ok you male subs

[Alt]

I have noticed that female subs that come newly into the clubs I belong to are scooped up before they get a chance to become oriented but just as quickly let loose...their newness fades quickly...the males are given more space to become known and show who they are so that when they do get a position with a Domme it has a larger chance of being authentic and long lasting.

I am a believer in enjoying the journey of finding the right Mistress and taking slow cautious steps and you will be more likely to find your magic and still be free when She enters your world.

Spoken like a true expert! Quality above quantity is what really pushes a true sub. At least in my case.

 

[schmerzgarten]

It would mostly depend on my partner and, more importantly, upon the situation itself. I believe everybody has a trace of switch in them. Yes, I do have a dominant side to me that when stroked at the right time, will come out to play. However, I am naturally submissive, and fit much better with a more dominant partner. But again, much depends upon the environment I'm in at the time. Thank you for asking.



I understand the reasons for the difficulty in male subs finding the right situation. Same can be said for anybody who seeks the "right" situation. But I have noticed that female subs get offered the chance more often if there is any questions regarding validity. Female subs that switch are far more often accepted than male subs that do. As with all journeys, finding the right Domme is a long and sometimes tedious adventure.

My wife doesn't participate in this forum, so I'm going to offer up what I know she would growl out at many O' male "Doms" were she to, something unfortunately often proven all too true and lord knows she's been in the lifestyle long enough to speak with some authority: Most "Doms" are whores! That is the simple, most basic reason female subs/bottoms see more "opportunities" for play and "relationships" than male submissives/bottoms. The only difference is these guys doll themselves up in leather and play with whips, but the intention is the same, to tag tail. We've spoken about this on numerous occasions and every time she'll recite the same 3 or 4 names of men she thought and continues to think deserve to be respected as dominates.

Now, that paraphrased rant has a purpose and is my segue to answer regarding my thoughts about male submissiveness and female dominants. I've found, in contrast to my wife's experiences with male dominants, the female dominant variant tend to be far more fascinated by the potential for exploring/experiencing multiple layers of power-exchange. Indeed, as compared to many male dominants, most female dominates seem to seek out opportunities with male submissives in which to twist and turn the gray matter just to see what might happen, what may be elicited, twisted, explored, eroticism from the top down so to say, to engender a relationship in which eroticism flows from the mind rather than the groin - though that latter isn't a bad place to wind up. *G*

Now, I might be a fetishist and a bit of a masochist, but without the above mental dynamic, I'd rather watch Spanish TV and I don't know Spanish. At risk to my own well-being, a private joke, I still believe the best phrase I've ever heard regarding BDSM was from a female dominant and ex-pro dominatrix, "a dominant inspires submission." That's it in a nutshell, it just took me three paragraphs, as usual. And, that inspiration, that fasciation with such women is what makes me both a male submissive and a male bottom, depending on the situation.

cheers, sw.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I try and stay in shape as best I can. But to this point I haven't faced any discrimination of being a "big" sub. In fact, I think that may heighten the attraction/arousal byt submitting to a physically smaller Domme. I enjoy being submissive, but I feel I have no choice.

you are fortunate that you enjoy what you recognize as your fate! ~~grin~~

 

[Alt]

you are fortunate that you enjoy what you recognize as your fate! ~~grin~~

What may be fortunate is that I feel it within me the impossibility of not enjoying it. Hence, my impatience to see my fate realized.

 

[Xelebes]

Hello Xelebes

There is a vast difference between adult material and reality in the BDSM world. That is what you are discovering. Submissives and Dominants come in all sizes and sexualities...in fact I find that the subs are evenly divided between large and "manly" looking and those that are small and "delicate" looking. The Dommes are also not only looking for m,asculinity but a mans more feminine side very often.

Thank you for adding your voice to this conversation ~~smile~~

I was making a note that the adult material was different than the materials available to children in regards to dominant women - the adult material shows men as smaller, more diminutive as opposed to more of the "common" material which has always seemed to be the opposite. Thus, the adult material makes me feel more odd as I see submission is not supposed to make me weaker but rather the opposite - stronger. I hope I am making this more clear.

