My Girlfriend Violated Me!!!!

[KillerMuffin]

I'm ashamed of you people.

It's rape.

Non-consensual sex of any sort is rape no matter who is doing it or how it's being done.

It is easily feasible that a man could sleep through a slim, lubed, and warmed viberator getting stuck in his ass. Some men are sound sleepers. He didn't ask for it and he didn't want it, therefore it's non-consensual and it's rape.

It takes a lot of guts for a man to admit to being sexually violated because that's a stigma against his masculinity that's hard to overcome.

And you're telling him he should be thankful for being raped. He should be thankful that he has a girlfriend so willing to try new things that she'll do things to him without his permission.

Aren't you all just the nicest people. Rape is rape. Period. I don't blame the guy for blowing it off like it was no big deal after the reception he got here.

Kevin, if I were you, I'd get out of that relationship. First she does things to you without your consent and then pretends everything is okay because she wants to try new things. She should have asked first. Trust and communication are two of the most vital things in a loving relationship and she forewent the latter and destroyed the former.

You can't look at her without feeling sick to your stomach, you probably can't stand to have her touch you, and you probably don't fall asleep with her very easily anymore. Ditch the rapist bitch. You have been sexually abused and no one has the right to do it to you. No one has the right to tell you that you should be thankful that you were raped. You have nothing to be ashamed of, it's not your fault, and you most certainly shouldn't be thankful because you have someone else's idea of a fantasy.

Get of there before she does something else to you. And do yourself a tremendous favor, talk to someone about it soon.

 

[petrel]

Re: I'm ashamed of you people.

It's rape.

Non-consensual sex of any sort is rape no matter who is doing it or how it's being done.

It is easily feasible that a man could sleep through a slim, lubed, and warmed viberator getting stuck in his ass. Some men are sound sleepers. He didn't ask for it and he didn't want it, therefore it's non-consensual and it's rape.

It takes a lot of guts for a man to admit to being sexually violated because that's a stigma against his masculinity that's hard to overcome.

..

i have to agree with KMuffin up to a point. If he had previuosly tried having a finger inserted into his ass and didn't like it and then woke up to having a dildo up there - well some people would feel violated, whats more important is his feelings about it. She is shrugging it off and he (possibly to save pride) seems to be doing the same. Sit down and talk to your g/f kevin tell her that you feel sick now when you think about that and that you feel she betrayed your trust.

i had an experience once when my partner strated doing soemthing to me that we had tlaked about (fanatsy) i thought i would love it but actually i began to feel as if i was being raped - i told my partner he stopped and we talked through how i had felt. we have guidlines, and anyone engaging in erotic play should have too.

you should always tell your partner when you feel unhappy with soemthing and make it clear that difference between - mmm, yeha but i'd prefer it if you did x and no under no circumstnaces do that to me it makes me feel uck.

I would hope that what happened was that she got turned on by the idea of surprising you and taking control through anal play. She knew it wasn't your favourite acitivity but as so many men do enjoy it she figured that you woudl get turned on by the surprise and excitment of wking up to your girlfriend squirming aorund sexily ont he bed with you.

when you woke up and were horrified she didn't know what to do so hid - its that awful feelign of giving soemone a present you thought they would love and they hate it.

please talk to each other and sort this out

 

[seth6138]

dont be mad, be glad

Ive had my best orgasms while my lady has her finger in my ass...buy dam you must be some sound sleeper, or maybe yet..quit drinking!

 

[girl]

Okay, now I'm venturing into a more controversial post...

I don't think that it was rape, per se, but it was definitely non-consensual and so there's a lot there that needs to be worked out between the two people involved.

If a couple are in bed and the man begins fingering the woman and she wakes up and pushes him away, not wanting him to do that and he stops, is that rape?

I don't think it is. Yes, it was non-consensual, but he stopped when she said to stop. The idea of someone taking offense at my attempt to wake them up pleasurably and it being termed rape if they end up not liking it would absolutely deter me from ever trying to wake someone up by touching him/her. The fact that Kevin's girlfriend stopped and pretended to be asleep indicates that she was embarrassed and/or there are communication issues within the relationship and she didn't feel comfortable being confronted about her behavior.

It sounds to me like she has a fantasy about anal with her man on the receiving end, or she's convinced that if he just gives it a real chance, he'll like it. Realistically, there are an awful lot of guys who are so mentally tight about the idea of anal sex on them, they can't actually give it a real try. And it can be an amazingly pleasurable thing for a man, given the placement of the prostate.

