. Then, when I finally have them, I don't want them anymore.

I probably need years of counselling...

 

[EJFan]

Isn't it kind of frustrating to feel this way? Does this mean we're never satisfied, that we'll always think the "grass is greener" somewhere else?

i have a friend who is firmly in the "grass is greener" mindset. that's not really my issue... in my case it's more that (and i'm being totally honest here) i find it hard to think of others before myself in close relationships (not true of friendships... i'd do anything for my friends) and i can never be totally open to others.

 

[babydoll2u]

I've been married 3 times, divorced 3 times...
think I'll stay single, it's safer that way lol...

 

[Ava Nova]

I am single, though in a relationship, and have never married nor cohabited. I have always said I'd never live with someone unless I was married...... but that's mainly so I don't have to live with anyone unless it's really serious. It's a self-preservation thing - I tend to fall in love quite easily, and this stance has prevented me from jumping into situations I would quickly regret. Does that make sense?

 

[jacuzzigal]

Well said, Eilan.

On the issue of religion, I've know quite a few people who have gotten married because it was the "right" thing to do by their faith. Some have felt guilty about having premarital sex, pregnancy, living together, or because their families and friends were pushing for it. Others were married because they wanted to have "sin-free" sex. Then there are the people who stay very unhappy or even abusive relationships because divorce isn't acceptable in their faith. So I suppose I feel religion can override sound judgment sometimes and should be icing on the cake, not the cake itself.

Well said, SE. I've been married and divorced twice. Both marriages had a religioun-influenced element of "supposed to" about them although I had hoped both would be happily ever after endings. I'm pretty irreligious now (although still spiritual) and have shed a lot of those expectations. I'm not sure if I'll ever get married again or if I want to. If I decide to get into a serious long-term relationship again I may choose to live with someone. For now, I'm going it alone and doing ok.