new poems

[Angeline]

Gracias

Lets start off with a pair of Angelines. It's tough reviewing poems by one's betters and I try to hold some of you to a higher standard. However even by Ange's standard, His Shadow Speaks, is a winner. I'm personally not a big fan of Peter Pan, but the sophistication of this poem still leaps off the page.

I am a fan of Mr. Zappa who makes a cameo appearance in Village Blues. For those of us of a certain age, this poem might be a very maudlin trip but the last line saves the poem from mere nostalgia.

You are very kind to to refer to me as "one's betters," but not so accurate. We never see our own poems as others do, I know, but I could easily use that label for you, Mr. Darkmaas. We'll call it a mutual admiration society.

I'm glad you liked the poems. Pan is very special to me--Ive loved it since I was a little girl (the Barrie play and the Mary Martin/Cyril Ritchard TV special that ran every year). Someday I'll tell you how I fell out of my kitchen window, trying to fly. A clarifying moment. Sigh. And thank you Perdita for writing your terrific Pan poem, which inspired mine.

The Zappa thing really happened. One of the great things about growing up in and around NYC is you have all these cool stories of famous people you saw and tried hard to be contained and not the jerk you really wanted to be ("Hey! It's YOU! YOU! Right? duh). And thank you, Rybka, for the feedback.

Ange

 

[Palau]

thank you?

"minimal jingo state"
oh my god,
oh my god!
I haven't the faintest idea what that means.

 

[Grace Livingstone]

sexual poem that doesn't offer any sex

Fanned Affair by Grace Livingstone contains the lines:

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She is a servile garden of vines, long
and inclined to wrap around me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

which are worth giving a quick look at this poem.


I am honored that you mentioned this unknown's poem, darkmass. I hope the dear readers will take the time to read my humble effort, even though darkmass has displayed the only two lines that make this poem worth a quick look.

Delighted to be here and looking forward to advancing my skills by studying the awesome poetry of the board regulars.

Humbly,
Grace L.

 

[Rybka]

Re: Garcia and Zappa

The Zappa thing really happened. One of the great things about growing up in and aroound NYC is you have all these cool stories of famous people you saw and tried hard to be contained and not the jerk you really wanted to be ("Hey! It's YOU! YOU! Right? duh). And thank you, Rybka, for the feedback.

Ange

Maybe after we finish our poems for Wicked Eve's contest, we need to reactivate the Poets' Challenge thread and do one on Zappa, or perhaps the theme of "a famous person I have met"?

Regards, Rybka

 

[Senna Jawa]

Literotica one day old poem

PS. One vote got removed and one added, for a rating of 2.60.

That was an average of 5 votes. Today the rating od 1-word poem is 2.33, an average of 6 votes. Most likely, if it was simply one more vote (rather than two more and one removed--you never know on Literotica), then the new vote is 1.

 

[Cycnus]

Re: Re: Garcia and Zappa

Maybe after we finish our poems for Wicked Eve's contest, we need to reactivate the Poets' Challenge thread and do one on Zappa, or perhaps the theme of "a famous person I have met"?

Regards, Rybka

I vote that the theme of "a famous person I have met" would be the most fun. This would allow for those who aren't necessarily fond of Zappa or who haven't followed him (I'm assuming you mean Frank Zappa) to use the breadth of their own experience. And that is one of the best ways of writing in any genre, yes? To write what one knows?

What do the rest of you think?



Cycnus

 

[darkmaas]

Monday's Spinner

Damn.

I forgot the spinner again. So here it is a day (or a week) late. This being an erotic site I spun the erotic poems wheel-of-fortune and got....

the circus is coming to town... by steveleenow.

I wanted to shave my p u b e s
and let them litter the floor at your feet
like barbed-wire rose petals.

Go read the rest of it and surprise the author by voting over and over again

respectfully,

darkmaas

 

[WickedEve]

I'll be back soon with the new poems. I just got in and I have to go read them. If you don't hear from me again, then my ex did me in. He's on his way here and he's all pissy about something.
Anyway, poems coming soon.

 

[WickedEve]

look,
by smithpeter ©

there is mystique in simplicity spinning out of control
a cherub’s pirouette
inseparable as joint shadows, dove tailed Siamese

smithpeter could be telling me what he had for lunch and it would sound great. I may not understand what he ate, but I'd love the way he'd tell me about it.

----------

Giddy Up
by denis hale ©

WHO'S YOUR HIGHER POWER NOW, SWEETHEART?