At any rate, I think judging her as a rapist is a bit harsh. I think it's more accurate to accuse her of poor judgment and fear of expression.

My .02,
girl

 

[P. B. Walker]

Is there really a difference between his girlfriend sneaking a little dildo up his ass (or even a finger) while he sleeps and her tying him up and putting a huge strap-on up there and fucking him while he sleeps. Either way, he didn't get to give his opinion. To me, this little "invasion" was the same as her tying him up while he slept and then pounding his ass with a 8 inch strap-on dildo. It's rape. There are no "degrees" of rape.

I read this thread and all I see are these guys saying what a lucky bastard this guy is to have a girl willing to fuck his ass. Do you guys not see that maybe, just maybe, he might not want his ass fucked? LOL. There are some of us out there that don't particularly enjoy this activity. All you guys say you love it, but I can pretty much assume that you either asked your woman to do it, or else she asked you if she could do it. Put yourself in his place. Having never had his ass touched and never wanting it touched, and to suddenly wake up with a dildo up your ass. I'd say there would be some "bitch slapping" in order... cus my french. lol.

Just another 2 worthless cents...

- PBW

 

[girl]

There are no "degrees" of rape.

Of course there are degrees to rape. Can you really equate someone waking up to their SO with an errant finger where s/he preferred there be none to a man, woman, child getting snatched off the sidewalk, dragged to an alleyway and raped til s/he can't even stand up? There is no comparison. Yes, the person whose SO slid something inside during sleep nonconsensually was violated, but I doubt it will bring nightmares, phobias and anxiety to his/her life in general for decades to come. Yes, it may very well split up the current relationship and cause some trust issues in the future, but to say that it's equal to the physical and mental trauma experienced by a person who was violently raped is misguided, at best.

Another .02 into the pot,
girl

 

[shescurious]

Ok so maybe there are different degrees of rape but does that make one degree any better than the other, one degree more acceptable than the other? I think not. Bottom line this man felt violated. It is time to move on to another relationship especially if she knew beforehand that he did not like anything up his ass. Relationships are about respecting one another. She obvioulsy does not respect him.

 

[girl]

Of course it doesn't make what she did more acceptable. Yes, she violated his body, his space, his trust and probably a whole slew of other things. However, my point was, that I wouldn't term her a rapist. I just think it's entirely too harsh, because rape is a crime of power, not sex. The fact that she feigned sleep, to me, tells me that there's something less than power in what she was doing. I can envision a totally different mindset for her...beyond the manipulative rapist.

None of us has all the details on this relationship, which is another reason labeling her a rapist seems a bit extreme, based on our limited knowledge, to me.

Now up to .06,
girl

 

[SweetBrat73]

I just have to say I agree with girl. Personally I think ya'll are going way overboard with the rape thing. If he doesn't consider it rape then it's not.

I've done the same thing to my SO btw. He slept through the whole thing so it is possible He actually snored!!! LoL And he never got off, never moved, nothing!!! So I just put it all up and told him about it the next day. He still doesn't believe it ever happened. That's a man for ya though...never here when ya need em to be

 

[P. B. Walker]

This is almost laughable

It seems that since this was a guy being violated it's no big deal and there's no way it can be considered rape. If the roles were reversed, the woman would be crying date rape and could go to the police. It doesn't matter how much you philosophize about this situation, it's still an unconsenting violation.

- PBW

 

[girl]

At what point did I say it wasn't rape because he is a man? You're making this into a gender issue and it's not. By your logic, anyone who touches another person while sleeping is committing an act of rape. I say that's wrong. I say that's overreacting in the extreme. Now, if he had woken up to her forcing him down and fucking him while he struggles and says, "No!", then, yes, it would be rape. However, something done without consent does not necessarily equate to rape. There was no force involved. There was no overpowering. There was no carrying on beyond his objection.

If a man and a woman are on a date and he tries to feel her up, she says no and he stops...is this rape? Certainly not. If you're laying with you gf/wife and she's sleeping, say you decide to wake her up with a nice gentle fuck. You didn't get her consent. By your definition, you are raping her.

It has nothing to do with gender, though had I really wanted to throw that card, as you keep accusing me, I would have told you at the beginning that it could not have been rape, because the definition of rape is intercourse with a woman, by a man without consent, by force or deception. By definition, your argument is out the window. But I didn't do that. Why? Because I wasn't playing the gender card.

Almost a dime now,
girl

 

[P. B. Walker]

What kinda crack are you smokin?

