new poems

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Poems that caught my eye: 12/15/02

And How Was Your Day? by Neco Apreal.

Originally posted by Neco Apreal
Ok, half of what you said makes little to no sense to me. I have no clue what a eco-non-activist is or what the infinite regress theme is or whatever.

And in lieu of misspelled words I have proofed it a few times but this poem was originally used for and intended to be spoken rather than read. At the time, I competed in poetry slams around teh globe and when you hear something, it doesn't really matter what it looks like on paper.

By infinite regress I meant that you have created a time loop which endlessly recycles, like the movie Groundhog Day. (I think that's the one I mean.) Or like Yogi is reputed to have said, "It's deja vu all over again".
I also stated that your speaker is aware of ecological (and social) problems but does nothing about them. Consequently ever day seems the same, etc.

Here (with your permission) is a quick proof and edit of your poem. Please feel free to reject in part or total, or use any of it as a starting point if you wish to do a rewrite and make it a poem intended to be read by others.

Regards,                       Rybka

And How Was Your Day?
by Neco Apreal ©

I awaken to the sound of bulldozers outside my window.
Where have all the crickets gone?
I shower in the acid rain that I helped create, then dress in my clothes made by an immigrant in a sweatshop.
I grind my gourmet coffee beans picked by infant hands, percolate, then down the sweet output.
I walk downstairs to my ozone depleter and drive over the graves of every man, woman, and child who came before me.
Past the homeless
past the beaten
past the tortured
past the cold
past the hungry
I venture
downtown.

I pull into the concrete corral and step out onto my great-great grandfather's tomb.
I walk quietly and willingly into the iridescence.
The greeter at the door offers me a buggy.
I walk through the crowd to the dope aisle and grab a bottle of emotional balance form the shelf.
I then head over to get a box of LIFE to eat for breakfast
What do you know?
It's new and improved.
I'm herded into line.
The man in front of me counts out coins to pay for the latest wonder drug;
a pill to make him want his wife again.
When it's my turn,
I hand the cashier my life's blood and she counts back my change.
I walk out the door past the man paid to thank me for shopping at Walmart Supercenter.
The natural light hurts my eyes.

I hop into my car and plow down the street past Schwels where they are having their first ever Titanic sale.
Maybe that's what they called it when the families of the deceased sold the victims' belongings.

I return to my controlled environment,
eat my cereal,
vomit,
and watch the tube for a few hours.

I laugh at the trailer trash on Jerry Springer as they cuss in front of their children and throw things.
It's my favorite show.
Time for the female porn on NBC,
Days of our Lives.
After waiting to see who fucked who today,
I go to get some lunch.

I wait in the drive-thru of the single mother who barely makes enough money to feed her children,
then head back home to enjoy my flame-broiled flesh.
I drive past the local slaughter house and wonder who is screaming inside.
By the time I get home,
my burger is cold.
I stick it in the microwave, watch the carousel rotate, and increase my chances of cancer.

Ding!
It's ready.
I gobble down the bacteria and relieve myself shortly thereafter.
I wash my hands in anti-bacterial soap so that I can promote virus growth.
I lay on my couch and soon fall under the spell of the television.

What time is it?
Oh shit, I'm late.
I rush to get ready.

I cover my face in horse and aborted baby fetus to make myself look beautiful.
I have to make sure that my date will try to get into my pants.
I slip into my short, black dress
the anorexic look is in this year.
I answer the door on the third knock so that I don't seem too eager.
He tells me how beautiful I look and hands me a bouquet of roses that will last longer than our relationship.
He politely escorts me to his car and we drive for a while.

Silence.

We watch obscene images flash across the screen for a few hours then head to dinner.
We order.
Wine first,
then the entree.
I pick at it like a bird,
excuse myself,
then rid my body of what I did eat.
Now for dessert

we shortchange the college boy with bad acne and head back to my place.
We barely speak before I put my faith into a thin piece of rubber.
He cums.
He goes.
He promises to call.
I drift into sleep and dream that I am eating ripe, juicy peaches.


I awaken to the sound of bulldozers outside my window.
Where have all the crickets gone?
I shower in the acid rain. . .

 

[JUDO]

New 12-16-02

Poems that caught my eye. - Judo
---------------------------------------------------
A big, fun "hello" in celebration of a small moment

My gaze drawn within
Lights of gold, red and green
Streaking into that endless night
A star! Bursting bombast

The Anti-Typical Malefic Poem
by
malefic©

---------------------------------------------------
A first post about a first meet? Too many 'ings, 'but worth a read aloud.

The pelvis is dancing to a primal drumbeat.
Seeking and entering, gentle and in secret
Plunging to depths…
The entryway to the soul opens involuntarily.

