Oh boy, I'm in over my head.

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

You don't vacation in Thailand, do you?

No. I just know more about US laws than you do.

Sorry.

 

[intothewoods]

No. I just know more about US laws than you do.

Sorry.

 

[JMohegan]

The question is do I have the willpower to resist her for the whole summer? I'm gonna say no.

She's mentioned cooking in lingerie and kitchen sex so I'd be doomed. I got your general point though. Have her prove herself before I get too involved emotionally.

I'm guessing that HM meant "without immediate sexual reward," rather than going without for 3 months - but I'll let her clarify.

Regardless, Brian, for god's sake never lose sight of this basic fact: Her sexual reward and yours don't have to be simultaneous.

Demand a blowjob or something before she starts cooking and you should be fine.

 

[HarlotMinx]

The question is do I have the willpower to resist her for the whole summer? I'm gonna say no.

She's mentioned cooking in lingerie and kitchen sex so I'd be doomed. I got your general point though. Have her prove herself before I get too involved emotionally.

You know, this might just be me..... buuuuuuuuuuut I have a inkling that this is why people think you possibly, maybe would in some vague way want to have something that in a mirror universe could just a little bit be construed as wanting to have sex with someone who's not 18. Then again, I'm often out of the mainstream and maybe you're talking about how you won't be able to resist giving her a raspberry (on her belly) for the whole summer... and maybe kitchen sex is the title to some movie I have yet to hear about.

Seriously, keep it in your pants for the summer, you never know what can happen. I still remember a few years back, there was a football player who was 19 and his girlfriend was 17. As I understand it they were quite enamored with each other until the girl's dad decided he didn't like the boyfriend and went to the police. He got a 10(could have been more) year sentence for rape and is listed as a sex offender. The funny part was she was 5 months from turning 18 too. Also... keep in mind that A) you don't know her B) you don't know her and C) you don't know her. Another example before I say my peace. The police specifically have people who pose as minors with the goal of finding would be sex offenders. They will and do post webcams and are even prepared to talk on the phone. Police tend to not make a lot of distinctions between 23 old would be doms and child molesters.

Now i could be wrong but to be honest hon, you have come across as if you're quite interested in sex with this lovely lady and to be honest, people are trying to bust your balls... they just don't want to see you put yourself in a position where you can end up buried in a hell of a lot of shit. It's hard enough in the scene as is. Take this relationship one grain of salt at a time and let it be whatever it is..... er whatever nonsexual relationship it is.... Get to know her. Anyone here will tell you that the very FIRST thing you do in a BDSM relationship is sit them down and face to face talk. Get to know her, i mean really know her. The sex, chains, cuffs, and whips, and automated industrial strength breast pumps can wait.

 

[HarlotMinx]

I'm guessing that HM meant "without immediate sexual reward," rather than going without for 3 months - but I'll let her clarify.

Regardless, Brian, for god's sake never lose sight of this basic fact: Her sexual reward and yours don't have to be simultaneous.

Demand a blowjob or something before she starts cooking and you should be fine.

What do you mean immediate? I meant he should forbid her orgasm for the first 5 years of her submission! Get her a chastity belt and slap it on! (if you can't automagically hear it... there's sarcasm in my voice).

JM does make a good point, she should not be able to control your sexuality at her whim. Case and point, I just got my first orgasm after a god damn year last night... and you don't want to know how much humiliation it involved.

 

[Marquis]

No. I just know more about US laws than you do.

Sorry.

Don't be sorry, I did fail out of law school after the first year, so it is entirely possible.

 

[JMohegan]

You know, this might just be me..... buuuuuuuuuuut I have a inkling that this is why people think you possibly, maybe would in some vague way want to have something that in a mirror universe could just a little bit be construed as wanting to have sex with someone who's not 18. Then again, I'm often out of the mainstream and maybe you're talking about how you won't be able to resist giving her a raspberry (on her belly) for the whole summer... and maybe kitchen sex is the title to some movie I have yet to hear about.

Seriously, keep it in your pants for the summer, you never know what can happen. I still remember a few years back, there was a football player who was 19 and his girlfriend was 17. As I understand it they were quite enamored with each other until the girl's dad decided he didn't like the boyfriend and went to the police. He got a 10(could have been more) year sentence for rape and is listed as a sex offender. The funny part was she was 5 months from turning 18 too. Also... keep in mind that A) you don't know her B) you don't know her and C) you don't know her. Another example before I say my peace. The police specifically have people who pose as minors with the goal of finding would be sex offenders. They will and do post webcams and are even prepared to talk on the phone. Police tend to not make a lot of distinctions between 23 old would be doms and child molesters.