By definition a woman can't rape a man? What?! That's bullshit ('cuse my french). My dictionary (it's a pocket paperback version, but it'll do since it contains at least 75,000 entries) says: forcible sexual relations, whether with a female or male. A woman can definitely rape a man. To think otherwise is silly.

Part of your definition says "without consent, by force or deception". Your argument that no "force" was used doesn't matter. He was asleep, she didn't have to use force (except to probably ram the dildo up his unprepared asshole). This is similar to those date-rapes that we hear about in the news where they slip the vicitim a drug so they lose their inhibitions/willpower to resist and don't remember anything afterward. I mean, what's the difference between a heavy, deep sleeper who doesn't know they are getting assfucked and someone that get's slipped a "mickey"? Nothing. In both cases no force is required, no resistence is put forth, the vicitim has no opportunity to even say NO, and more than likely will not remember the incident afterward. This was a total unconsenting violation... no if's and's or but's about it.

Let me ask you this... say you were either a heavy sleeper or you'd had one too many one night at the bar. I help you home and put you to bed. The next day I tell you that while you were sleeping, I disrobed you and fucked you. Is that rape? Yes I think you'd say it was. But I never forced you and you never said no. And, btw, this situation works whether the raper is a man or a woman (Yes, men can get it up when they are drunk). So the fact that no force was used or someone wasn't overpowered doesn't always mean there was no rape.

The reason I tossed out the "gender card" is that after reading the initial posts on this thread everyone was saying what a lucky guy he was for having a woman willing to do this to him. You can pretty much guarantee that if this thread had been started by a woman nobody would be arguing whether or not this was rape.

I've said my peace...

- PBW

 

[girl]

Re: What kinda crack are you smokin?

First, assuming I'm smoking crack is a leap of faith that is both improbable and irrelevent. I'm only disputing what you're saying, not insulting you. I'd appreciate the same respect.

By definition a woman can't rape a man? What?! That's bullshit ('cuse my french). My dictionary (it's a pocket paperback version, but it'll do since it contains at least 75,000 entries) says: forcible sexual relations, whether with a female or male. A woman can definitely rape a man. To think otherwise is silly.

I was quoting Merriam Webster. You can go to ww.m-w.com if you'd like and look it up. I accept your definition, as well, because I believe that men can be raped also. Talk to any inmate. You will also find, however, that most states' laws follow the MW definition for rape cases. Some have been updated, but most still follow the male raping female aspect.

Part of your definition says "without consent, by force or deception". Your argument that no "force" was used doesn't matter. He was asleep, she didn't have to use force (except to probably ram the dildo up his unprepared asshole).

I didn't see anything about his asshole being dry. That's an assumption that we don't have info on.

This is similar to those date-rapes that we hear about in the news where they slip the vicitim a drug so they lose their inhibitions/willpower to resist and don't remember anything afterward. ...*snip* In both cases no force is required, no resistence is put forth, the vicitim has no opportunity to even say NO, and more than likely will not remember the incident afterward. This was a total unconsenting violation... no if's and's or but's about it.

The difference is massive. Someone who slips a mickey into someone else's drink is deliberately committing a crime. There is no ability to give consent, so consent is assumed to not be given. Two lovers sleeping together is a completely different situation.

Let me ask you this... say you were either a heavy sleeper or you'd had one too many one night at the bar. I help you home and put you to bed. The next day I tell you that while you were sleeping, I disrobed you and fucked you. Is that rape? Yes I think you'd say it was. But I never forced you and you never said no. And, btw, this situation works whether the raper is a man or a woman (Yes, men can get it up when they are drunk). So the fact that no force was used or someone wasn't overpowered doesn't always mean there was no rape.

Yes, you're right, I would say it was rape, assuming we were not in an intimate relationship. If we were in an intimate relationship, I would not term it rape, so much as I would term it nonconsensual. And I'd certainly dump you immediately afterward. The difference, in this situation, is that there could possibly be more than one reason she did it. In order for a rape charge to stick in court there has to be 'intent' in the mind of the rapist. Do you really think that your lover is intending to violate you if she touches your ass while you're sleeping? In my opinion, what makes more sense (especially in light of the girl trying to fake sleep after he woke up) is that she thinks it's something he'll like if he only gives it an honest try...and so she thinks that if she gets him hot that way, he might come around. And he wakes up, freaks out and she gets scared and feigns sleep. That sounds more plausible than she just decided she wanted to fuck him up the ass whether he wanted to or not. Her intent is what's important and we can't know her intent. Based on just her actions, I cannot, in good faith, call the woman a rapist. Sorry. I just can't.