Hunger
by
BBPrince©
---------------------------------------------------
Some fun emotional imagery by a first-post poet

Maybe you'll find a fault in yourself never once seen
Maybe you'll discover a better decision you could of made,
And all the while, the shame you drag and the guilt you burden grow heavier
Only to reach it's terminus and leave you sprawled in broken emotional pieces.

The What If Postulate
by
Gr1m R3aper©

---------------------------------------------------
Interesting metrical feel when read. Payoff could be improved, but worth a second look. New poet.

Round you, round high and low
Full, round globes of woman’s best
Behind is full and smooth divided
Above and below, you exude the lust

Exude the Lust
by
Stephen7©

---------------------------------------------------
Would be nice lyrics.

I looked into her eyes of black
And saw the passion that I myself lack,

I looked into her eyes one last time
And realized that everything would be jus fine.

I looked Into Her Eyes
by
homerjay©

---------------------------------------------------
NOTICE: We are striving to revive and make alive the 'new poems' thread in the Poetry Forum. Several of us have adopted and signed-up for days to review and list the poems that stand-out to those reviewing. Enjoy and participate, if you wish.

 

[JUDO]

Is anyone going to pick up Tuesdays (you can always alternate with a friend) or Thursdays?

Also, I'd love to see more feedback posted. (Yes, even if your poem is not listed). Many of the poets from Monday were first-time poet posts. Did you guys read them? I sent them all invites to the Forum (providing they can find it).


- Judo

 

[malefic]

Is anyone going to pick up Tuesdays (you can always alternate with a friend) or Thursdays?

Also, I'd love to see more feedback posted. (Yes, even if your poem is not listed). Many of the poets from Monday were first-time poet posts. Did you guys read them? I sent them all invites to the Forum (providing they can find it).


- Judo

The forum itself isn't really that hard to find, it just takes a bit of looking. Which I suppose could be discerned as being difficult to find. Curses! Foiled again.

Nows...about the Tuesday/Thursday thing- whats the requirements for perusal of stuff? I may be interested...heh

Malefic


"Sacred cow makes the best hamburger."

 

[karmadog]

OK. I'll do Tuesdays. I usually know when it's Tuesday.

 

[karmadog]

Wait, I take that back. I'm far too unreliable. Besides, I'm a doofus with a variable attitude. I might list everything one time, then bitch about how everything sucks the next time. I promise to pitch in on occasion, though.

 

[JUDO]

The forum itself isn't really that hard to find, it just takes a bit of looking. Which I suppose could be discerned as being difficult to find. Curses! Foiled again.

Nows...about the Tuesday/Thursday thing- whats the requirements for perusal of stuff? I may be interested...heh

Malefic


"Sacred cow makes the best hamburger."

Well, this is how I look at it, malefic. The new poems thread is a place where a reviewer can post anything they like or dislike about the new poems posted each day.

For example, Monday there were about twenty or so new poems and that seems to be somewhere around the average new poems posted each day. I read through each of them, voted on each of them, and posted links and tidbits of the ones that spoke to me.

I typically give little one-liner reviews of poems, and note any 'new' poets posting for the first time.

If I post someone's poem in the new poems thread, I send them a little note through Lit to come and check out their review in the Poetry Forum.

* * *

There are no requierments other than, if you commit to one day a week, or one day period, you have to do it. If you don't, there is nothing I can do about it, but I will think less of you as a person.

Other than that, it's the best way I know to get more poets interested in poetry and get our forum to grow.

Interested?


- Judo

 

[JUDO]

Wait, I take that back. I'm far too unreliable. Besides, I'm a doofus with a variable attitude. I might list everything one time, then bitch about how everything sucks the next time. I promise to pitch in on occasion, though.

DOOFUS DOGGUS!

Yeah, and the rest of us have finished years of psychological review to get as balanced as we are. Too bad you're not, huh?

Pbbbbt!
- Judo

 

[karmadog]

Actually, I blame the psychanababbylus for all of my problems. I was a great kid until we had to go to family therapy. The 'therapist/analyst' told me I was an unreliable doofus. I've been living down to expectations ever since.

 

[malefic]

Well, this is how I look at it, malefic. The new poems thread is a place where a reviewer can post anything they like or dislike about the new poems posted each day.

For example, Monday there were about twenty or so new poems and that seems to be somewhere around the average new poems posted each day. I read through each of them, voted on each of them, and posted links and tidbits of the ones that spoke to me.

I typically give little one-liner reviews of poems, and note any 'new' poets posting for the first time.

If I post someone's poem in the new poems thread, I send them a little note through Lit to come and check out their review in the Poetry Forum.

* * *

There are no requierments other than, if you commit to one day a week, or one day period, you have to do it. If you don't, there is nothing I can do about it, but I will think less of you as a person.

Other than that, it's the best way I know to get more poets interested in poetry and get our forum to grow.

Interested?