 

[Aeroil]

Hello Aeroil and thank you for adding your voice to this conversation. Your voice is as valuable as any and your opinions are valid.

It is your submissive heart and needs that will take precedents over your size when you venture into the mainstream BDSM world. If all goes well you will move from online to real time when the time is exactly right for you.

*nods* when happenstance gives me an oppurtunity to I'll definately not hesitate to move into the mainstream.

Unfourtunately Happenstance has an annoying habit of making people wait.....

 

[shayne_mayhem]

Yet those I own who are more feminine and sissifed are no less attractive to My Domination.

I agree. I don't see anything necessarily emasculating about being a less physically powerful sub, or being a more "feminine" one. I think in fact that *some* of the definitions of "masculine" and "feminine" are weird and arbitrary. I like feeling that a male (I don't have any subs of my own...sigh...) is physically dependent upon me and that, if I couldn't necessarily overpower him, I'd at least be a good match. I don't think that makes him any less of a man, and I hate the fact that society tells him that.

 

[Alt]

It occurs to me to wonder if, nay how often, female subs that switch are accepted by a Dom who is not really so much a Dom at all, but a switching sub who hopes to get a turn, as it were...

...if finding a Domme is really so hard, I would image no few desperate fellows with submissive tendencies would find it a fair compromise; to indulge a partner's submissive needs in turn.

It paints a sad picture though.

I have gotten plenty of nibbles from newbie "dommes" who think they may enjoy the lifestyle without really understanding it. Their lack of experience is unavoidable from the start. As a true submissive at heart, I find a strong Domme truly intoxicating to the point where my desires are led by instinct rather than immediate gratification.

For the most part, male subs do get a bad perception for being nervous pervs. However, in reality, our openness to stretch the boundaries only underlines our true strengths. Real Dommes understand that. When it all comes together, ahhh, ...I call it heaven.

 

[Shadowsdream]

My wife doesn't participate in this forum, so I'm going to offer up what I know she would growl out at many O' male "Doms" were she to, something unfortunately often proven all too true and lord knows she's been in the lifestyle long enough to speak with some authority: Most "Doms" are whores! That is the simple, most basic reason female subs/bottoms see more "opportunities" for play and "relationships" than male submissives/bottoms. The only difference is these guys doll themselves up in leather and play with whips, but the intention is the same, to tag tail. We've spoken about this on numerous occasions and every time she'll recite the same 3 or 4 names of men she thought and continues to think deserve to be respected as dominates.

Now, that paraphrased rant has a purpose and is my segue to answer regarding my thoughts about male submissiveness and female dominants. I've found, in contrast to my wife's experiences with male dominants, the female dominant variant tend to be far more fascinated by the potential for exploring/experiencing multiple layers of power-exchange. Indeed, as compared to many male dominants, most female dominates seem to seek out opportunities with male submissives in which to twist and turn the gray matter just to see what might happen, what may be elicited, twisted, explored, eroticism from the top down so to say, to engender a relationship in which eroticism flows from the mind rather than the groin - though that latter isn't a bad place to wind up. *G*

Now, I might be a fetishist and a bit of a masochist, but without the above mental dynamic, I'd rather watch Spanish TV and I don't know Spanish. At risk to my own well-being, a private joke, I still believe the best phrase I've ever heard regarding BDSM was from a female dominant and ex-pro dominatrix, "a dominant inspires submission." That's it in a nutshell, it just took me three paragraphs, as usual. And, that inspiration, that fasciation with such women is what makes me both a male submissive and a male bottom, depending on the situation.

cheers, sw.

Hello schmerzgarten and thank you for participating in this conversation with a long well thought out post.

The mental aspects of D/s and BDSM do seem to be a large part of the Dommes make up..once She has been in the lifestyle for awhile. I have noticed over the years that even the new fem Domme often starts out thinking more about the sex and the games and evolves over time and generally "through" Her participation with a submissive male or female who has deeper needs. At that time Her evolution becomes more complex and mind related.

Male submissives in My experience follow such simple paths of needs that their transparency makes them perfect candidates to mold into whatever their Domme wishes them to be.

Their ability to resist the Mistress that captures their minds and bodies soon becomes slim to none! yahooooo.com!