Now i could be wrong but to be honest hon, you have come across as if you're quite interested in sex with this lovely lady and to be honest, people are trying to bust your balls... they just don't want to see you put yourself in a position where you can end up buried in a hell of a lot of shit. It's hard enough in the scene as is. Take this relationship one grain of salt at a time and let it be whatever it is..... er whatever nonsexual relationship it is.... Get to know her. Anyone here will tell you that the very FIRST thing you do in a BDSM relationship is sit them down and face to face talk. Get to know her, i mean really know her. The sex, chains, cuffs, and whips, and automated industrial strength breast pumps can wait.

I infer, from post 4, that the female in question will be 18 *before* the summer visit.

 

[HarlotMinx]

I infer, from post 4, that the female in question will be 18 *before* the summer visit.

Then by all means, have at her. I recommend trying the ears, they're delectable.

 

[Netzach]

That's what I'm trying to do. My first step was coming here. That was a step back at first but now we're getting somewhere.


What turns me on seems to fluctuate over time. I'm sure there are things out there I'm completely unaware of, which I could never conjure up on my own, that would give me immense pleasure. One way to find out those 'known unknowns' is to ask in a place like this.

I don't see any harm in wanting to hear from a variety of perspectives which in turn could expand my own.

I'm honestly not trying to be an asshole, though I often succeed. I too came on with the "I don't know what I'm doing someone please teach me" way of looking at it - I actually do have a degree of innate humility.

All I learned was that this was a huge fucking mistake. People have power plays and agendas in all but fairly straightforward education. You'll find the good advice you need in unlikely places - and it will make sense. Rarely in official "I am a dee ess mentor" guises.

Who are you and what do you want?

Ignore her. This isn't about her at the moment. This is about you and you. Pretend you've never met her.

Now, when you think of yourself dominating someone and getting off on it, what does that look like?

Is she remotely capable of doing those things? Turn your dick off and answer this question.

Yes? Some of them? Any of them? Good. Although I don't think you know for sure until you actually meet the person, but I'm old school like that.

And I don't think meeting her until she's legal, but more importantly mature enough to not explode in your face is wise. Fucking older guys doesn't make one that automatically.

 

[Netzach]

No. I just know more about US laws than you do.

Sorry.

I know a fur piece about internet law and obscenity and it doesn't give two shits if she's 18 in two days. I'm supposed to be showing my unredacted ID if I want to flash my 35 year old snatch.

 

[BrianRUtay]

Read all the posts in the thread so far.
Got to say it seems the main thing asked here has been totally over-looked, with people going off on a tangent then hi-jacking the thread.

Also there seems to be an on-going horn-lock between two stubborn bulls, both constantly trying to up the other without really bringing anything to the table. And I'm saying that as an outsider with un-biased opinion, might be time to relax some.

I'm not going to bother giving advice/ ideas like you asked in the original post - as the thread has been thrown so far off course it's not even funny. But just bare in mind it's not a one-sided relationship so be sure to talk to her about what she wants.

Thank you! A voice of reason.

 

[BiBunny]

Thank you! A voice of reason.

Ok, so, basically, what you really want is for us to tell you what to hear, rather than give advice? Gotcha. But It'd have saved a whole lot of time if you'd just said that in the first place. *Sigh*

 

[rida]

To the OP:
You said that you have typically been dominant one in your previous relationships but not in a conscious way. That is common and does not necessarily make you a BDSM Dominant. Also her being sexually submissive does not make her necessarily BDSM submissive.

So the below questions are, I think what you need to ask yourself first:

So, ignoring your girl, for the moment...what is it that attracts you to to BDSM?

Or is it the girl that draws you to BDSM? Are you asking this because of the girl? Or because BDSM resonates with you? If she wasn't into it, would you still be doing cartwhheels?


Do you want BDSM? Or do you want the girl?

