ok you male subs

[Rrrosyn]

==================================

myself? no. i let Mistress know how i feel but at the moment, She already knows. She talks to me while She is doing whatever and i answer Her during all of it.
She is able to finish my sentences before i even have that thought completed enough to finish it myself.
my "communication" with Mistress is one un needing of mere words. i am able to grunt, whine, squeal, whatever,...move my hips one way or another in a "scene"......She KNOWS because She changes at each precise movement i make or sound i make.
i do not know how others fare, but so far my communicating with my Mistress is all too easy.

wolfie
owned/operated by Ms Laura real time

I can adapt easily enough to sub's non-verbal communications within a scene. Move here, move there, frustrate him more or relieve his desires.

The problem lies in the fact that he is unresponsive to verbal quearies. I have found I need to wait a couple hour after a scene or until the next day for a coherant answer to any questions.

Anyone else need to come-down before they can say whether they even liked or hated something new?

 

[timberwolf05]

When your opinion is asked is it common for you to just agree with your Domme and all that was played out? Even when asked do you find it hard to say what could have been added, prolonged or what didn't work for you?

For a scene to be enjoyable I need feedback. Hopefully positive, but some info on what wasn't liked or enough (after a scene only, never during) would help the next scene go much better. Do male subs have problems communicating this? If you do, please let me know why.

==============

When your opinion is asked is it common for you to just agree with your Domme and all that was played out?

************no i do not just--agree...

Even when asked do you find it hard to say what could have been added, prolonged or what didn't work for you?
*******no. it is all too easy to explain myself.

wolfie

 

[Rrrosyn]

==============

When your opinion is asked is it common for you to just agree with your Domme and all that was played out?

************no i do not just--agree...

Even when asked do you find it hard to say what could have been added, prolonged or what didn't work for you?
*******no. it is all too easy to explain myself.

wolfie

Thanks wolfie. I am hoping as my submissive grows older he will learn to have a voice for himself. We've had some non-BDSM instances where he has remained silent for fear of having a voice and it upsets me very much that he doesn't know he can just speak up.

 

[timberwolf05]

Thanks wolfie. I am hoping as my submissive grows older he will learn to have a voice for himself. We've had some non-BDSM instances where he has remained silent for fear of having a voice and it upsets me very much that he doesn't know he can just speak up.

==============
Mistress and i usually talk daily if not every other day re: O/our "scenes".
W/we did it tonight even, discussing how often and what would be really cool and wild next time.

best wishes to You. maybe You can get him to open up more if You ask him to first write it down and or find a web spot he likes re: s/m?

wolfie

 

[Rrrosyn]

==============
Mistress and i usually talk daily if not every other day re: O/our "scenes".
W/we did it tonight even, discussing how often and what would be really cool and wild next time.

best wishes to You. maybe You can get him to open up more if You ask him to first write it down and or find a web spot he likes re: s/m?

wolfie

We have our post-scene conversation, but he always says it is just fine. Had a nice one the other night where he discussed some fantasies from when he was a teen. Like having a woman step on his cock and balls. (No way with my balance! LOL) But I can massage him there with my feet and press his parts down against the bed, etc. Adaption is a wonder!

I do have a journal where I ask him questions every now and then. I am letting him put it on hold for a couple weeks because college started Monday and he is over-whelmed with it all. Five classes, specific to having a lot of homework... and he works every night after school. So, kinda easing up on the more complex things. Rewards for chores and homework mostly. When he's into the swing of it, he'll get back to the journal.

 

[landcruisergal]

I find the lack of feedback and communication frustrating but have I learned to adapt, encourage and instruct him in regards to what I want to hear.
My pup has to learn the difference between an honest reply and a disrespectful reply. He is young, has basic language skills and can often be uncouth.He's improving tho and tries hard. He knows his manners are a major irritant, and confesses he hates exposing to me what he feeling.