 

[Netzach]

How's that a sad picture, to have to service-top once in a while? If your Dominant wants it?

You sign your ass up for service to me, you don't get to pick and choose what that entails. Lately, there's been a twice nightly needle scene in my house to which I am the bottom as my boy injects me with meds. Ugly, not fun, not something he likes, but I like doing my own even less, so he sucks up. If I just wanted the needle and no med, he'd have to do it with just as much aplomb.

 

[Shadowsdream]

What may be fortunate is that I feel it within me the impossibility of not enjoying it. Hence, my impatience to see my fate realized.

There would be no value if there was no joy.

 

[Netzach]

Hello schmerzgarten and thank you for participating in this conversation with a long well thought out post.

The mental aspects of D/s and BDSM do seem to be a large part of the Dommes make up..once She has been in the lifestyle for awhile. I have noticed over the years that even the new fem Domme often starts out thinking more about the sex and the games and evolves over time and generally "through" Her participation with a submissive male or female who has deeper needs. At that time Her evolution becomes more complex and mind related.

Male submissives in My experience follow such simple paths of needs that their transparency makes them perfect candidates to mold into whatever their Domme wishes them to be.

Their ability to resist the Mistress that captures their minds and bodies soon becomes slim to none! yahooooo.com!

I find there are 2 types of pet. Not so much "male" and "female"


but

"kitty" and "puppy."

Among the males, I have a kitty and a puppy and a dog who thinks he's a cat who sometimes is a cat who thinks it's a dog.

Among the females I have a definite kitty and a definite puppy.

Puppy responds to consistancy, discipline, behavioral modification, he or she is very very very transparent, loyal, obedient, basically whatever you put into pup, you get out. Ignore pup and you will have a rug-pisser, train pup well and you will have a valuable helper and friend. Simple.

Kitty is not so simple. Kitty is complicated, easily traumatized if you come on too strong, kitty needs reassurance more than the rolled up newspaper, but kitty can handle long stretches of independence and important secret missions without being told how to complete them to the degree of detail that pup needs. You don't need to put a lot of effort into litter training kitty, and he or she will always want to appear clean and fabulous and impress your friends. Kitty will inflict frustration, but the rewards of managing this complicated beast are well worth the effort.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I was making a note that the adult material was different than the materials available to children in regards to dominant women - the adult material shows men as smaller, more diminutive as opposed to more of the "common" material which has always seemed to be the opposite. Thus, the adult material makes me feel more odd as I see submission is not supposed to make me weaker but rather the opposite - stronger. I hope I am making this more clear.

Very clear and in My opinion submission does not make one stronger..even in weakness. Thank you for bringing up this subject which I would like to see the male submissives expand upon!

 

[Shadowsdream]

*nods* when happenstance gives me an oppurtunity to I'll definately not hesitate to move into the mainstream.

Unfourtunately Happenstance has an annoying habit of making people wait.....

Happenstance may be annoying but it also teaches you that what is worth having is worth waiting for....

 

[Shadowsdream]

I agree. I don't see anything necessarily emasculating about being a less physically powerful sub, or being a more "feminine" one. I think in fact that *some* of the definitions of "masculine" and "feminine" are weird and arbitrary. I like feeling that a male (I don't have any subs of my own...sigh...) is physically dependent upon me and that, if I couldn't necessarily overpower him, I'd at least be a good match. I don't think that makes him any less of a man, and I hate the fact that society tells him that.

Thank goodness the males that really have the need to submit have the courage to thumb society!

Hello shayne_mayhem and thank you for adding your voice to this conversation.

 

[Shadowsdream]

It occurs to me to wonder if, nay how often, female subs that switch are accepted by a Dom who is not really so much a Dom at all, but a switching sub who hopes to get a turn, as it were...

...if finding a Domme is really so hard, I would image no few desperate fellows with submissive tendencies would find it a fair compromise; to indulge a partner's submissive needs in turn.

It paints a sad picture though.

There is no need for it to be a sad situation as it is how many learn which side of the whip they really belong on. I believe if the sub and the Domme are honest with themselves and each other as to why they are switching and it is not done out of desperation but out of the desire to please it has value on both sides of the whip.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I have gotten plenty of nibbles from newbie "dommes" who think they may enjoy the lifestyle without really understanding it. Their lack of experience is unavoidable from the start. As a true submissive at heart, I find a strong Domme truly intoxicating to the point where my desires are led by instinct rather than immediate gratification.

