new poems

[Angeline]

Thank You Risia

for the mention today.

RisiaSkye said:

A very interesting and provocative prose poem by a popular favorite. Once again, she earns her reputation with a beautiful, innovatively constructed look back at childhood and the complicated nature of familial love.

Apple of His Eye by Angeline

" ...and thus I confess

that really I was crooked out of line I confess here hiding near the end of poem..."


I started that poem off thinking it was going to be a fall harvest type thing; hadn't thought about the poster contest for a long time. It never ceases to amaze me how once I begin writing, my poem takes on a life of its own and goes where it wants.

 

[RisiaSkye]

"as I hear his ego is growing at an alarming rate."

What?

You *do* know I was kidding, don't you?

And you're welcome, Blue Dolphin & Angeline.

 

[Rybka]

Bump... I bring the thread forward.

There have been quite a few good to excellent poems recently, as well as the usual preponderance of crap pretending to be worth reading.

I am only mentioning today's best (IMHO). I do not comment, only bring them to your attention. They all deserve a read.

The Circuit by Angeline

From May To September by Jazm49

My Lover by PoliteSuccubus

God, I Love Football! by sweetsubsaharahh


Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Thank You Rybka

for bringing this thread back to life and for mentioning my poem. That poem happened because I was downloading a bunch of motown songs last night--the music of my youth and then, when I saw that Free Parking thread title, it all flooded back. And no I never actually rode the "Circuit." I was not a member of either group of girls that did that: I was more the nerdy post-hippie literary pretensions type. (Oh my gosh; I just realized--I still am, lol!)

By the way, the people who actually connected at the Circuit called the big event that followed "going to the submarine races." Isn't that a great euphanism? Anyone else ever hear that?

 

[Guest]

. . . . .

 

[Rybka]

Submarine Races

By the way, the people who actually connected at the Circuit called the big event that followed "going to the submarine races." Isn't that a great euphanism? Anyone else ever hear that?

"Submarine races" was quite common. Many favorite "parking" places over look water, and of course submarines race underwater, so you can't see them anyways... so you don't even have to look. Makes perfect sense to me

Regards,                       Rybka (aka "Captain Nemo)

 

[Rybka]

Xtaabay rides again!

There are several good efforts posted today by several good writers. My favorites of the day are by Xtaabay. Her unique perspective on the world (compared to everyone else I know/read), makes her works a looked for "must read".

These are the two I liked best Contrast in Cranberry. The title speaks for the poem, excellent!

I also highly recommend you read: What has to happen...?.
As more often than not, {Except when she writes of lava lamps! } Xtaabay presents us with another gem. Incidentally, references attribute the quote to Crazy Horse at Greasy Grass. "Crazy Horse called to his men, "Ho-ka hey! It is a good day to fight!
It is a good day to die! Strong hearts, brave hearts, to the front! Weak
hearts and cowards to the rear."
But did he really say it?
He did say:
We Preferred Our Own Way of Living

"My friend, I do not blame you for this. Had I listened to you, this trouble would not have happened to me. I was not hostile to the white men. Sometimes my young men would attack the Indians who were their enemies and took their ponies. They did it in return.

We had buffalo for food, and their hides for clothing and for our teepees. We preferred hunting to a life of idleness on the reservation, where we were driven against our will. At times we did not get enough to eat, and we were not allowed to leave the reservation to hunt.

We preferred our own way of living. We were no expense to the government. All we wanted was peace and to be left alone. Soldiers were sent out in the winter, who destroyed our villages.

Then "Long Hair" (Custer) came in the same way.

They say we massacred him, but he would have done the same thing to us had we not defended ourselves and fought to the last. Our first impulse was to escape with our squaws and papooses, but we were so hemmed in that we had to fight.

After that I went up to the Tongue River with a few of my people and lived in peace. But the government would not let me alone. Finally, I came back to the Red Cloud Agency. Yet I was not allowed to remain quiet.

I was tired of fighting. I went to the Spotted Tail Agency and asked the chief and his agent to let me live there in peace. I came here with the agent (Lee) to talk with the Big White Chief but was not given a chance. They tried to confine me. I tried to escape and a soldier ran his bayonet into me.

I have spoken."

- Crazy Horse's last words, shortly after 10 pm, Sept. 5, 1877, to Indian Agent Jesse M. Lee, after having been bayoneted through the stomach while being arrested by 43 policemen.


Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Guest]

Thankyou

Wow... thanks for the ego boost, Rybka Hm... Crazy Horse, huh? I don't know... almost everything is attributed to him, but then you never know. I still think he would have preferred not to die though. I just have that nagging suspicion

What, you don't like my lavalamp poetry? *pout* Don't worry... all you need is a little time in front of a warmed-up lavalamp, and I think you'll change your mind


--Xtaabay

 

[Rybka]

Re: Lava lamp

What, you don't like my lavalamp poetry? *pout* Don't worry... all you need is a little time in front of a warmed-up lavalamp, and I think you'll change your mind

--Xtaabay

I don't like lava lamps. They were trashy in the '60s, and now they are old and trashy!
Like I said before, they remind me of puked-up pizza floating in a pitcher of warm, stale beer! I can almost smell them as well as see them!

