Meeting Master for the first time?

[the captians wench]

Sounds like micro management to me. I can see how it would make some feel "safer" and "cared for." I wouldn't like it at all. It's pretty clear safety isn't what this OP seeks.

Please note that I have answered this thread seriously knowing it was unlikely I would be listened to by the OP. I figured others approaching a first meet might also read it and be helped.

Training is individual to each Dom and also some controlling ass holes in the nilla world. You must ask him about it, not us.

Fury

well yeah that was my first thought, but well I don't know still sounds like training to me. *shrug*

The idea of micro management used to apeal to me. It drove Jounar mental! I wanted his opionion on every thing I did when we first met, I hated making a decistion on my own. He pretty much made me do it myself, but let me know he was there if I needed him. But I didn't need him to decide cheerios or cornflakes in the morning. Things like that I had to start doing myself (my ex didn't like micro management, but he never really encouraged me otherwize except by telling me I was driving him batty having him pick my clothes out all the time).

There are still things I like having some one else choose for me. I love being dressed by some one. But I've learned I have to make choices myself and accept that no one else is responcible for my bad choices but me. I can't blame any one else. Tho some times I do think that has it's appeal.

 

[the captians wench]

I actually don't agree with that but maybe it's just a matter of semantics.

I enjoyed training whilst online quite a bit with a Dom.

Fury

I think she ment that her training won't start until they are face to face. But it sounds to me like he already has, but maybe she's not suposed to realize this. *shrug*

 

[doll_parts85]

I think she ment that her training won't start until they are face to face. But it sounds to me like he already has, but maybe she's not suposed to realize this. *shrug*

The REAL training begins in real life. Not online.

 

[FurryFury]

*goes for a pry bar to try to open closed mind*

Never mind. I'm injured. I'm tired. I don't want to put forth further effort and this isn't really my business anyway.

*shrugs*

Fury

 

[the captians wench]

The REAL training begins in real life. Not online.

I'm begining to see now why you are confused.


good luck anyway.

 

[Etoile]

I guess she has me on ignore. Oh well, I tried.

 

[catalina_francisco]

He makes me feel safe...and cared for...and I need the structure...and someone to take care of me...I can't make choices on my own...I always make bad choices...now He makes them for me

Hmm, well let's hope he doesn't get run over by a truck or you are going to be up the creek without your paddle.

Catalina

 

[doll_parts85]

I guess she has me on ignore. Oh well, I tried.

no, I don't, sorry....

 

[doll_parts85]

Three things.

1. BDSM checklists are great tools for beginners. Don't wait for him to give you one, search Google for 'bdsm checklist' and fill it out yourself. Even if you don't show it to him, it's good for figuring out your own thoughts.
2. Set up a safe call. Don't listen to WD, he's just being cynical. A safe call means that you pre-arrange with a friend that you will call them at a specified time to let them know how things are going. Some people include saying a special phrase with this, so that if the guy IS a psycho and he's watching you make the call, you can say that innocent phrase to communicate to your friend that something is wrong. This applies to anytime you meet someone face to face for the first time, even if it's not a Master-type relationship.
3. I think what's missing in this thread so far is clarification of "training" vs. other types of interaction such as sex and sceneing. Yes, the two of you need to discuss things like being tied up, how hard he should beat you, is it okay to leave marks, are you okay with sex on the first date, etc. Knowing how hard you want to be "forced" is also essential. Are you just going to have some kinky, freaky sex? Or is it okay for him to fuck your ass without warning or lube?
   
   All of these things are scenes and sex. But training is something different, and in my opinion the dominant gets to decide what that includes. Maybe he wants to train you in orgasm control, so that you can only come when he gives you permission. Maybe he wants to train you to shed your human inhibitions and become a pony or a puppy. Maybe he wants to train you in how he likes his blowjobs so you'll be an expert. All of these take time, repeated sessions of training, and possibly homework since you're living separately.

Just my three-and-a-half cents.

thanks.

 

[Penalt]

Okay, DP, its kind of interesting to see you here. I stopped posting in your threads on the GB because I knew I would start saying things I would regret there. I already have membership with the Foot-in-Mouth Club and I did not want to make things worse by popping off at you.

Please, please if nothing else take these two pieces of advice from me.

1) Read and most of all follow the things that Etoile and catalina_francisco post to you in this thread. They are two of our best and you could not ask for better guides.

2) From what I have read of your life and trials being part of a BDSM relationship may be the best thing ever for you. Then again it might not be. Leave yourself open to possibilities, concepts and ideas, only you can truly decide if this is what you want.

end of the important words from me...