All the "what shall I do" will clear itself once you have figured the above.
(as the clearing the above will involve a lot of reading and research and soul search)

 

[BrianRUtay]

You know, this might just be me..... buuuuuuuuuuut I have a inkling that this is why people think you possibly, maybe would in some vague way want to have something that in a mirror universe could just a little bit be construed as wanting to have sex with someone who's not 18. Then again, I'm often out of the mainstream and maybe you're talking about how you won't be able to resist giving her a raspberry (on her belly) for the whole summer... and maybe kitchen sex is the title to some movie I have yet to hear about.

Fine work, detective.

The police specifically have people who pose as minors with the goal of finding would be sex offenders. They will and do post webcams and are even prepared to talk on the phone. Police tend to not make a lot of distinctions between 23 old would be doms and child molesters.

I don't know why so many of you are preoccupied with the legal discussion. I'm fully aware of the law and its ramifications. This is not Chris Hansen filming his new series. Please, let's drop it.

Now i could be wrong but to be honest hon, you have come across as if you're quite interested in sex with this lovely lady and to be honest, people are trying to bust your balls... they just don't want to see you put yourself in a position where you can end up buried in a hell of a lot of shit. It's hard enough in the scene as is. Take this relationship one grain of salt at a time and let it be whatever it is..... er whatever nonsexual relationship it is.... Get to know her. Anyone here will tell you that the very FIRST thing you do in a BDSM relationship is sit them down and face to face talk. Get to know her, i mean really know her. The sex, chains, cuffs, and whips, and automated industrial strength breast pumps can wait.

We will. It's not gonna be easy 'taking things slowly' though..

 

[BrianRUtay]

Ok, so, basically, what you really want is for us to tell you what to hear, rather than give advice? Gotcha. But It'd have saved a whole lot of time if you'd just said that in the first place. *Sigh*

Erm, I was thanking him for bringing some sanity to the thread. He wasn't kissing my ass; he was pointing out the obvious fact that it was thrown off course.

 

[BrianRUtay]

I infer, from post 4, that the female in question will be 18 *before* the summer visit.

You are correct, sir.

I'm guessing that HM meant "without immediate sexual reward," rather than going without for 3 months - but I'll let her clarify.

Regardless, Brian, for god's sake never lose sight of this basic fact: Her sexual reward and yours don't have to be simultaneous.

Demand a blowjob or something before she starts cooking and you should be fine.

Oh. That is certainly a paradigm-shifting detail. So far she does whatever/whenever I say and she always waits for the next step. Before, I was just saying she seems more eager than I do (and that's saying something).

If you mean that in a literal sense (the timing) then I guess we already do that.

I like the sound of your suggested experiment!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Brian,

Believe it or not, most of us were 23 once upon a time, and quite as likely as you to let our hackles raise if someone implied our motives were a shade less than lily-white, or our knowledge of our own psyches less than complete. Over the years, most of us who were once 23 have learned a little humility, come a little closer to accepting our humanity, and learned that our thoughts and emotions are more likely to be in shades of grey, and our wisdom just a few orders of magnitude closer to nescience than omniscience.

It seems that you and one or two others here have gotten off, shall we say, a little bit on the wrong foot, but I'd like to refer you back to my original response to your inquiry, specifically the last two paragraphs, which read as follows:

As far as what she might expect of you... well, that's where the number one mantra of relationships comes in: Communicate. CoMmUnIcAtE. COMMUNI-freakin'-CATE! Ask her what her interests are, tell her what yours are. Even better, find and both of you fill out one (or more) of the multitude of BDSM interests questionnaires available online. (Sometimes called "checklists.") Compare your responses, and then discuss both the areas in which you agree and the ones in which you disagree.

Oh, yeah... go through the BDSM Library, and see what floats your boat there, and maybe read some of the BDSM stories {to see what kind(s) of activities capture your imagination} (just don't take them for any relationship to reality, k?).

Good luck.

The bolded parts, I believe, were and are good advice, and thoroughly non-judgmental. Consider them again, if you didn't miss the post entirely in responding to those you thought critical of you, your motives and your ability to survive this experience.

 

[BrianRUtay]

So, ignoring your girl, for the moment...what is it that attracts you to to BDSM?

Or is it the girl that draws you to BDSM? Are you asking this because of the girl? Or because BDSM resonates with you? If she wasn't into it, would you still be doing cartwhheels?

Do you want BDSM? Or do you want the girl?

