Oh boy, I'm in over my head.

[Netzach]

Netzach,

I'm not requesting formal mentorship. I'm looking to learn about a variety of 'styles,' so to speak, to select from and use as a starting point to figuring out my own highly specified taste. Everyone has their own idiosyncrasies so I'm not expecting anything to match exactly...but there are common themes in D/s relationships, no?


I admit I don't have a detailed, day-to-day vision of this. I'm drawn to it because I think it would create a far more intimate and trusting relationship. I want to say it would simplify a lot of matters but that can't be the right word. A relationship based on D/s wouldn't be without its own complications. But I think it'd be beneficial if you had clearly defined and agreed upon rules.


Why so much doubt? She gets off on serving me as much as I get off on being served by her. I can't come up with any intellectual, emotional or physical lack on her part that would prevent her from doing so.

Ok, here's what I mean.

When I got into this I had this very strong visual in my head of a strong, attractive, intelligent man, bending to kiss my shoes. Telling me he'd "do anything for me" Real fairy tale Queen crap, but it's my puppet universe, my sexuality is allowed to be as stupid as I want.

I met someone who would do these things if I wanted them, and who fit the bill. He was oh so wrong and a bad idea in so many other ways, but that's what misspent youth and energy are for and I still enjoyed the encounter. I knew I wanted his wrists bound, so I asked someone who knew how to do that to show me how to do that. I knew I wanted to feed him lukewarm latte out of a bottle, so I figured out how to procure bottle and starbucks in advance. (weird, I know, but I wanted to up his vulnerability in a way that was safe and easy)

I wanted to render the powerful open, powerless, and small. And I thought "self, how does one do this?"

Masturbating to the one visual led to other visuals and other verbals. It just kind of flowed.

By the time I got together with him I had the gear and the ideas I wanted to accomplish and I did. Shoe kissing and all. I got my wish. When you say "this" what exactly do you mean even? Do you want to control her, expose her, render her vulnerable, bolster her iffy self-esteem, humiliate her, jack off on her face, what? What totally nasty and totally high minded "this" do you even mean?

All the advice in the world I got told me that this wasn't the right person, I probably wasn't equipped had he had some kind of a mental breakdown on me, but I went for it, and we all survived and I got off and he got off. Had I relied on advice I was too green a grasshopper to even think about Domination.

There is only one style that matters. It's you-style. This isn't Kung-Fu with mantis and drunken boxing.

What I've learned of myself is that I can be playfully crass and childish. I always loved humiliation, the more verbally nasty the better - it's kind of like an erotic word-puzzle to me. I'd been very strongly dissuaded from exploring that by just about everyone I met, but there's no merit badge that allows you to delve, you just do and you find the right person if that's your bent. I also learned that I like stillness, grace, and arrangement. I'm not consistent. I don't do well with a submissive who needs consistency, but better with thrill junkies who like lots of change and challenge and surprises. That's not surprising about me as a Dominant because it jives with me as a person.

So - 23 isn't THAT young that you haven't figured some of these things about yourself. Nurture? Control? Direct? Teach? What feels particularly you?

 

[JMohegan]

Everyone has their own idiosyncrasies so I'm not expecting anything to match exactly...but there are common themes in D/s relationships, no?

The common theme is that they all refer to the dynamic as "D/s."

Straight up, that's it.

When you ask people to define the D, or the s, or the dynamic itself, you get as many answers as the people you ask. Even the people who read the self-help books for kinksters disagree on these terms all the time.

Most will talk about "control" at some point. But how that control is exerted, and why, or when, varies greatly.

Some (not all) will talk about pain.

Some (not all) will talk about humiliation.

Some (not all) will talk about non-sexual service.

Some (not all) will talk about the D taking the s by the hand and guiding her through life.

I'm simplifying greatly, hopefully you get the idea.

This is why I keep asking you, Brian - what is your idea of D/s? What is your impression of what that term means? What part of the concept do you fantasize about?