Now, speaking just for myself. To me it sounds like you ARE being trained. The scene from The Secretary comes to mind where the James Spader character is telling what and how much of the dinner she is to eat over the phone. Now training is just that, training. It is having you follow a sequence of actions so that it becomes an automatic behaviour to you. Again, only you can ultimately decide what is best for you.

I could tell you, "Have him bind you in a hemp shibari harness at night under a full moon and then rub peanut butter over yourself while he sprays you down with a cold water hose. It will be the most incredible experience ever", and it might be. For me, or someone else, but maybe not for you. You have to decide that. That, to me, is what BDSM is about, choices. You choose what to keep and what to give up. He chooses what and how to train you in. You and he choose whether it is something you want to pursue, alter or stop.

Choices. They are a part of BDSM and life. Even if you become a collared slave 24/7 in permanent bondage there will always be choices. They will just be different choices. Hopefully, I haven't shoved my foot into my mouth again but this is how I feel on this.

PS. Just to let you all know I am officially off all mood drugs. My high blood pressure is now being well managed by diet and Altace.

PSS. CW, what does OP stand for? PM me on that if you like.

 

[CutieMouse]

PSS. CW, what does OP stand for? PM me on that if you like.

Original Poster.

 

[doll_parts85]

Okay, DP, its kind of interesting to see you here. I stopped posting in your threads on the GB because I knew I would start saying things I would regret there. I already have membership with the Foot-in-Mouth Club and I did not want to make things worse by popping off at you.

Please, please if nothing else take these two pieces of advice from me.

1) Read and most of all follow the things that Etoile and catalina_francisco post to you in this thread. They are two of our best and you could not ask for better guides.

2) From what I have read of your life and trials being part of a BDSM relationship may be the best thing ever for you. Then again it might not be. Leave yourself open to possibilities, concepts and ideas, only you can truly decide if this is what you want.

end of the important words from me...

Now, speaking just for myself. To me it sounds like you ARE being trained. The scene from The Secretary comes to mind where the James Spader character is telling what and how much of the dinner she is to eat over the phone. Now training is just that, training. It is having you follow a sequence of actions so that it becomes an automatic behaviour to you. Again, only you can ultimately decide what is best for you.

I could tell you, "Have him bind you in a hemp shibari harness at night under a full moon and then rub peanut butter over yourself while he sprays you down with a cold water hose. It will be the most incredible experience ever", and it might be. For me, or someone else, but maybe not for you. You have to decide that. That, to me, is what BDSM is about, choices. You choose what to keep and what to give up. He chooses what and how to train you in. You and he choose whether it is something you want to pursue, alter or stop.

Choices. They are a part of BDSM and life. Even if you become a collared slave 24/7 in permanent bondage there will always be choices. They will just be different choices. Hopefully, I haven't shoved my foot into my mouth again but this is how I feel on this.

PS. Just to let you all know I am officially off all mood drugs. My high blood pressure is now being well managed by diet and Altace.

PSS. CW, what does OP stand for? PM me on that if you like.

okays thanks

 

[pellso27]

That means NO mOre Cheese Curls....bitch!

 

[doll_parts85]

That means NO mOre Cheese Curls....bitch!

I'm vegetarian, I don't eat cheese

 

[Etoile]

I'm vegetarian, I don't eat cheese

I'm pretty sure there's no actual cheese in cheese curls!

Actually, if you don't eat cheese, you must be vegan. Congrats to you for that, it's a hard path to follow. There's something to consider though - if your master told you to eat meat, milk, etc. would you do it? I have been a vegetarian for 13 years, and I would eat meat if I was told to by my Daddy...but fortunately e has no interest in controlling that, as long as I am healthy.

 

[doll_parts85]

I'm pretty sure there's no actual cheese in cheese curls!

Actually, if you don't eat cheese, you must be vegan. Congrats to you for that, it's a hard path to follow. There's something to consider though - if your master told you to eat meat, milk, etc. would you do it? I have been a vegetarian for 13 years, and I would eat meat if I was told to by my Daddy...but fortunately e has no interest in controlling that, as long as I am healthy.

Actually I'm not vegan. I just don't eat cheese b/c they kill baby cows to get rennet out of their tummies to make cheese. I still eat milk and eggs. But I don't know if I would eat meat if He told me to...thats a hard limit for me...I'm a PETA freak LOL

 

[the_pet]

All a safe call is good for is to tell the police where to find your body.

Ain't that the truth!