You can pretty much guarantee that if this thread had been started by a woman nobody would be arguing whether or not this was rape.

You'd be wrong then. I would be arguing this same issue if it was a woman. I've known women who woke up to...well, not this exact thing, because it was a finger, not a vibrator. It wasn't rape to me then, either. It was their man wanting them to try something that they weren't comfortable doing and him trying to "show her" that if she just tried it....

And to reiterate, I've never said that this isn't an important issue, that she wasn't out of line, or anything of the sort. She did violate him and she did do something without consent. It doesn't equate to rape, in my opinion, that's all. They definitely need to work on their communication and she'll have to work on earning his trust back again.

Thanks for the debate. It was fun and my apologies if I didn't make as much sense as earlier...I really should get some sleep...
girl

 

[Guest]

Go with it buddy, you dont know what your missing out on , my wife of 10 yrs loves to play with my arse and even us a strap on on me and I can say that they are some of the most intensive orgasims Ive had.

 

[Rhyxivar]

Yikes! This thing as snowballed

You know everybody has been talking about rape and non consent but there is something much more flagrant going on that sees to have slipped under people's radar but here goes...

We haven't been hearing anything about HER ass. Maybe she likes it up there and he thinks it's yucky and she craves it. We don't know all the facts. We only one person's (might I add, biased) opinion and yet we are sitting here comfy in front of our computers calling this over-eager young girl a rapist.

Sounds to me like she's afraid of him!

We judge others as we judge ourselves usually and we tend to do things to others in bed that we like to have do to ourselves in return. Taking that into account along with his behavior it only leave one thing and unfortunately it's always the same thing:

There is a lack of communication going on...
She wants something!
It could be attention.
It could be experimentation.
Hell, it could just be to see if she can get away with it!

Who knows!... Actually, she knows.

So finnaly they open up to each other there is the semblace of communication blooming and what does our friend do...

He laughs at her!

Smooth move bad boy! Now you'll never know why. Or did you even care?!

By doing that he didn't solve anything. He's just inviting a bigger dildo in his butt.

Oh and here's a little post-sciptum for the Killermuffin-ator:

Tolerance doesn't seem very high on your list, does it? The first thing you do is tell the poor boy to dump her without even trying to talk it out and of knowing why.

I guess dumping people is much easier than sitting down and trying to understand one another, right ? 'cause if you talk to someone you could figure out that you might not be doing something right!

And nobody wants to hear that.

And as a final note to those conserned (you know who you are): would you please stop using the Websters abridged dictionary (in paperback !?) as law reference material. You guys should know better than to think that laws have anything to do with common sence or what it's definition in the dictionary is.

Buddy just talk to her and keep an open mind. Who knows what kinds of wonderful things you could get in return for actually listening instead of laughing.

 

[P. B. Walker]

Rhyxivar

I'm not sure if you were referring to me when you made your dictionary comment. I didn't start with the dictionary, nor did I make any statement as to what the "law" of our land defines as rape. I just wanted to point out that it was ridculous to think that a woman can't rape a man. Nuff said.

BTW- my dictionary isn't abridged. It's a Funk & Wagnalls Standard Dictionary in paperback form. I think it does just fine for the purposes I use it for. I'm not into having a huge ass dictionary on my desk.

- PBW

 

[Rhyxivar]

True enough-- point taken. And yes I agree it is VERY possible for a woman to rape a man. I just don't think it was the case this time around. I think it may have been her way of trying to open a dialogue... Well she opened a bit more than that but still.

And I know you didn't instigate it but waving a dictionary around when you need to be waving lawyers around is a bit of a stretch. As far as I know rape is a felony. It's like bringing a crowbar to a swordfight: sure it does the job but is it the correct tool?

We also both know that the rape laws aren't up to par either. A bit too leaniant if you ask me.

Besides it doesn't look like Kevin's going to be pressing any charges so I guess it makes the rape tangeant a non-point.

 

[The Dipsomaniac]

Maybe she thought you needed to loosen up. Maybe you need a bran muffin.

ROTFLMAO mr gbd!!!

Thats one hell of a way to get an enema!
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL etc etc etc...

 

[EAGLE_TALON812]

Theres nothing wrong (with your consent) of that... myy first was recent and i loved it. made my orgasm very very intense... now i want it all the time