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Cordelia]

Sorry Xtaabay...

I'm afraid I must agree with Rybka here. I hate lava lamps.

But I will allow that different tastes make the world interesting...

One man's tacky is another man's kitsch!

(hmm.....that sounds like a fortune cookie....I won't fight my heritage! )



Cordelia

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Lava lamp

I don't like lava lamps. They were trashy in the '60s, and now they are old and trashy!
Like I said before, they remind me of puked-up pizza floating in a pitcher of warm, stale beer! I can almost smell them as well as see them!

Regards,                       Rybka

Hm.... I'm thinking about this. This implies that you have actually seen pizza vomit floating in warm, stale beer. Since I have not (thankfully) ever seen that, it may explain why i like lava lamps. I suppose if I ever saw puked-up anything in a pitcher of beer I might change my mind.

--Xtaabay

 

[darkmaas]

Poetic imagery and the cult of lava lamps

Dearest Rybka

I love your alternate image to the metaphoric lavalamp. I have therefore taken the liberty of using it in lavalamp 6 to test its poetic strength of character. Substituting your metaphor results in the folowing improved version of my original humble offering.




Lava Lamp 6 Revisited

In a pale chamber
I brush my fingers
Cross your naked breast.

Behind the delta of venus,
Under parchment skin
Your loins, a puked-up pizza floating in stale warm beer
Begin to melt.

I can feel the glow
reflecting off the walls.



I realize that it doesn't scan as well but I'll keep working on that. Thanks again for the editorial help.

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Re: Lava lamp

Hm.... I'm thinking about this. This implies that you have actually seen pizza vomit floating in warm, stale beer. Since I have not (thankfully) ever seen that, it may explain why i like lava lamps. I suppose if I ever saw puked-up anything in a pitcher of beer I might change my mind.

--Xtaabay

Guess you've never been in a college bar in Oklahoma on a Saturday night after a big football game!


Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Rybka]

Re: Poetic imagery and the cult of lava lamps

Dearest Rybka

I love your alternate image to the metaphoric lavalamp. I have therefore taken the liberty of using it in lavalamp 6 to test its poetic strength of character. Substituting your metaphor results in the folowing improved version of my original humble offering.


Lava Lamp 6 Revisited

In a pale chamber
I brush my fingers
Cross your naked breast.

Behind the delta of venus,
Under parchment skin
Your loins, a puked-up pizza floating in stale warm beer
Begin to melt.

I can feel the glow
reflecting off the walls.



I realize that it doesn't scan as well but I'll keep working on that. Thanks again for the editorial help.

How about changing the last two lines?

"I can smell ripe cheese
dangling to your knees."

If God didn't want us to eat pussy, why did he make it look like a taco?

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Guest]

ew!!!!!!!!!

Darnit, you two! I just sat down to check this thread, while trying to eat my lunch. And of course, I sit down to yet another bowl of steaming turkey soup, and I see this floating vomit fest, and then, I see it incorporated into a lavalamp poem! I didn't know whether to laugh or puke! Of course, if I puke, it would be turkey, and not pizza, and it wouldn't have to float in beer because it's already in its own broth. Geez! You really know how to make lunchtime fun

--Xtaabay

 

[Rybka]

Wicked Eve don't read this! It will gross you out!

Darnit, you two! I just sat down to check this thread, while trying to eat my lunch. And of course, I sit down to yet another bowl of steaming turkey soup, and I see this floating vomit fest, and then, I see it incorporated into a lavalamp poem! I didn't know whether to laugh or puke! Of course, if I puke, it would be turkey, and not pizza, and it wouldn't have to float in beer because it's already in its own broth. Geez! You really know how to make lunchtime fun
--Xtaabay

YOU started it!
YOU used "LUGUBRIOUS" in the same sentence with "lava lamp"!

Hey, lava is Earth puke! It even sounds like it. There is "lavatory" as well as "lavage". "Lavage = The washing out of an organ, as the stomach, the intestinal tract, the sinuses." (Come to think of it, lava lamps do remind me of gooey boogers that someone blew or hawked into a beer glass. Thick fat clumps of nasal slime floating up and down as the bubbles form and lift them up until they pop and the snot globule sinks down to the bottom again only to repeat this disgusting spectacle ad nauseum!) Even "larval" brings images of crawling slimy slugs and maggots!

If you want to try something similarly disgusting, drop some green olives with pimentos into a pitcher of beer. They sink and then float up repeatedly. Looking like little eyeballs floating up and down, staring at you, in your beer. I used to see that all the time in Oklahoma. - They also used to pour a shot of tomato juice into the beer pitchers. Eeeuch!! - Consider the taste in conjunction with the sight. An acquaintance said it was like getting a golden shower from a coed on the rag.

Regards

 

[Guest]

What are you trying to do here?!?

