new poems

[Cordelia]

new poems 7/17/03

Sorry for the late review. I read them all, and I can only recommend two:

~~~~~~~
Jaded by Maria2394 ©

This one deserved the "E" it got. It's short, so I won't post an excerpt. Go read it!

~~~~~~~
also guests of Great Dane garden by Palau ©

I love slices of time. This is a vivid one.

~~~~~~~

Sorry for the lateness. I was out actually having a facsimile of a real life.

Read, give feedback, and write.


Cordelia

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: new poems 7/17/03

[...] I can only recommend two:

~~~~~~~
Jaded by Maria2394 ©

This one deserved the "E" it got. It's short, so I won't post an excerpt. Go read it!

I did. Would you, Cordelia, say more about this poem, please?

also guests of Great Dane garden by Palau ©

I love slices of time. This is a vivid one.
[...]give feedback, and write.

Cordelia

Indeed, this poem shows promise, talent, a good feel for poetry. It is not in a mature, final form yet. It has perhaps problems with language. The title is not clear. The last line is confusing and only half-good. And still, it was refreshing to read this poem. Very nice.

 

[Angeline]

July 18, 2003

There are just a few poems I felt were worth mentioning today. Here they are:

daylight reprieve by OT

remembered sad
seems absurd
until reminded by the setting sun

This little wisp of a poem is bittersweet and effectively conveys its one thought--that sadness gone in the day returns at night.


Bourbon Street by HeartofFire

we danced to the music that poured like water
from open doorways that called to the crowd
like streams that flow into a turbulent human river
swept along as we danced by the neon lit tide

Maybe it's because it's about Nawlins but I rather liked this poem, which I thought had some nice moments.


Un-new Poems:

So then I spun the spinny thing. Many times did I spin. Finally I found this poem by smithpeter, which I never noticed before, but upon reading now really like.

too quiet this night, mulling by smithpeter

we each can be all
three monkey's,
see~hear~speak

in somber thought
when love and
lengthy touch
is due,
not exclusive

And when I spun again, what did I find but my dear friend darkmaas, whose poems I find enchanting.

Dark Feel in Wormwood


Pale green
Cloys sweet to mask
Wormwood bitter
Paris opalescent

***

I came upon old Oscar
Fat and droll and fey
In studied languor, posing
By dark eyed Salomé.

That dancing levantine
With her baptist on a tray
She brushed his lips, “Iokanaan,
Ta bouche, je l’ai baissé.”

~~~~~~~~~~~
Not a bad day after all.

 

[Maria2394]

Re: new poems 7/17/03

Sorry for the late review. I read them all, and I can only recommend two:

~~~~~~~
Jaded by Maria2394 ©

This one deserved the "E" it got. It's short, so I won't post an excerpt. Go read it!

~~~~~~~

Cordelia

Thanks Cordelia, for the very kind words and the mention .. maria

 

[Maria2394]

Re: July 18, 2003

There are just a few poems I felt were worth mentioning today. Here they are:

daylight reprieve by OT

remembered sad
seems absurd
until reminded by the setting sun

This little wisp of a poem is bittersweet and effectively conveys its one thought--that sadness gone in the day returns at night.


Bourbon Street by HeartofFire

we danced to the music that poured like water
from open doorways that called to the crowd
like streams that flow into a turbulent human river
swept along as we danced by the neon lit tide

Maybe it's because it's about Nawlins but I rather liked this poem, which I thought had some nice moments.


Un-new Poems:

So then I spun the spinny thing. Many times did I spin. Finally I found this poem by smithpeter, which I never noticed before, but upon reading now really like.

too quiet this night, mulling by smithpeter

we each can be all
three monkey's,
see~hear~speak

in somber thought
when love and
lengthy touch
is due,
not exclusive

And when I spun again, what did I find but my dear friend darkmaas, whose poems I find enchanting.

Dark Feel in Wormwood


Pale green
Cloys sweet to mask
Wormwood bitter
Paris opalescent

***

I came upon old Oscar
Fat and droll and fey
In studied languor, posing
By dark eyed Salomé.

That dancing levantine
With her baptist on a tray
She brushed his lips, “Iokanaan,
Ta bouche, je l’ai baissé.”