 

[JMohegan]

I'm drawn to it because I think it would create a far more intimate and trusting relationship.

D/s will only create a more intimate and trusting relationship if the partners are well matched and the roles adopted within the dynamic fit.

The dynamic itself is not a panacea or path to relationship bliss.

There are non-kinky relationships that are every bit as intimate and trusting as the best of D/s relationships.

 

[Netzach]

The common theme is that they all refer to the dynamic as "D/s."

Straight up, that's it.

When you ask people to define the D, or the s, or the dynamic itself, you get as many answers as the people you ask. Even the people who read the self-help books for kinksters disagree on these terms all the time.

Most will talk about "control" at some point. But how that control is exerted, and why, or when, varies greatly.

Some (not all) will talk about pain.

Some (not all) will talk about humiliation.

Some (not all) will talk about non-sexual service.

Some (not all) will talk about the D taking the s by the hand and guiding her through life.

I'm simplifying greatly, hopefully you get the idea.

This is why I keep asking you, Brian - what is your idea of D/s? What is your impression of what that term means? What part of the concept do you fantasize about?

Yes.

I agree with this definition.

And that's what's the frustrating part about getting into the scene and finding your feet. You really want your options narrowed down from infinity.

 

[nh23]

You want to see real submission? Have her clean up your house, cook you a nice dinner, do the laundry and all without the expectation of sexual reward. If she can do that all summer then you at least have a sub who's not focused on getting something out of you.

Yep

Not in most states.

But..when it comes to photo's, webcam, etc, it's totally different. I've been watching on the news where teen kids have been convicted of child pornography for "sexting". Basically a 15 year old girl sends a nude photo to her 16 year old boyfriend and they bust both of them. Now both of these teens will have to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives.

If it was me I'd just wait until she's 18 if it's not that far off. Messing around with her could not only ruin his life but her's as well. If she gets caught sending him pics etc..

 

[HarlotMinx]

Yep


But..when it comes to photo's, webcam, etc, it's totally different. I've been watching on the news where teen kids have been convicted of child pornography for "sexting". Basically a 15 year old girl sends a nude photo to her 16 year old boyfriend and they bust both of them. Now both of these teens will have to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives.

If it was me I'd just wait until she's 18 if it's not that far off. Messing around with her could not only ruin his life but her's as well. If she gets caught sending him pics etc..

Excellent point, age of consent specifically applies to the act of sex but not any form of material. The reason why is if it's posted on the web it's crossing state boundaries so rather than hassle out where it was taken and through where it's distributed, they base it on the highest age in the US (18) you must be 18 to see any pornographic content and the people in the content must all be 18. Note, I'm not "droning on" Brian, this section is just a response to someone else's comment but the rest is directed to you.

SO far a lot of people have offered you a lot of posts laden with opinions, differing views, peppered with wisdom, and sprinkled with insight. Obviously some of it you've agreed with most of it you've disagreed with/ignored/overlooked for whatever reasons. I think the one unifying answer however has been that this is going to have to primarily be based on your tastes.

Some concerns to think over... you mention this girl is sexually submissive in your OP, you also allude to being dominant in a relationship capacity. Well these two (maybe you meant them to be the same) struck me as inherently different forms of interaction. If you're looking for a sub who is going to be submissive throughout the relationship and she's looking for a master who is dominant in the bedroom.... well there might be a failure to connect in how you need each other too.

I'm having trouble forming my question to you all because I'm not sure what it is I need to know. I'll learn on my own of course but I'd like to have some idea of what she is likely to expect of me.

Your answer is her; you need to know her better. By your own account this has all happened fast... it's good to know about her life, especially the things that she might be reluctant to tell you online. These could cover past abuse, her life goals, fears, when her last STD test was (seriously, one of the first lines I ask when playing with someone), her family life, college plans. All of these seem obvious or basic and maybe you asked but they're also key things to know. Also, only you know what she needs to expect... and actually 90% of it not even you will know. Think about where this relationship is going over the summer, some hard goals and some hard boundaries.