For the most part, male subs do get a bad perception for being nervous pervs. However, in reality, our openness to stretch the boundaries only underlines our true strengths. Real Dommes understand that. When it all comes together, ahhh, ...I call it heaven.

Years ago male subs acted more desperate in the real world than they do today. Taking the first Domme that smiles at them. I see them being much more selective unless of course one is talking about online. There I still see the "Please Mistress can i be your slave" by every male that hits any of My chat programs...of course they are sending the same line to every fem Domme they can find until one accepts their sorry asses.

The magic between a sub and his Mistress is electrifying when it is the right mix.

 

[Shadowsdream]

How's that a sad picture, to have to service-top once in a while? If your Dominant wants it?

You sign your ass up for service to me, you don't get to pick and choose what that entails. Lately, there's been a twice nightly needle scene in my house to which I am the bottom as my boy injects me with meds. Ugly, not fun, not something he likes, but I like doing my own even less, so he sucks up. If I just wanted the needle and no med, he'd have to do it with just as much aplomb.

Hello Netzach and welcome to the conversation I was hoping You would find the time to drop in!

Personally I believe that My toys will serve Me in ANY way that I feel is either necessary or pleasurable for Me. If they cannot or do not desire to do so they have chosen a Mistress that is not compatible with their submission.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I find there are 2 types of pet. Not so much "male" and "female"


but

"kitty" and "puppy."

Among the males, I have a kitty and a puppy and a dog who thinks he's a cat who sometimes is a cat who thinks it's a dog.

Among the females I have a definite kitty and a definite puppy.

Puppy responds to consistancy, discipline, behavioral modification, he or she is very very very transparent, loyal, obedient, basically whatever you put into pup, you get out. Ignore pup and you will have a rug-pisser, train pup well and you will have a valuable helper and friend. Simple.

Kitty is not so simple. Kitty is complicated, easily traumatized if you come on too strong, kitty needs reassurance more than the rolled up newspaper, but kitty can handle long stretches of independence and important secret missions without being told how to complete them to the degree of detail that pup needs. You don't need to put a lot of effort into litter training kitty, and he or she will always want to appear clean and fabulous and impress your friends. Kitty will inflict frustration, but the rewards of managing this complicated beast are well worth the effort.

WOW! You have just described My kitty and pussy to a T! Your mind is amazing and Your Kitty and Puppy are extremely fortunate to have such a complex owner!

I look forward to watching this thread grow with many words of wisdom from You.

 

[Netzach]

WOW! You have just described My kitty and pussy to a T! Your mind is amazing and Your Kitty and Puppy are extremely fortunate to have such a complex owner!

I look forward to watching this thread grow with many words of wisdom from You.

I don't think it's wisdom so much as being a cat person suddenly in posession of a human beagle!

 

[Alt]

Years ago male subs acted more desperate in the real world than they do today. Taking the first Domme that smiles at them. I see them being much more selective unless of course one is talking about online. There I still see the "Please Mistress can i be your slave" by every male that hits any of My chat programs...of course they are sending the same line to every fem Domme they can find until one accepts their sorry asses.

The magic between a sub and his Mistress is electrifying when it is the right mix.

Perhaps the issues I'm facing is that I am picky with regards to Dommes. Yet at the same time I am eager to enjoy the fruits of a strong connection. Good Dommes who understand the needs of their subs, and can deftly manipulate their desires with skilled mind and hand, are too far and too few between. I won't submit to just anybody. As with anything, a bond must be established before it can be affirmed and cultivated properly.

In fact, I think male subs are too often labeled as easy. After all, it is very easy for anybody pretending to be domme to gain a sub's attention.

 

[AAkasha]

Hello schmerzgarten and thank you for participating in this conversation with a long well thought out post.

The mental aspects of D/s and BDSM do seem to be a large part of the Dommes make up..once She has been in the lifestyle for awhile. I have noticed over the years that even the new fem Domme often starts out thinking more about the sex and the games and evolves over time and generally "through" Her participation with a submissive male or female who has deeper needs. At that time Her evolution becomes more complex and mind related.