- Judo

As long as there are no certain time requirements I can offer a day- I work in the mornings, and don't get access to the site until later in the afternoon currently. I may offer one day right now, because I am in the midst of a move and may (gasp) lose access to the internet in the interim....

M

 

[WickedEve]

Did anyone do Tues. I don't think so...
OT is suppose to do today (Wed.)
I'll check Tues poems in a little bit and see if there are any must-read (IMO) ones.

 

[WickedEve]

12-17-02

I read the poems for Tuesday. There are no "bad" poems but a couple caught my attention more than the rest.

Pop Culture
by malefic ©

Airwolf, Knight Rider, those Duke Boys
Wizards and Warriors, short lived show
Battlestar Galactica, Buck and Wilma too
What's a Daggit? Ewok? Chewbacca too?

There are so many things that one could mention about pop culture, and I think malefic listed some fun memories. Pop Culture is worth a read if you like to say, "Oh yeah, I remember that!"


Totems Call
by silken_dreammaid ©

The bear knows my name;
in the long winter sleep
before nature's reviving.

The salmon knows my name;
along the upward rivers
to life's surviving.

This is a nice poem. If you have any interest in totems, you may enjoy Totems Call.


Give all the new poems a look and let us know what you like!

 

[JUDO]

Nice work, malefic and silken_dreammaid. Thanks to WE for keeping the fires burning.


- Judo

 

[malefic]

Re: 12-17-02

I read the poems for Tuesday. There are no "bad" poems but a couple caught my attention more than the rest.

No, no- I think I can honestly say that "Bone" really bit. As the author I reserve the right to say that about my own work.
See, the problem is roughly three years ago I was in the midst of a move, and knew nothing about sites like this one. And while moving, your getting rid of things that you feel you have no need for, like I did with all of my poetry.
I must have had, easily 300 poems. Of that number maybe 50 were good, and maybe 10 were really good. Bone, or the original Bone was a very interesting concept, something that I had the inspiration for after reading a Batman comic book. I could probably recreate the poem correctly if I were to read that comic again, but I chose this path and made something subpar. (At least to me)
Thanks for the thoughts on Pop Culture though- that's been in my head for a couple weeks now, and actually will probably earn itself a revision in the future.

Malefic
"Sacred cow makes the best hamburger."

 

[Rybka]

A Poem Worth Reading - 12/18/02

It is not "my day" to review, but in the distorted eye of a fish, this poem is the most interesting.
This poet has been a contributor for quite awhile, but has been silent recently. She has several poems in the "Top" list, so I always read whatever she submits, if only to try and figure out what it is about work that reader's really like. WithMan, You've Got A Hole In Your Head, Littlemissblair demonstrates why.
While there are a few phrases/lines that are not perfect (or, at least that I would change), this is a good poem, worth wider distribution than Literotica provides. - Give it a read, and at least a 4 vote.

Man, You've Got A Hole In Your Head

I'm cleared for a flight of fancy
the courts have made it so
the years of misery I endured
the days of constant woe.


I feel so young, I spread my wings
like life before I wed
I thought that freedom forever gone
till I shot him in the head.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[OT]

Wednesday's Picks

A few notes on some of the new poems ...

-----

Twas The Night Before X-mas by VeryHappyHubby

You've probably already read a million variations of this classic,
you might as well make it a million and one.

-----

The Dancer by frantici

Even though I'm not a fan of the (Sonnet-Like ) form, the wordsmith in me likes anything that's crafted.

... and tell me this line doesn't roll off your tongue and sound cool:

"Faith in this lust paints my portrait as liar"


(I'm not a sonnet aficionado, so forgive me if either it's nothing like a sonnet or if it's clearly a sonnet and I'm too ignorant to identify it as such.)

-----

forbidden desire by femmepen

some good lines jumped out at me:

"The way we are watched drives me wet."

and

"The next day all the layers stay intact
If no words are spoken then nothing happened
He has a true love and I only dream."


-----

Naughty Neighbors by jazm49

If you are in the mood for a good fun rhyme, try this one.


-----

At the sink by silken_dreammaid

I really like this one.
It has a simple/subtle sadness that I missed on first reading.
I've re-read it several times and like it better each time I re-read it.
The last line at first seemed out of place, but upon further review, I like it.

----

Usual caveats apply -- I'm just a reader with an opinion.
If you read and have an opinion, then by golly you have all of the qualification to review new poems.
Jump in.

 

[JUDO]

Hey! OT, WE and Rybka, I hope you also sent PMs to the authors that you reviewed here to let them know they were included. If not, please do. It only takes a moment.

TY.