Also... (approaching from a different angle, I swear!) keep in mind she's 17. Not a whole lot of people find their life partners at 17; admittedly some do but be aware that their is a distinct possibility it just wont work out. Be able to let go if she needs you to and don't push the relationship any faster than it needs to go.

Finally

So if you can give any advice, however general or specific, on what I should be attempting to do I'd greatly appreciate it.

you were asking for advice however general and didn't specify what type of advice. Don't snap at people if you find the way in which they answer not to your liking.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I solved the riddle. Don't want to be lumped in with all the proles and johnnies come lately this time again.

 

[BrianRUtay]

My eyes lit up when I came across this glorious pastime known as oral servitude. I can't use the alternative term 'cock worship' with a straight face since it sounds like she's suppose to pray to it at night or plead with it for mercy. As funny as that would be...

This is right up my alley though and she has a definite oral fixation. Something turns me on about a blowjob over an extended period of time regardless of whether or not she has my full attention (if she's under a desk or just laying next to me). So I will check that one off.

Humiliation? This intrigues me to a certain extent. I'm all for dirty talk or showing her off to other guys (and girls) but I don't see myself getting off on anything too extreme. By that I mean truly degrading her as a person. She hasn't shown any inclination she wants to be put down either.

I love that she asks for permission and requests to do damn near anything. I guess that goes under 'obedience.'

Pain - Maybe this is an area to explore cautiously but my turn ons are limited to spanking, slapping, tugging hair and just physically dominating/manhandling in general. None of that brutal titty torture for me, thanks.

Non-sexual tasks - Obviously this is a broad subject but I'm interested. I don't know what it might entail exactly but I think any non-sexual task is a good test of how loyal and serious the other person is since they otherwise would not receive pleasure in caring it out if their heart wasn't in it.

Nurture? Control? Direct? Teach?

They all sound about right. I can't even give primacy to any one of those over the others. The control is mainly a sexual matter; I have no desire to run every facet of someone's life in minute detail.

No, I love teaching my sub new things. One of the greatest things that happens in our relationship is when she asks me what a word means, or who a historical figure was or how something mechanical works and I know the answer. Those moments when she is listening silently and I am orating and educating touches me someplace special. I enjoy introducing her to new foods, books and experiences; sexual and not.

I enjoy sticking up for her when she's being picked on, comforting her when she's upset and making her laugh with insane antics.

Cheers for pulling back your reptilian skin.

 

[rosco rathbone]

My eyes lit up when I came across this glorious pastime known as oral servitude.

Oral servitude is to my domination what the Declaration of Independence is to our nation.

 

[BrianRUtay]

Some concerns to think over... you mention this girl is sexually submissive in your OP, you also allude to being dominant in a relationship capacity. Well these two (maybe you meant them to be the same) struck me as inherently different forms of interaction. If you're looking for a sub who is going to be submissive throughout the relationship and she's looking for a master who is dominant in the bedroom.... well there might be a failure to connect in how you need each other too.

This was lazy incoherence on my part. I believe our outlooks are compatible. I don't think I was saying much at all there; simply that I was the dominant one in the way every relationship tends to have a dominant member.

Your answer is her; you need to know her better. By your own account this has all happened fast... it's good to know about her life, especially the things that she might be reluctant to tell you online. These could cover past abuse, her life goals, fears, when her last STD test was (seriously, one of the first lines I ask when playing with someone), her family life, college plans. All of these seem obvious or basic and maybe you asked but they're also key things to know. Also, only you know what she needs to expect... and actually 90% of it not even you will know. Think about where this relationship is going over the summer, some hard goals and some hard boundaries.