Don't all women say this to their... um... dates?
Denis, I feel like taking a ride on a brown barcalounger. Giddy Up, baby.
Hey, if you want to know what I'm talking about, then go read the poem!

 

[smithpeter]

thank you Eve

lunch

2 dark meat chicken pieces.
not so glorious
warmed for 2 days in a tanning bed
-
much better when very fresh
spanked till pink, spread upon a platter
glowing with willingness to be eaten
hot and spicy sauced
soggy chin

 

[denis hale]

Easy Chair Settings

Your Eve Ness,

I will have lied
if I say I'm not gratified

now

will that be in Recline Mode, yet

or a Straight Up
tete a tete?



Thank You Eve! glad ya liked it.

 

[Angeline]

July 23, 2003

It's Wednesday and my buddy OT seems to be MIA, so (like Lester, hehe) I'll leap in (and shamelessly plug my own poem in the process).

Here are my picks for the day.

Dandelion by Petme

I melt in his warmth

but i’m lonely here...

Here where things
appear to be perfect...

I am scattered

I enjoyed this poem with its flower image and quixotic ending from Petme, a new Lit poet. Welcome aboard!



Painted again by RazzRajen

The blade moves surely
as the Artist draws His picture
I never was an artist and yet I paint

My minds thoughts on the
canvas laid out before Me

That form again
Strewn around

Some very nice phrasings are here in this offering from Razz.



Urban Sprawl by Maria2394

In and out, to and from, here to there
across the lake and beyond,
different people, not strange people
come and go. Smiling and nodding
“how are you today” they ask
but don’t wait for an answer.
I watch them and wonder
if any of those people ever see the
same stranger twice

Here's my pick for the day--a terrific slice of life from Maria. I can feel this poem, and hear it, and so on. It's vivid and smart.



Secrets about secrets by BooMerengue

It never happened to me.
But the cows would read it
and smile smugly, and say Ahaaaa…

No! I won’t use Select All.
It will go as it came,
word by word.

How could they possibly know
I wish it had?

Another poem from Boo that I enjoyed. I'm glad you posted the poem, Boo--post the story, too. Cows will chew that cud no matter what!

 

[BooMerengue]

Re: July 23, 2003

It never happened to me.
But the cows would read it
and smile smugly, and say Ahaaaa…

No! I won’t use Select All.
It will go as it came,
word by word.

How could they possibly know
I wish it had?

Another poem from Boo that I enjoyed. I'm glad you posted the poem, Boo--post the story, too. Cows will chew that cud no matter what! [/B]

I think the cows win...

...but TY for the mention...

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: July 23, 2003

Painted again by RazzRajen

The blade moves surely
as the Artist draws His picture
I never was an artist and yet I paint

My minds thoughts on the
canvas laid out before Me

That form again
Strewn around

Some very nice phrasings are here in this offering from Razz.

Thanks Angeline for the mention as always.

Razz

 

[Maria2394]

Re: July 23, 2003

It's Wednesday and my buddy OT seems to be MIA, so (like Lester, hehe) I'll leap in (and shamelessly plug my own poem in the process).


Urban Sprawl by Maria2394

In and out, to and from, here to there
across the lake and beyond,
different people, not strange people
come and go. Smiling and nodding
“how are you today” they ask
but don’t wait for an answer.
I watch them and wonder
if any of those people ever see the
same stranger twice

Here's my pick for the day--a terrific slice of life from Maria. I can feel this poem, and hear it, and so on. It's vivid and smart.

******Thanks for the very kind mention Angeline ..glad I could bring you here for a minute

Oh, and about OT, perhaps he has run amok ....?

( sorry ya'll, for some reason that word makes me giggle like a twelve year old

 

[Guest]

Re Urban Sprawl.....I absolutely loved it...this poem danced around feelings that all of us have felt at one time or another..and after I had finished digesting it, I was left thinking..a very good thing indeed...smiles..

ssilversong

 

[Guest]

Re Dandelion...

Your words touched me, they did.smiles..thank you..

ssilversong

 

[Maria2394]

thank you ssilver

Re Urban Sprawl.....I absolutely loved it...this poem danced around feelings that all of us have felt at one time or another..and after I had finished digesting it, I was left thinking..a very good thing indeed...smiles..

ssilversong

i appreciate your kind words..and yes, thinking is a good thing, happens a lot lately,especially in convenience stores M

 

[Cordelia]

Once again...

The review will be late, but it WILL be here! I shall return later tonight to post my review.