I knew I was into D/s before I had ever talked to her. So yes, I'd still be into D/s if wasn't for her and I'd still be into her if it wasn't for D/s.

 

[JMohegan]

I knew I was into D/s before I had ever talked to her. So yes, I'd still be into D/s if wasn't for her and I'd still be into her if it wasn't for D/s.

"Into D/s." What does that mean, specifically, to you?

How are your preferences or goals different from those in a non-kinky relationship?

 

[BrianRUtay]

For the love of God, make it stop!

Believe it or not, most of us were 23 once upon a time, and quite as likely as you to let our hackles raise if someone implied our motives were a shade less than lily-white, or our knowledge of our own psyches less than complete. Over the years, most of us who were once 23 have learned a little humility, come a little closer to accepting our humanity, and learned that our thoughts and emotions are more likely to be in shades of grey, and our wisdom just a few orders of magnitude closer to nescience than omniscience.

I read and responded to your initial post. I'm sending her the quiz to complete and return to me and I'll be reading through that material (and most likely passing it on to her).

But why are you still questioning my motives?! I really like her. I'm also dying to have sex with her - i.e. it's about far more than sex. Why is this so unbelievable and incomprehensible?! Don't you guys have non-sexual thoughts, feelings and desires?

 

[Marquis]

I'm just jealous.

 

[CutieMouse]

For the love of God, make it stop!

I read and responded to your initial post. I'm sending her the quiz to complete and return to me and I'll be reading through that material (and most likely passing it on to her).

But why are you still questioning my motives?! I really like her. I'm also dying to have sex with her - i.e. it's about far more than sex. Why is this so unbelievable and incomprehensible?! Don't you guys have non-sexual thoughts, feelings and desires?

Chill; people are giving you good advice.

We do... most of us also remember what it's like to be 23. And new to BDSM. And be in the enviable position of having a young thing who is exhibiting a willingness to do [practically] anything one tells her to.

 

[Netzach]

Chill; people are giving you good advice.

We do... most of us also remember what it's like to be 23. And new to BDSM. And be in the enviable position of having a young thing who is exhibiting a willingness to do [practically] anything one tells her to.

There is no magic decoder ring or secret ingredient.

Don't kill one another and do what the fuck you think is hot.

I go through this with neophyte femdoms a lot - I see many little-mes come into the scene who are good citizens and good sexually mannered people who want lovers to get off and mutualistic and very well trained who have lost touch, completely, with their ability to even know what they want. I backslide into that myself easily. It's really hard to say "this is what's going to happen, do this." It's in our natures when we're D but because of culture it's sure not natural.

If she's really into being sexually submissive she's going to be fucking disappointed that you're more worried about her expectations of you and you don't know your own of her.

 

[Marquis]

Don't you guys have non-sexual thoughts, feelings and desires?

Yes. I look in my bank account and think about doing stick-ups to get some quick cash in my pocket.

No doubt you have the same criminal inclinations.

I'm just kidding.

No, I love teaching my sub new things. One of the greatest things that happens in our relationship is when she asks me what a word means, or who a historical figure was or how something mechanical works and I know the answer. Those moments when she is listening silently and I am orating and educating touches me someplace special. I enjoy introducing her to new foods, books and experiences; sexual and not.

I enjoy sticking up for her when she's being picked on, comforting her when she's upset and making her laugh with insane antics.

You probably feel all the same stuff for this girl of yours.

I know the score man, I been around this block a few times.

 

[BrianRUtay]

Netzach,

I'm not requesting formal mentorship. I'm looking to learn about a variety of 'styles,' so to speak, to select from and use as a starting point to figuring out my own highly specified taste. Everyone has their own idiosyncrasies so I'm not expecting anything to match exactly...but there are common themes in D/s relationships, no?

Now, when you think of yourself dominating someone and getting off on it, what does that look like?

I admit I don't have a detailed, day-to-day vision of this. I'm drawn to it because I think it would create a far more intimate and trusting relationship. I want to say it would simplify a lot of matters but that can't be the right word. A relationship based on D/s wouldn't be without its own complications. But I think it'd be beneficial if you had clearly defined and agreed upon rules.

Is she remotely capable of doing those things? Turn your dick off and answer this question.

Why so much doubt? She gets off on serving me as much as I get off on being served by her. I can't come up with any intellectual, emotional or physical lack on her part that would prevent her from doing so.