We have broached some of these topics although not to my satisfaction. I definitely need to know a great deal more. She's going away to college in the fall (closer to me) but if we're not an exclusive relationship by then I'll be constantly obsessing over the dozens of guys she's gonna fuck. Professors, customers, homeless guys in alleyways, ugh. But yeah, I need to know more about her past and hoped for future. It can be really disorienting trying to pinpoint her personality and demeanor. Hard to explain..

Also... (approaching from a different angle, I swear!) keep in mind she's 17. Not a whole lot of people find their life partners at 17; admittedly some do but be aware that their is a distinct possibility it just wont work out. Be able to let go if she needs you to and don't push the relationship any faster than it needs to go.

True dat. I have some hope since she's in a different place mentally than the average 17yo but people can change dramatically during these years. I tend to believe this is who she truly is though.

You were asking for advice however general and didn't specify what type of advice. Don't snap at people if you find the way in which they answer not to your liking.

The key words were "to do." Advice and ideas of any kind on what I could attempt TO DO. It wasn't "treat me condescendingly because of my age and question my morals and core sense of being."

 

[HarlotMinx]

The key words were "to do." Advice and ideas of any kind on what I could attempt TO DO. It wasn't "treat me condescendingly because of my age and question my morals and core sense of being."

I guess you're right. People here have been telling you want NOT TO DO rather what TO DO; like TO NOT look at child porn. I don't think anyone was doing it maliciously either but more for the reason that what you have up on this site is enough for police to take legal action (assuming lit gives up your IP and MAC). I'm not being malicious in pointing this out, just making doubly sure you're aware. Last time I mention it, I swear (unless you give me a hard time ).

As to the age part, it has less to do with age and more in response to what might be perceived as your defensiveness to peoples advice. I think that originally, all the posts were innocuous enough but some may have chafed under your responses. Though I fully believe you weren't being confrontational so much as seeing hostility where there was really just some member's short and sometimes blunt style (one or two people here excel at wielding their impressive wisdom like a club). Just a note, there are people much younger than you posting here and ending up fairly well received.

As to the morals, sense of being and possible reasons people reacted as they did..... refer to the first two sections of this post

 

[Marquis]

My eyes lit up when I came across this glorious pastime known as oral servitude. I can't use the alternative term 'cock worship' with a straight face since it sounds like she's suppose to pray to it at night or plead with it for mercy. As funny as that would be...

This is right up my alley though and she has a definite oral fixation. Something turns me on about a blowjob over an extended period of time regardless of whether or not she has my full attention (if she's under a desk or just laying next to me). So I will check that one off.

Humiliation? This intrigues me to a certain extent. I'm all for dirty talk or showing her off to other guys (and girls) but I don't see myself getting off on anything too extreme. By that I mean truly degrading her as a person. She hasn't shown any inclination she wants to be put down either.

I love that she asks for permission and requests to do damn near anything. I guess that goes under 'obedience.'

Pain - Maybe this is an area to explore cautiously but my turn ons are limited to spanking, slapping, tugging hair and just physically dominating/manhandling in general. None of that brutal titty torture for me, thanks.

Non-sexual tasks - Obviously this is a broad subject but I'm interested. I don't know what it might entail exactly but I think any non-sexual task is a good test of how loyal and serious the other person is since they otherwise would not receive pleasure in caring it out if their heart wasn't in it.


They all sound about right. I can't even give primacy to any one of those over the others. The control is mainly a sexual matter; I have no desire to run every facet of someone's life in minute detail.


Cheers for pulling back your reptilian skin.

You're welcome.

This all sounds like good stuff.

For non-sexual tasks, I have two types.

1. Things I actually want done, like the laundry or the dishes. I find the more specific you are with instructions, the more appealing it is for the sub. Ideally you could just say "do the laundry!" but I think it's a rare bird that gets off on that.

Asking her to wash your clothes in a specific manner under a certain time frame and fold them just so is much more likely to turn on her subby switches, and gets your laundry done to boot.