~~~~~~~~~~~
Not a bad day after all.

I love this one by darkmaas even more every time I read it

 

[Cycnus]

I've been reading a few threads here on the Lit "Poetry Corner" and it seems this is the most appropriate place to toss out this verse for critical review. It was something I threw onto A Dictionary Game over in The Playground. The word I had to use was "equipment" hence the poem's name. Thank you in advance for your candor, and hopefully, your enjoyment.

Equipment

Chest
smooth, firm;
Shoulders
strong, broad;
Fingers,
Arms,
Neck,
Torso,
(Ahem! ),
Legs
lean, wiry, long, muscular;
Hair
soft yet coarse, long enough to play with;
Soft
skin, fun-to-nibble earlobes, lips;
Eyes
passionate, I'm-so-yours, dark, intelligent, humorous, amorous;
Voice
deep with passion, light tenor with laughter....

Thanks again for your feedback - much appreciate it!

~Cycnus

 

[Palau]

Thank you, Cordelia

a compliment from someone is nice,
when from a poet of your stature
(and probably perfect posture)
a day making event!
~
my eyes

everyone was missing something today
an arm, a foot, a leg, half the people on
the bus
kneecaps

near home I spied my first ever red tailed hawk
engaged in flight wearing missing things,
in beak a caterpillar eye brow,
a kneecap balanced on her back

 

[Lauren Hynde]

It seems appropriate that there would be 32 new poems in a day when I'm supposed to be packing and therefore without any time for doing this. Still, I took a quick look around the list and saw a few poems deserving a read. I'm sure I missed one or two, so please feel free to add any comment and/or suggestion.

-------------------------------------------------
unlisted has only recently started to submit poetry to Lit, but his poems have something special. Three new ones posted today, but my favourites are Invading Your World and Where You Really Are

-------------------------------------------------
Some food for thought:

figuratively tired
by oxalis ©

if not for these wild
scattered holy waters
~
we do not need support to hold us up
we prefer respect
the doubt falls far behind
no royalty, no crown,
honest smiles, truthful frowns do

disappointment slacks

-------------------------------------------------
Something to tickle your senses:

September 2002
by Mixie © (first post!)

This Old House
by denis hale ©

-------------------------------------------------
The best possible response to a silly argument going on at a neighbour thread comes from Maria2394. I'm not even going to give you the title of the poem, because that's the joy of this pearl of wisedom. click me!

-------------------------------------------------
Two cross-sections of life:

Playing For Time
by HeartofFire ©

SongBirds
by RazzRajen ©

-------------------------------------------------
Angeline volunteered to review the new poems for me, next week, so I'll see you all in August.

Try to behave.

 

[oxalis]

thank you for mention LH,
be gone safe and safe return ,
be blissful betwixt

 

[Guest]

Songbirds

Haunting words..and beautiful..and sad..and passionate..I liked this poem immensely.

 

[Rybka]

Re: Songbirds

Haunting words..and beautiful..and sad..and passionate..I liked this poem immensely.

I did too. My only puzzlement was about "songbirds". Are "thrush" and "cardinals" being considered as such? And if so, are they? I have never thought of them thusly. I thought "songbirds" were smaller, such as warblers, wrens, maybe meadow larks, etc..


Regards, Rybka

 

[Rybka]

????

.
Why is there an option to delete a post when the board never allows you to do it.

 

[Maria2394]

Re: Re: Songbirds

I did too. My only puzzlement was about "songbirds". Are "thrush" and "cardinals" being considered as such? And if so, are they? I have never thought of them thusly. I thought "songbirds" were smaller, such as warblers, wrens, maybe meadow larks, etc..