Dearest Puke-obsessed Rybka,
Are you trying to win the gold medal for making me up-chuck?! Geez... you know, I just sat down, coming home after a long day of paperwork, brain drain, and hiking through snow. I was all ready to have a nice warm cup of tea, and of course (because I don't learn very quickly) I checked this thread and voila! There you go again, making me want to puke!!!
I have to say, I have only been in a bar twice. Both times it was a bar affiliated with the VFW, and I was only there to help drag someone home. I have never actually drank at a bar. But now I'm really sure that I never will because I don't relish the thought of bobbing olives and vomit.
I don't know... I always liked the sound of the word lava. The "L" rolls off the tongue (no puns about vomit here, please)
I always thought of it in terms of light, luz, LUGUBRIOUS (hehehe)... llama (although that is a hard one to work into a lavalamp poem)...other nice, roundish sounding words. As for lugubrious, that was to imply depression or sadness while the person in the poem was in the dark. Then, after the lighting of the glorious lavalamp, the person feels much better You see? No saltating olives, no vomit, nothing gross involved here
---Xtaabay
p.s.
You know, sometimes we resist the things that fascinate us most (i.e. you probably just don't want to admit that you like lavalamps)

 

[Teddies I like]

Ok here goes nothing

A woman of desperate need .
beads of sweat rolling down her breast.
Is this sexual I donno you guess.
Have you ever fell beneath the surface .
Felt your life fall apart?
I have been there, its not much at all.
The anxiety one feels, is too extreme.
then you wake up to find it was only a dream.

Ive ben writing since I was 11 years old and I love writing poetry.
It helps me to deal with my emotions and any negative feelings. It doesnt matter if it doesnt ryhme, or if it makes sense to anyone else . As long as you know what youre trying to say.

 

[Teddies I like]

Well what did you think

IWANT EVERYONES OPINION

 

[Guest]

Re: Ok here goes nothing

A woman of desperate need .
beads of sweat rolling down her breast.
Is this sexual I donno you guess.
Have you ever fell beneath the surface .
Felt your life fall apart?
I have been there, its not much at all.
The anxiety one feels, is too extreme.
then you wake up to find it was only a dream.

Ive ben writing since I was 11 years old and I love writing poetry.
It helps me to deal with my emotions and any negative feelings. It doesnt matter if it doesnt ryhme, or if it makes sense to anyone else . As long as you know what youre trying to say.

Hi Teddies,

I do not have a background in poetry, English, literature, or anything else that might be relevant to poetic analysis. But for what it's worth, here's my critique:
Second line: Is the sweat rolling down just one of her breasts? If not, make sure you pluralize "breast".
"I donno" is probably meant to be "I dunno". You probably want to have a pause between "sexual" and "I" in this same line, to reflect the way people would commonly say this. I suggest making a separate line for the phrase "I dunno" and another line for "You guess." These are both flat statements that hold their own.
"Have you ever fell beneath the surface" is a question, so add a question mark. You also would want to change "fell" to "fallen". You might want to add more detail here, too. Which surface? What type of surface? Describe it to us. You might even want to substitute the description of this surface in place of the word.
"I have been there, its (add an apostrophe because you want to say "it is" = it's) not much at all" You need to give your readers some sort of clarification here. (i.e. What, exactly, is "not much at all"? ) Again, description comes into play here.
"The anxiety one feels is too extreme." I would, again, choose the route of description rather than statement. Describe the feeling of anxiety, describe the extremity of it. Description is much more vivid than statement.

These are just some of my suggestions. If you check my poetry you'll see that I'm a mediocre poet, so I don't have much in the line of guidance for you. And please don't take my critique as a discouragement. It is not meant to be.

--Xtaabay

 

[Cloudbrst9]

[delete]

[delete]

 

[Teddies I like]

lmao

Damn I just got done with an English class too . It was about be concrete and clarity (alot of writing in this class...ughhh) I do appreciate you pointing these things out to me. i don't take them as a discouragement.... Omg I hate see my English140 class..hehe. Thank you Xtaabay For your input ...

In other words Xtaabay is it goodd?

 

[Guest]

Re: lmao

Damn I just got done with an English class too . It was about be concrete and clarity (alot of writing in this class...ughhh) I do appreciate you pointing these things out to me. i don't take them as a discouragement.... Omg I hate see my English140 class..hehe. Thank you Xtaabay For your input ...

In other words Xtaabay is it goodd?

Hehe... It's only as good as you think it is Poetry is not objective, and neither is passing a judgement of "good" or "bad". The better question to ask here is "Are YOU happy with your poem?"

Xtaabay

 

[Teddies I like]

Happy or not Happy

I am very much happy with it ,but if that was a book or a short storie I would have to do some proofreading very closely
Thanxs again

 

[Guest]

Been a while.........

Since I've stuck my own head in the poetry door.......

I can see I've got some reading to catch up on.....especially from Risiaskye, sweetsubsara, rybka, wicked....just to name a few of my fav authors.

So gang...as it's so DAMN difficult getting anyone to read, let alone vote on anything.....if you give Thesandman a list of poems you'd like me to go have some fun reading (especially while I've got the time tonight) let me know and I'll go have a read/a thought...and a vote for ya.

I remain,