2. Whimsical tasks that are all elaborations on the old kindergarten game of "why are you hitting yourself." Think Cool Hand Luke "Why is your dirt in my hole? Get it out of there! What's all this dirt doing on my yard, put it back in!"

Wait, there is also one more. Things that are good for her or good for the relationship, but that she may not be in love with doing.

We have broached some of these topics although not to my satisfaction. I definitely need to know a great deal more. She's going away to college in the fall (closer to me) but if we're not an exclusive relationship by then I'll be constantly obsessing over the dozens of guys she's gonna fuck. Professors, customers, homeless guys in alleyways, ugh. But yeah, I need to know more about her past and hoped for future. It can be really disorienting trying to pinpoint her personality and demeanor. Hard to explain..

No explanation necessary.

The key words were "to do." Advice and ideas of any kind on what I could attempt TO DO. It wasn't "treat me condescendingly because of my age and question my morals and core sense of being."

Here is something you can do if you really like her as much as you seem to. Don't let her know. Letting her know just how much you like probably seems like a good idea and may feel good to let go of, but you're more likely to keep her on the hook if you keep yourself just out of reach. Let her come to you, this is core to the whole dynamic.

 

[SummerMorning]

macramé *melts*

What in blazes is macrame? Mack-ram-ey? Ma-creamey? :O

(and don't tell me to google it, it's more fun to learn from people)

 

[Sir_Winston54]

What in blazes is macrame? Mack-ram-ey? Ma-creamey? :O

(and don't tell me to google it, it's more fun to learn from people)

"MA-cruh-may"

Macramé or macramé is a form of textile-making using knotting rather than weaving or knitting. Its primary knots are the square knot and forms of hitching (full hitch and double half hitches). It has been used by sailors, especially in elaborate or ornamental knotting forms to decorate anything from knife handles to bottles to parts of ships.

Cavandoli macramé is a variety of macramé that is able to form geometric patterns and/or free-form patterns like weaving. The Cavandoli style is done mainly in a single knot, the double half hitch knot.Reverse half hitches are sometimes used to maintain balance when working left and right halves of a balanced piece.

Common materials used in macramé include cotton twine, hemp, leather or yarn. An essential feature of the threads used is a level of "give". Jewelry is often made in combination of both the knots and various beads (glass, wooden, etc.), pendants or shells. Sometimes 'found' focal points are used for necklaces, such as rings or gemstones either wire-wrapped to allow for securing or captured in a net-like array of intertwining overhand knots. Leather or fabric belts are another accessory often created via macramé techniques. Most friendship bracelets exchanged among schoolchildren and teens are created using this method as well.

For larger decorative pieces such as wall hangings or window coverings, a work of macramé might be started out on a wooden or metal dowel, allowing for a spread of dozens of cords that are easy to manipulate. For smaller projects, push-pin boards are available specifically for macramé, although a simple corkboard works adequately enough. Many craft stores offer beginners' kits, work boards, beads and materials ranging in price for the casual hobbyist or ambitious craftsperson. Vendors at theme parks, malls and other public places may sell such macramé jewelry or decoration as well.

More in the Wiki article here

 

[WriterDom]

Just have fun. You'll learn with every sub if she isn't "the one" If she is you'll learn with her. Make sure you know where to hit her and where not to hit her. Never leave her tied up alone. Panic snaps are a good idea if you do standing bondage. If you can, join a community. There are lot of people traveling around to different groups teaching techniques. You can learn things on your own but that's a much slower curve.

 

[HarlotMinx]

I iwwqwozuwere

*Is going to try this one more time.... Because she likes futility*
Okay, so a lot of people have put forward a lot of ideas, opinions, and views. Clearly you have disliked some and liked others. Now among all these posts people have peppered their posts with innate bdsmy wisdom. You might want to go back and reread some of it as objectively as possible..... sift some.