- Judo

 

[frantici]

The Dancer

Just to say thanks for commenting on my poem, I am glad you liked it enough to lead people to read it
And to clear up the question of sonnets... a sonnet is a verse with 14 lines, so no it isnt one, BUT Shakespeare always wrote his sonnets in Iambic Pentameter (10 beats to each line) and this poem follows that rule, so yeah, there is a sonnet link. And I know its a bit pretentious but I have written the same sort of comfy poetry for so long, and this was my attempt to branch out and experiment a little by doing something different (wish I could do the free verse stuff, but sadly it always sounds sadly lacking!!)

 

[malefic]

Re: The Dancer

Just to say thanks for commenting on my poem, I am glad you liked it enough to lead people to read it
And to clear up the question of sonnets... a sonnet is a verse with 14 lines, so no it isnt one, BUT Shakespeare always wrote his sonnets in Iambic Pentameter (10 beats to each line) and this poem follows that rule, so yeah, there is a sonnet link. And I know its a bit pretentious but I have written the same sort of comfy poetry for so long, and this was my attempt to branch out and experiment a little by doing something different (wish I could do the free verse stuff, but sadly it always sounds sadly lacking!!)

See that's odd for me- I in turn, am amazed when people can follow Iambic Pentameter or even write in Haiku. I have been writing in free verse and ignoring rules for so long it's alien to me to try anything else.

Malefic
"sacred cow makes the best hamburger"

 

[WickedEve]

Hey! OT, WE and Rybka, I hope you also sent PMs to the authors that you reviewed here to let them know they were included. If not, please do. It only takes a moment.

TY.


- Judo

Darn, I forgot! Well, malefic found his. I need to send a note to silken dreammaid.

 

[malefic]

Darn, I forgot! Well, malefic found his. I need to send a note to silken dreammaid.

I (ah, err, uhm) check this often now....you could actually manage to not send anything to me and I'd still check...

Sigh- well, i'm off to see Two Towers
I suppose I'll check again 3 hours or so from now

Malefic
"While the master parable teller lies mortally insulted, he wonders how he ever expected to establish a moral link between Billy Idol and penguins. Meanwhile, the world turns foolishly on and ants tickle his butt."

 

[silken_dreammaid]

Thank you

Just to say thanks for noticing and noting my poems on this thread.
Mindless chores like doing the dishes are great times for thinking up verses and phrases.
Will be making this a regular stop in my wanderings and hopes this thread lives long and prospers.
Thanks again,
silken.

 

[JUDO]

Re: The Dancer

Just to say thanks for commenting on my poem, I am glad you liked it enough to lead people to read it
And to clear up the question of sonnets... a sonnet is a verse with 14 lines, so no it isnt one, BUT Shakespeare always wrote his sonnets in Iambic Pentameter (10 beats to each line) and this poem follows that rule, so yeah, there is a sonnet link. And I know its a bit pretentious but I have written the same sort of comfy poetry for so long, and this was my attempt to branch out and experiment a little by doing something different (wish I could do the free verse stuff, but sadly it always sounds sadly lacking!!)

Thanks for sharing your first post with us, F. Keep playing with words and forms and one day, out of the blue, some words will flow that make their own sense and you'll be posting free verse. Seems like that stuff can't be planned, it just occurs.

Look around our threads, old and new, there's lots to inspire.


- Judo

 

[femmepen]

Appreciated

I greatly appreciate your mention on one of my first submissions. It is quite raw to delve into a world with your skin cast aside, yet this site has only been positive in its responses and critiques. Thank you again and wish all a wonderful New and Titilating Year.

 

[Angeline]

New Poem Picks for 12/19 & 20

Dying Stage
by silken_dreammaid


Mute scenery stands like sentinels
in tattered and neglected sighs,
frozen with age and rusted,
dust hiding their painted pride,
a grey memorial.

All the world’s a stage in this bittersweet little gem that looks back at an actor’s life.



Las Cuevas Waves ( Song Lyrics) by Bluemist

In the morning of my dreams I stood
And from a single Rose there came a flood
Of life’s longings and desires, all simply understood.
I never knew a love so good
Oh be the one, who lets me be the man I should.

This is not a poem, but a lyric from one of three songs submitted by the author. It sounds lovely.



The Beach by Malefic

My mind drifts across the dunes,
Spiralling on the breeze
Gull wings spread and tip, eddies supporting
I dance with the crabs, amongst the waves
The oceans calls to me
I swim with the porpoise, so wild and free


Malefic really nails it with this one. It’s filled with vivid evocative imagery that pulls you into the world of the poem.


Up Came the Group Sex by JUDO

First comes the stuffing
Of little Nell,
"Oh, dear Santa,
Fill me well!"
She shakes like a dolly
That laughs and cries.
Then comes dear Santa,
Right in her eyes.

Our pal JUDO is up to her usual no good in this hilarious parody of Up on a Rooftop. And if you think little Nell is having a hot Christmas, wait till you read about Will. I can’t wait for Jingle Boob's--er I mean JUDO's-- rendition of Here Comes Santa Claus.