Regards, Rybka

Dear Rybka,
Maybe I should not admit this, but I watch birds way too much..and the cardinals have one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard. And as far as thrushes go, my fave is a brown thrasher..now THEY are very melodic, and you should see them taking sand baths!! it's a curious thing to watch..but I am like you as I never really considered them songbirds... we have what is called the carolina wren here by the hundreds, amd also the reddish type house wrens and I have never heard either species make a sound... strange, huh later, M

 

[Maria2394]

thanks Lauren

The best possible response to a silly argument going on at a neighbour thread comes from Maria2394. I'm not even going to give you the title of the poem, because that's the joy of this pearl of wisedom. click me!

You know, I just couldnt resist after I saw that thread...poetry is very subjective. I didnt expect anyone to like it, but after the cyber porn poem, I thought, what the heck, post it anyway thanks for noticing and mentioning till later, Maria

 

[Lauren Hynde]

thank you for mention LH,
be gone safe and safe return ,
be blissful betwixt

Thank you. Keep writing those wonderful poems while I'm gone. I want to see them when I get back.

Why is there an option to delete a post when the board never allows you to do it.

Because you're not a moderator? Post deletion by regular members was deactivated because if you were to delete the first post of a thread, you would take the entire thread with it, deleting other people's posts.

You know, I just couldnt resist after I saw that thread...poetry is very subjective. I didnt expect anyone to like it, but after the cyber porn poem, I thought, what the heck, post it anyway thanks for noticing and mentioning till later, Maria

You're a fucking genius.

 

[Rybka]

Re: thanks Lauren

The best possible response to a silly argument going on at a neighbour thread comes from Maria2394. I'm not even going to give you the title of the poem, because that's the joy of this pearl of wisedom. click me!

You know, I just couldnt resist after I saw that thread...poetry is very subjective. I didnt expect anyone to like it, but after the cyber porn poem, I thought, what the heck, post it anyway thanks for noticing and mentioning till later, Maria

I would not call the posts on that other thread "silly", nor an "argument", but rather a discussion about the nature of art. I value S.J.'s words even when I think he is completely misguided.
And I was not surprised that Maria chose to avoid the direct line of fire?

Regards, Rybka

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: Re: thanks Lauren

I would not call the posts on that other thread "silly", nor an "argument", but rather a discussion about the nature of art. I value S.J.'s words even when I think he is completely misguided.
And I was not surprised that Maria chose to avoid the direct line of fire?

Regards, Rybka

Oh, I didn't mean to say that. The discussion/argument (i use either word without value judgment) isn't silly in itself, but it is silly to stand in the direct line of fire, even of a misguided firing squad. And if S.J.'s as perceptive as he claims to be, he'll see all the extent and meaning of Maria's poem. That is more effective than any argument.

 

[Maria2394]

Re: Re: thanks Lauren

I would not call the posts on that other thread "silly", nor an "argument", but rather a discussion about the nature of art. I value S.J.'s words even when I think he is completely misguided.
And I was not surprised that Maria chose to avoid the direct line of fire?

Regards, Rybka

Golly Rybka ( giggle) I wasnt avoiding anything at all, I just felt like I was really outclassed in the intellect department and didnt wanna stick my 2 1/2 cents in and look foolish hehe..if you wanna teach me something now, go ahead, much appreciated till later, maria

 

[RazzRajen]

SongBirds

Thanks LH for the mention

and Rybka and ssilversong for their comments too


Rybka....They sang to me....and still do...

Never thought if they are actually considered songbirds or not.


Razz

 

[Cycnus]

posting on Literotica, not the boards

While it would have been really helpful to have something at the beginning of this thread regarding the need to post one's poems on Literotica, rather than on one of the Lit boards (hint, hint, an idea to help us newbies get reviewed? )....

This is not a "grrrrr" post, just a note to let those that have not responded to a newcomer's poem know that said poem will be up and posted on the actual Lit site as soon as I figure out how to do so. Hopefully it will then get reviewed in the usual manner. Thanks!

Be well and have a nice night!

