Oh boy, I'm in over my head.

[JMohegan]

All I'm seeing is a 23 year old being led by his balls.

Bingo.

 

[rosco rathbone]

ah youth

 

[BrianRUtay]

I haven't ignored any decent advice. I've never been able to analyze someone's personality and worldview by a few pages of text without asking any questions, so I can't relate to all your prophetic visions about what you 'see going on here.'

This has degenerated into people coming in and randomly taking shots at me, but I have gotten support in PMs, so if anyone else can be of help or just wants to chat please do so.

Unless this thread can get back on topic, it's probably best if a mod closes it, no?

 

[midwestyankee]

I haven't ignored any decent advice. I've never been able to analyze someone's personality and worldview by a few pages of text without asking any questions, so I can't relate to all your prophetic visions about what you 'see going on here.'

This has degenerated into people coming in and randomly taking shots at me, but I have gotten support in PMs, so if anyone else can be of help or just wants to chat please do so.

Unless this thread can get back on topic, it's probably best if a mod closes it, no?

You know what? I call bullshit. At 23 no human being has the life experience to do what you just described. You're full of shit so smelly that even a pig wouldn't touch it.

Go get laid with Suzy Teener and see what happens to you in jail when you get there.

 

[BrianRUtay]

At 23 no human being has the life experience to do what you just described.

My point was that no human being is capable of such a thing. I never made any claims to being more experienced than anyone here (I could make a solid argument for being more mature however) so I don't see how I'm full of shit.

I think you're adorable though.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Is the law really going after guys in their early 20s for boning bitches in their late teens?

 

[JMohegan]

In relationships I'm typically the dominant one but I've never really thought about it in a conscious or formal way. I'm having trouble forming my question to you all because I'm not sure what it is I need to know. I'll learn on my own of course but I'd like to have some idea of what she is likely to expect of me.

So if you can give any advice, however general or specific, on what I should be attempting to do I'd greatly appreciate it.

My advice is to stop worrying about what she is "likely to expect" and start focusing on what YOU want from this relationship.

Mentally, emotionally, physically. Once she turns 18, what is it that you want and expect?

As long as you're focused primarily on meeting some standards set by this girl's imagination, or her expectations built in prior interactions, then you're letting her call the shots.

 

[BrianRUtay]

My advice is to stop worrying about what she is "likely to expect" and start focusing on what YOU want from this relationship.

Mentally, emotionally, physically. Once she turns 18, what is it that you want and expect?

As long as you're focused primarily on meeting some standards set by this girl's imagination, or her expectations built in prior interactions, then you're letting her call the shots.

That sounds like a fruitful approach. She's been enthusiastic to do whatever I've wanted thus far, so why stop?

Problem is, I only have vague notions of what I want. I was hoping some examples from more experienced people would spark my imagination...

 

[rosco rathbone]

I suggest that you restrain her arms and legs, face down, and strop her bottom with a folded-over belt.

 

[HarlotMinx]

You want to see real submission? Have her clean up your house, cook you a nice dinner, do the laundry and all without the expectation of sexual reward. If she can do that all summer then you at least have a sub who's not focused on getting something out of you.

 

[OralFuxation]

Read all the posts in the thread so far.
Got to say it seems the main thing asked here has been totally over-looked, with people going off on a tangent then hi-jacking the thread.

Also there seems to be an on-going horn-lock between two stubborn bulls, both constantly trying to up the other without really bringing anything to the table. And I'm saying that as an outsider with un-biased opinion, might be time to relax some.

I'm not going to bother giving advice/ ideas like you asked in the original post - as the thread has been thrown so far off course it's not even funny. But just bare in mind it's not a one-sided relationship so be sure to talk to her about what she wants.

Also, should you meet and things go far enough that sex is a possibility, be sure she's as old as you believe (i.e. legal). Alot of lasses mature early, making guessing their age difficult. Whilst she might be exactly as old as she's told you, still double check. As it's always possible she's not telling you incase she was to "lose you", and might not even think you could get in trouble... remember she doesnt need to go to the authorities for that to happen (could be a family member, or even a friend).

 

[Netzach]

Is the law really going after guys in their early 20s for boning bitches in their late teens?

It can, and once you get the internet involved and the attendant naked pics all sanity is off. 2257 is still lurking, still insane, and why the fuck GO there?

 

[CutieMouse]

I suggest you read this book if you have not, more closely. And that you quit ignoring people who are giving decent advice you don't want to hear. All I'm seeing is a 23 year old being led by his balls. Into some webcam shit that could put him in federal prison the rest of his natural fucking life - do you even know US law?

It doesn't sound to me like this person is necessarily the most submissive.

It seems to me that you ARE in over your head if your intent is to lead here.

This.

Generally speaking, there are two reactions to Lolita:

OMG Humbert is a disgusting pig! That poor girl!

or

Poor guy... all she has to do is crook her little finger, and just watch him do his tricks.

Advice:

If you [as in YOU] are interested in D/s, educate yourself - for yourself. Attend munches, talk to people, ask questions [without getting defensive]; it might even be worth reading one of the eleventy-million books [not erotica] on the subject.