Male submissives in My experience follow such simple paths of needs that their transparency makes them perfect candidates to mold into whatever their Domme wishes them to be.

Their ability to resist the Mistress that captures their minds and bodies soon becomes slim to none! yahooooo.com!

You forget about femdoms that did not learn and grow their dominant nature through the community or even through submissives. What about the women that were dominating men for their own pleasure before even encountering submissives who had their own agenda?

There is a unique quality to femdoms that explored and expanded their passion for dominating men without the help of a more experienced submissive male partner. And that is that their foundation for pleasure and what they remain true to is that submission must bend to their desires, not vice versa. They cannot be as easily manipulated or used by submissive fetishists who are just looking to have their fantasies fulfilled.

The most attractive traits I have as a femdom (the passion, the honest thirst for submission, the hunger for submission that makes subs melt) were not the ones I learned from experienced submissive partners (are they to tell me how I should feel? Where the pleasure comes from? What it takes to be a "real" femdom?), but the ones I learned from not letting submissive men control me, and instead listening to my own inner fire.

Akasha

Akasha

 

[Alt]

Very clear and in My opinion submission does not make one stronger..even in weakness. Thank you for bringing up this subject which I would like to see the male submissives expand upon!

It is not so much that it makes us stronger, but it allows us to be who we really are. That gives the perception of strength. Submission allows our sexual instincts and desires to rise to the surface. However, it does take a firm lead to properly train us to control ourselves.

 

[Aeroil]

Years ago male subs acted more desperate in the real world than they do today. Taking the first Domme that smiles at them. I see them being much more selective unless of course one is talking about online. There I still see the "Please Mistress can i be your slave" by every male that hits any of My chat programs...of course they are sending the same line to every fem Domme they can find until one accepts their sorry asses.

The magic between a sub and his Mistress is electrifying when it is the right mix.

It's not only the subs that try the "shotgun" approach (especially online). Well, or so I've been told. I can't say I overly blame them for being a bit desperate, (I've certainly felt it myself), but I think I can fault them for letting it overwhelm their senses, at least.

 

[bronntanas]

It's not only the subs that try the "shotgun" approach (especially online). Well, or so I've been told. I can't say I overly blame them for being a bit desperate, (I've certainly felt it myself), but I think I can fault them for letting it overwhelm their senses, at least.

I've seen that too. It seems to be an on line phenomena; but if you check out the "I seek like minded people" thread you'll see several examples of clueless DomWannabe's shotgunning the emails out there. It's not really related to what side of the power flow the clueless guy wants to be on but it does appear to be a guy thing. Doesn't it just make us all so darn proud?

Very clear and in My opinion submission does not make one stronger..even in weakness. Thank you for bringing up this subject which I would like to see the male submissives expand upon!

Like Alt, I don't see it making me stronger than before I acted on my desires to serve. But, it does make me more comfortable in my own skin, giving me a curious mixture of confidence in who I am and a serenity that seems to result in from that. A Domme I know tells me She finds me to be a particularly restful sub. The lack of a power struggle between Herself and me, and the absence of the internal power struggle within myself between what society wants and what I want is mostly non-existent.

Confidence is sexy

(No, he didn't say that here, he said that in an interview after City Slickers came out. The interviewer was asking about still being a sex symbol at his age. It was then a tag line from some commercial he did.)

I gain a lot of emotional confidence from my submission, it doesn't make me stronger, but it helps me live in my own skin.

I would like to someday be in a subservient position to a Lady for the long-term. While I'm attracted to men sexually, I don't feel the need to serve as I do with a woman, but I'm not ruling out a subservient position to a man, either. Right now, I have two close female friends who are willing to take me on a part time (and sometimes part-part time) basis. They're lovely wonderful Ladies; all They ask is complete honesty within our relationship and neither seeks to control me full time. They've actually met before. I'm not ready for that yet. I'm only 20, and I'm going back to university this summer, and I don't think I'm ready for a long term relationship of any sort right now. But ultimately, that's my dream. To live under Someone and serve Her, or Them as transparently and as earnestly as possible.