Why question motives you ask? Because motives are the single most important aspect of BDSM. They will define your relationship, and to top it off you will NEVER know what suzdejWaiiezzduszweio

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Believe it or not, it's possible to desire someone with both your cock and your mind.

Nope. I have this on good authority.

"God gave man a brain and a cock but only enough blood to run one at a time."

Eddie Izzard told me so.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

OK... I'm going to plead Brit here and conveniently sidestep the whole age issue. Over here in Blighty, the legal age of consent is 16 and that also goes for gay/lesbian sex, so I consider myself ineligible for the whole USA law debate. I'm going to give the guy the benefit of the doubt for 5 mins and assume that he's here seeking advice because he doesn't want to fuck things up and/or go to jail. That in itself is admirable.

OK... that's that disclaimer disclaimed.

Like others, I find the fact that your girl claims to be so experienced already concerning. The fact she sees nothing particularly abnormal, hazardous or unhealthy about her promiscuity is even more concerning. In my opinion there are some questions you should be asking yourself and asking her in turn, if you haven't already.

Does she regret the experiences she's had or feel shame about them?

Is she planning to continue being highly promiscuous in college?

Why does she feel this need/urge? Is it a physical desire for sex or an emotional desire for a transitory illusion of love?

How did she get to this point sexually? How was she introduced to sex and come to lose her virginity?

She has a high sex drive and is courting guy(s) (ya never ever know, you might not be the only one) online when she already has partners that dominate her and apparently spends the rest of her time masturbating? How has she found the time to graduate from highschool? You cannot really know anyone you have met online and some people have entire fantasy personas that are very convincing. I hope she's on the level (kinda) but you really cannot know for sure.

If she has an abnormally high sex drive, should that not be treated somehow (I'm being serious here, not a spoilsport, people can be addicted to sex or one night stands) either medically or through therapy, so that she has a better chance of settling down with a long term partner?

Regardless of how you feel about this girl and when she's due to turn 18, regardless of how she feels about you in return, it's clear to me that she has some serious psychological/physiological issues going on and I don't think you're equipped to deal with that as a less sexually experienced 23 year old with a fairly standard approach to love, sex and relationships. Do you honestly think for one minute that a girl like that is going to be content with monogamy at any stage in her life if her attitude to sex and relationships doesn't drastically change?

She sounds to me like she is in drastic need of professional therapy to work out her issues. She needs to own her submission, gain self assurance/esteem and decide how and to whom she wants to submit from a more self seeking perspective, without ricocheting from man to man out of an apparent fear of solitude.

I reserve the right to be way off base about this but having read through the thread, those are my thoughts and impressions.

~x~​

If we put that issue to one side momentarily, as she has so much experience I imagine she has a fairly clear idea of how she views D/s relationships, or at least, her ideal D/s relationship. There's a danger here for you to simply metamorphosize into whatever you think she wants/needs simply because you're infatuated with her. That's not dominance. That's actually service and it won't get you very far.

Netz has a point in that if you don't know what you want, it's very difficult for a sub to serve you. Do you have a genuine sadistic streak? If you imagine striking her with a whip or paddle, how does that make you feel? If she's masochistic and you have no interest in sadism, there'll be compatibility issues.

Do you want her to just submit in the bedroom? It sounds as though she wants you to take the lead in all aspects of the relationship but that's a big step and not the first one you have to take. There's nothing to prevent you from starting out as a kinky regular couple and building things from there as knowledge and trust grow. You don't have to dive into the deep end of the kink pool and as the relationship is so very young (ok it's a pun, let it go) and you're inexperienced it would be foolish for you to try. You should be able to do this on your own terms and progress at a pace that's right for you and safe for her. As she knows you're new to this, she should adjust her expectations accordingly and allow you to find your feet.