~Cycnus

 

[WickedEve]

Cycnus, I had to scroll up to find your poem. Sorry no one mentioned to you about submitting to lit. You can also start a new thread for your poem if you want comments.

 

[Rybka]

new poems of 7/20/03

Today we have 13 new works and one “spinner”. Here is the "goldie" that I found for the day. (It took so many spins to find this one that I almost gave up!) I know cream rises to the top, but on this site it is crap that floats.

I am not referring to this poem of course:
searchlights by Palau.

friendships are private rays
broadcast so beautiful into
crystal night skies

they do not touch
unless sloppy is the rule

forgiveness is like sex
it smells good
sometimes

Among the newer poets the only thing I found of interest was
Pomegranate Lover by Grace Livingstone.

Proserpine lips taste him
beneath bitter moon

where arils of deceit
cling to the rind
of his acidic love.

That leaves three familiar voices Maria2394, Senna Jawa, and Razz Rajen.

Maria's
Let Us Play, Alone is of a rather depressing tone, but well written as usual.

Senna's1-word poem is a poem as defined by many, and has been commented on before. If you have not seen it yet, go do so now.

RazzRajen's Finding The Way Is a poem that Maria2394's protagonist should read.

Sadness weighs heavy
Look up bright cloud       tripping gaily
along that Way
Happy that He has found it,
Happy that no one else knows

Is knowledge not meant to be shared?
Can happiness kept within One
really be happiness?
Swimming against the current,
salmon return to die
spending prodigious amounts of energy,
they find their way back Home

only to die
Yet they live on again and again
wasted in their old age
alone
I will not accept that
Cannot accept that

Surely in all this Place
is one to show the Way?

You may find other new poems that you like, so please go read them and add your comments to this thread.

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Cycnus]

submissions

Cycnus, I had to scroll up to find your poem. Sorry no one mentioned to you about submitting to lit. You can also start a new thread for your poem if you want comments.

Thank you, Wicked, for your reply. I appreciate it.

I have since submitted the poem to Lit (proper). I also received a really nice, friendly pm giving me directions on doing so rose: thank you again).

Regarding starting a new thread, it seems that either two things happen to those who do so to get review of their poems. One, the poems are read; but then no one seems to reply. For example, I saw several by a Wyatt (sp? ) where this happened. Or, two (in the case of glory-seeking people), they get both review on the poem and they themselves get rather trashed, in threads that run on forever with both sides parrying back and forth.

Since I merely wanted general review by those on Lit for the verse (I'm not a glory-and-praise-seeker), I simply found the proper way of submitting it.

Thanks again for the quick responses to my post.

Should any be interested, it's the one titled "Equipment" in the new poems page on Lit proper.

Cycnus

 

[Maria2394]

thanks Rybka

As always Dear Rybka, I appreciate the mention and of course I will let the other me that wrote it late last night read Razz's poem anyone out there have a cure for insomina that doesnt involve chemicals of any type? let me know...and hey, I do want to thank cb9 for leading me into the world of acrostics which I so thoroughly enjoy.

have a beautiful day A/all...maria

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: new poems of 7/20/03

Today we have 13 new works and one “spinner”. Here is the "goldie" that I found for the day. (It took so many spins to find this one that I almost gave up!) I know cream rises to the top, but on this site it is crap that floats.

I am not referring to this poem of course:
searchlights by Palau.

But you should. Palau has good poems, for instance the one mentioned by Cordelia or Gina Lollobrigida, but the one you have selected here as an example of a good poem Palau should simply trash.

Senna's1-word poem is a poem as defined by many, and has been commented on before.

Hardly at all. It has been just superficially mentioned. Like haiku, these kind of art gives one a chance to understand art, the issues present themselves in a clear-cut way, like under laboratory conditions. And there is not much point in talking high about art when abc is not understood, when one doesn't even have a clue. A poem may be minuscule but it may have more artistic elements than a long one which may have next to none.

BTW, I still managed a typo in my short-short piece (lower case "E"). The corrected version will show up soon. But the version posted on this board was correct.