Its tricky, and I have to take care I dont deter him from replying truthfully but also watch that he doesnt take the easy way out and say what he assumes I want to hear....simple lip service is not what I want.

sorry just my 5 cents worth.
ps Timberwolf, I was so happy when I saw you had found a lady to take you in hand. your sincerity and honest opinions are much valued.
Rrrosyn, thanks for...well... keeping this thread happening

 

[timberwolf05]

ps Timberwolf, I was so happy when I saw you had found a lady to take you in hand. your sincerity and honest opinions are much valued.
landcruisergal
-------------------
i know there are a few people here that will tell you what a low life s.o.b. i am but thank you.
not everyone likes MY views. i tend to be too blunt and abrasive for many people's dislike.

wolfie

 

[landcruisergal]

ps Timberwolf, I was so happy when I saw you had found a lady to take you in hand. your sincerity and honest opinions are much valued.
landcruisergal
-------------------
i know there are a few people here that will tell you what a low life s.o.b. i am but thank you.
not everyone likes MY views. i tend to be too blunt and abrasive for many people's dislike.

wolfie

thats ok. A lot of people have called me worse than abrasive. Stay true to yourself.

 

[Rrrosyn]

-------------------
i know there are a few people here that will tell you what a low life s.o.b. i am but thank you.
not everyone likes MY views. i tend to be too blunt and abrasive for many people's dislike.

wolfie

If everyone liked your views, it would be a boring world. Besides, "blunt" just means you manage to say in few words what others take paragraphs to say.

 

[onceburned]

The problem lies in the fact that he is unresponsive to verbal quearies. I have found I need to wait a couple hour after a scene or until the next day for a coherant answer to any questions.

Is this a matter of sub-space getting in the way? I know I become more compliant when 'under the influence'. And once was so far down as to be totally non-verbal.

 

[mslv4Her]

If everyone liked your views, it would be a boring world. Besides, "blunt" just means you manage to say in few words what others take paragraphs to say.

Blunt can be good sometimes. I work with a bunch of people who seem to think, "Why use 10 words when 50 will do?'

 

[Rrrosyn]

Is this a matter of sub-space getting in the way? I know I become more compliant when 'under the influence'. And once was so far down as to be totally non-verbal.

Sometimes. But if sub-space is why he isn't replying, then it is my fault for asking at such times.

Mostly it is because he was raised not to have an opinion on anything. Disagreement with his folks meant a belting. Conform to his parents, their parents, their church, etc... or else. When he was 18 he became a vegetarian in a silent fight against this. But being 18 what could they do? It was something he could control so he did. Same for his being pagan. A silent battle against them. But he never, ever, ever speaks up against them.

I once was fiddling with the a/c in the car and turned the rear a/c on really high. Well I forgot about it. He was freezing but not once said anything about being cold or asking me to put the controls back to the rear panel, etc. He just doesn't know he is permitted a voice in anything. I may be controlling and like things my way, but I feel every human being has a right to a voice. And communication keeps a relationship alive.

 

[SweetDommes]

Sometimes. But if sub-space is why he isn't replying, then it is my fault for asking at such times.

Mostly it is because he was raised not to have an opinion on anything. Disagreement with his folks meant a belting. Conform to his parents, their parents, their church, etc... or else. When he was 18 he became a vegetarian in a silent fight against this. But being 18 what could they do? It was something he could control so he did. Same for his being pagan. A silent battle against them. But he never, ever, ever speaks up against them.

I once was fiddling with the a/c in the car and turned the rear a/c on really high. Well I forgot about it. He was freezing but not once said anything about being cold or asking me to put the controls back to the rear panel, etc. He just doesn't know he is permitted a voice in anything. I may be controlling and like things my way, but I feel every human being has a right to a voice. And communication keeps a relationship alive.

Keep working on him. It may take years, but you will eventually see results. You have to break down the conditioning that they have done - positive reinforcement is what he needs now. Reward him with something every time he speaks up for himself - even if it's just a kiss on the cheek or something ... reward him. He's had way too much negative reinforcement in his life apparently, so he will probably respond quite well to positive.

