Nature or Nurture

[dragonhearted]

Netzach....

Wow! so much pain I felt in your post! I was very much under my mother's thumb as a child/teenager. I never dated or went out at night. I was not allowed to use the phone without permission. The idea of receiving a call without letting them know I was expecting it would induce a raised eyebrow. Discipline was the rule and not the exception. Mom used the belt on myself and my two younger brothers. She always seemed to be angry when doing so. Yet I was told that if I resisted, I was not submitting to her authority. There were times I loved her...and times I hated her (or thought I did).

 

[Mr Blonde]

I think most of the relevant arguments have been made.

My tendencies are a part of my nature but it was probably by environment/nurture that I am now classified as being a dominant involved with BDSM. Eh, personally I would say 80% nature and 20% nurture for BDSM stuff. There are other aspects of me (outside BDSM) where I think it is 20% nature and 80% nurture. Sort of an issue by issue thing, in my opinion.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Don't think I can say my choice in thisa lifestyle was related to nurturing as my mother in particular, raised me from early childhood to see men as nothing but a necessary evil that if I was smart, I would find as she had, were not to be respected or given anything you could avoid giving them. Her severe dislike and disrespect of men continues to this day, though she finds Master is 'one of the special ones unlike the others' as she says.

My softness and submissiveness towards others seemed to have been nature as I am seen as being the 'different' one in the family with a long history dating back to early childhood of being there for anyone who was in pain. I can attribute my strength in big part to my mother though, as she preached it as a necessity to survive from the cradle I imagine. She painted a picture of her life which had all of us feeling we would never be as strong as her. Now as an adult, and in reflection, though she did survive some ordeals, she also found many too much to deal with so would find solutions which worked for her, then present them in a way which initially appeared strong. So whatever her shortcomings, and her unresolved conflicts, she has been the main one in early life to shape my strength, but not my submission.

Catalina

 

[dragonhearted]

Catalina...my mom strongly disliked my master...and he disliked her also. Then again...she has disliked pretty much every male I have ever introduced to her (except for one, who happens to be my best friend!)

 

[Arden]

This is a continuation of a discussion in the "Appeal of being sexually controlled and dominated" thread, and concerns the origins of BDSM behavior: are you born being D/s (nature) or is it something you learn to be or adopt in response to psychological influences (nurture).

Well, let me rephrase that, because all human behavior is probably a mixture of nature and nurture. Let's ask instead if one predominates over the other.

My own feeling is that it's predominantly nature: that D/s behavior is an expression of something built-in to us. Specifically, I think that D/s is like an exaggerated version of the kind of typical male-female mating behavior we see as instinctive in other animals. In D/s, the aggressive, controlling nature of the male and the passive, accepting nature of the female are both so exaggerated as to seem like charicatures of themselves.

One reason I support this is that most D/s people don't seem especially curious about the origins of their behavior. They seem to just accept it as part of who they are and go about their business. They seem to instinctively know that it's just built-in.


---dr.M.

Nature and nurture... Or both... Or is it a need to feel that one belongs to a group of people in some form?

I don't know that I buy into the "I was born a submissive" stuff that seems to be such a prevalent opinion here. We are all individuals, born with a blank slate regarding our feelings on dominance and submission. We are a product of the enviornment that we grew up in.

I would tend to say screw nature, and ask people to look more closely into how we were individually nurtured. The good aspects, the bad. None of us have had a perfect life, none of us have had perfect parents. It's what you bring out of your own upbringing, in your own mind, that shapes your future desires and needs. What you choose to do with those feelings is up to you as an individual. It's a choice.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: Nature or Nurture

Nature and nurture... Or both... Or is it a need to feel that one belongs to a group of people in some form?

I don't know that I buy into the "I was born a submissive" stuff that seems to be such a prevalent opinion here. We are all individuals, born with a blank slate regarding our feelings on dominance and submission. We are a product of the enviornment that we grew up in.

I would tend to say screw nature, and ask people to look more closely into how we were individually nurtured. The good aspects, the bad. None of us have had a perfect life, none of us have had perfect parents. It's what you bring out of your own upbringing, in your own mind, that shapes your future desires and needs. What you choose to do with those feelings is up to you as an individual. It's a choice.

While I can agree in part, I don't in whole. It does not explain those who form a particular personality or desire from an extremely young age, for instance pre school age and before exposure to others in society (pre television years and isolated community), without exposure to some or all the things they feel strongly about, nor an environment that supports, or at times even deals with or acknowledges those issues exist. These aspects fascinate me as there is no logical reasoning as to where the formative patterns began, unless you look at past lives etc., which I feel is probably not a discussion for this board.

Catalina