(Apologies)


Cordelia

 

[Cordelia]

new poems 7/24/03

A disappointing bunch of poems today.

Here are the picks for the day:

~~~~~~~
Kiss by Angeline ©

A nice sonnet, but not up to Angeline's usual standards. Worth it for this line:

One tiny press of flesh and caution leaps

What a great image for a kiss!

~~~~~~~
morning musings by BooMerengue ©

Despite the title, I found this poem a little too scattered to get a good feel for what she was saying. Maybe I don't muse this much in the morning, but the emotions ran from frivolity to intense pain. Maybe you need to cut down on coffee? However, there were a few good images imbedded in the confusion. This line is wonderful:

letter from a different time zone

~~~~~~~

Go read and give feedback. Or not. It's up to you.



Cordelia

 

[BooMerengue]

Re: new poems 7/24/03

A disappointing bunch of poems today.

Here are the picks for the day:

~~~~~~~
Kiss by Angeline ©

A nice sonnet, but not up to Angeline's usual standards. Worth it for this line:

One tiny press of flesh and caution leaps

What a great image for a kiss!

~~~~~~~
morning musings by BooMerengue ©

Despite the title, I found this poem a little too scattered to get a good feel for what she was saying. Maybe I don't muse this much in the morning, but the emotions ran from frivolity to intense pain. Maybe you need to cut down on coffee? However, there were a few good images imbedded in the confusion. This line is wonderful:

letter from a different time zone

~~~~~~~

Go read and give feedback. Or not. It's up to you.



Cordelia

Cordy!

Scattered. Frivolous. Intense pain. Daily occurences here. This is about a truly typical morning. But I should have added laughter- it's the overlord in this house! This piece never even got a second glance. I sure as hell never thought for a second it would be read. It must really have been a bad day for poetry!

Thank you.

 

[Cordelia]

Re: Re: new poems 7/24/03

Cordy!

Scattered. Frivolous. Intense pain. Daily occurences here. This is about a truly typical morning. But I should have added laughter- it's the overlord in this house! This piece never even got a second glance. I sure as hell never thought for a second it would be read. It must really have been a bad day for poetry!

Thank you.

You're welcome, Boo. But this could've been much more to your standards if you'd've given it a few more glances and edits. There's some good stuff in there.

And my house has much laughter as well. But they all know better than to try to even talk to me before 10 a.m.


Not a morning person,


Cordelia

 

[Senna Jawa]

Fine print

 

[WickedEve]

Re: new poems 7/24/03

A disappointing bunch of poems today.

Here are the picks for the day:

~~~~~~~
Kiss by Angeline ©

A nice sonnet, but not up to Angeline's usual standards. Worth it for this line:

One tiny press of flesh and caution leaps

What a great image for a kiss!

~~~~~~~
morning musings by BooMerengue ©

Despite the title, I found this poem a little too scattered to get a good feel for what she was saying. Maybe I don't muse this much in the morning, but the emotions ran from frivolity to intense pain. Maybe you need to cut down on coffee? However, there were a few good images imbedded in the confusion. This line is wonderful:

letter from a different time zone

~~~~~~~

Go read and give feedback. Or not. It's up to you.



Cordelia

Good, honest review, Cordelia. I felt the same way about these two poems. Angeline's sonnet is good, but I expect more from her. Sorry, A, but that's the price for being good.
Boo, you have the raw material for a good poem. I hope you revise, then submit it again.

 

[Angeline]

Originally posted by Cordelia
A disappointing bunch of poems today.

Here are the picks for the day:

~~~~~~~
Kiss by Angeline ©

A nice sonnet, but not up to Angeline's usual standards. Worth it for this line:

One tiny press of flesh and caution leaps

What a great image for a kiss!

----------------------------------------
Then Eve said:

Good, honest review, Cordelia. I felt the same way about these two poems. Angeline's sonnet is good, but I expect more from her. Sorry, A, but that's the price for being good.

________________________
Thank you both for the feedback. I have to think about this--my first reaction was that it is as good as my other sonnets, but simpler in its content than others I've written, so maybe it's deceptive. On the other hand, both of you--Cordie and Eve--are poets whose opinions I very much respect, so if you both think I'm off my game on this one I need to look at it very carefully (and if Hynde comes back here and says it, too, well then I'm packin' up my bat and ball and...LOL). Seriously, I appreciate the honesty (and being held to a high standard is a compliment!), but if you dear women wanna give me more specific feedback as to how the sonnet could be better--either here, another thread, email, whatever--I'd be very grateful.


Ange