 

[onceburned]

Yes, I think SweetDommes' message is onto something. For his own emotional well-being, as well as for your comfort, he needs to learn that his opinions (and himself!) are not worthless.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Keep working on him. It may take years, but you will eventually see results. You have to break down the conditioning that they have done - positive reinforcement is what he needs now. Reward him with something every time he speaks up for himself - even if it's just a kiss on the cheek or something ... reward him. He's had way too much negative reinforcement in his life apparently, so he will probably respond quite well to positive.

Ya know sometimes a person really just needs someone to reinforce the idea they all ready have. Thank you for that. I know some may think I am too soft, but I truly adore him in all aspects of our relationship. The fact that he's kinky and submissive is truly a perk, not what I set out looking for. He gets his belly rubs and head scratches (he likes these actions, go figure) and most of the time that's all he needs.

Yes, I think SweetDommes' message is onto something. For his own emotional well-being, as well as for your comfort, he needs to learn that his opinions (and himself!) are not worthless.

Thanks for the affirmation, as well.

 

[AAkasha]

Sometimes. But if sub-space is why he isn't replying, then it is my fault for asking at such times.

Mostly it is because he was raised not to have an opinion on anything. Disagreement with his folks meant a belting. Conform to his parents, their parents, their church, etc... or else. When he was 18 he became a vegetarian in a silent fight against this. But being 18 what could they do? It was something he could control so he did. Same for his being pagan. A silent battle against them. But he never, ever, ever speaks up against them.

I once was fiddling with the a/c in the car and turned the rear a/c on really high. Well I forgot about it. He was freezing but not once said anything about being cold or asking me to put the controls back to the rear panel, etc. He just doesn't know he is permitted a voice in anything. I may be controlling and like things my way, but I feel every human being has a right to a voice. And communication keeps a relationship alive.

Another thing to consider is asking questions or getting feedback in a way that there is no negative answer and he is not in a position to say something was inadequate, not enough, not pleasant or put him in a position to critique or feel as though he was being asked to manipulate or guide.

Ask question about "what was your favorite part..." or "when were you most turned on?". Try to also avoid closed ended questions that can be answered with a yes or a no so that he has a chance to elaborate.

Encourage him to use non verbal cues as best he can when you are actually dominating him -- or learn the ones that signal you're really pushing buttons. A sharp intake of breath, curling his toes, biting his lip. You also might find that by showing him that *you* get off on those non verbal cues (stuff like that really gets me going personally) he might be less and less stoic and unreadable.

I've always been incredibly turned on by reactions. If I am with a partner that remains rather stiff and stoic, I get bored easily or frustrated. I want a full range of responses to play with and mold and use to my advantage. The more responsive a partner is, the more turned on I am -- and generally, the more responsive a man is, the more I can read him and push buttons.

Akasha

 

[Rrrosyn]

Another thing to consider is asking questions or getting feedback in a way that there is no negative answer and he is not in a position to say something was inadequate, not enough, not pleasant or put him in a position to critique or feel as though he was being asked to manipulate or guide.

Ask question about "what was your favorite part..." or "when were you most turned on?". Try to also avoid closed ended questions that can be answered with a yes or a no so that he has a chance to elaborate.

Encourage him to use non verbal cues as best he can when you are actually dominating him -- or learn the ones that signal you're really pushing buttons. A sharp intake of breath, curling his toes, biting his lip. You also might find that by showing him that *you* get off on those non verbal cues (stuff like that really gets me going personally) he might be less and less stoic and unreadable.

I've always been incredibly turned on by reactions. If I am with a partner that remains rather stiff and stoic, I get bored easily or frustrated. I want a full range of responses to play with and mold and use to my advantage. The more responsive a partner is, the more turned on I am -- and generally, the more responsive a man is, the more I can read him and push buttons.

Akasha

<nods> Aye!! And thank you for the specifics on leaving questions open and reminding me to think before I ask, so that they will not make him feel pressured or critiqued.

 

[landcruisergal]

Another thing to consider is asking questions or getting feedback in a way that there is no negative answer and he is not in a position to say something was inadequate, not enough, not pleasant or put him in a position to critique or feel as though he was being asked to manipulate or guide.