Whenever i went out with someone new and vice versa for my friend we would call each other before we went out and say, "i was last seen at XYZ" so at least they know where to start looking!


pet

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I'll ask Him for more details when I find the right time...He's already controling my entire life...from what I eat to how often I wash my skin and put my medication on (I have an acne problem He's trying to correct) I email Him detailed daily reports...saying everything I ate and drank and other personal info that I'm not comfy sharing LOL

Hmmmm..He has all of this control over you and yet you have no idea what to expect when you meet Him?? i don't think you are going to pay a bit of attention to anything anyone on this thread says to you. i'm concerned that you are giving yourself over to this man and you know nothing about him really. also, you didn't answer my question..how long have you been 'together' ? just knowing what He wants 'sexually' is not enough, especially if you are 'allowing' Him to control every part of your everyday life. you say you'll ask him for more details when you find the time..wtf?? didn't you negotiate things before you submitted to Him? or did you just say, oh ok, you look like a cool Dominant, you now have complete control over me? *shrugs* i just don't get it. i'm curious, how old are you? and then i'll ask the same question again, how long have you been together?

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I can sort of see the appeal of that but of course the problem is that most relationships don't last forever and then what?

Also, you can't make choices on my own is bullshit and excuse making. Sooner or later you'll have to. As down on yourself as you may be it's rarely true when someone speaks in absolutes like "always" and "never."

IMO, a really good person or PYL would if he had the patience try to help you stand on your own two feel but that's just me.

Fury

agreed, for the most part, except that i don't make good choices most of the time either and Master does it so well LOL. i hate making decisions, really really hate it, even one as simple as 'where do you want to eat?' "well i don't know Master, pizza sounds good, but probably not to You huh?" "lil one i asked what YOU wanted" "oh well then let's go get some pizza" "ok we'll go to pizza Hut" "wait, no, i know you really don't want that, let's go somewhere else, how about IHOP?" "pizza was fine, but if you'd rather have IHOP, we can go there" and on and on..that is close to an actual conversation we've had which ended with me saying "You're the Master, You're the one making the decisions i'm just driving" LOL it's nuts, it really is....i'm always too worried that if i make a decision it will be the wrong one and it's not really what He wants.....

obviously when He asks for my input or to make a decision i should be able to do it! we're working on this, but it's hard....so i do understand the appeal of someone making ALL of the decisions and telling you what to do all of the time. i understand how that makes you feel safe and loved etc..BUT....i'm glad that Master teaches me how to make the decisions and keeps pushing me to do so, because i've been 'co-dependent' before and it ended it badly....maybe i'm just rambling and not making any sense, i'm tired so that is very possible, but i know what i'm trying to say...LOL

 

[StarlitLillith]

Being with someone because they make all your decisions for you pretty much proves that you are either unwilling to accept the real world or cannot stand on your own two feet. I don't think that will make for a lasting relationship, especially since it sounds like he's taking control of the fact that you're completely vulnerable.

I think more about this, I agree with everything Fury is saying.

 

[HottieMama]

Once again, i agree with Fury...

Seriously..getting involved in a D/s relationship should be about MUCH more than making bad choices on your own. And..if you are so sure you always make bad choices, HOW do you know this isn't one of them?

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I know He won't be around forever...He's older...older than my father...and He has diabetes...but I don't want to think about that *cries*

Miss DP I am calling for myself an personal amnesty on this topic in regards to you. If your post above is accurate to reality then I also wish you a great deal of luck and hope you survive this experience with a minimum of grief .

Oh and say hi to Jellybean from me

 

[Bandit58]

I know He won't be around forever...He's older...older than my father...and He has diabetes...but I don't want to think about that *cries*

Hmmmm.....if you can't take care of yourself how will you take care of this Dom when he needs you to.....believe me taking care of a diabetic is hard work

 

[doll_parts85]

Hmmmm..He has all of this control over you and yet you have no idea what to expect when you meet Him?? i don't think you are going to pay a bit of attention to anything anyone on this thread says to you. i'm concerned that you are giving yourself over to this man and you know nothing about him really. also, you didn't answer my question..how long have you been 'together' ? just knowing what He wants 'sexually' is not enough, especially if you are 'allowing' Him to control every part of your everyday life. you say you'll ask him for more details when you find the time..wtf?? didn't you negotiate things before you submitted to Him? or did you just say, oh ok, you look like a cool Dominant, you now have complete control over me? *shrugs* i just don't get it. i'm curious, how old are you? and then i'll ask the same question again, how long have you been together?

I'm 21. He's 46. We've been talking about...gosh I'm not even sure...5-6 months?

 

[StarlitLillith]

I'm 21. He's 46. We've been talking about...gosh I'm not even sure...5-6 months?

Thats it? You make him sound like he's going to be turning 80. 46 is the same age as my father....So really, you want a daddy to take care of you all the way around. Just because you've been talking for 5-6 months doesn't really mean that you know him or know what you're getting into.