As for your own terms... as others have said, it's a highly personal journey and most peoples desires and limits change over time. Google a BDSM Checklist and see what appeals to you. Read the books I gave you links for a while back and have a look at the BDSM Library sticky thread on this forum. Knowledge is power and as you can't really know her until you meet, it's a case of nosce te ipsum. Learn what makes you tick as an aspiring dominant and then see how much of that tallies with her own submissive needs and desires at a later date (i.e. after her birthday )

Bit of an essay but I hope you found some of it useful. My Master was a newbie to BDSM when we met and over 2 years later, he's very confident in his dominance so feel free to PM if you'd like to chat further.

 

[BrianRUtay]

Like others, I find the fact that your girl claims to be so experienced already concerning. The fact she sees nothing particularly abnormal, hazardous or unhealthy about her promiscuity is even more concerning.

That's a lot of extrapolation! She hasn't explicitly claimed to being more experienced. I just know from what she's told me in conversation that she has more experience with anything D/s related than I do. She doesn't claim to be "normal" either. In fact, she believes the opposite. She's as aware as anyone that she is not at all typical.

Does she regret the experiences she's had or feel shame about them?

None as far as I know but I have my doubts.

Is she planning to continue being highly promiscuous in college?

I hope she's not consciously planning on it but I have my fear it could turn out to be a 24/7 fuckathon.

Why does she feel this need/urge? Is it a physical desire for sex or an emotional desire for a transitory illusion of love?

It's gotta be a combination of both. I can't judge whether she has a very healthy sex drive or is actually a nymphomaniac but she's horny all the time. For now she's enjoying herself and it doesn't seem to be causing her any stress. But she definitely sees this current older guy as more than a fuck buddy. So yeah, I'm worried about her getting hurt -- which would seem inevitable in a situation like this.

How did she get to this point sexually? How was she introduced to sex and come to lose her virginity?

She wasn't abused as a child and she wasn't introduced to sex at an unusual time or in an unusual manner. She didn't even pleasure herself until she was 15.

She has a high sex drive and is courting guy(s) (ya never ever know, you might not be the only one) online when she already has partners that dominate her and apparently spends the rest of her time masturbating?

That's a possibility but I'm all but positive that I'm the only 'other guy' at the moment. This isn't an issue for me right now since we're not in a relationship. I want her to be honest with me of course but it seems presumptuous on my part to have any exclusive demands on her. This older man doesn't dominate her in the true D/s sense; he's dominating sexually in the more common sense. They don't seem to see each other on a regular basis either (he's married!). And yes, frequent masturbation during whatever free time she has haha.

How has she found the time to graduate from highschool? You cannot really know anyone you have met online and some people have entire fantasy personas that are very convincing. I hope she's on the level (kinda) but you really cannot know for sure.

She's extremely intelligent so that hasn't proven to be an obstacle. We actually haven't talked as much lately because we're both really busy with school and work. She certainly puts on a front but as I've gotten to know her a bit better she's becoming more honest and opening up.

Do you honestly think for one minute that a girl like that is going to be content with monogamy at any stage in her life if her attitude to sex and relationships doesn't drastically change?

Yes. If she was in love I think it could change her outlook drastically. And if she's truly submissive than it shouldn't be a problem. I'm not so sure I have fairly standard views about love, sex and relationships though..

...there'll be compatibility issues.

No, she doesn't have everything figured out either. These are areas we'll have to work our way through if we do get to that point.

Do you want her to just submit in the bedroom? It sounds as though she wants you to take the lead in all aspects of the relationship but that's a big step and not the first one you have to take. There's nothing to prevent you from starting out as a kinky regular couple and building things from there as knowledge and trust grow. You don't have to dive into the deep end of the kink pool and as the relationship is so very young (ok it's a pun, let it go) and you're inexperienced it would be foolish for you to try. You should be able to do this on your own terms and progress at a pace that's right for you and safe for her. As she knows you're new to this, she should adjust her expectations accordingly and allow you to find your feet.

I know this is really sound advice and I'll do my best to abide by it. It's gonna be hard though -- I've never done well with moderation or operating at a slow, cautious speed.