Ask question about "what was your favorite part..." or "when were you most turned on?". Try to also avoid closed ended questions that can be answered with a yes or a no so that he has a chance to elaborate.

Encourage him to use non verbal cues as best he can when you are actually dominating him -- or learn the ones that signal you're really pushing buttons. A sharp intake of breath, curling his toes, biting his lip. You also might find that by showing him that *you* get off on those non verbal cues (stuff like that really gets me going personally) he might be less and less stoic and unreadable.

I've always been incredibly turned on by reactions. If I am with a partner that remains rather stiff and stoic, I get bored easily or frustrated. I want a full range of responses to play with and mold and use to my advantage. The more responsive a partner is, the more turned on I am -- and generally, the more responsive a man is, the more I can read him and push buttons.

Akasha

The reactions of my boy really get me steaming...
and thanks for the good advice re timing and questioning...i guess if I dont set him up to fail or dissappoint every time,( not that I do this intentionally), he wont be as resistant to my probing...a bit like anal play really.
softly softly catchee monkey.

 

[timberwolf05]

Is it so very important for you that your lady is sexually satisfied by your actions?
=============

NO! She is married and i am not a part of that equation. i serve in service...........ONLY! no romance/no sex/
i am 100% platonic and celebate.
wolf

 

[SweetDommes]

Is it so very important for you that your lady is sexually satisfied by your actions?

I just have to post on this ... a guy from work (not the one from before, but one that happens to be a true gentleman ... or at least as much as a 23 year old guy can be LOL) has been chasing me for awhile now, and I've been teasing and tormenting (two of my favorite activities *evil grin*).

He's finally gotten to come home with me - unfortunately under less than happy circumstances (he was injured breaking up an inmate fight Friday night - he got two days off, happens to be my weekend off, so I've been taking care of him) - but anyway, he is desparate to get me off. Before he came home with me, he was trying to find a way around the rules to get me off even though he knew that he wouldn't get to. He has tried everything possible (and been stopped LOL) - he said it would help his frustration if he could get me off. He wants to please me, in sexual and nonsexual ways, but he's getting rather desparate to please me sexually (and it's pretty funny too )

 

[landcruisergal]

I just have to post on this ... a guy from work (not the one from before, but one that happens to be a true gentleman ... or at least as much as a 23 year old guy can be LOL) has been chasing me for awhile now, and I've been teasing and tormenting (two of my favorite activities *evil grin*).

He's finally gotten to come home with me - unfortunately under less than happy circumstances (he was injured breaking up an inmate fight Friday night - he got two days off, happens to be my weekend off, so I've been taking care of him) - but anyway, he is desparate to get me off. Before he came home with me, he was trying to find a way around the rules to get me off even though he knew that he wouldn't get to. He has tried everything possible (and been stopped LOL) - he said it would help his frustration if he could get me off. He wants to please me, in sexual and nonsexual ways, but he's getting rather desparate to please me sexually (and it's pretty funny too )

Sounds like you are having lots of fun...

 

[Alt]

He wants to please me, in sexual and nonsexual ways, but he's getting rather desparate to please me sexually (and it's pretty funny too )

Crack that whip!

 

[SweetDommes]

Sounds like you are having lots of fun...

Oh hell yeah ... I'm LOVING this And what makes it even better is that as desparate as he is, as horny as he is, he's still incredibly sweet ... despite all of my teasing

 

[landcruisergal]

Oh hell yeah ... I'm LOVING this And what makes it even better is that as desparate as he is, as horny as he is, he's still incredibly sweet ... despite all of my teasing

Yumm, reminds me of someone I know....

 

[Rrrosyn]

Begging?

Do you beg? Do you beg realistically for your Domme or do you really beg?

I know begging ranks up there with crying, so wondering what it takes to make a guy beg. And not that "fake" begging either. That's almost annoying.

Which comes easier...

Begging for something? Or begging her not to stop something you like?