 

[Netzach]

Problem is, I only have vague notions of what I want.

Solve that problem then.

Honestly I got into this as a D at 23, I didn't need other people to tell me what I wanted and what turned me on because I'd been turned on by it since I was an adolescent. If these are really the shoes that fit, either you're grossed out by what you do want and you aren't ready to trust her with it (totally understandable) or these shoes don't fit. Only you know.

A Dominant who doesn't know what S/he wants is in trouble. How are you supposed to transmit any kind of message?

If I don't know what I want I coast until I do, I even tell them "I don't know what I want. Wait here." I certainly don't decide I want what a bunch of other people tell me I should want. I tried that for a minute or so and it sucked.

 

[Marquis]

I needed some info on D/s so I came to a D/s forum. I wasn't looking to get the 3rd degree on how I'm just like you and should give up the charade.

This made me lol.

 

[BrianRUtay]

Solve that problem then.

That's what I'm trying to do. My first step was coming here. That was a step back at first but now we're getting somewhere.

I didn't need other people to tell me what I wanted and what turned me on because I'd been turned on by it since I was an adolescent.

What turns me on seems to fluctuate over time. I'm sure there are things out there I'm completely unaware of, which I could never conjure up on my own, that would give me immense pleasure. One way to find out those 'known unknowns' is to ask in a place like this.

I don't see any harm in wanting to hear from a variety of perspectives which in turn could expand my own.

 

[BrianRUtay]

You want to see real submission? Have her clean up your house, cook you a nice dinner, do the laundry and all without the expectation of sexual reward. If she can do that all summer then you at least have a sub who's not focused on getting something out of you.

The question is do I have the willpower to resist her for the whole summer? I'm gonna say no.

She's mentioned cooking in lingerie and kitchen sex so I'd be doomed. I got your general point though. Have her prove herself before I get too involved emotionally.

 

[Marquis]

I suggest you read this book if you have not, more closely.

Oh, I can't believe I missed this. I was going to quote Nabokov, actually.

 

[Marquis]

Is the law really going after guys in their early 20s for boning bitches in their late teens?

All the time dude.

They like to get it as close to the wire as possible; 18 year old male, 17 year old female a month apart in age. It's like a fetish for DAs nationwide.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

All the time dude.

They like to get it as close to the wire as possible; 18 year old male, 17 year old female a month apart in age. It's like a fetish for DAs nationwide.

Not in most states.

Each US state has its own age of consent. Currently state laws set the age of consent at 16, 17 or 18. The most common age is 16 (more than half of the states have this age limit), however the five most populous states all have a higher age of consent (California-18, Texas-17, New York-17, Florida-18 and Illinois-17).

age of consent 16: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia

age of consent 17: Colorado, Illinois, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, New York, Texas

age of consent 18: Arizona, California, Delaware, Florida, Idaho, North Dakota, Oregon, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming.

 

[Marquis]

Alright, well forget everything I said up to this point.

What do you want from her Brian?

What would be your ideal visit?

 

[JMohegan]

That sounds like a fruitful approach. She's been enthusiastic to do whatever I've wanted thus far, so why stop?

Problem is, I only have vague notions of what I want. I was hoping some examples from more experienced people would spark my imagination...

Now we're back to the question I asked in post 16. Or rather, the one I was going to ask, but can't, because you're diddlin' around with an underage chick.

Maybe we should talk about your prior relationships (assuming those were with adults.) The ones in which you say you've been "typically the dominant one." To broaden the scope, we'll throw in your adult-on-adult fantasies too.

When you describe yourself as "dominant," what does that mean - to *you*? In what ways do you see yourself, your relationship roles, your sources of arousal, as different from those of the average non-kinky guy?

 

[intothewoods]

This thread makes me feel like an old naggy bitch.

ETA: I mean the 23 year old guys I fucked (when I was around that age) were immature and didn't have a clue about many things. But they did know what got them off.

 

[LilyBart]

That's what I'm trying to do. My first step was coming here. That was a step back at first but now we're getting somewhere.


What turns me on seems to fluctuate over time. I'm sure there are things out there I'm completely unaware of, which I could never conjure up on my own, that would give me immense pleasure. One way to find out those 'known unknowns' is to ask in a place like this.

I don't see any harm in wanting to hear from a variety of perspectives which in turn could expand my own.

My two cents...take it or leave it...

I think many posters here have known, at some level, from an early age that what turned them on wasn't exactly vanilla.

So, ignoring your girl, for the moment...what is it that attracts you to to BDSM?

Or is it the girl that draws you to BDSM? Are you asking this because of the girl? Or because BDSM resonates with you? If she wasn't into it, would you still be doing cartwhheels?

For me, and this is just my opinion, you need to separate the two first.

Do you want BDSM? Or do you want the girl?

Clarify this, and I think you might get better answers.

Just my 2 cents. Which might not even be worth a penny some days...

~LB

ETA...this assumes both parties are of age....

 

[Marquis]

Not in most states.

You don't vacation in Thailand, do you?